Her eyes followed the slim hips, the broad shoulders, the jaunty set of his cowboy hat, and heat curled in her stomach. A little shot of nervousness twirled with it at the thought of tonight and what she might do.

  Tell Rem she loved him, for one. Could she say the words out loud and not be completely embarrassed if he didn’t return them?

  Maybe she could do it in the dark.

  Yes. She would wait until the children were in bed. She would say the words, then she would repeat the offer that she’d made before. Only this time, she would beg until he said yes.

  Chapter 20

  Rem lay on his side on the blanket that Elaine had packed with his head propped in his hand. Their kids, worn out from running around for the last three hours, sat or lay scattered around on the blanket. Even Banjo seemed all played out and lay stretched out on his side next to Carson.

  Elaine sat, leaning against Rem’s stomach, reading aloud a book she’d brought along. At first, he’d not been real interested in listening to the story, but he’d listen to Elaine’s honey-smooth voice read about the social life of rocks and enjoy it immensely. But he’d been drawn into the story and now listened as raptly as the children.

  Well, maybe almost. He had his hand on Elaine’s waist and could feel her move every time she took a breath. It was distracting to say the least.

  He’d played with the kids. One of them had found about six old kites in a box in the barn, and they’d had three in the air at one point despite Banjo thinking he needed to chase the kites, kids, and tails while they were trying to get them in the air.

  No one in the family could be considered an expert kite flyer. They’d lost one in the lake when a strong wind took it down. Carson had let go of another one. Rem and Banjo had both chased that one. In vain.

  One of the old strings was dry-rotted and broke. That kite was gone as well. It’d probably land in some Ohioan’s yard tomorrow afternoon or so. Too bad they hadn’t thought to put a message on it.

  But they’d had success with the other three. Short-term success, since once he’d gotten them in the air, and had three of the kids holding them, he’d been more interested in trying to kiss Elaine than watching the kites. What else could go wrong, right? There weren’t any electric wires for miles.

  Somehow, before he’d gotten his lips past the sensitive spot just below her ear, the kids had gotten all the kite strings tangled up so badly that he’d not been able to untangle them and had to cut the lines. They looked kind of pretty sailing away.

  “Guess we need about a mile between them next time we put kites in the air.” He’d grinned at Elaine, who’d smiled back at him. The same smile she’d worn all afternoon. It wasn’t the smile that lit up her face and made her look so beautiful he could hardly stand to look at her. Rather, it was the one that said she was going to fake it ’til she made it.

  He thought maybe she was upset about him leaving. Whether that was because she was going to miss him or because she was angry that he was going at all, he wasn’t sure. They’d never really agreed on it, and she’d been against it.

  If they were going to keep the ranch, though, it wasn’t something they had a choice about.

  They’d taken a hike around the lake. He’d taught Gabe and Heaven how to skip rocks. And when they’d asked him if the Loch Ness monster lived in their lake, he’d shrugged and said some night they’d have to come up and do a stakeout, just to see if they could catch a glimpse of her.

  Which, of course, made Elaine huff and ask how he knew for sure the Loch Ness monster was a female.

  He’d winked and said he was sure of it because she made a man do crazy things just to get a glimpse of her.

  Elaine’s ears had turned red, but he hadn’t felt bad for teasing her. He should do it more often. Money was scarce, and there was an unending amount of work that needed to be done, but they’d be wasting their lives if they didn’t walk through the fire with a smile.

  Plus, her smile helped to give him the strength to do what needed to be done. As much as he didn’t want to, he’d feed the stock in the morning then get in his pickup and drive northwest to the oil fields.

  But now, with her fluid voice caressing his ear like velvet and her lithe body warm and alive under his hand, he didn’t want to think about the morning and how hard it was going to be to leave and especially about how Elaine might be comparing him to James in some way and wondering if he was coming back.

