Gay For You, page 12
I smiled, loving to see my mother’s warmth shed on someone I liked so much.
What was happening to me?
“We’re so happy you’re here, you wonderful man! Sam’s told us so much about you, please, come in and make yourself at home!”
She hurried him away into the kitchen.
I was happy to have a few seconds to myself, to make this boner go away. Being around Evan and trying not to embarrass myself in this way was just not going to happen; he was too damn sexy.
I calmed myself, breathing for a few moments, then went into the expansive rustic, chic-looking kitchen, and passed through to the living room where everyone was.
“Sam dear, come over here too! I was just showing Evan the tree.” She explained.
Evan was kneeling down, his shirt clinging to his back muscles and falling over his body, showing off his form in that way. I almost melted. I had to direct my eyes to something else.
“We have stockings again this year! And I know you said you didn’t want anything, but you have some very special presents under the Christmas tree too! A mother always knows!” She said with a wink.
“But mom, I said I didn’t want anything, and I meant it!” I protested, blushing, but feeling loved.
Then I looked down where Evan was kneeling next to the tree, his eyes trained on something. I followed his gaze: It was trained on a present under the tree.
He said softly, “Did you… did you get me a present?”
“Oh yes dear!” Mom said excitedly. “Several. And you have a stocking here on the fireplace with your name on it!”
Evan went quiet for a moment, and stood up and looked at me sadly, then quickly hid the sadness behind another million-dollar smile.
“We want you to feel welcome!” Mom said to Evan, oblivious to his discomfort.
It may have just been the light, but Evan looked misty-eyed, then blinked a lot, darting his eyes away.
I raised an eyebrow to him, asking you okay?
“Mrs. Belle, could you tell me where your bathroom is please?” He asked.
I could tell something was off.
“Just down the hall that way dear, third door on your left,” she answered warmly, “And please, call me Linda!”
Evan got up from his chair and left the table.
Mom turned to me and said, “I like him, he has manners!”
I waited a few moments, worry swirling thick and heavy in my head. Had we offended him? Was my family too cloying? Too pushy? What if this was too much too soon?
I went down the hall after him, leaving my mom with my dad and Katie. Striding down the long hallway, I made my way to the bathroom door. I knocked, once, softly.
“Evan,” I said, “Evan are you in there? Are you okay?”
I was one for letting a man have a moment to himself in the bathroom, but this was different. Something was wrong.
There was no noise, and I was about to leave him in his privacy when he opened the door. His eyes were swollen and red and he was blinking tears out of his eyes.
I was stunned. I’d never seen Evan cry before.
Without thinking, I pulled him into a huge hug.
He began weeping, and I felt his body melt into me. “Are you okay?” I asked, frantically trying to diagnose what had gone wrong. “Was my mother too overbearing? Do you feel lonely? Is this too weird for you? Please tell me what you’re feeling, Evan.”
He took a deep breath and said, “I… I just… I’m not used to this.” He said. The air around us was silent and tense. “I’ve never had… a family care for me like this!” He whispered.
“Shh, shh…” I whispered, soothing him and swaying back and forth. I had the prickling feeling and overwhelming sensation that my family might be listening from the other room.
“Let’s talk in my bedroom.” I said.
21
Evan
I tried hard to get a grip on myself as Sam took my hand and led me down the hallway. His touch felt magical to me, filling me up with bravery and stiffening my resolve.
He led me up the stairs, to the first landing, across a catwalk with a railing. I looked down in awe at the custom woodwork on the flooring I could see down below, and the beautiful paintings that were hanging on the walls. His family had money-money, clearly.
Another reason to be pulled down into the darkness by my own thoughts.
Sam pushed open a door, and inside was a huge bedroom decorated with taste. He guided me to the bed and said, “Sit. Please talk to me.”
I was getting myself under control; starting to compose myself. Blinking the tears out of my eyes, I began.
“No one has ever—“ I started. He wrapped my hand in his, listening intently. “Made me feel so… “ I paused, biting my lip and feeling another wave of tears coming on.
What could I say? Loved? Included? Accepted? Overwhelmed?
“There’s just too many things I’m feeling right now.” I admitted, leaning into him. Touching his body was like taking in a breath of fresh air. And finally, finally after all these years, I felt like I could truly be myself with someone. I felt… naked in his arms.
“I’m overwhelmed…” I said, “sorry…”
“It’s okay,” Sam said in his deep voice, holding me tight. “Do your best to try to explain.”
I couldn’t believe it. I was being accepted? I was allowed to feel? What was this? I was so used to years of thinking I was completely straight and putting my emotions on the back burner. Everything had built up so much that all it took was a simple act of kindness from Sam’s family to open up the floodgates.
“You know about my family, I’ve told you a little about them…” I started.
Sam was silent, a gentle giant, listening patiently.
“It’s weird and overwhelming to be around so much… so much genuine love.” I said, looking down at my palms. “I’m used to love meaning that someone was trying to manipulate me to do something. When someone in my family said, ‘I love you,’ it meant there were strings attached.” I finished, trying to make the thought come out in some kind of distinct shape.
