Dream On (Dare to Dream Book 2), page 23
“Rough breakup?”
“Yeah.” Bree stared down at her hands. “I didn’t see it coming at all.”
“I’ve been there,” Marley agreed. “Blindsided, right? So did Jason’s ex-girlfriend turn up pregnant too, or does that stuff only happen in my life?”
Bree’s head swivelled around to her cousin. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. I swore off boys after that one,” Marley told her. Jake’s face sprang into her head as she spoke, and she suppressed a smile. “Well, I’ve tried to, anyway.”
“Me too.” Bree hugged her knees tight. “Jason went to Uni in Otago, and decided at the last minute that he couldn’t be bothered doing the long-distance thing. I didn’t…cope very well.”
Marley shot her a quizzical look, and Bree bit her lip. “I’m not supposed to tell you about this. Mum doesn’t want me to tell anyone. But I can trust you, right?”
“Of course,” Marley assured her cousin. “You can tell me anything.”
“It’s probably easier to show you.” Bree plucked at her shirt sleeve anxiously for a moment, then wiped her eyes again. “This is hard. Don’t judge me.”
“I won’t,” Marley promised, but she was unprepared for what happened next. Bree pulled her long sleeve up to reveal a crosshatching of cuts on her inner elbow. They were healing, some fading while others were scabbed over, but they stood out fiercely against her cousin’s pale skin. Marley’s jaw dropped as she finally understood why there was so much tension in their house right now.
“Oh my God. Why would you do that?” Marley asked, then bit her tongue remorsefully. “Sorry, that was about as tactful as something Van would say.”
Bree looked embarrassed as she pulled her sleeve back down. “I didn’t mean to do it. That sounds pathetic, I know. But I never thought it’s something I’d do, except…then I did.” She kept her eyes downcast, picking at the grass idly. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself or anything. I just…it made me feel better. That sounds so ridiculous, but…I don’t know. I can’t explain it. It’s so stupid, I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Marley racked her brains for something to say that would be comforting, or helpful, but came up with nothing. Bree sniffled again, occasionally wiping her eyes. A call came from the house, telling them it was time for dinner, and Bree stood up. Marley got to her feet behind her, then impulsively reached out and took her cousin’s hand.
“I don’t think you’re pathetic, you know. Or stupid, or anything.”
Fresh tears welled in Bree’s eyes. “Thanks.”
Marley couldn’t think of anything else to say, so she reached out and gave her cousin a warm hug, which was gratefully received and reciprocated. They stood for a long moment, locked in a firm embrace, before a cow on the neighbour’s farm bellowed loudly and startled Gigi. The flighty mare jumped and spun around, snorting in alarm. Seattle took off at a frisky gallop around the paddock with Toy matching him on the other side of the fence, and Gothic finally woke up and took off in pursuit, bucking and farting as he went.
Marley started laughing, and after a moment, Bree joined her. Soon they were hysterical, grasping at each other’s shoulders to stay upright as their legs shook with laughter, and for a while, it felt just like old times.
As the truck rumbled out of Nelson the next morning, Marley rested her bare feet on the dashboard and stared out at the shimmering road ahead.
“I’m glad you never sent me to live there.” She glanced at Kris. “I know you thought about it.”
“I’m still tempted, from time to time,” Kris teased her as she changed gears and the truck slowly accelerated up the hill ahead of them.
“Did you know about Bree?” Marley said, watching her sister nod soberly. “She showed me the cuts on her arms. It was a mess, Kris, and she did it to herself. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all night, and I just…I just don’t get it.”
Kris was quiet as they approached an intersection, slowing and checking for oncoming traffic. When she did speak, it wasn’t what Marley was expecting to hear.
“Do you remember when Van punched a hole through the kitchen window, and cut her hand all up?”
Marley rolled her eyes. “Trying to kill a spider,” she recalled, then her expression changed and her voice filled with concern. “Wait…wasn’t she?”
Kris shook her head. “She was angry.”
“What about?”