  He didn’t think she would. But it had to do something to her to see him go. She’d been expecting her life to get a little easier once she got married, but she was back to where she started, alone with four children and a ranch to run by herself. Only now, she might have guests in these cabins to cook for, too. Plus the cleaning to do.

  His hand tightened around her, and he forced it to relax when her voice stumbled. He hated the thought of her working even harder. Hated thinking about her being here with strangers he didn’t know. It wasn’t that he didn’t think she could handle herself. She might be slight and have the ethereal looks of an angel, but he knew she was stronger than she looked and fierce if necessary.

  But it was his job to take care of her. Instead, he was leaving her. He had to quit thinking about it, or he’d end up staying home and selling the ranch.

  He could do that...and move them all to Texas.

  Elaine would go, and he was pretty sure she’d go without a complaint. But her heart would be broken. He wasn’t doing that to her.

  Plus, even though a part of his soul would always live in the Texas Hill Country, and he hoped that his family could spend a few weeks or more there every year, he’d fallen in love with Elaine’s state. It was a state that would never lack for challenges—the cold, the wind, the snow. And that was just winter. It was a lot like Texas, too, with the big sky and the independent, self-sufficient people.

  Maybe they’d always consider him an outsider, but he felt like he fit in and belonged here.

  The sun had sunk below the mountains, and a shiver passed through Elaine. He shifted, moving until he sat with her between his legs, her back pressed to his front, thinking to keep her warm that way.

  When the chapter was over, she closed the book and slowly set it down on the blanket.

  The kids groaned.

  “Just one more chapter, Mom?” Gabe asked.

  “Mr. Rem and I have something we need to tell you,” she said, low and soft, like she didn’t really want to talk at all.

  “Is he going to be our new dad?” Heaven asked.

  Because of their position together, he felt a small shock go through Elaine. Or maybe it was him. He hadn’t even been thinking of that. But it warmed his heart that Heaven would suggest it. What would Elaine say? Especially since he was leaving. Would she hold that against him?

  “I think, if you want to call him ‘dad,’ you can.” Elaine twisted, looking at him.

  “Sure,” he said, knowing his turned-up lips showed how ridiculously pleased he was.

  Heaven smiled shyly. He leaned over and ruffled her hair. “Kiddo.”

  She crawled over and imitated his gesture on his head. “Daddo.”

  Which seemed to unleash the other kids, and it became a bit of a free-for-all for a while as the kids climbed on him, ruffling his hair and calling him “Daddo.”

  When things finally settled back down, Elaine cleared her throat. “That’s not exactly what we needed to talk to you about.”

  Little, happy faces turned toward her again.

  “In order to make sure that we have enough money to pay our bills, we are going to be renting these cabins out.”

  Again, he was ridiculously pleased that she’d decided to share a little more with the kids as he’d suggested. He was sure it would be better for them in the long run if they knew what was really happening, especially if they were given the option to help.

  “We’ll all need to pitch in to help clean the cabins, and we’re going to cook some for the guests who stay here as well.”

  “Tomorrow, Mommy?” Elijah asked.

  Elaine’s breath huffed out in a little chuckle. “No. But soon.”

  The kids looked at her with big eyes.

  “We’ll help you, Mom,” Gabe said.

  “Well, Gabe. I’m going to need you to help with the stock. The cows are going to start to freshen soon, and we’ll need to keep an eye on them.”

  “Oh, yeah. I always help Rem, um, I mean, Dad.”

  “That’s the next thing. Mr...uh, Dad has been offered a job working the oil fields. The money he can make there will keep the ranch going until we can get the cabins rented full-time. So, the better job we do on the cabins, maybe the sooner Dad can come home.”

  “Come home?” Heaven said, with a tilt of her head. “You mean he’s leaving?”

  “Yes. The way you work on the oil fields is to be there without leaving for a few weeks, then you get to come home for a whole week.” Rem could tell she was trying to put happiness into her tone, like it was a good thing. That had to be hard considering she wasn’t happy about it.

