As he lay down on his back, he said, “You don’t have to do this. You’re exhausted.”

  “Quit arguing, Rodeo, and relax.”

  He grinned, feeling better somehow. “Yes, mistress.”

  She cracked up.

  A moment later she came back with a bottle of lotion. When she straddled his butt, he thought he’d died and gone to heaven. She popped his shoulder softly with the palm of her hand. “No funny business, mister. This is a serious massage.”

  He chuckled and said again, “Yes, mistress.”

  She laughed, “Don’t get any ideas, Rodeo. It’s ma’am to you.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Then she began to rub the muscles along his spine, and all thought fled.

  By the time she moved to his shoulders, he was so groggy his mind wouldn’t work, but he desperately wanted to stay awake.

  She leaned down and whispered in his ear, “Go to sleep, honey. I won’t stop until you do.”

  Oh, well, then. He last tenuous grip on reality faded and he thought, “God, I love her.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  The moment Alexis had been dreading for days arrived.

  Dane pulled up in front of her house and put the truck in park. When he turned to her, the pain in his eyes made her shudder. “I’ll get your bag.”

  “Thanks.”

  She stepped out of the truck as he came around to her side and opened the back door. Her mind was spinning, but her body wouldn’t move.

  He quietly shut the door. “Alexis, will you listen to me for a minute?”

  God, her heart was breaking. She couldn’t do this, but she owed him. She had to. “Of course, Dane.”

  He took her hands in a gentle grip and looked into her eyes. “I understand why you can’t handle a relationship with me once I’m back on the road. I just want you to know why I’ve decided to go.”

  “You have?” Her voice cracked. God, she’d still had hope that he’d change his mind.

  “That’s why I need to talk to you. I want you in my life, Alexis, not just now, but forever. But to do that, I have to be responsible about it, and that means sticking to my financial plan so that I can take care of you the best way I know how. You see, if I truly care for you, then I have to do this.”

  She felt tears welling in her eyes. “You need to do what you think is right, Dane. And I’d give anything to be strong enough to wait here at home while you’re off rodeoing, but I know myself. I don’t have it in me.” She bit her lip, knowing she had to go on. “My Gran and Gramps need me. I fell apart before; I mean, I couldn’t cope at all. I just can’t let that happen again, Dane, no matter how much I care for you.”

  He drew her into his arms. “Honey, I’m so sorry you went through that, and I don’t expect you to risk it again.”

  He drew back and looked her in the eyes. “If you haven’t met some lucky rancher, can I call you when I retire?”

  Oh, God, this wasn’t happening. She swallowed hard and nodded. “Would you, please?” She leaned her forehead against him, drawing on his strength as she had so many times in the past weeks.

  “You bet I will, honey.”

  She stepped back and grabbed the handle of her suitcase. “Don’t walk me to the door. I can’t bear it.”

  He nodded, his eyes suddenly a little wild. “Bye, then, sweetheart.”

  She nodded and nearly ran to the porch. She didn’t let herself look back as she opened the door. She didn’t let herself watch him drive away, because her heart had already broken, and she couldn’t take any more.

  The sun had set, but the sky was still purple when Dane arrived back at the ranch. He took his suitcase into the house and said hello to his folks, but he couldn’t bear being inside the four walls of his room.

  He flew down the stairs and out to his truck, heading for the Dry Wash pasture, the one farthest away from the house.

  When he got out to open a pasture gate, he leaned against his truck and put in a call to Jace. “Hey, what’s going on with you, bro?”

  “Never mind me, are you back from Vegas?”

  Dane sighed and closed his eyes. “Yeah.”

  “How did it go? Did Alexis win big?”

  Forcing himself to sound cheerful, he said, “She sure did. She has enough to make her payment now.” He rubbed his hand back and forth across his forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

  “Hey, you don’t sound so good. Tell me what’s really going on,” Jace said.