I looked over at Sam for reassurance, and he was giving me that melty-eyed look, that made his eyes look like molten gold. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes too.
“I love you, Evan.” He said, turning my face towards his. “There’s nothing but love here.”
“I… I love you too, Sam.” I choked out, ugly tears pouring out of my face. And then his mouth was on mine.
We were perfect in this moment. He accepted me; the real me. The ugly-crying, emotionally stunted person without any of that fake wrapping; of being a college athlete with his shit together. I didn’t have to pretend with Sam. He saw me.
We were pressing our lips together, making out and keeping pace. It was sweet and tender. He moved his arm up to my shoulder, and I turned my body towards him.
All I knew in that moment was that I wanted him, and I wanted him now. Not just a fuck; not just some kind of exploration. I wanted to feel a true connection with him, to bask in this love. I wanted our bodies to be connected here in this bed; in this true moment.
Our sweet kiss shifted to passionate as he fumbled and took my shirt off. I raised my hands over my head in order to help him get it off even faster. I was pulling at his buttons on his shirt, desperately trying to peel back the layer of clothing that kept his body from mine.
“You’re beautiful.” He uttered when he pulled away from the kiss for a moment, staring into my eyes with his liquid gold gaze.
And for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I felt beautiful.
“I love you,” I repeated, swimming in the truth of those words. “I love you, Sam.”
“I love you too,” He said back to me, then we both tipped down on the bed.
Like any time with Sam, all the surroundings seemed to go quiet as I enjoyed the fire of his touch. Every time he laid a hand on me, it was like it was watering my soul with much-needed something.
I felt a true connection with him than I’d ever felt with anyone or anything before. It was love. True, genuine love.
“I need you,” He whispered to me, his eyes shifting to a ravenous hunger.
His mouth was on mine and we shared another sensual kiss. He pulled away from me a bit, meeting my eyes with a burning gaze. I trailed my kisses down his chest, trying to plant my love all over his abs.
He was leaning against the headboard, with his shirt unbuttoned and showing off all of his amazing muscles.
Then I went back up to his face and shared another sensual kiss. Everything about this felt so right. I trailed my kisses down his body — I wanted him to feel like a king. Wordlessly, I pulled down his pants about an inch, undid his belt, and revealed that sexy “v” that led to his crotch.
I pulled down the waistband of his jeans further, and his thickening cock bounced right out. Still in awe from the first time, I had to take a second look, stricken with disbelief that it was so big. I wrapped my lips around it, and kissed it, moving my head up and down over his crown.
I loved how he tasted.
He reached behind me and grabbed my hair, but let me set the pace.
I took him all the way in my mouth as I heard moans escape from his lips.
I began sucking it, slurping his length and trying to express my love for him with my motions.
He moved his big hands up and down my body lovingly, feeling every inch of me. He swiveled his hands down my torso and pulled at the waistband of my pants, playing with the barrier there.
“Man, you have a huge cock…” He moaned, “Let me see it…”
Delicately, he pulled down my pants and my stiffened cock bounced out.
“Oh yeah baby, that’s it…” He hissed, taking my dick into his huge hand and stroking it just right. Up and down the shaft, then he put one of my hands on it.
I started stroking myself again.
Sam eyed my motion and said, “I want you to do what you’re doing there to my cock.”
So then I slowly pressed his stiff cock into my mouth, drooling all over it, and moved my hand up and down the shaft. Using saliva as lube, my hand glided smoothly as I jerked him off at the same pace I was pleasuring myself.
“Best Christmas present ever…” Sam moaned, pinching one of his nipples.
I loved seeing him get pleasure like this.
“Good boy… Keep jerking your dick,” He commanded. “Keep touching yourself.”
I followed his orders, stroking my swollen member faster and faster, feeling that orgasmic pressure build in my crotch.
“Now lay down, ass up.” He directed. And I obliged, letting my ass go up into the air as I kneeled down on Sam’s expensive sheets.
Then Sam was eating my asshole, suckling on my ass and making smacking noises.
My eyes rolled back in pleasure. I never knew that eating ass could feel this good.
And he was sticking his tongue in my ass, getting it loosened up and relaxed.
“Is this okay?” He asked me when he came up for air.
“Yes, don’t stop…” I moaned, loving how it felt. The feeling of being stretched was incredible.
Then he reached around and started jerking me off. Slowly, at first, but then faster and faster; more intense until I erupted with pleasure.
“Oh!” I moaned, squirting my come all over his sheets as every heartbeat pulsed through me.
He slowed his hand, bringing it to a pace where it was like he was milking me as he teased the rest of my come out.
Pleasure circulated through my body as all of my muscles relaxed at once.
Only when I was completely spent, he released my dick gently. Then I guess he started jerking himself off, because it was only a few seconds before he moaned, erupting his load all over my back. I felt the warm spirts land and bead on my spine.
Afterward, we lay on the bed, panting. I was cuddled into Sam, my head in the crook of his neck between his head and shoulder. It felt so perfect there; it felt right.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.
