Heavy is the Crown: A Gothic Grove Novel, page 22
“And the grimoires? Astrea’s will be an issue.”
A smile spreads over his face. “Let them try to use those. They can see what real magic looks like.”
It's not the first time I wonder what Jackson might be capable of.
I slip back into bed in the wee hours of the morning. A smile ghosts over my face—Shadow and Ava are wrapped tightly around each other, a look of peace on Shadow’s face that seems to have stuck around since the mating and Ava feeding on his magic. Allowing my body to curl around his massive one, I nuzzle into his neck, breathing in his deep aroma. He shifts slightly, rubbing his ass against my dick. I have to bite my lip to keep the moan from escaping.
“You smell like blood,” he says, still clutching Ava.
A deep sigh comes out of me. “There was an issue. But it’s been taken care of.”
He tenses. “What kind of issue?”
I stroke the chiseled panes of his stomach before pushing my hand down and grabbing his hard cock.
“Don’t try to distract me,” he grunts, but he pushes his ass out harder into me. I kiss and nip along his shoulder and lick over my claiming mark on his neck, feeling his cock jerk in my hand at the sensation. “Fuck,” he hisses.
“Mmm, it seems like you don’t mind being distracted.” I play my thumb over his slit, grabbing precum before continuing to move my hand up and down. “How quiet can you be, hmm? Can you avoid waking up our pretty mate while you fuck my hand?”
His hips buck into my hand, and I feel his body tremble as he resists the urge to cry out. I pick up my pace as I stroke him, continuing to lick and suck his neck. “That’s it, rakkaani, take your pleasure in my hand. Such a good boy for me.”
He whines and begins to fuck my hand harder.
“Do you want to come?” I ask.
He moans and nods, but I bite down hard on his neck. “Use your words,” I demand.
“Fuck, yes, Drago. Please, I want to come so bad.” His voice is no longer a whisper, and I have no doubt Ava is wide awake at this point, given the scent that is coming off her.
“Come for me,” I command. I feel the hot spurts of his release covering his stomach and my fist. Once I feel him start to relax, I pull my hand off him and bring it to my mouth to lick his salty cum off my fingers. “Fuck, you taste so gods damn good,” I moan. “Ava, would you like to watch Shadow swallow my cock down his throat?”
I see her pink-haired head pop up over Shadow’s body, her eyes glazed over with arousal and the last remnants of sleep. Her plump bottom lip is pulled between her teeth, and she nods frantically. I smile at her, and Shadow shifts his massive body up as I lie back on the bed. My cock juts out proudly from my body, and Shadow’s stare is hungry.
“Be a good boy and show Ava how well you suck dick,” I demand. Shadow doesn’t hesitate as he envelops me with his mouth. I fist his hair in my hands and almost cry out at the feel of his tongue across my piercings. “Fuck, your mouth is sent straight from heaven.” I thrust upward, hitting the back of his throat. The gagging sound he makes is music to my ears.
Glancing over at Ava, I see her slowly slipping her hand between her legs, but I shake my head. “Did I say you could touch yourself?” She whimpers. “Keep your hand away from that tight cunt. Come sit on my face.”
Her eyes widen before she is scurrying into action, throwing her leg over me while her hands grip the headboard above. “Ride my face until you drown me.”
“Oh, gods,” she moans out at the first feel of my tongue on her wet velvet. “Oh, fuck. Drago.” She begins to thrust her hips, and I alternate between pushing my tongue deep inside her and playing with her clitoris. I’m in absolute bliss as Shadow sucks me and Ava grinds on my face, the three of us lost in the sensation. Shadow’s fingers start to creep downward, inching toward my hole. I shift my hips up slightly to give him better access and groan at the first brush.
I pull Ava slightly up off me. “You have until I come to get off. And if you can’t, you’ll be waiting all day with that wet pussy begging to be filled.” She begins to fuck my face with renewed vigor, my chin dripping from her enthusiasm. I push a finger inside her, gathering some of her wetness before I spread her ass cheeks and slowly probe with my fingertip. The tight ring of muscles gives way, and I fingerfuck her with slow, measured movements. I feel her muscles clench right before she floods my face and screams my name. My own release is not far behind, and pump after pump fills Shadow’s mouth.