  “Kind of what I expected, but not at all what I’d hoped for, Jace. I’m going back on the road, and Alexis doesn’t feel that she can be a part of my life when I do.” He sighed in frustration. “She has a good reason, don’t get me wrong, but man, it’s killing me.”

  “When’s your next doctor’s appointment for your arm and ribs?”

  “I go back to Abilene on Monday to see him.” Dane opened the gate and got back into the truck. “My arm feels pretty much healed, and my ribs are about ninety-five percent. I hope he’s going to give me the okay to compete again.”

  Jace was quiet for a little while. “And I guess you’ve talked a lot about this with her, huh?”

  “Oh yeah. We’re at an impasse. She can’t bear waiting at home, and I have to do what I think is right for my future family, whoever they turn out to be.” He choked up as he said that. He didn’t want children with anybody but Alexis.

  “Dane, man, I’m so sorry. Why don’t we go to the Cow and get a drink?” Jace said.

  “Thanks, but I don’t feel like being around people tonight. Honestly, I can’t think of anything that’ll take this pain away.”

  “Why don’t I come over? Bring some of your favorite booze? Where are you right now?”

  “I’m driving out to the Dry Wash pasture, but I’ll wait for you at the barn. Thanks, bro.” He backed back through the gate and shut it again.

  “See you in a few. Get ready to forget your troubles, my friend.”

  The corner of Dane’s mouth lifted. Thank God for Jace.

  Following a wretched weekend, Alexis had come to a decision. After breakfast Monday, she went out to her truck for privacy and called the women’s clinic in Knox City where she went for her medical care. She’d known that they had sliding-scale counseling for a long time and had always known in her heart that she needed to see a therapist about what had happened with Mark. But she’d never had a good enough reason to take time away from the ranch to go.

  Losing Dane was that reason. She was broken, and she’d tried fixing herself without success. If she were ever to be whole, ever to be able to love a man unconditionally, she had to deal with her insecurity.

  She was put through to the counselor’s voicemail, and Alexis stammered through an explanation of her situation. When she hung up, a burden had lifted. Finally, she was doing something constructive about her pain.

  That night, after her shower, Alexis called Jennifer. She hadn’t spoken to her friend since returning from Vegas on Friday. She’d needed time to process her pain.

  Jennifer answered with her usual perky voice. “Are you back from Vegas yet, girl? I’ve been dying to hear how everything went.”

  Suddenly the floodgates opened, and Alexis sobbed, “Oh, Jennifer, Dane’s going on the road again.”

  Through her tears, Alexis told her everything that had happened in Vegas, and of her conversation with Dane about their future.

  When she’d finished, Jennifer was quiet a moment, then asked, “Honey, you’re sure that you can’t hang in there for him?”

  A sob escaped, and Alexis covered her mouth, unwilling to lose control again. “I can’t take the chance of breaking down again, Jennifer. I have Gran and Gramps to think of.”

  Jennifer sighed. “Yeah, honey, I understand.”

  Alexis pulled the covers up to her chin. “But I took a positive step today. I called about getting counseling.”

  “Sweetie, that’s fabulous! I know how hard that was for you,” Jennifer said.

  “I don’t want to lose Dane.” Alexis paused. “I know he’s a good man. It’s my problem that I can’t trust him. He said that he’d call me when he retired. Jen, I want to be whole when he does that.”

  “And you will be, honey. I’ve never known anyone as strong as you.”

  “Jen, thanks for always being there for me. I can count on you whenever I’m at the end of my rope or when I’m just feeling down. You’re the best friend a girl could ever have, honey. Now, tell me what’s been going on with you,” Alexis said, and settled back onto her pillows for a good visit with her friend. Jennifer always had the best gossip to tell and fun stories of her own escapades that made Alexis laugh.

  By the time they hung up, she was feeling better than she had in days.

  Tuesday morning, Alexis pushed away her breakfast plate and glanced at her grandparents. “I have something to tell you all before we leave the table.”

  Her grandfather’s eyes narrowed. “Everything all right, honey?”

