Violet's Shadow, page 5
With a frustrated growl, he stated, “I’ve been told I have to teach you first. Then we can…get better acquainted.”
“Teaching sounds less awesome. Can’t we get better acquainted first? I was kind of out of it the first time. Will definitely need a refresher or two.”
“I’m well-versed in repetition.”
Sigh…
“I hate to ask this, but…do you have any questions?”
She smiled. “You’re joking, right?” Silence. “If you can remember our earlier conversation, I can’t see real well so I can’t read your broody facial expressions right now. You’re going to have to use real words until I get my sight back and can again speak squinty eye.”
“I do not brood.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Questions?” he added with a whole hell of a lot of brood.
“Who put you up to this, first? And who said you needed to teach me stuff first? Same person?”
He shifted on the bed and seemed to lay down next to her, but thankfully for her, he never stopped touching her. The contact made her want to purr.
“The Oracle.”
“The name’s a bit familiar.”
“One of the other Shadows mentioned her outside the cabin earlier.”
“A her?”
“Yes. And before you ask, yes, what she says goes around here. She knows more in her pinky finger than the rest of us know combined.”
Violet tried to process the info, but had no frame of reference so she decided to bypass too many specifics while her brain still felt a bit scrambled. “Is she the leader here? The Alpha I think I heard you say at some point.”
“No. Not exactly. She’s more the advisor to the Alpha.”
“Then who’s the Alpha?”
“We don’t have one.”
“Oh. Seems less than great?”
“It’s been…difficult.”
“What happened to the last Alpha? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Actually, not my story to tell.”
“Then who can tell me?”
“I have a feeling someone you’d least expect.”
“You talk around stuff a whole heck of a lot. Straight answers aren’t overrated, you know.”
“You have no idea how much I agree with you.”
Violet thought for a second. “Shading. That’s what happens when a Shadow steps into a shadow and disappears, right?”
“It’s a bit more complicated, but basically you have the gist of it.”
“Only as a human?”
“No. Wolf or human. And in the beginning you can only shift when you’re completely in shadow. But when you learn to control it, you can change at will. Between human and wolf and shading with only the tiniest shadow at your disposal. But you have to have a shadow. Non-negotiable.”
“What controls it?”
“Controls what?”
“The Shadows in general. You have a pack, but the assholes at the cabin seemed to be a pack of sorts too. The feel of the two packs is completely different.”
“You’ve been part of this pack from before you were born. You’ll have a natural aggression toward other packs. Just the way it is.”
“What about rogues? Do you have a problem with them?”
He paused. “What do you mean by rogue? Several ways people think of them.”
“I assume Shadows can get kicked out if they do something horribly wrong.”
“Yes.”
“And are those considered rogue?”
“Those are considered exiled.”
“Harsh, much?”
“As are the things they have done to cause their removal from the pack.”
Heat flared inside her chest and she gasped. “What’s happening? This is what happened before. Before you…”
“Took you.”
Violet didn’t know if she wanted to giggle, blush or hide so she decided to cover all her bases at once and do some hybrid of all three.
“Fuck, you’re cute when you laugh. And to answer your question the only thing that helps the fever is shading. Shifting will help the pain.”
Clenching her teeth against the pain would only go so far, and she instinctively wrapped her body around Rayden. Coolness spread through her limbs everywhere she made contact with him and it moved into her torso, and down her legs. “Why does your touch help?”
“We are each part shadow. It lives within our cells so if one of us is sick or injured we can offer temporary relief.”
“Would any Shadow do?”
His hand squeezed her arm for a second and he finally took a deep breath and relaxed. “No.”
“Just no?”
“Just no.”
She shuddered and tried to concentrate. “Where do you fit into things? The hierarchy of this place, I mean.”
“I’m head seeker and one of the top enforcers.”
“Seeker. I have no idea what that is. Sounds like Harry Potter.”
“There are others out there who are Shadow with no ties to this life. We must find them before the fever hits and get them here so we can teach them what to do, how to control it, or they won’t make it.”
Sorrow welled inside Violet’s chest. “I never felt I had a place, you know. Belonging was something in fairy tales. Nothing more.”
“And your mother? Did she never say a word of who you are? Where you came from?” Anger came off him in waves. The emotion seemed to have a taste in her mouth. Bitter. Definitely not something she’d ever noticed in the past. What a confusing occurrence and one she didn’t have enough sleep in her system to deal with.
“I don’t think you have any idea who my mother is.”
“I know exactly who she is.”
“You have to be mistaken. She’s sure as heck not a wolf. Doesn’t disappear in the shadows or bark at the moon.”
“Bark at the moon? Seriously? Did you just call me a dog?” He vibrated against her, and she loved the barely leashed power he exuded.