Ava slumps to the side, removing her delicious pussy from my face, and Shadow pulls my now soft cock from his mouth. The three of us lie panting, covered in sweat and come, and utterly blissed out.
It’s easy to forget that my mate isn’t safe when we are like this.
Shadow
“Shadow, you have to go to her.” Ciaran’s voice sounds pained as he begs. But I keep shaking my head no, the words failing to come out. It’s been weeks since I last saw Ava, and my skin feels like it’s crawling. As if tiny bugs are making their home directly under my skin, or searching for a way out. Ciaran shoves me into the wall, plaster cracking from the force of it. “She’s your fucking mate, and you’re leaving her to rot in my father’s prison. You are killing her.” His voice takes on a sinister tone before it begins to morph into one I know well.
“Worthless boy.” My father’s form replaces my best friend. “End this now. The world is better off without you.” He pushes the blade into the palm of my hand, and sweat breaks out across my temples. My hand shakes as he continues to describe how terrible I am. How worthless. All the things that I already know and feel.
“Stop,” I beg. “Please.” The words tumble from my mouth even as I bring the blade closer to my arm.
(“Gasoline” – Halsey)
My body shoots up from the bed, the dark room around me suddenly suffocating as I try to ascertain reality from the nightmare. My breath is heavy and feels too loud in my ears. The sheets that were once comfortable are now a jumbled mess around my body, mistaken for ropes tying me down in the darkness. I push my body off the bed, almost falling out of it as I rush to the bathroom. I barely make it in time for the contents of my stomach to end up in the toilet. I don’t stop until it’s only bile and my body shakes from the effort of trying to expel something that no longer exists.
They say drugs are harder to walk away from—that’s a fucking lie. The Eufori withdrawals lasted a week, and since that time, I haven’t wanted the drug. Sure, it’s been tempting, but the thought of my mates in my bed has helped. But the craving to hurt? To see blood? That is something I can’t seem to pull away from. Even in my dreams, the urge stalks me relentlessly. My palms itch and arms shake whenever my anxiety starts to take hold. Or when those memories sink their poisonous talons into my mind.
Eyeing the drawer to the left, I am trembling head to toe. My hand moves without permission, as if someone has taken control of my body, and I watch as it lifts the hidden blade, wrapped in tissue paper, out of the drawer. I had forgotten about this one, missed it when I purged the rest of the house.
With it firmly in hand, I flee to the one place I haven’t been since this all started: the empty apartment Drago gave me. My portal opens to it, and stale air hits me square in the face. The air feels oppressive as I step in and drop to the ground.
Pushing back, I sit against the wall opposite where the fissures formed the last time I was here. I brace one hand on the cool tile floor as my body attempts to return to a normal temperature. The other is still holding the piece of metal relief I’ve been fighting against using. I eye it hungrily, the desire creeping into every pore of my body.
Just one. You can do one or even two and no one would know. Easily hidden or explained away.
“Fuck,” I groan, dropping my head back against the wall and closing my eyes for a moment. The temptation is too great. I’ve never been good at resisting.
Drago and Ava have moved into their roles flawlessly, as if the past no longer exists and it’s just us now. But I can’t let go of the past. I remember every time I failed them, every time I chose to run to drugs or just run away in general. My mind refuses to allow me to forget the poisonous words that bled from me onto Ava and Drago all the times I tried to push them away. And no matter what I do, I can never forget the feel of my mother’s body in my arms as she died.
No matter what Jackson says of her ghost, I cannot allow myself to forget or forgive the mistakes I made. Her blood is on my hands, the first kill my dragon and I ever made, and it wasn’t the last. When I die, I know I will face a tribunal of angry souls whose lives I took gleefully. Whatever punishment they deem fit will be the price I pay for this life.
“Are you okay?” The sudden interruption startles me, and I look up to find Ava standing in front of me. Her eyes briefly land on my hand before they go back to my face. She doesn’t wait for an answer before she invades my space, sliding down the wall next to me. “I mean, I suppose that is a dumb question. You're here at four a.m. having just puked your guts up. And you're holding onto that as if it’s the only way you’ll stay alive. So, a better one is, what is going on in your head?”
“How did you get here?” My voice sounds too loud in my ears.
“Ah, benefit of our bond, it appears,” she replies as if that’s enough.
For a moment, I don’t speak, I just close my eyes and allow us to be in the same space together. “I was horrible to you.”
