Violet's Shadow, page 10
“Now come here and lay down with me.”
“Huh?” Totally wasn’t firing on all cylinders. He was used to giving the orders. Was just how it was. How things had been for a long time.
“Lay with me.” Pulling him down, she put him where she wanted him, which happened to be spooning against her backside. She purred when she exhaled and settled against him with his arm over her again.
“But…”
“If it helps. I’m ordering you as your supreme ruler of Shadowdom to lay with me. This way they won’t pull your man card. Shadow card? Whatever.”
After lying there stunned for a second, he finally smiled and relaxed into her. With his guard down he took a deep breath and let himself hope for a moment he wouldn’t lose her. That he wouldn’t have her taken away as soon as he got her there. And safe. “Supreme ruler of Shadowdom? Really? I’ll get right on your business cards.”
“OMG you made a joke.” She rolled over a bit to stare at him. “I’m gonna tell everybody tomorrow. We need to make this a holiday or something and—”
He had her on her stomach with his cock inside her before she could finish the statement.
“Seems the supreme ruler isn’t as sleepy as she claimed to be if she can still be plotting my downfall.”
“Not your downfall. Just showing the others your softer side. Your—”
He thrust inside and licked her shoulder.
“Mmm…”
He moved inside her, wrapped around her. As close as he could possibly be to every inch of her exposed skin.
“Will you fuck me until I fall asleep?”
Stilling for a moment, he kissed her back, her neck and her cheek when she turned her head to the side and held her closer. “As you wish, nt nsyr.”
Then he fucking purred as he rocked against her.
If she really was to be his downfall…what a way to go.
Chapter Nine
Violet awoke in a panic and sat straight up in bed.
Rayden had snuck out a couple hours earlier, but she’d at least hoped Hannah would be there again. Nothing but the sound of her exhales greeted her.
A dream. It was only a…bad dream.
It was what her mother used to tell her when she was shaken out of bed in fear.
But Violet knew better.
They weren’t dreams. They were visions. Sometimes wonderful and joyous. Other times so very sad.
She stood next to the bed, holding the edge to make sure she could stand and she felt…strong. Stepping into the shadows across the room, she was finally able to take a deep breath.
Rayden had been with her until the early morning. He’d slipped from bed, padding almost soundlessly into the bathroom. Assuming he wouldn’t be gone long, she’d nodded off. Didn’t come to again until she heard the door latch into place.
He’d left.
Again.
With no goodbye or explanation. Or when he’d be done. If he was going back to her. For her.
Her instincts had always been good when it came to people and she trusted them implicitly. But with Rayden, it was different. She thought he wanted her, cared for her. He acted as if he did, especially after last night, but…
Fate was an unrelenting taskmaster.
Even though it was bright in the room, from the midday sun pouring in, the bathroom door stood open and it was dark inside. Shadowed.
Without more thought she closed her eyes and shaded into the bathroom. She didn’t even have a moment of indecision about doing it. None. She knew she could because she’d seen herself shade in the future. Almost like the moment in Harry Potter when he scared all the dementors away.
A sinking feeling accosted her as she got dressed. Her things had been delivered the day before while she’d been with Hannah. It was nice to have fresh clothes.
She checked her phone for anything from her mother. Nothing. She called the number, no answer. She left a voice and text message and then tucked it into her pocket before walking out.
Several Shadows said hello to her, and she greeted them all, but didn’t stop. She couldn’t.
Knowing where she had to go didn’t make it any easier to put one foot in front of the other. She hadn’t been shown where she needed to walk yesterday on her tour, yet she still knew exactly what floor to stop on. Which direction to travel. It was as if a line was being reeled in, connecting her to her fate.
To Rayden.
Pulling her ever closer to a giant fork in the path. Her destiny. And his.
Prophecies she still didn’t understand.
Hannah stepped in front of her and gently touched her arm. “Remember something for me?”
She knew. Violet couldn’t comprehend how she knew, but the knowledge was in her sad eyes.
“I’ll try,” Violet answered honestly, already feeling lost.
“People with the biggest need for forgiveness don’t tend to feel worthy of it. Walls can be built so high to protect themselves, but when they get past a certain point, they can’t see out anymore. They forget all the good parts too.”
“What good parts?” Emotion threatened to swamp her and she swallowed several times to keep it at bay.
“Love. Hope. Dreams. So much beautiful living can be lost hiding from the possibility of hurt. Sometimes you can even forget what you’re living for. Just remember, okay?”
She nodded, not trusting her voice.
Hannah leaned closer and wrapped her in a gentle hug. Violet held on tight, thankful again for no pain from touching her.
“If it means anything, I’m sorry.”
Violet moved back and tried to smile. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” She squeezed her hand and then walked away.
“And that’s where you’re wrong.” It was nothing more than a whisper of sound, and she wasn’t even certain it came from Hannah, because when she turned around to ask her, she was gone.
She took a deep breath, unwilling to cower from what she knew was coming.
