Dream On (Dare to Dream Book 2), page 31
She slid her foot out of the stirrup and returned it to solid ground. There was only one thing left to do, and she couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of it before. Couldn’t believe that she’d gone along with this for so long. The right thing to do had been staring her in the face the whole time, but pride, and greed, and a misguided hope that she could somehow make Maggie’s life better by convincing her that she was wrong to fear jumping had somehow stopped her from making the choice that was now the only one left.
Marley took the reins over Maggie’s head and walked next to her as they went back to the gate. The steward looked at her questioningly, and she gave him her decision. “I’m retiring.”
He nodded, jotting it on his clipboard as Stacey’s family surged towards her.
“What are you doing?”
“They haven’t sounded your buzzer yet! You’ve still got time.”
“Do you need me to hold her? Do you want a leg-up?”
Marley ignored them all. She led Maggie through the archway, finalising the decision. A girl on a dappled grey pony trotted down the chute towards the gate and Marley walked up to Stacey and held Maggie’s reins out to her. Her hand was shaking as badly as Maggie still was, but she was resolute.
“I’m not riding her for you anymore.”
Gordon cut in, furious. “What do you think you’re doing? I haven’t been paying you all this time for you to up and quit!”
Rod was right behind him. “If you were afraid, you should’ve said so. We could’ve found someone else to ride the pony. She wasn’t even that bad! That’s just how she is, she’s always like that on big occasions. You needed to get the spurs into her, instead of letting her quit. You’ve just set her training back years!”
Marley’s temper broke. “Training? You call what you did to her, training? She’s terrified! How can you not see that? How can you stand here and say that I should go out there and ask her to jump when she hates every second of it? Look at her!”
Riled by everyone yelling and Rod’s close proximity, Maggie was rolling her eyes and sidling from one foot to another, grinding her teeth nervously.
Lottie spoke next, parroting the same lies as everyone else. “She always trembles like that when she’s excited.”
Marley turned to her, unable to contain her anger. “Stop lying! Stop trying to cover for yourself. You did this to her. You tortured this pony by forcing her to jump when she was sore, when she was miserable, when she was scared out of her wits, and then you blame it all on her. And you call yourself a horsewoman? You should be reported! I’m sorry that I ever agreed to ride her. I should’ve done what Kris told me to in the first place, and left her alone.”
She pushed Maggie’s reins into Stacey’s hands and walked away, her shoulders slumped. Maggie plunged to follow her, flinging her head violently against Stacey’s grip. Nervous, Stacey let go of the reins, and Maggie fled towards Marley, who turned at the sound of her hoofbeats.
“Woah pony.” Maggie skidded to a halt, snorting hard, and Marley picked up her reins, laying a hand on the mare’s damp neck. “Okay. You can stay with me for a bit longer. Let’s go get you fixed up.” And she walked away, Maggie jogging uneasily at her side.
Gordon watched her go, apoplectic with rage. He turned to Kris as she walked past him and vented his frustration on her. “She said she’d ride her! If I knew she was just going to give up I would’ve found someone else to do it!”
“Nobody else would’ve ridden this pony, or gotten her this far,” Kris snapped back. “Not without resorting to the same methods that got her into this state in the first place.”
“And after all the money I paid you girls,” Gordon scowled. “I’ll expect to get a full refund.”
Van hobbled up behind Kris and shot Gordon a look of disgust.
“Dream on,” she said.
The rain had eased to a light drizzle by the time Marley stood in a far corner of the show grounds, holding Maggie’s leadrope and watching the pony crop the fresh grass. The mare’s legs were poulticed and bandaged, the sweat had been sponged from her sleek coat, and she was warmly rugged against the inclement weather. She ate frantically, tearing at the grass with a hint of desperation, and Marley wished she could tell the pony that it was all going to be okay. As she moved in to reassure her, Maggie threw her head up and snorted nervously, and Marley turned to see Lottie approaching them. Marley instinctively moved closer to Maggie’s side, and the mare touched her nose to Marley’s arm for reassurance. Lottie stopped a few feet away and wrapped her arms around herself. Her calm and poised demeanour was gone – she looked as upset as Marley felt.