“I don’t know. Everything. Life, the hand we’d been dealt. It wasn’t that long after my accident. I guess things were just mounting up.” She caught Marley’s anguished expression and reached over to pat her on the shoulder. “She only did it the one time. And I still made her pay for the window.”
“Yeah, I remember. It took her ages to save up.”
They sat in silence for a while as the truck chugged slowly uphill.
“Kris?”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you think that Bree would do something like that? How could it be just because her boyfriend broke up with her? I mean, I know she loved him, but…” She shook her head, unable to understand.
“You were pretty upset when Lachie broke up with you last year,” Kris pointed out.
“I broke up with him, actually,” Marley corrected her sister. “And yeah I was, but it was far from the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Well, everyone’s pain is relative,” Kris told her. “We’ve learned how to deal with grief, because we’ve had to. But Bree hasn’t. And our grief was shared, because we all felt it at the same time. She had to deal with hers alone.”
Marley chewed her fingernail thoughtfully. “Have you ever done anything like that? Hurt yourself, on purpose?”
Kris shook her head. “No.”
“Me either.”
“That’s good.”
“I guess we’re tougher than we look,” Marley said. She thought about the crescent-shaped scar that was still on the back of Van’s hand, and wondered why it had never occurred to her to question the version of events she’d been given. “Van too.”
“Van’s pretty tough,” Kris agreed.
“Do you think she’ll go to Florida?” Marley asked.
Kris smiled. “I hope so. She’s always wanted to see the world, and this is the perfect opportunity for her, if we can get the airfare together.”
“What about you? Do you want to travel?”
Kris shrugged. “Someone has to look after the farm.”
“Maybe we can take turns,” Marley suggested. “Tag team it.”
“That’s a good idea.” They reached the top of the hill, and Kris braked slightly as they began the descent. “Where do you want to go?”
“Um. Anywhere,” Marley said honestly. “Ireland would be interesting. I want to see where Seamus is from.” She pulled her foot towards her and scratched her bare sole. “Maybe he’ll take us there to visit sometime.”
“Maybe he will,” Kris said, trying to sound neutral as her heart leapt at the mention of Seamus. She’d missed him this week, more than she’d thought she would. She’d risen early that morning, eager to make a start, and now every kilometre she drove was one kilometre closer to seeing him again.
“We were lucky to find him,” Marley said reflectively. “I like having him live with us.”
Kris smiled. “Me too.”
“Good. I wasn’t sure if you were too keen on him to start with. I’m glad to see you’ve come around,” Marley told her.
If only you knew how far, Kris thought with a wry smile. She had sworn Seamus to secrecy about their budding relationship, not wanting her sisters to know anything about what was going on. She wasn’t sure why yet, just that she wasn’t ready, and Seamus had been understanding about it. It was only a matter of time, of course, and Kris knew that she should tell them before they found out for themselves. But she wanted it to stay secret, just between them. Just for a little longer.
* * *
In no time at all, Marley found herself back in the classroom, trying to ignore the sunshine outside as she stared down at a sheet of algebra equations. The long hot days of summer were fading away, leaving only flashes of memory behind: Gothic’s hoofbeats across the sand; Breeze’s whiskers on her neck as she bandaged her leg; Gigi’s lap of honour when she won at Waitemata; Seattle’s delight in bucking her off at Woodhill Sands. Maggie’s silhouette on top of the hill in the evening half-light, her short mane ruffling in the breeze as she stared off into the distance. Marley had seen her from the kitchen window while she was doing the dishes, and had wondered what she was looking at, and thinking about.
