Gay For You, page 13
For some reason, being with Evan made the sun shine brighter, the winter a little less cold, and laughter bubbled up more easily from my stomach. Before, making me laugh had required a perfect chemical cocktail of cynicism and dark humor. But with Evan, the laughter flowed freely out from me and into the world.
Being with him was just easy. It was easy and fun. I wanted to love him, to cherish him, to make his dreams come true.
I had never felt this way about anyone else.
A few days into our trip, I wanted to introduce him to all my friends from back home. So I scheduled a brunch with them near the ski resort, with an enclosed balcony with a view of the mountains.
When we sat down at the table, Evan was looking around wide-eyed for a moment. I wondered if he felt uncomfortable. Then in a flash it was gone. We sat down together at the small table, like we were a team. Like we were more than a team.
I gently grabbed his hand and looked into his steely gray/blue eyes, getting lost in them. In the cool light reflecting off the mountains, they almost looked purple.
“SAM!” Cried an all-too-familiar voice from across the room.
I looked over to see my first friend Karen bustling over in her short-person, hurried way.
“Karen!” I cried, and got up from my chair, nearly tipping it backwards with my eagerness to see her. Wrapping my arms around her, I gave her a huge hug. It was still there; that familiarity, that warmth.
“Karen, I’d like you to meet—“
“EVAN!” She squealed, and practically jumped over me to hug Evan, who was rising out of his chair.
Once we all got settled down, we were all smiling and joking around.
“Who else did you invite?” She asked me, putting her elbow on the table and leaning her head into it. She was probably the most friendly person I’d ever met.
“Steven and Michelle.” I said, gesturing to the two empty chairs.
Speak of the devil, the two familiar faces emerged from inside the restaurant, led by a hostess, and making their way to our private little room. We were all catching up and having a great time. I loved watching Evan tell stories the way he did; he charmed and captivated them all.
I was in awe of this man; he had absolutely no problem talking to strangers, capturing their interest, and making everyone feel special and important somehow. We were all having a jolly good time, drinking mimosas in the morning sunlight and basking in the glory of the mountainous view. Evan looked so handsome in his turtleneck sweater. I had to contain myself, thinking of ripping it off of him right then and there.
I had to keep remembering that the point of this was to introduce Evan to my friends, and see what they all thought of him, and make Evan feel included. I wanted to show him off.
We were all laughing, sipping our drinks, sharing updates in our lives, and then Evan said, “Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” He got up from his chair, squeezed my hand briefly and shuffled away.
Then, Michelle took a swig of her mimosa, set it down on the table, and I knew she was about to dish some juicy gossip. She put both of her elbows on the table, palms down.
I couldn’t wait to hear it.
“So,” she said in her low voice, “Have you heard from Kyle lately?”
The smile ran away from my face immediately. I hadn’t thought about Kyle since I was back in Aspen, actually, and Michelle just had to bring it up.
“I haven’t,” I said curtly.
The expressions on Steven’s and Karen’s faces shifted. I could tell that they had been wondering the same thing.
The drama with me and Kyle had poisoned me and my life, and left me devastated. It leaked into my friendships too as I leaned on them for support. There was a two week period after we broke up where I came back here to Aspen and did nothing. I was on the couch for days, not eating, not sleeping. It was my darkest time.
Why did she have to remind me of that, fish that out from where I’d tried to submerge it in the backwaters of my mind?
“I was just asking…” She said, her face falling.
I took another sip of my mimosa. “I haven’t heard from him recently, no, and I don’t ever intend to again.”
Michelle shared a concerning look with Karen. “Should we tell him?” Michelle asked.
“Michelle—!” Karen started.
“He’s got to know! Someone has to tell him!”
“You just love drama…” Steven chimed in.
“No you guys!” Michelle held her arms out, exasperated, “If we don’t tell him, he’s going to find out from somebody else that he doesn’t know.”
“Why?” Steven said melodramatically.
“Okay, just fucking do it.” Karen said, resigned.
Michelle turned her intense stare to me. “Kyle is in town right now. He’s staying with Steven.”
Steven looked away guiltily, not meeting my eyes. I was gripping the champagne flute so hard that it burst, shattering and spilling the remainder of my mimosa on the tablecloth. I checked my hand to see if it was bleeding, and a bright ruby red bead of blood was oozing out, following the lines in my palm in a cryptic pattern.
“Oh my God, Sam, your hand!” Karen exclaimed, “I’ll go find a bandaid!”
“He wants to see you.” Michelle continued, completely oblivious to the emotional barrage she was putting me through. “Are you open to seeing him?” She asked.
I was silent. A few seconds passed.
Steven looked like he wished he could evaporate from that chair and cease to exist.
Then suddenly, Evan was behind me. He put his warm hand on my shoulder again and said, “What did I miss?” He asked, leaning over me. Then his eyes fell to my bleeding hand.
“Oh my God Sam, what happened?!?”
“Nothing,” I said, making eye contact with Michelle that told her to shut the hell up. “It’s nothing, babe. Just a scratch.”