“We’re about to leave, but I had to come and find you. I wanted to tell you that you’re right about me.”
Marley frowned, wondering what Lottie meant as she struggled to recall what she’d said in the heat of her anger.
“I’m no horsewoman,” Lottie went on. “Oh I know how to ride, and how to make horses jump fences, but I’ve never stopped to think about how they felt about it. I just do what I’m told, and I believe my trainers when they tell me that the horses are just being difficult and wilful, and need a firm hand.” She pushed her damp hair out of her eyes as she looked at Maggie sadly. “When we bought her, she loved to jump. More than anything, she lived for it. But as we put more pressure on her, she started rushing, then refusing. And the whips came out, and the spurs, and the draw reins and everything else, and I did what I was told and never thought twice about it.” She shifted her feet, in her dark leather boots splattered with mud. “I wish I’d known you then. I wish I’d known there was another way.”
Her anger ebbing away, Marley felt sympathy towards the girl as she admitted to her own failings. “You still have a chance to change things.”
“I will. As soon as I get home, I’m finding myself another trainer. One who’ll treat me and my horses with more respect.”
“Good.”
“I’ll leave you alone now. I just wanted to say thank you for everything that you’ve done for Majestic. She deserves to be loved.”
Marley nodded, rubbing the mare’s ears affectionately as Maggie lowered her head and half-closed her eyes, then nipped Marley sharply on the hip. “She doesn’t always make it easy,” Marley said wryly as she flinched away, and Lottie smiled.
“That’s true. But I’ve never seen her be like that with anyone. I wish she could stay with you, where she’d get her confidence back and start enjoying jumping again.”
But Marley shook her head. “If it was up to me, she’d never have to jump again. She’s been through enough. It’s not fun for her anymore, and she deserves a break.”
Lottie nodded, tears in her eyes. She held a hand out towards Maggie, slowly and tentatively. The mare reached forward and sniffed Lottie’s outstretched palm suspiciously, then turned her head away.
Lottie wiped her eyes. “Well, it was good while it lasted. I’m just happy for Majestic that she found you, and had a chance to be happy, even if it was only for a short time. I just hope it isn’t worse for her now. To have found that kind of love and understanding, and then have it taken away.”
And she turned and walked away, slogging through the wet grass, as Maggie went back to grazing, and Marley stood motionless, deep in thought.
Later that night, as Kris and Marley attempted to play Last Card while Van moped on her bunk, there was a knock at the truck door.
“Come in!”
The door swung open to reveal Laura Buckeridge standing on the steps outside, peering in with a smile.
“Hi!” Marley greeted her warmly, abandoning her terrible hand to the deck. “Come on in, have a seat. Can we get you anything? Cup of tea, some baking? I think there’s still some peanut brownies left.”
“No there’s not,” came Van’s voice from the top bunk as Laura took a seat next to Marley.
“No thanks, I’m fine. Really,” she insisted, motioning to Kris to sit back down. “I came by to say thank you to Marley for doing such a great job with my ponies this season. Well, to all of you really. I know it’s a team effort, and I really appreciate everything you’ve done. They’re a credit to all of you.”
“All of us,” Marley corrected her, and Laura smiled, pleased to be included.
“To all involved,” she agreed. “I’m so proud of Gigi, stepping it up this week, and Seattle is coming along promisingly too. But I do have some news about Gothic that I’m not sure you’ll like.”
All heads turned towards her, and even Van rolled over onto her side, wincing as she did so.
“I’ve found him a new home.”
Marley was taken by surprise. “Oh! Anyone we know?”
