Open Your Eyes, page 13
Nick sat up looking dazed and confused, his hair mussed. “I’m here, Livy,” I cried out before he could answer.
“Mom, it’s Daniel. He wants to speak to you, now. Says it's urgent. He's been trying to call you all night and can't get hold of you on your phone.” Her voice sounded borderline hysterical.
“I'm coming, sweetie, hold on,” I shouted, frantic now, as I wrapped the blanket around my body.
I strode to the door, turned the key and yanked it open. Olivia looked at me, wide-eyed, taking in my just-fucked hair, the blanket wrapped around my naked body and Nick sitting up in the bed, only a sheet covering his assets. She shoved her phone into my hand. Her face was white as the snow outside, but somehow I knew it wasn’t what she saw here that upset her.
It was the caller on the other side of the world.
“Daniel. Is everything OK?” I blinked as I looked at the time on the clock next to where Nick sat, his face contorted with worry. It was 4:27 am in New York. Surely Daniel knew about the time difference of sixteen hours between us. My heart squeezed in my chest and I struggled to breath. If Daniel, my practical oldest child, knew it was close to the break of dawn in New York, something serious must be wrong.
Was the lag in conversation due to the phone line or just my imagination? Daniel didn’t answer, the seconds ticked by while my heart beat in my throat. “It's Dad,” he croaked. “Dad had a heart attack. You have to come home.”
“Is he…” I choked. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.
“He's in intensive care. Alive; but barely. He needs you now, Mom. We all need you. Please come home.” His ragged breath barely contained his sob.
“He's alive.” I let out a breath. “When did it happen?”
“A few hours ago. Robert and I’ve been at the hospital since we found him on the floor… in his study. We thought he wasn’t going to make it. It was terrible!” His voice quivered and I knew he was trying to be strong for his younger brother and for me.
“Is Robert OK?” My youngest child was the most sensitive of the three; it would hit him the hardest. Just like our separation did.
“Yeah, he's trying really hard to be brave. But he needs you now, Mom. And…so do I.” It was rare to hear Daniel admit that he needed me; he was the strong and independent big brother. Saying it in as many words was a bad sign.
“I’ll be on the earliest flight back possible. But you know it's a long flight, even if I come immediately, it will be at least 24 hours till I'm home. Will you be OK till then?” I closed my eyes and leaned against the door.
“Olivia. You have to bring Livy too, Mom. She’s going to freak when she hears about Dad.” Daniel’s voice was laced with concern for his little sister. My heart leapt into my throat. Sweet Jesus, I was going to have to tell her what happened. By the look on her face, she already knew something serious had happened.
“We’ll both be home as soon as we can. I’ll let you know the details as soon as I make the arrangements. Stay strong, Daniel. Help your little brother… and your father. I love you.” Tears strangled my voice.
“What’s wrong?” Olivia’s face crumpled with worry. “Why are you crying? What the hell happened?” Her voice rose as her alarm grew.
“It's your father,” I said as calmly as I could, even though I couldn’t control the stream of tears rolling down my cheeks. I reached out quickly and took her hands in mine. “He’s OK now, but he had a heart attack only hours ago. We have to go home, sweetheart.” I watched as the blood drained from her face. I hugged her closely – I needed comforting as much as she did.
“I can't believe it! He's always been so fit and strong. And he's still so young. It can't be!” Olivia protested, her tears spilling onto my shoulder. She was the apple of her father’s eye. Daniel was right about her freaking out.
“I’ll make the arrangements while you get ready. It's a long way home, so we better get going.” My practical side kicked in. No time for hysterics now. I’d have enough time to digest it all on the long flight back to Sydney.
Nick was by my side; he had slipped into his sweatpants while I comforted Olivia. His eyes were wide, and I could see my own terror and fear reflected back at me. He swallowed hard, unable to speak.
Olivia turned around and went off to her bedroom just as Sarah peeked her head out of her room. I heard her follow Olivia to the room, their voices drifting to me as if in another world.