The clock on the wall ticked, someone coughed, and Marley pulled her thoughts back to the present. Her life had settled firmly back onto its well-worn path, driving her inexorably forward into hours of study and homework, of struggling to learn things she would promptly forget as soon as the exam was over, of being polite to her teachers and pretending to be interested in her friends’ dramas. Everything here felt static, was the same as it had always been. Well, almost everything…
Marley glanced across the room surreptitiously. Jake had his head bent over the paper in front of him, his brow deeply furrowed as he ran his hand through his dark hair. It had been a stroke of luck that her high school principal’s dog had required emergency surgery last week, and Mike’s careful hands had been the ones that operated on it, and saved its life. The school’s initial reluctance to let a troublemaker like Jake in had been aided by the dog’s swift recovery, and so here he was. He looked uncomfortable in the school’s grey and blue uniform, his hair had been cut shorter, and he had his collar pulled surreptitiously up to cover the tattoo on his neck. The piercing was gone from his eyebrow, and when Marley had met him on the bus that morning, she’d barely recognised him.
Jake rubbed his hair uneasily, still unused to its new length. As he puzzled over the sheet of equations, he kept wondering how on earth he’d allowed himself to get into this situation. He gave Marley a sidelong look, but her head was down and she was writing careful answers, her hand moving fluidly across the page. Everyone else in the room was scrawling answers, punching numbers into their calculators and flipping their test sheets over to reveal even more questions on the back, and Jake hadn’t even attempted the first question. He focused his attention back on it, scratching his head with his right hand as he held the pen tightly in his left. Solve for x, it told him smugly, following the instruction with a row of numbers and letters. He swallowed hard and kept his head down, staring blankly at the page of nonsense until the bell finally rang, and he was allowed to leave.
As life settled back into its usual routine, the days swept by in an endless stream of homework and schooling ponies. Marley’s days were busy and long, but Jake was often there to help. He’d become such a permanent fixture around the farm that Kris joked about making up a bed for him in the lounge, since he spent more time there than at Mike’s. It hadn’t quite come to that yet, but without Jake to help her groom and tack up the ponies after school, and rug and feed them in the evenings, Marley didn’t know how she’d manage to cope. She found herself relying on him more and more, and he thrived on her attention, coming further out of his shell with each passing day.
But all of that changed one morning when Marley got on the school bus and found Mihi sitting there with her arm in a sling.
“Oh no, what happened?”
Mihi pulled a face as Marley sat down next to her. “Broke my collarbone,” she said in disgust.
“No!” Marley gasped sympathetically. “Playing softball?”
“I wish,” Mihi muttered. She leaned in close, her head close to Marley’s, and spoke softly. “I fell out of bed.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was,” Mihi told her. “It’s all Lachie’s fault. He came home for a bit, don’t ask me why, and for some reason he took my bed, so I had to sleep on the bunks again. And the bottom one is all busted, as you know, so I had to sleep on the top.”
“And you didn’t put the safety railing up?” Marley asked, unable to hide her grin. “That’s just asking for trouble.”
Mihi punched her on the thigh. “It’s so stupid. I haven’t fallen out of bed in years,” she said indignantly. “Why did I have to wait until I was on a top bunk to do it?”
“Don’t ask me,” Marley replied. “So how long until you can play softball again?”
Mihi’s face crumpled. “Too long. By the time I’m back, the season will be over. I feel so awful about letting my team down,” she said sadly, and Marley squeezed her friend’s good shoulder sympathetically as the bus rumbled along the road towards town.
Mihi’s injury changed things. No longer consumed with softball practice, she slotted herself back into life at the Carmichaels’ as though she’d never left. She was quickly at ease with Seamus, trading quips and cracking jokes until he was doubled over with laughter. She bickered with Van and chatted to Kris, and even greeted Mike warmly when he was around. Everyone liked her and enjoyed her company – except Jake.
He hated feeling jealous, but he couldn’t help it. Mihi’s buoyant presence clashed with his own quieter nature, and he felt awkward around her, unable to keep up with her snappy wit and finding himself made the butt of her sarcastic jokes. She used the same mocking tone with everyone, and they all laughed it off, but Jake couldn’t help feeling as though she meant her barbs to penetrate his skin. She didn’t like him, and she made no pretence otherwise. Nobody else seemed to see it though, so he kept his head down and persevered. He wouldn’t let Marley go – he couldn’t.