Violet snickered and rubbed her cheek against his chest to sooth him. “Fine. Howl at the moon. Better?” Why she loved ribbing him so much surprised her. It was like poking a bear and sooner or later he was going to poke back. Sooner, she hoped. Her thoughts apparently lived in the gutter when it came to him. She was fine with that, which was also odd.
He grunted in response, which made her smile again. “So if she never told you about any of this, what did she tell you? Where did she take you?”
“We moved around a lot. Sometimes in the middle of the night we’d have to pack up and leave. Didn’t ever really put down roots anywhere. Ended up in Florida a few years back. Stayed there the longest.”
“Don’t you see it as odd, though? Isn’t it typical to want permanency for your children?”
Thinking about it for a second didn’t change how she felt. Not a situation she could remove herself from to look upon objectively. “How would it have been odd to me? It was all I ever knew. All I’ve ever known.” Rayden hugged her tight, but remained silent, even though she could tell he had a lot to say. “Always felt a pull to somewhere, but didn’t have anything to go on. Is it weird I’m almost comforted to know I’m not exactly human?”
“Why would that be weird? You’re not human. You’re something all-together different.” His voice. It sounded…wistful maybe? Reverent. So odd, but—
“God, Rayden.” She stiffened in panic. “I don’t have any way to contact her. To tell her I’m okay.”
“Would serve her right to worry.”
“She’s my mother.”
“Doesn’t mean she earned the title,” he rumbled.
Violet had no idea why she felt the need to defend her, especially since they’d never really been super close. “You don’t get to pick your family.”
“Maybe not by blood, but the rest of the people you call family you sure as hell have a say so in it. Did she at least love you?”
She opened her mouth to speak and hesitated. “I think so.”
“Not all that convincing.”
“Love is different for a lot of people. And she’s the only family I’ve ever known.” It wasn’t much of an answer, but it was all she had. She’d seen how other mothers and daughters acted toward each other. It had always left her kind of jealous and more than a bit sad.
Rayden added begrudgingly, “I sent Morgan and Vinson to the cabin this morning to get your things. Your cell phone was one of the items I told them you had to have.”
“There’s more than you’re telling me.”
He remained silent for a few seconds, which was an answer in and of itself. “Why do you say that?”
“I’m not really certain. Very odd. It’s like I have this anxious ball in my chest when I know you’re not being completely truthful. What was it? Rule number two?”
“You’re instincts are good. There’s a plus.”
He didn’t sound real excited about it, though, and she was more than ready to change the subject. “How do you know where to go when you’re looking for someone?”
“Training.”
“Like a drug dog?” She smiled again, quite enjoying her joke.
“Dog jokes. Really?”
“Yep.”
“Rule number three. No more dog jokes.”
“Rule number one still in effect.” Violet laughed until she had to hold her side, but then the heat returned. He was keeping the fever at bay. Anytime she wasn’t in contact with him it swamped her full force. “Hmm. Rule number four. Stay in physical contact as much as possible.” She blinked, trying to make out Rayden’s reaction to her new rule in the darkness. And then she remembered she couldn’t see.
Pulling the covers back, Rayden scooped her up and held her tight. “I’ve stalled long enough. The shadows call you and you need to learn how to listen.”
“I’ve always been afraid of the dark.” She whispered the secret she’d always been ashamed of.
“Ashamed. Why would you be ashamed of fear?”
She didn’t realize she’d spoken aloud and she shrugged as he started to move. Her nose found the hollow of his throat and she inhaled, bringing a piece of him inside her. He smelled so good. “Only children are afraid of the dark.”
“Or adults who grew up with a parent who fed their fear.”
“She didn’t feed it.”
“Rule number two.”
“She…” Instead of instinctively defending her mother she thought about it. “She didn’t do it intentionally?” Yes, it came out a question, but whatever and thankfully he dropped it.
“First thing to always remember is shadows can be the difference between life and death. You can escape any situation if you can get to a shadow. Got it?”
“Yes.” It sounded weak and unsure even to her ears.
Pausing, and even without seeing him, she knew he was staring at her. “I’ll help you. I’m not leaving you.” It sounded much more permanent than just for this one moment and she wondered why it didn’t scare her more.
He stood there, holding her for a few minutes and then finally spoke again. “Do you feel it?”
Instead of just answering no, she stopped to see if she could tell anything. She had no clue what she was looking for, though.
But then she felt it. Something drawing her in a certain direction. She craned her neck to one side as if she were listening for something, which might have drawn her attention. But it was completely silent.
“You feel it.”
Not a question. A statement.
“I feel something.”
“A shadow.”
“You can’t feel a shadow.”
“Like I can’t turn into a wolf? Or like you couldn’t know the Shadows you met last night?”
She moved her palm restlessly against his chest. “But—”
“No buts. The world you’ve been living in doesn’t tell you the whole story. Not even a tiny piece of it. Reach your hand out to the side and then tell me you can’t feel a shadow.”