Nick placed his dressing gown over my shoulders and I shrugged into it, wrapping it tightly around my still naked body. In a daze, I followed him down to the kitchen where he placed a telephone receiver in my hands. Nick started brewing coffee; I suspected he needed something to keep him busy. He hadn’t uttered a word since I had spoken to Daniel. He placed a cup of coffee on the counter in front of me as he gently pushed me down on a chair.
I explained our situation to the operator, not holding much hope to get a flight home quickly. But to my surprise, I learned that our airline made provision for circumstances like these. They promised to call me back within twenty minutes to give us details. Twenty minutes to grab a quick shower, pack our things and get ready to go to the airport.
Twenty-eight minutes later, my phone buzzed. They were able to squeeze us onto the next flight. But we had to rush – it was leaving in less than five hours and we still had to get from the Hamptons to JFK, go through security and customs and board on time. The kind lady suggested the plane would be delayed up to fifteen minutes to give us extra time to get there, but beyond that, we would have to wait twelve hours for the next flight to Sydney. We simply have to make it to this flight.
It was a whirlwind from there. Olivia helped me get our things together, both of us shaking; from the cold at this time of morning and from a deep fear within us both that something would go horribly wrong before we could get back home. That Gabriel would have a turn for the worst. I didn’t want to think about it, but Daniel warned me that the doctor said Gabe wasn’t out of the woods yet. Anything could happen in the next twenty-four hours. And Olivia and I would be stuck on a damn plane.
Half an hour later, Olivia and I huddled up in the back seat of Nick’s car. I closed my eyes, immense turmoil flooding my heart and brain.
I couldn’t shake the memory of the haunted look in Nick’s eyes as we said a quick goodbye. I had pecked him on the cheek, his expression drawn, his eyes bewildered, as he stood by the car door before I quickly scrambled in beside Olivia. Words failed me – I didn’t want to upset him further. But more to the point: I didn’t want to say goodbye like this. I knew our time together would inevitably come to an end, but I had hoped for a better farewell – and more time.
Precious time snapped away from us now.
In an instant everything had changed.
As the sun rose, Nick’s driver sped us to the airport. Luckily for us, the roads were relatively quiet by New York standards. I had insisted that Olivia and I should leave alone. Right now I couldn’t deal with saying goodbye to Nick so unexpectedly on top of the burden of what waited for us back home.
Sadness overwhelmed me as I remembered the taxi ride taking us from our home to the airport in Sydney only two short weeks ago. It felt light years away. So much had happened since then. I was a different person then. But in my wildest dreams, I never imagined this would happen. Gabriel having a heart attack was not part of the plan.
Neither was meeting Nicholas Gallagher.
Would Nick understand that I had to do this? For my family and for Gabriel? It was hard enough understanding it myself; I was compelled to go home to my nearly ex-husband, to be by his side in this time of crisis. To just be there for him and my children.
Even if it meant leaving like this.
More tears trickled down my cheeks. This time they were for Nick.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Nick
I looked at the message on my phone again.
Sorry that I had to leave in such a rush. Sorry, couldn’t talk. Will call you when I get home. Natalie xo
She said sorry again. Twice.
I shook my head as I went to have a shower. Last night was the best night of my life. Or so I thought. That dreadful phone call changed it all. Turns out that it could be the worst night of my life. What if I never saw her again?
She just left, barely saying goodbye.
Shit! I read the message again and threw the phone at the wall in disgust. She’s gone home to be with him. Home. That’s what she said. To be with him.
Fucker! How could I compete with a move like that? A fucking heart attack!
Of course I tried calling her immediately when I got the message. But she must have turned off her phone. She was probably somewhere halfway across the ocean by now. It all happened so damn fast, I didn’t even get to say goodbye properly. To look into her eyes one last time, to wipe her tears. To hold her, kiss her soft lips. Tell her it would all be OK.
Did she even realize that I would be waiting for her to come back to me?