So he carried on with their usual routine, saddling her ponies and bringing them down to the arena for her to work. Marley was always smiling and appreciative, but he would no sooner have delivered Seattle to her than she’d ask him to fetch Gothic in. By the time Gothic had been caught, brushed and tacked up, she was cooling Seattle out, and the grey pony was handed back to him, with instructions to wash him down and fetch Gigi in. Jake trudged relentlessly back and forth while Mihi sat on a barrel in the middle of the arena, keeping up a stream of incessant chatter as Marley rode in circles around her. It would’ve driven Jake mad, but Marley seemed to be enjoying it, conversing freely with her friend as she worked the ponies.
It wasn’t until he brought Maggie down one afternoon that Jake felt any real sense of satisfaction. Marley was walking Gigi around the arena on a loose rein, the black mare’s neck damp with sweat from her hard work in the warm sun, and Jake opened the arena gate and led Maggie in. The bay pony swished her tail temperamentally at the other mare, and Marley dismounted as he approached and started running up her stirrups.
“Last one,” she grinned at Jake over her shoulder. “Thanks so much for your help.” Her smile was so genuine that he couldn’t help smiling back at her, and kissed her.
“Sheesh, get a room you two.” Mihi’s voice set Jake’s teeth on edge, and he would have prolonged their embrace just to rub it in, but Marley laughed and broke free.
“Shut up, I’ve seen you-” She broke off and her expression turned to alarm as Mihi shrieked, and Jake turned to see Mihi cradling her good arm against her chest, the skin torn and bruised from Maggie’s teeth.
“She bites,” he told Mihi, and she shot him an aggrieved look.
“I noticed,” she snapped. “A bit of warning before the assault would’ve been nice.”
Marley was apologising, asking Mihi if she was all right and helping her back to the barrel she’d been perched on. “Or do you want to go up to the house? Kris will patch it up. You should’ve seen the job Maggot did on Seamus before he learned to stay well out of her reach.”
“I’ll be fine,” Mihi told her staunchly. She looked over at Jake, who was standing some distance away and stroking Maggie’s ears. The mare butted her head against him, and Mihi shook her head. “Why’s she not biting him?”
“She likes him.”
“She has weird taste.”
Marley looked offended. “Hey!”
Mihi fixed her friend with a determined look. “Marley, he’s weird. You must be able to see it. He hardly talks, he just glares at people. I’ve barely seen him smile, and he doesn’t laugh at any of my jokes.”
Marley rolled her eyes. “God forbid that he doesn’t find you hilarious.” She glanced over her shoulder at Jake, and chewed her lower lip. “He’s a bit quiet sometimes, but he’s a lot better than he used to be,” she offered by way of explanation. “He had a rough start in life.”
“Didn’t we all?” Mihi asked unsympathetically. “Well, each to their own I guess. But don’t let him drag you down with his jealousy issues.”
“What jealousy issues?” Marley asked lightly, but Mihi fixed her with a knowing stare. “It’s fine.”
“I hope so,” Mihi said. “I just worry about you, that’s all. You have the worst taste in guys. I’d have thought your sisters would’ve knocked some sense into you by now, since they’ve both got pretty decent taste in men, but apparently not.”
Marley was giving her friend a strange look. “Whose sisters are you talking about? Van’s ditched Mike, and Kris doesn’t have a man.”
Mihi snorted. “What are you, blind?”
Marley puzzled for a moment, then frowned. “You mean Seamus?”
“No, I mean Ian. Of course I mean Seamus,” Mihi said. “You really haven’t noticed the way those two look at each other?” Marley shook her head, and Mihi rolled her eyes. “Girl, it’s a good thing you can ride because you sure don’t have the brains to do anything else.”
“I wish you’d tell Kris that,” Marley muttered, her thoughts swirling. “She’s the one who’s still forcing me to go to school.”
“She just doesn’t want you hanging around here, getting in their way all day,” Mihi said with a knowing wink that made Marley blush on her sister’s behalf. Mihi looked again at her bruised arm and sighed. “Come on then, get on that feral dragon and show me what you’ve trained it to do.”