Her fingers tightened into two fists as she leaned into him a bit more. Fighting what he was telling her was all she could wrap her mind around the new reality he suggested. “But I don’t want to stop touching you. I don’t hurt when I touch you.”
“Trust me.” Ytydy nr.
The last was nothing but a whisper in her head. She bit her lip, trying not to be afraid.
Extending her arm took a serious pep talk. The heat lit up her flesh as soon as she removed her hand from Rayden’s skin and she hesitated.
“Feel the shadow,” he murmured against her ear. “How it calls to you, as if it’s whispering your name.”
Violet concentrated, trying to block out the pain, and the need to clutch at him. Without her sight everything else seemed sharper, and the weight of the moment felt like a pregnant pause before something amazing happened.
Fear lit up inside her, making her feel nauseous. Her mother’s voice in her head made her stiffen. “Nothing good happens in the dark. Nothing but scary people, and death. Never go into the shadows, Violet. Promise me.”
“She told me to stay out of the shadows. When I was little. She warned me my death waited in the shadows.” Saying it out loud…she hadn’t even remembered her mother telling her those things in the past. But it happened, it was one of her first memories.
“Your death is not in the shadows. Life waits for you there. And happiness and a family. With us. With…me.”
“With you?” Facing him, she wanted nothing more than to see his gaze on her. His red eyes, glowing as he stared into her.
He didn’t answer her.
He didn’t have to.
Twisting her head and unfurling her arm to the side, pain and fear collided, making her heart race and fire shoot down to the tips of her fingers.
Ytydy nr.
Doubt disappeared as he held her to him.
He wasn’t going to let her fail.
She knew it, giving her enough courage to reach for the shadow.
The moment the tips of her fingers breached the barrier she accepted what she truly was.
A Shadow.
Heat exploded in the rest of her body, making her suck in a pain-filled breath.
The fire inside her stole her voice as the pain rose again, and she yanked her hand away, unable to stop herself. Rayden must have known what happened because he stepped forward. And again. And—
Fuuuucccckkkkk….
It felt like a cool swimming pool on the hottest day of summer. A breeze of misty water in the middle of a desert. It felt like…home.
“Embrace it, Violet. Don’t fight it.”
“But the pain.”
“Pain is a good thing. It tells us we’re alive. But this pain—this pain is special.”
Shaking her head didn’t help, but she couldn’t keep still as he knelt with her.
Something paced inside her and a rumble of discontent she’d felt for…so long…came even closer to the surface.
“You are a Shadow, Violet. A swooning Shadow who has been lost for too long. Don’t fight what your body is telling you. Don’t fight what your mind already knows. Don’t fight the pain and let go of all the fear bred into you. Ytydy nr. Become the Shadow you were meant to be.”
His words spoke to something inside her that she didn’t know existed. She’d never wanted to be different. Normal was all she ever craved.
But now?
Simply. She believed him. Knowing he was right, knowing she was exactly what he said her to be was all she needed.
She relaxed into the pain as he laid her on a soft rug and drew the coolness of the shadow around herself as if it were some kind of blanket.
Fear evaporated as she became a Shadow.
As each of her cells morphed into something wholly different, sensation crashed along her nerves, her bones.
Bowing beneath the change, the wolf inside her broke free. She didn’t hesitate. Not for a moment. She exploded into a wolf with a strong spine and her claws dug into the rug beneath her. Her paws and forearms were pure black.
Vision.
It returned in a rush of sunshine. Seeing it bright and beautiful triggered a burst of happiness so great she wanted to squeal. It came out more an excited yelp and she automatically wagged her tail.
A tail. Like a puppy.
Talk about going to take some getting used to.
Her eyes adjusted quickly and she took in the room around her. The space. The temperature. The beautiful sunlight streaming in through a window over the sink. She could see it all, but not as she did as a human. Everything was sharper and the colors more vibrant. As if the rest of her senses were all tied into her visual what she could see was magnified tenfold.
One large room. The bed, a couch, table and chairs, small kitchen. Several doors. One which led to a bathroom and several others she didn’t know about. One being the exit into the rest of the compound. Excitement and wariness vied for top billing on what she thought about leaving the safety of the room she was in. Of the shadow she stood inside.
She drew a breath inside her lungs to taste the air. But she could smell more than the room. She could tell where there were people outside their space. She could tell weather and emotions and…need.
Rayden.
Turning her head to the side, she faced him. He was still human, standing just outside the shadow. Watching.
Drawing herself to her full height, standing almost to his shoulders on all fours, she drew in another breath—
And roared.
Chapter Five
Some people had trouble shifting the first time. Some people fought it, hard. If they’d never really been in the pack to see how it could be, it would make it even more difficult. They didn’t know how things truly existed inside themselves. But they were one and the same being. As if they were two sides of the same coin.
He should have known Violet would kick its ass and shift without any issues. And she did it fast. Within several seconds of her shimmering in the shadow she’d shifted into the wolf he already knew her to be.