“I don’t know what her problem is!!!” Karen texted me after brunch was over and me and Evan were exploring more of downtown Aspen.
I waited, eyeing my phone as I walked, watching her three dots shimmer on my screen. I’d known Karen long enough to know exactly what she was doing right now: She was whipping herself into a frenzy. Before she could say anything else, I tried to mitigate the situation by typing back, “She probably sees this as smoothing things over.”
Evan looked at me inquisitively as I tapped “send” with my bandaged finger.
“What’s up?” He asked.
“Just some friend drama, that’s all.” I said with a smile and linking my arm with his as we walked down the street.
Again, touching him felt so magical that it was like all of my worries were literally melting away.
“I hope not about me…” He trailed off, his fuzzy dark blonde eyebrows coming together. “Was it about me?”
“No, no.” I assured, “They loved you!”
I didn’t want to cause Evan to worry any more, so I made the conscious decision to put that conversation with Michelle on hold for the rest of the day. I was going to spend it with Evan, and then later at night when I was alone I’d rifle through this emotional baggage that it clearly stirred up.
And just like that, it was buried.
23
Evan
I had never felt so loved and recognized, ever. I loved Sam’s family, I loved his friends, I loved being here in Aspen, escaping the pressures and stresses of being a student. I didn’t have to worry about my exam until grades came out at the end of the week. I didn’t have to worry about swim practice, though I knew that the meet right after the holidays would be a real challenge. I had to watch what I ate here. Since I wasn’t exercising, Linda’s delicious home cooked food was starting to give me a noticeable extra layer of fluff.
When I was here with Sam, I felt like this was the real, authentic me. I was taking a break from Instagram, always trying to get the likes and followers, working as a slave for the university in the hopes of keeping my scholarship to continue going there.
But I was almost done. Only one more semester and I’d have a degree. Then suddenly, it’s like the floodgates were opened and all the stresses of back home started piling into me. I had to start looking into internships and jobs and— or else I’d end up like my brother.
I shut the thought away. Now was the time to enjoy sharing Sam’s company, and I would not let my negative thoughts eat me alive.
We’d done all the traditional holiday family things—played a card game, made Christmas cookies, and ate more food than I could handle. This family loved to eat, and they loved to ski. We even went sledding at one point! But tonight was the night that would be the thing I was most looking forward to—a surprise from Sam.
I was practically giddy with excitement; he was being extremely secretive about it. When I begged him for a hint, all he gave me was “Bring a swimsuit.”
I was so grateful that I actually decided to bring my speedo from swim practice, just in case I felt like practicing. A swimsuit was something I would never think to take on a winter vacation otherwise.
Still, even when I got into the BMW next to my beautiful man, I was filled with worry about my statistics score. The grades would be released soon, and my scholarship depended on getting at least a C. Even though I’d been confident when I took the test, thinking back to some of the questions, now I wasn’t so sure. Worry had injected itself into my mind and insisted on leaking into all of my thoughts.
Sam must have sensed it, because he stroked my thigh with his index finger.
“You okay?” He asked, his eyes trained on the road in front of him. But I could see the crease in between his eyebrows, which always occurred when he was concerned.
He was worried. Someone was worried about me.
That filled my heart with love again. The shadow of fear ebbed away.
It was sunset by the time we had driven up into the mountains toward a resort. There were a lot of cars parked out front.
“Is this where we’re going?” I asked skeptically, looking at the fancy vacation lodge. I was hoping for a place a little more intimate.
“No, not quite.” He said with a smug smirk on his face.
I was filled with questions and tried to read his face, but it was damn near impossible.
“Sam, you will always be a mystery to me.” I said, shaking my head and smiling.
“Good.” He said, “That means you won’t get bored.”
I let that statement sink in and swirl around in my head a bit, letting it catch me in its current. I really couldn’t ever see myself getting bored with Sam. There were too many layers under the surface. I mean, I was with this guy, meeting his family and I still felt like I barely knew him at all. It didn’t seem fair that I’d only scratched the surface of him, when he could see right down to my core at a glance.
We went off onto a side road that wasn’t paved, turning off the pristine, perfect aspen road. The gravel crunched under the weight of the car as it was pressed into the earth.
After driving through a tunnel of snow-capped trees in the twilight, we came to a small building.
I looked over at Sam, raising my eyebrow. His face was frustratingly impassive, not giving anything away.
“Here.” He said, throwing the shifter into park and shutting off the car.
“Where are we?” I asked, mirroring his movements as we got out of the car.
“I told you; it’s a surprise!” He said, that smile I loved so much blooming on his face again.
The winter chill here was real; it was creeping down from the mountains and trying to make its way through my new coat. I huddled up against Sam. Even though this thick down coat, I could feel his warmth.
“Stand here for just a second,” He said, his voice full of mystery.
I stood by the driver’s side, waiting, as he popped the trunk and rummaged around. He pulled out a duffel bag that looked heavy.
“Whassat?” I asked, my teeth chattering.
“Surprise.” He grunted, threading his arm through mine.