Laura looked a little cagey. “Yes, as a matter of fact. But here’s the issue. The agreement was always that you’d get a percentage of his sale price, but I haven’t exactly sold him.” She looked around at their curious faces. “I’ve swapped him for a broodmare.”
Van’s eyebrows shot up. “Must be one hell of a broodmare.”
“I think she will be,” Laura said, her eyes fixed on Marley’s. “I wanted you to be the first to know that Borderline Majestic’s competition days are officially over.”
Marley gasped, tears springing to her eyes. “Are you serious? Do you mean it?”
Laura nodded, and Marley flung herself across the card table and hugged her, hard. “Thank you!” she gasped. “Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me, or how much it’ll mean to her.”
“I think I do,” Laura said as Marley extricated herself and sat back down, wiping her eyes. “But you’re the one who made it possible. You made me see what kind of pony she really was, and if her offspring are anywhere near as talented as she is, they’ll be a force to be reckoned with in a few years’ time.”
Kris was smiling, her hands clasped on the card table. “So Gothic’s going to Stacey,” she concluded, and Laura nodded.
“He’ll be a good pony for her. He’s uncomplicated and honest, and she’s had a change of heart about her ambitions and methods since your outburst in the Pony of the Year. I heard it all,” Laura said, and Marley felt her face flush. She couldn’t remember everything she’d said in the heat of the moment, but she was sure that it hadn’t been complimentary. “She’s coming to pick him up on the weekend, if that suits you. But first, she wants to take some lessons from Kris. That’s if you’re happy to give them to her,” she said, looking at the eldest sister.
“More than happy,” Kris assured her, and Marley was in agreement.
“It’s perfect. She already loves him, and he’ll get her confidence back in no time. Stacey’s not a bad person,” Marley said. “She was just misguided.”
“It happens to the best of us,” Laura replied. “Everyone makes mistakes, but the important part is that we learn from them, instead of repeating them. Maggie has changed a lot of people’s lives, and I can’t wait to see you compete her babies in the future.”
Marley broke into a grin at the thought. “I can’t either.” She sighed happily, feeling as though a huge weight had lifted from her shoulders, relieving her of a burden she hadn’t realised she was carrying. “You know, I think this is the best news I’ve heard all year.”
* * *
One week later, Kris was washing dishes when she heard the dogs barking, and she turned the radio down, listening to the crunch of tyres on gravel. Van must be home early for once. She picked up a tea towel and started drying the cutlery when she heard a familiar deep voice greeting the dogs in the hallway. It wasn’t Van at all, and her heart pounded as she listened to the footsteps approach the kitchen, and stop at the door.
It creaked as it swung open, and Kris steeled herself to turn and look at Seamus.
He started guiltily. “Hello.”
“Hi.”
“I didn’t know you were home.”
“I am.”
“I see that.”
The tension between them was so thick that Kris could’ve cut it with the knife she was holding. She realised that her hand was shaking, and quickly pulled the cutlery drawer open and started putting it away noisily. Seamus stood awkwardly in the doorway, ignoring the dogs wagging around his feet.
“I just came to get my things,” he told her. “Assuming you haven’t burned them all, and I wouldn’t be blaming you if you had.”
Kris shook her head, unable to speak. There were so many things that she wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the words. Then Seamus turned and started to leave the room, and she found some words after all.
“Is that all you’re going to say?”
He turned back, looking tired. “What do you want to hear? That I’m sorry that I never told you about my daughter? I am, believe me. I should have been honest with you, and know I’ve ruined whatever we had, and I’m sorry for that. I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
“Is she okay?”
Seamus nodded. “She’ll be fine. Thanks for asking.” His voice was unsteady, and he struggled to look her in the eyes. Kris felt a surge of irritation.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
Seamus sighed, rubbing the stubble on his cheek. “I tried. Well no, I didn’t try very hard, but I wanted to. So many times, I wanted to tell you about her, but I was…ah, I was too ashamed.”
Kris blinked. “Ashamed of having a child?”