  “When?” Gabe asked, his brows lowered down.

  Rem’s stomach tightened. Gabe was old enough to associate his leaving with James’s leaving. He didn’t want the boy to lump him in with Elaine’s ex.

  “I’m leaving early tomorrow morning, as soon as I’m done feeding. I’ll be feeding early. So, probably before you get out of bed in the morning.” Gabe was sitting at the edge of the blanket, and Rem met his eyes. “I wouldn’t be leaving, except I need to make enough money so we can stay here, on the ranch, while we build the herd and get the cabins going and maybe a few other things moving.”

  Heaven’s lips trembled, and she started to sob. Elijah joined in. Carson had no clue why everyone was suddenly crying, but he started bawling louder than everyone else.

  Rem put a hand on Elaine’s shoulder, just to let her know he was here for her, but he didn’t have a clue of what to do now.

  If he’d had his choice, he’d have left tomorrow morning without saying anything to the kids, but that would have been the coward’s way. While it would have kept him from having to deal with this, Elaine would have been on her own to handle it.

  He met Gabe’s eyes over Heaven’s head. Betrayal was clear on his face. His eyes narrowed, and he jumped to his feet, his hands fisted at his sides.

  “You’re leaving just like our last dad did!” he shouted.

  “I’m coming back.” There was no anger in his tone, but he said it firm enough that Gabe would have no doubt he meant it.

  “That’s what he said, too. He said he needed to leave to sort things out.” If eyes could spit fire, Gabe’s would be smoking.

  “If I don’t go, we’re going to lose the ranch. If I do, we’ll be able to stay.”

  Heaven had stopped crying long enough to hear what they were saying. “I don’t want the ranch. I just want you and Mommy to stay together.” She wailed then threw her arms around Rem’s neck.

  His heart cracked painfully, and he put his arms around her.

  Elaine looked at him, biting her lip.

  “Okay, guys, listen up.” He waited until they’d all stopped crying. Heaven still leaned on him, and he had one arm around her, one around Elaine. “Your mom and I have talked about this, and we feel it’s the best decision we can make.” A few squawks of protest started, and he held up his hand. “Sometimes we need to make sacrifices—do things we don’t want to—in order to get where we need to be.”

  He gave Gabe a square look. “I don’t want to leave. I want to be here, and I want to be with you all. But in order for me to have that eventually, I need to leave now.”

  Gabe still had a mutinous look on his face, and his arms were crossed, but he didn’t say anything.

  “I’ll need to talk to your mom, but I think we can give it until this fall or maybe until Christmas. If the cabins aren’t working out, if things aren’t going the way we want them to, if it’s too much work for your mom, then I’ll quit the oil wells, and we’ll sell the ranch and do something where we can all be together all the time.” He moved his hand down Elaine’s arm, so thin and delicate under his hand, and he wondered anew if she could stand up to the work that was going to need to be done.

  “Does that sound good to you?” He bent down, speaking against her cheek.

  She nodded. “He’s right. We all need to pitch in and maybe do some things we don’t want to. But we won’t do this forever. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll try something else.”

  “But he’s not coming back.”

  “He is,” Elaine said firmly. “This isn’t the same as what happened with James. Rem is doing this to help us, not because he wants something better for himself.”

  His hand tightened on her arm. Her faith in him was humbling.

  The kids weren’t happy, but they were no longer crying.

  Rem wished there had been a different ending to this day, but at the same time, he was happy they had a great day to look back on while he was gone.

  REM AND GABE FED WHILE Elaine bathed the little kids. They were mostly recovered from being upset, especially after she showed them on the calendar how they could count the days until he came back. There were still a few sniffles as she walked out of their rooms, although Rem and Gabe must have talked some more while they were feeding because Gabe’s attitude was completely different. Elaine was pretty sure Gabe was going to be a big help while Rem was gone.