Together, we walked through the cold, our breath forming translucent, ghostly white clouds in front of our faces, swirling and twirling together like our souls.
We got up to the small building, which looked pretty plain and unassuming from the outside. Sam opened the door for me and let me in first.
Inside was a charming little space with an old-fashioned fireplace in the corner, a comfy-looking couch to sit on, and it was lit with a deer antler chandelier. A friendly-looking old woman was behind the counter, sitting in a chair knitting.
“Welcome to the Secret Hot Springs,” She said in a crackly old voice, not even looking up from her knitting. “Do you have a reservation?” She asked.
Sam stepped up to the counter.
“Yes, I do.” He answered in a deep voice full of authority.
I watched him lean over the counter, watching all of the muscles flex in his back once he took his coat off.
“Oh!” She realized, “Well, let me take your things and show you the room.”
As Sam gave her his name and filled out some paperwork, I couldn’t contain the smile on my face. I loved saunas, but I’d never been in a hot spring. There was nothing that relaxed the muscles so thoroughly after a swimming workout than a nice hot bath. And now, here, I’d get to do it with Sam!
“Follow me!” The old woman said in her crackly voice, and she led us out to the patio of hot springs. It was a charming place, with stone steps leading downward into a valley. Lit hot springs glowed a light aqua on the sides of the mountain, like the earth was glittering with huge, aquamarine gemstones.
She led us to one that was fenced off from the path for privacy, the very last one.
“If you need anything, let me know!” She said good-naturedly, then began slowly climbing up the steps.
Sam opened the door and hit me with that million-dollar smile that made me go weak at the knees again.
“After you,” he said all gentleman-like.
I smirked at him, still unable to process that I had a man like this. What did I ever do to deserve him?
He carried the duffel bag in after us. The room was a big kidney-shaped hot tub pool, filled with the same magical-looking aqua-colored water. It was steaming, and even though the air was freezing, the tub looked like it was going strong.
“We need to hurry, or we’re going to miss it.” Sam said, looking up at the sky.
“What, miss what?” I asked, “What are you up to, Sam?” I cocked my head to the side a little and raised an eyebrow.
He looked me up and down, stopped in his tracks while he was unzipping the duffel bag, and bit his lip. Then suddenly he made two strides towards me, and his glorious, linebacker body was against mine.
“You, have to stop doing that, Mister White, or I’m never going to be able to do romantic things for you.”
He pressed his lips to mine, and again it felt like I was drinking some kind of sustenance for my soul. He pulled away after the divine kiss, and commanded, “Get dressed.”
I pulled my speedo out of the pocket of my coat, and headed into the little changing room with a curtain for privacy nearby.
It only took me a few seconds to strip down and tuck my hard cock into my speedo, but when I reemerged, Sam was sitting on the edge of the tub with his legs in the water, and a picnic spread of a charcuterie board next to him complete with meat, cheese, grapes, jam, crackers, and two champagne flutes filled to the brim.
But the best part was the way he looked at me. He was smiling, this beautiful man, shirtless in a hot tub, waiting for me to get in.
I’d never wanted anything more in my life.
“Come on!” He said, gesturing me to come in. “You must be freezing!”
I had completely forgotten about the cold for a second, lost in the fantasy come to life that was laid out before me.
“Quick quick!” He said as I clambered over to the other side of the tub, sitting next to him and dipping my legs into the water. The warm water soothed me.
“What’s the occasion for all this? You didn’t have to do this!” I said, blushing more than I ever had in my entire life.
“The occasion,” He said, lifting a champagne flute to me, “Is having you here with me. Thank you for spending Christmas with me; there’s no one else I’d rather spend it with.”
I felt the corners of my eyes prickle as I picked up my champagne flute too. “No, to you. To us.” I said as we tinged them together with a cheers.
I took a sip of the sweet liquid and it literally tasted like victory. Here, now, with Sam, this version of life that he lived, felt like I’d won the lottery.
But no, it was real. It was all real.
I sunk down into the tub, finding the seat on the side, letting the heat soak into my body and loosen up all my muscles. The familiar feel of the water swirling around my body was even more comforting to me.
Sam sunk in next to me, creating lots of ripples. I swished over to him, and he put his arm around me. I felt secure; I felt safe.
He picked up my champagne from the side and handed it to me, then plucked up his own.
“It’s about to start,” He whispered, looking up at the sky.
I cast my eyes up while taking another sip and saw a bright streak illuminate the sky. It was gone in a flash. At first I thought it was a bug or something, but then dozens more began to raze across the blackness. Dozens and dozens of streaks, slashing the smooth oblivion. Then those dozens turned into hundreds.
“Wow…” I said, watching the meteor shower rain down on the mountains. “I’ve never seen something like this.”
I felt the flesh on the side of Sam’s face stretch as he smiled.
“I’m glad I could show it to you.” He said, nuzzling his nose into my hair.
A few moments of silence and complete bliss passed while we were watching the meteor shower strike through the darkness. Then I thought of something and spoke.
“You want to know something funny?” I asked.
“Hm?”