That the worry gnawed at my insides?
I was glad now that I’d declared my love, even knowing she wasn’t ready to hear it. Because right now, that was all I had to cling to. That she knew how I felt about her. How could I measure up against a man who’d just had a heart attack, who needed her by his side – the same man who had been with her for two decades – not a mere two weeks?
What if she decided to stay there? With him. If what we had was all a dream? That it was over between us – just like that.
I wanted to break something – anything. Anger swelled in me, raised its ugly head and mocked me. Because my fucking heart was breaking.
Natalie. The woman I had waited for all my life.
Gone.
Chapter Twenty-nine
“You came,” Gabriel rasped as he held out his hand, his arm weak and full of needles and drips. He looked so pale and vulnerable lying back against the stark white sheets. His handsome face had aged since I last saw him, deep lines etched around his mouth as he scowled, his eyebrows knit together. Dark stubble covered his square jaw, his dark brown hair mussed as if it hadn’t been combed for days.
My heart pounded in my chest at seeing him so helpless. The big, strong, super active man reduced to lying still in a hospital bed, tubes and monitors holding him down. That alone would be agony for Gabriel.
“Gabe,” I whispered as I took his big hand and squeezed lightly, “you gave us such a scare. I came as quickly as I could. Livy came back with me, but she is sleeping at home – jetlag.” I shrugged, hoping he would understand how tired she was.
“But you came,” he said as a small wry smile lifted the corners of his mouth.
“I had to see if you were OK.” I swallowed hard, averting my gaze.
“I’m glad you came,” he said quietly as he squeezed my hand back, closing his eyes.
We hadn’t said anything this emotionally charged to one another in a very long time. It was strange how something like a crisis stripped everything back to the basic truths. This wasn’t a time to be bitter or angry or hurt. It was a time to care and nurture and heal.
“Stay with me, please,” he said softly as his thumb drew small circles on my wrist, his eyes still closed.
God. Please not the small circles on my skin. It was the one thing that always softened me to him, and he knew what power that simple gesture had over me. How it cut through all the bullshit between us and went straight to the center of my heart.
“OK,” I breathed as I sat down next to the bed. My knees were weak, my head spinning. Jetlag? I hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours. I looked like shit, dark circles under my eyes, red and itching from lack of sleep and lots of crying. Had I ever shed as many tears as in the last long sleepless hours?
“You look beautiful,” he croaked. “I forgot how beautiful you are.” Little circles still going on my wrist. I looked up straight into liquid gray eyes. I drew in a sharp breath, shocked to the core by his words.
“I'm a mess actually. Came from the airport after dropping Olivia and the luggage. Didn’t even take a shower,” I babbled, straightening my rumpled clothes with the palm of my free hand.
Gabe just kept on staring at me with his big droopy puppy dog eyes, sadness in their depths. “You haven’t changed much,” he said cryptically.
How on earth had this conversation become about me?
“How are you feeling?” I quickly steered the conversation back on course – to safer territory.
“Like a Mac truck ran over me. It was fucking awful, Nat,” he hissed through thinned lips. His eyes rolled back in his head and his jaw clenched a few times, as if the memory of the pain was still too much to bear. “I thought I was going to die,” he murmured, his face pale, his eyes wide.
I rubbed anxiously at my heart; it twisted and ached deep inside. The ruggedly handsome man I had married had a weariness about him I had never seen before. Gabe still hadn’t let go of my hand, but thankfully he stopped drawing the little circles that drove me crazy.
“Just before I lost consciousness – you – you were my last thought.” Little circles started again, spiraling out into bigger circles now. I wanted my hand back. This was killing me.
I pulled my arm back, but he gripped it and held on tightly.
His dark, brooding gaze settled on my face. “I’ve been thinking a lot, lying here… I want you back. I want us back.” His tone was so serious I had to suppress the sudden nervous giggle that flared up. My breath caught and held as I stared at him.