“Ashamed that I left her behind. I look at you and everything that you’ve sacrificed for your family, all of your dreams that you’ve put aside and all the times you’ve put your sisters first. I watched you struggle along without your father, missing him every day…how could I tell you that I’d willingly walked out of my own child’s life?”
Kris twisted the tea towel around in her hands. “Then why’d you do it?”
Seamus sighed. “It’s a long story.”
“Do I look like I’m going anywhere?”
Seamus nodded, walking further into the kitchen and sitting down at the table. Kris perched on the edge of a chair and listened, wondering if she wanted to hear what he was about to say, but knowing that she had to find out the truth.
“It was an accident, see. A merry night out on the town, one of those things that seemed like a good idea at the time. A few weeks later, I found out exactly what a spectacularly bad idea it had been, but it was too late by then. Our parents wanted us to get married, of course. ‘You’ve made your bed, so now you’re to lie in it,’ was my mother’s line of thought, and Aiofe’s parents felt the same way. The fact that she and I didn’t have the first thing in common – didn’t even get along particularly well – was something we were just supposed to live with.
“Well, we tried. She had a job in Dublin, so I moved there and managed to find work nearby. We even tried living together, but it didn’t last long. We put on a good front for our families, but we’d been living separate lives for months before Ash was born. I stayed in contact, saw them every week or so, and I battled every day with the fact that I loved my daughter more than life itself, but I couldn’t get along with her mother at all. We could barely spend five minutes together without arguing, and no matter how many times I counselled myself to patience, and told myself to get on with her for the greater good, I failed time and time again.
“Then she met Andy, and soon enough she moved in with him. I didn’t like it at the beginning, but he’s a good man, and he treats her right. And he’s good to Ash, treats her like his own. She even calls him Dad…” His voice trailed off painfully, and he swallowed hard before continuing.
“When they decided to get married, I had no choice but to give them my blessing. They were a proper family by then, and I was just getting in the way and confusing things. That was the final nail in the coffin for my Ma, who thought I should’ve stayed with Aiofe to the bitter end. I went home for Christmas, but she told me that unless I was going to grow up and accept my own mistakes, that I wasn’t welcome in her home any longer. So I left.”
He looked up at Kris, trying to measure her reaction to his story, but she looked away, still twisting the tea towel around her hands.
“And that’s when you came here?”
“I went to Australia first, and worked there for a couple of years, but the spiders were too large and the snakes too many, so I came here instead.” He hesitated, then decided that while he was telling the truth, he might as well go all in. “When Van asked if I wanted to move in here with you all, I told her I’d been offered another job down south, but that was a lie. Truth was, I had plane tickets booked to go back to Ireland.”
Kris’s eyes shot to meet his. “Why did you change your mind?”
Seamus took a breath. “I met you.”
A long look passed between the two of them. “But…” She struggled to make sense of this revelation. “That day you came here, for the first time?” Off his nod, she continued. “You met me for all of ten minutes.”
“And you won me over in the first ten seconds.”
Kris’s head was reeling. “That’s ridiculous.”
Seamus smiled sadly. “Is it? I thought it might be love.”
Kris drew circles on the table top with her fingernail. “Love,” she repeated softly.
Seamus got to his feet. “I do love you. I thought you should know that.”
“So why are you leaving me?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t.”
He looked at her nervously biting her lower lip, and wondered if he was dreaming. “Do you really mean that?” he asked hopefully.
Kris pressed both her hands across her stomach and took a deep breath. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“If you had your life to do over, what would you have done differently?”
Seamus thought for a moment. “Not a thing.” Her eyebrows lifted, but he was resolute. “Sounds daft, I know, but all the things I’ve done, and all the mistakes I’ve made, set me on the path to find you. I have regrets, but I wouldn’t change anything that’s led me here.”
Kris took a deep breath before speaking again. “And what will you do the next time you get a girl pregnant before you’re married to her?”