Moving closer, there were conversations happening at the end of the hallway.
Someone was yelling.
Rayden.
The door she pushed open revealed a room. A meeting room. The one from her vision.
“I’ll never love anyone else. Never. My mate died long ago, and I can’t mate anyone else. Leader or not. Violet’s not my mate.”
She gasped. Hearing him say the words she’d already heard in her dreams was no easier in person. Knowing it was coming didn’t make the pain any easier to take.
He turned. They all did.
“Violet.” Her name on his lips had never sounded so heartbreaking.
What could she say? Nothing? Everything?
It wouldn’t make a difference. He’d already made up his mind.
Closing the door as he walked toward her gave her a moment to head…somewhere.
Touching a shadow behind a doorjamb, she closed her eyes and shaded to their—
To his room. His.
It wouldn’t take him long to figure out where she was, but she hoped going to the obvious place would trick him for a few minutes.
By the time he found her, she’d gathered her stuff that she’d found in the closet into a duffle bag. And she’d had enough time to stop being dejected and start being pissed.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Anywhere but here.”
“Look. Let me explain—”
“Explain what? I’d say you were very clear in the other room. Not to mention each morning you’ve snuck out of here.”
“Snuck is a bit harsh, don’t you think?”
She raised an eyebrow at him and just…waited.
“I guess I could have told you I was leaving.” It was a grumbled concession, and she rolled her eyes.
“Or when you’d be here again or what I was supposed to be doing or you’d been mated before?” She nodded. “Definitely some information I needed to know. From my understanding in general a mating can’t happen twice. So if you’ve already had…a mate, I’m shit out of luck. Shadow baggage disclaimer and all that. Maybe I just didn’t read the fine print well enough.”
“It can’t. A mating. It can’t happen twice. Not possible. But…”
He trailed off, running his hand through his hair a few times.
“Doesn’t really sound like there’s any room for me in that but.”
“I wanted to mate her. Loved her. But it just wasn’t there. Everyone else thought we had so we just kind of went along with it.”
For a smart man he was a few light bulbs short of a pack on that one. “And you think in a pack of Shadows they believed it? You can smell a lie. Gift unique to you?”
“No.”
Yep. She gave him the what the fuck face.
“I’ve known for hundreds of years I was supposed to mate someone with violet eyes.”
So… “And did the other Shadow have violet eyes?”
“No.”
“Then why did you want her to be your mate?”
“Because she wasn’t going to make me choose between her and the pack,” he yelled as he paced.
“What are you talking about?” She threw her hands up. As if he was going to give her more info.
“My fucking prophecy. That’s what I’m talking about.” He stopped pacing and faced her. He took a deep breath and stared at her. Whatever he was about to say was important, but he seemed to change his mind in the middle. “I either let my mate be killed, this woman I love, or the pack will be destroyed.”
“And you thought denying yourself any kind of love was the answer?”
“What other choice did I have? Do I have?”
The answer seemed plain enough to her. “If you are lucky enough to find love, then you hang on to it with everything you have and don’t even let fate steal it from you. What does it have to do with the other chick being your mate? Or playing your mate?”
“I thought if I wanted it bad enough, her bad enough, then my prophecy would be null and void. Nothing’s ever been more important than the pack. And I’m supposed to give my life up for her? Someone I’ve never met? Know nothing about? How could I love someone like that? How could I love you when I would have to choose?”
Ooof.
Talk about knocking the wind out of her.
“Not what I meant. Dammit, I’m just fucking this up.”
“It’s definitely not going well. Not for either of us.” She sat on the edge of the bed. “What makes you think I’m this person? You’re only what, three hundred? Hannah said people live to be two and a half times that old here. Maybe I’m not the right Shadow. What does my prophecy say, anyway? How do I find it out?”
“The Oracle will tell you when it’s the right time, and she doesn’t show up when you want her to. Only when you need her to.”
Wasn’t going to get her anywhere.
“Does anyone else know my prophecy? Can’t I ask around?”
“The Oracle will tell you your prophecy. You and you alone. And you can only share your prophecy with one other Shadow. A very specific one. And the Oracle can share it with the pack at the time of someone’s death.”
“But at the cabin, Morgan mentioned something about a prophecy. So she can’t be right. You guys all acted as if you knew what she was talking about.”
“The prophecy of the pack. It’s been handed down for hundreds of years.”
“What is it? Or do I need to learn the secret handshake first?”
His narrowed eyes told her she’d hit her mark. ‘Bout damn time.
“A lost Alpha will appear with violet eyes exactly when she is needed. To save the pack the Alpha must die yet she must live to ensure our survival. But fate will choose her destiny. ”
“Fate? Why’d you say it like that? And a minute ago, you said you had to choose. I’m so lost.”
“Not fate. Phait.” He spelled it for her. “My middle name is Phait.” He took a deep breath as if he had to steel himself for the next part. “Your violet-eyed mate, the new Alpha, will save the pack or destroy it. Finding her and loving her is the key to our survival. But she must die to save us all. And the choice will be up to you. That’s my prophecy. My choice. What I’ve lived with for nearly two centuries.”