He could not be serious! Why the change of mind? After all this time? Years of trying unsuccessfully to reconcile with him. So why now? Now that I was falling for another man? Gabe didn’t want me – he’d said so many times before and after we separated.
My mind was reeling. I definitely couldn’t think straight. Lack of sleep, jetlag and the sheer enormity of his words overwhelmed me.
He leaned back into his pillow and closed his eyes, but his hand still gripped mine, his thumb still. His voice labored as he spoke slowly, his chest heaving. “Don’t say anything. Just think about it.” A long pause. “We were always good together, you and I. I want to go back to what we had.” Another even longer pause. “To how we were before I lost my mind.”
My mouth went dry. I couldn’t speak even if I tried. Sweet Lord, this was the last thing I ever thought he would say when I came to see him.
I sat there stunned, my body ridged, my heart nearly jumping out of my chest. I planned to ask Gabriel to finally sign the divorce papers so I could move on with Nick. Now this? Was I going stir crazy?
His grip relaxed and the little circles on my wrist started again. Enough. I couldn’t think straight as it was. I pushed the chair back and abruptly pulled my hand away.
“Doctor. Need to speak…to doctor,” I stuttered as I left the room without looking back.
I went straight to the unisex bathroom down the hall and locked the door behind me. I rubbed my blurry eyes. My knees were weak, shaking badly, so I quickly sat down on the closed toilet and sank my head into my hands.
What the hell just happened?
Slowly it sank in to my foggy brain. My husband – who hadn’t wanted me in years – asked me to start over – to take him back.
Just over a month ago I would have said ‘yes’ without hesitation. In spite of all we had been through, I still loved him then. It was my biggest wish – my heart’s desire – that we would be together again. Even though he had trampled on my heart and left me, had been with other women since we separated and openly told me so, I had trouble moving on.
Which was why I had never pushed Gabriel to sign the divorce papers. I had no intention of ever being with another man.
Until Nicholas Gallagher stepped into my life. Now there was Nick to think about too. Nick said he loved me, but did he want more? Or was it just a holiday romance, over as soon as I left? Yet what I saw in his eyes, the way he made me feel – I couldn’t forget that easily.
Gabe might be in crisis because of his physical heart attack. But I was in crisis and having an emotional heart attack all of my own.
The doctor was only scheduled to come two hours later, so I sat out in the waiting room. I needed to speak with him, but I couldn’t face Gabe again. I stayed out of Gabe’s room – a coward.
It took a few hard shakes to wake me up. I had drifted in and out of sleep, exhausted, mentally and physically. A nurse stood in front of me. “Mrs. Lawson, Dr. Eckles will speak with you now.” I quickly glanced at my watch. I had been waiting over three hours.
The surgeon explained the situation to me. Gabriel needed special attention. He couldn’t be left alone for extended periods of time. I could take him home in a week’s time.
My mind wanted to protest: Gabriel wasn’t really my husband any more, we were separated and he lived in a suburb on the other side of the river. Currently without a woman. Unless someone had moved in while I was away. But then Daniel would have told me.
But I couldn’t speak the words.
Not until I knew for sure there was no one else to care for him. Even if he had a new woman, I doubted she would be willing to look after a near invalid for several weeks. I mean, what would be in it for her? Sex would be out of the question for sure, a deal breaker in a new relationship.
“Your husband is very lucky to be alive, Mrs. Lawson. He needs proper care, the kind only a loving wife can give.” He smiled kindly at me. I could see he was tired too, exhausted from taking on more than his fair share of patients. I couldn’t burden him with my problems too.
“But can't he stay here, in the hospital till he’s fully recovered?” I asked, incredulous that it had suddenly become my liability.
“I'm afraid we can keep him for another week only. There is a severe shortage of beds in hospitals these days, as well as a shortage of staff. Anyway, it should be relatively easy. Your husband needs to be kept still so he can recover faster. That means staying in bed while his strength builds. He shouldn’t be too much of a handful?”
“I – I guess,” I stammered.