  Elaine walked slowly down the stairs, wondering how she should approach the subject that sat at the top of her mind.

  She’d told him the last time that her offer stood, but he hadn’t taken her up on it. Maybe that meant he didn’t want to. Logically, she knew that’s probably exactly what it meant. But her heart had been arguing fiercely that he wouldn’t have touched her today, wouldn’t have snuggled up to her on the blanket, wouldn’t kiss her, if he didn’t want her.

  She thought she remembered that he’d said he wanted her. If not then, when?

  She’d promised herself she was going to approach him tonight, thinking she’d say something to him when they normally talked after she put the kids to bed.

  It might be easier to wait until he laid down on the couch, and she could just come out in the dark and...

  She put her foot on the landing and turned, taking the last three steps down, her eyes going immediately to where Rem usually waited for her, leaning against the bathroom doorway.

  He was there.

  But he’d left his shirt off and only had a towel wrapped around his waist.

  Her heartbeat shot up like a rocket, and her breath came hard and fast.

  Her eyes swept over the broad shoulders and the smooth, dark skin of his chest, lower to the well-defined abs, then back up until they slammed back into his, dark and hot.

  She shivered. But she wasn’t wondering anymore if he wanted her.

  He pushed off the doorjamb, and she met him halfway across the kitchen. They stopped in front of each other, not touching.

  “A couple of months ago, you told me I could move into your bedroom.” His voice sounded like he’d dragged it across the barn roof on a hot summer day.

  “Yes, I did.”

  His fingers flexed at his sides. “I don’t want to be there because of your pity or your sense of duty.”

  She shook her head. Those thoughts didn’t even enter her head.

  “I was hoping, eventually, that we might be able to give Heaven a little sister.”

  Her breath caught.

  “But not tonight, because you don’t need a pregnancy to deal with on top of everything else we’ve got going on in the next six months.”

  “I’m worried you won’t come home, Rem. It’s dangerous work. If there’s a baby, girl or boy, there’d still be a part of you here.” She put a hand on his chest.

  He put his hand on top of hers, his expression fierce. “No. Not another child to raise on your own.”

  “Then just make sure you come back.” She closed the distance between them, lifting her face and wrapping her arms around him.

  He put his arms around her, pulling her tight. “I’m gonna assume you’re not prepared for this. I’ve been thinking about us together. A lot. But it didn’t occur to me until you were on your way down the stairs that I don’t have any way of making sure I don’t leave you with child. I can’t do that, Elaine.”

  “It was just a couple of hours ago that we told the kids we might have to sacrifice now to be able to have what comes next. A year from now when we’re holding our baby, it will be worth whatever sacrifice we have to make.”

  “It’s too much for you to give.”

  “Have you forgotten? We could move to Texas. I’d rather give up the ranch than give up this night with you.”

  He searched her eyes. “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do.” Her hands ran over the smooth skin of his shoulders. “I absolutely do.”

  A shudder went through his body. “I love North Dakota, and I don’t want to leave it, but I hate leaving you here by yourself. I’m definitely not doing it if you are carrying my child.”

  “Then don’t.”

  Like he couldn’t help himself, he kissed her forehead and her temple and nuzzled down her cheek. “Okay. I get to spend the night with you. But if there’s a baby, I’m coming home and we’re going to Texas.”

  “That’s fine.” She closed her eyes, feeling the scratch of his cheek, the smooth glide of his lips.

  “You’ll tell me?”

  “I’ll call you as soon as I know.”

  Their lips finally touched.

  REM LAY BESIDE ELAINE, their legs tangled together. One arm rested in the curve of her waist as she lay snuggled beside him. The other cradled his head as he admired the glow of her hair in the moonbeam that tracked through the window.

  Tonight had probably been a mistake. How was he supposed to leave her now? Now that he knew what he’d be missing.

  It was two thirty. Elaine had only fallen asleep twenty minutes ago. He wouldn’t wake her, as much as he might want to.

 

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