  She nodded. “Everything’s great, Gramps.” She paused, looking them each in the eye before continuing, “Dad left our finances in kind of a mess. I found out that we have a balloon payment of $180,000 due at the bank.”

  “What?” Gramps said, shoving his plate back and trying to stand up from his chair.

  “Gramps, don’t worry. I’ve got it handled. That’s why I’ve been in town so much lately, and why I went to Reno and Las Vegas. I’ve managed to win enough money to pay the mortgage off.”

  “Honey, you were gambling when you were at that bar? Trying to pay our bills?” The sadness in her grandmother’s eyes was palpable.

  “Yeah. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry about the balloon payment. I’m sorry I upset you,” Alexis said.

  “I can’t believe that my son did something so irresponsible. What was he thinking?” Gramps said, his face flushed with emotion.

  “Mr. Prince at the bank said balloon payments weren’t uncommon thirty years ago. I guess Dad figured he’d save for it, but that never happened,” she said.

  “How did you win that much money, sweetheart?” Gramps asked.

  “It wasn’t easy, and Dane Weller staked me $10,000 to get started. I couldn’t have done it without his help.” Her heart hurt just speaking his name, and she glanced down at the table. “I’m going into town this morning to pay off the bank. I’ll have some money left over to put into savings, too. Everything’s going to be okay now.”

  Gran clasped Alexis’s hand. “Honey, you shouldn’t have tried to deal with this all on your own. Your Gramps and I, we’re always here for you. Don’t you go it alone again, you hear?”

  Alexis rose from the table and gave each of them a hug. “I love you both. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Her grandparents had been a fixture in her life for as long as she could remember. How alone she’d feel if she didn’t have them, especially after losing her parents and saying goodbye to Dane.

  Needless to say, thirty minutes later, Mr. Prince was stunned when she asked for the payoff figure of her mortgage and then wrote him a check for the full amount. It was one of the best feelings of her life to walk out of that bank debt-free. Only one of the best, because her time with Dane ranked higher. Her heart panged so badly at the thought that she raised her hand to her chest to assuage it. How she missed him already.

  Lord, she wanted to text him so badly. She needed that connection. But it would only make their separation worse. It was better like this. She could focus on her counseling, and he could concentrate on doing his best in competition.

  She headed to the ice cream shop. Paying off that damn bank called for a celebration instead of dwelling on how badly she missed Dane.

  Bells on the door jangled when she walked in, and Jennifer looked up from her place at the long, glass-fronted counter. “Bestie! What are you doing in town, honey?”

  “I just paid off the bank, and I’m here to celebrate.”

  Jennifer rushed from behind the bar and gave Alexis a big hug. “Congratulations, honey! I’m so happy for you!”

  “Thank you, girlfriend. Now, fix me a bowl of your best. You know what I like. And join me if you have time.” Alexis grinned as her friend eagerly rubbed her hands together before heading back behind the counter and opening the windows.

  “One giant bowl of peppermint, rocky road, toffee swirl, and French vanilla coming up.”

  Alexis took a seat at a booth at a front window and leaned back, relaxing for the first time that day. She’d been so worried that something would go wrong as she’d headed to the bank that she’d been a basket case until she’d had the paid receipt in her hand.

  Jennifer arrived with her bowl and a waffle cone for herself, and as Alexis chatted with her friend, she realized that her life was finally on track for happiness. She was doing something about her grief, the bank was paid off, and she had the love of the best friend in the whole wide world.

  When she got back to the ranch, she headed out to feed, already four hours late with her chores. As she loaded up the feed bags, she got a call from the clinic. She sat down on the tailgate. “This is Alexis.” Her heart started to pound. Was she really ready for this?

  “Alexis, hello. This is Hannah Hernandez. I’m the counselor here at the Wellness Center. I got your message, and I actually have a cancellation for ten-thirty tomorrow morning. Is that something you think you can make?”