Violet stood and stared at him. Two and two coming together to equal a mild state of disbelief. “You just said you could only share your prophecy with one other person. What other person? What’s special about them?” Knowing the answer didn’t keep her from asking it out loud.
“Your mate. The only Shadow you can share your prophecy with.”
“You just shared your prophecy with me.”
“Don’t you think I fucking know? I tried with her. I’d stay awake at night, trying to get the words out, and nothing. I loved her. Wanted her to be it so bad.”
“The Alpha?”
“No. My mate. Because if the prophecy was wrong about who my mate was, maybe it was wrong about the rest. And everyone adores you already.”
“Huh? What are you talking about? And what does it have to do with what we’re discussing?”
“When she died—”
“What was her name? I should at least be able to know the name of the dead woman standing between us?” Was it nice? Probably not. Was it true? Sure as hell was.
“Caro. Her name was Caro.” His jaw bunched, but he didn’t let anymore of his temper show.
“And continue.” She stood and crossed her arms over her chest and waited.
“When I got her killed—”
“And how did she die…exactly?”
“It’s not important.”
She raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t act as if he noticed. Playing dumb didn’t look too good on him.
“Everyone was different toward me. Kept me at arm’s length. I can’t live through it again if I’m responsible for getting you hurt. Or worse? Not feeling a part of the pack is horrible when it’s all you’ve ever known.”
“The pack members don’t know me. Don’t care for me the way they care for you. Why would you think otherwise?”
“I saw all of them with you yesterday. You’re our leader. The Alpha of our pack and—”
“And a whole lotta Shadows here are still riding on the S.S. Skeptical when it comes to me and my place here.”
“Didn’t look like that to me. How do you know what they’re thinking, anyway?”
She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Uh…hello. I can see stuff. Some are very skeptical. As in years of skeptical in their future. Hell. So am I. If I were to be lost, the others will pick up the slack.”
“And how do you know? Maybe we would all vanish into extinction without you. The prophecy says—”
“You’re just being dramatic now. Because I know you wouldn’t let anything else happen to the pack. You couldn’t. This is your family, and you’ll fight to your dying breath to protect it. And they would do the same for you.” He shook his head and started to speak, but she shushed him. “Nope, you got to speak and now it’s my turn and you need to hear me, because I think somewhere along the line you got so focused on your so-called prophesy you lost sight of something more important.”
“What’s more important than the moment we realize our prophecy?”
“Easy. Each and every moment living up to it.” She took a breath and tried to swim through her emotions. Treading water wasn’t going real great. “I don’t know what to believe.”
“I haven’t lied to you. Sure as hell can’t seem to keep my mouth shut with you either. But I don’t want you to be my prophecy.”
“Being together isn’t enough? Loving each other for whatever time we could have together isn’t enough?”
“No. Not if loving you, mating you, dooms you. That’s no life.”
“You’re wrong. That’s exactly what life is. Cherishing every moment. Each and every one and everything.”
“No. The pack is everything. That’s what everything revolves around.”
“You make it sound as if each and every pack member is the same and equal. But it’s not how the world works. Not anywhere. Some people want to be more involved. Some just want to…be. And some just want to be a family, as in their mate and their kids. The rest is nice, but certainly not the most important.”
“They’re wrong.”
“Seriously. Where did the guy I fell asleep with not too many hours ago go?”
“He fucking woke up and decided to save you from…”
She waited while he paced with a hand fisted somehow in his hair. But he didn’t continue.
“From myself? From the world? You can’t leave me hanging. It’s considered rude.” Arguing was not something she enjoyed. Not ever. But with him, she just couldn’t walk away.
“No. From me.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m a big girl. Last time I checked I was fully-grown and able to make my own decisions and my own mistakes. It’s called being human.” She made a face to the side and shrugged. “Same concept stands even if the genetics are a bit different.”
“Growing up in the pack, we’re taught to believe in fate and mating and blah blah blah.”
“Wow. How do you really feel?”
His growl shouldn’t have turned her on. Shouldn’t have being the operative two words she needed to yank out of her thought to make it truthful. Last thing she needed was to want him while he was being a…a…dude!
“But believing in it has gotten me nothing but heartache and misery. I got Caro killed. Her death’s on me.”
“Because it’s true or just because you won’t forgive yourself so you can realize everyone else already has? Ever thought of it that way, hot shot?” Some of her anger melted and she took a deep breath, ready to approach him and see if she couldn’t smooth over his fears so they could get past the anger and really get somewhere to figure something out.
“The sex is really good between us. Maybe we can just continue the way we are. Sleeping together and put the rest of it on the back burner.”
Her anger boiled over. She stepped a bit closer and glared up at him. “So you want to have amazing sex with me, but you do not want to mate me, because it would be too complicated with all those fussy emotions running amok? That. About. It?” On each of the last words she poked him in the chest.