“It was a little painful—at first.” I admitted, thinking of the harsh pain of his finger inside me.
“Oh no—I don’t want to hurt you.” He said, his eyes swimming with regret.
“But I liked it!” I protested, “I liked having you inside of me, I loved feeling connected with you.”
He still looked a little sad.
“Sam?” Echoed Sam’s mom’s voice from the hallway outside, “Sam, we need to go to dinner!”
“Oh! Yeah sorry I’ll be right there!” Sam said from beside me in the bed, a little panic in his voice.
“Okay, we’ll be waiting in the car, the reservation is for seven-thirty!” Linda chimed from the hallway.
It was painfully obvious what we had just done, but instead of feeling awkward about it, it felt nothing but right.
We were laughing as we scrambled to get our clothes back on; I pulled my black v-neck back over my body, and he looked at me longingly.
“No, don’t put it away…” He said with his hand outstretched dramatically.
I chuckled and threw one of his socks at him, hitting him square in the face.
“Hey!” He protested and giggled, flashing his bright white smile and his eyes crinkling up at the corners.
We quickly put our clothes on and went downstairs.
When we got outside, I was following Sam to the BMW in the driveway. As we got close to it, the garage door opened and a white Mercedes Benz purred to life.
“Guess we’re taking that one,” Sam said casually, as if it was normal to have to choose between two luxury cars.
Katie was in the backseat already on one side, and when she turned and saw me her eyes lit up like I was her best friend.
“Evan!” She cried out, clapping her hands, “Sit next to me!”
Even that was almost enough to send me into tears again.
22
Sam
Our whole family was sitting at the round table in a shy, exclusive corner tucked away in the Thai fusion restaurant. I was sitting proudly with Evan by my side; nothing filled me with greater joy.
I wished I had time to channel this joy into more artwork, but that could be paused for now. What mattered was spending quality time with Evan and my family.
I could only hope that my dad wouldn’t say anything to ruin this perfect evening.
The waiter came by and offered us drinks. A creature of habit, I ordered an old fashioned.
“Do you want anything sir?” the waiter asked Evan.
Evan glanced at me, and I wondered if he felt odd being served. Just a few weeks ago he was a server himself. I put my hand on his knee to comfort him.
“Yes please, I’d like a…” He glanced at me again. “Whiskey sour?”
I nodded the slightest of nods for encouragement, wondering why he was being so weird.
“Whiskey sour.” He confirmed.
Then it dawned on me. Evan had just turned twenty-one; he wasn’t used to ordering drinks at restaurants. He probably didn’t go to restaurants because he was so broke.
The rest of the family ordered; Katie with her traditional strawberry daiquiri, my mom with a margarita, and my dad with a craft beer.
Conversation ensued without a hitch, and there was lots of laughter and we all had a good time. Then midway through the night, right before we got our food, my dad decided to open a can of worms.
He sized me up, leaning back with his arm around mom, and holding his second beer in his hand. “So son, how is art school?” He asked, a subtle bite to his words.
I knew no one else at the table would catch that; I knew I was in this alone. Mom and Katie were carrying on a jovial conversation across the table. Evan was watching them, getting involved in their chatter and oblivious to the subtle jab my father had just given to me.
I sipped my cocktail, knowing that if he was allowed to go down this path, it would be a long night. I didn’t want to show Evan that side of us. Not yet. Not when he was feeling so at home here.
“Oh it’s great, I’m really happy there.” I said, my throat tight. No matter how old I got, I still got nervous under his gaze like that.
“What kind of art projects do you do?” He asked.
I knew exactly what he meant. He was referring when I talked about switching my major from business to art. Back when crushed that, saying, “What, you gonna play with your crayons and draw stick figures and get paid peanuts? Be a starving artist then!”
No one knew about that moment except me and him. I had never told anyone. Never in my life did I feel so… rejected.
I startled as I felt Evan’s hand on my knee. He was acting like he was paying attention to Mom and Katie, but he was really tuned in to our conversation!
I suddenly felt like I could do anything.
Looking my father dead in the eye, I said, “It makes me happy.”
On the surface, it looked like we had a normal conversation. But underneath, in those rip currents, there was blackwater dragging me out to sea.
Somehow, Evan understood what I was going through. He was there for me.
My father turned his attention to Katie and Mom’s conversation. I squeezed Evan’s hand under the table.
Three days at home in Aspen flew by with Evan by my side, and without further incident from my father. Evan hadn’t asked about it or tried to pry; he was only supportive.
Add that to the list of the many reasons why I loved him.
We held hands walking down the street in downtown Aspen, and we were both bundled up in high-fashion mens clothing. I felt like I was walking next to a fashion model. We went shopping and I bought him everything he thought was cute, or that drew his eye. Including a highly fashionable, extremely cozy new winter coat.
I knew that his old camouflage one made him feel insecure. It was a constant reminder of where he came from.
The money didn’t make any difference to me, and it made him ridiculously happy.