  The woman had a kind, professional voice, and it gave Alexis the confidence she needed. “Yes, I’d like that. Thank you.”

  “Great! Come fifteen minutes early. I’ll leave you some paperwork to fill out before we meet this first time. See you tomorrow.”

  Alexis’s stomach started to churn as she ended the call. Talking about that awful period of her life was something that she never did. The prospect of opening up that pain again was almost more than she could bear.

  There had been the humiliation of notifying everyone just two weeks before the ceremony that the wedding was off, then of returning all the gifts she’d already received. Enduring the sympathy of loved ones and the stares of people in town when word spread that Mark had been sleeping around had been horrible.

  But the worst thing of all had been the cruelty of Mark’s betrayal. She hadn’t seen it coming. She’d worshipped him. He was her first real, true love. She’d trusted him with her whole heart, without reservation, and he’d just screwed his way around the rodeo circuit. It was so tawdry, so hateful. It had crushed her heart, bludgeoned her soul.

  And she was going to rehash that again? God help her.

  Dane left his doctor’s office determined to ignore the man’s directions to wait three more weeks before returning to the competition circuit.

  He climbed into his truck and ripped open the Velcro straps on his splint. He tossed it down onto the floorboard. He didn’t need the damn thing anymore. His arm felt fine. And his ribs? So what if they were still a bit sore? He’d had broken ribs before, and he’d gone back to bulldogging when they felt just like this.

  He turned the key and revved the engine, knowing that most of his frustration stemmed not from his doctor’s advice, but from missing Alexis. He hadn’t been able to find any peace since he’d said goodbye to her.

  Why couldn’t falling in love be simple? It should be like the movies, dammit. He headed back toward the highway and realized what he’d been thinking. He was losing his mind, all right. Like the movies? Lord.

  He took his phone from his pocket and put in a call. “Dad?”

  “Hey, son, what’s the news from your doc?”

  “I’m hitting the road. I’ll pack tonight and head out in the morning.” His adrenaline was already kicking in, and it felt good to finally have a goal ahead of him. He’d just be able to make the Clark County Rodeo in Logandale, Nevada, and then he’d head on down to San Angelo, Texas for the Cinch Chute-Out.

  “Your doc released you to ride? That’s great, son.”

  Dane didn’t want to argue, but he wasn’t going to lie to his father either. “More or less.”

  “What does that mean?” His dad’s voice held that no-nonsense tone he’d used since Dane was a child.

  “It means that I’m going back a little earlier than he thinks I should, but hell, it’ll be fine.” His own tone of voice told his dad in no uncertain terms to leave the topic alone.

  “I hope you know what you’re doing, Dane. You’ve had quite a few injuries lately. I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

  “I know, Dad. I just can’t sit around here any longer. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful.”

  “Is this about Alexis Snowden?”

  God, he couldn’t talk about her. “Dad, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.”

  It took the rest of the afternoon to get his gear cleaned and loaded. He’d bought a new horse last year, and Jessie Boy was lightning fast at getting him on a steer. He gave the gelding a bath and groomed him thoroughly while the sun was still warm.

  Dane’s horse trailer had living quarters in it, and he made sure everything was shipshape and ready to travel before going into the house to pack his clothes.

  “I’ve made you a whole mess of biscuits and sausage to take with you, son,” his mother said as he passed through the kitchen.

  He stopped and gave her a hug. “Thanks, mom. I’m in tall cotton now.”

  She chuckled. “I know how you love them. I hate to see you go.”

  He knew she meant, “Go before you’re healed.” He didn’t want to worry her, but he just couldn’t sit around any longer. He was going crazy with missing Alexis.

  “I’ll call often, Momma. Don’t worry.”

  “I’ve finished the laundry. Your clean clothes are in your room. Pack what you need.”

  He gave her another hug. “I’m sure going to miss getting babied like this when I’m on the road.”

  “Oh, go on with you.” She patted his shoulder affectionately as he left the kitchen.

  He texted Jace when he got up to his room:

 

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