Silence descends between us again before I hear her breathe out a long sigh. “Yes. You were. You pushed me away, and because of that, I got hurt.” I wince at her words, but she holds up her hand, stopping me from saying anything. “I got hurt because you refused to mate me. I’m not talking about the physical wound, that wasn’t on you. That was on Alexi. I’m talking about the fact that you claimed me on a dirty-ass mattress and then refused to bond to me fully. That is the hurt I’m talking about.”
The look on her face is broken, a type of grief you can only know when you’ve experienced heartbreak of this magnitude. I have no words for her, no apologies I can give that will make amends. She blinks her silver eyes, clearing the emotion. “Shadow, I’m not going to punish you. You’ve done that enough yourself. I’m not an idiot; I see the scars under those tattoos. I watched you spiral. Whatever you did to yourself is worse than anything I could do right now.” She scoots a little closer, her hand now resting over the tissue-wrapped blade. “Our past will always be here; triggers will always exist.”
“So, how do we move on?” How do I stop this cycle?
She slowly slips the blade from my hand. “Shadow, you aren’t walking through a minefield alone anymore. You have us. You aren’t the same person you were days, weeks, months, years ago, as you dealt with all this shit. Cravings aren’t going to go away, but cravings don’t have to have the same power they used to.” She pushes to stand, a halo of light appearing around her. “This thing only has power the longer you sit with those thoughts. The more you feed it, the bigger it gets. So, next time you feel like this? Come to us, first off, but second, acknowledge its existence, but don’t dwell.”
I shake my head, not understanding. How do I acknowledge something but not dwell on it? It’s a monster in the closet, stalking me from behind the closed door whether I say it’s there or not.
She smiles warmly at me, her eyes alight with love and understanding. “Imagine a leaf floating down a river. You see it, you know it's there, but you don’t stop it. You let it float by. You aren’t ignoring it. But you also aren’t allowing it to build up and clog the river.” She bends down and plants a kiss on my head, the move so tender it brings tears to my eyes. “Remind yourself of the times you didn’t give in, like right now. Never forget the battles you’ve won.” Her lilac scent wafts by me as she exits the apartment, leaving me alone again.
Ava
My hand shakes as I drop the blade into the trash can of our bedroom. My breathing is barely contained; I don’t have to wonder what would have happened if I had walked into that bathroom a moment later. Guilt ravages me as I think about what will happen to Shadow if I execute my plan to stop my vision. I bite my lip hard to avoid the broken sob that wants to wrench itself from my throat. The metallic taste of blood floods my mouth, and I quickly move away from the room in case Shadow can scent it.
The kitchen is barely lit by the early morning light, but I can make out the coffee pot regardless. The liquid is still piping hot from Drago having made some for his workout. I can’t remember a time he’s been in bed when I’ve awoken. He’s either at the club or at the gym. Shadow, however, is normally always with me since we mated. Which was what made this morning so strange and had me rushing to the bathroom when I realized he wasn’t coming back to bed.
Samhain flutters down to my shoulder, his beak pushing through my hair as he nuzzles into me. I scratch the soft feathers behind his head, closing my eyes and soaking up the calming effect he has on me. As I settle onto the couch, he flutters down next to me. I clutch the warm coffee mug like a lifeline, as if I’ll suddenly be thrown into a typhoon of emotions if I set it down.
I know what I need to do now that I have my magic again. The idea came to me in the wee hours of the morning after we mated. But I can’t bring myself to ruin the bliss we’ve created here. We’ve been mated for such a short time, I don’t want to throw a grenade into it. I want us all to enjoy this peace. Yet, I know the longer I wait, the worse it’ll be when it all comes crumbling down.
Setting the mug down, I stand and spy my cell phone where it lies discarded on the countertop. I grab it and scroll down to my brother’s name, then take a deep, grounding breath before I hit send and bring the phone to my ear.
“Ava?” his deep voice rumbles, sleep coating it. I can imagine him lying in bed, hair messy, as he holds the phone.
“Jax, I need your help.”
THIRTY-ONE
My Loves,
I know if you find this letter, I’ve called in my favor to my brother.
I also know you may never forgive me for that.
– Ava
Drago
(“SWEET DREAMS” – HANZO)
From the dark recess above the crowd, I hold court. Partially hidden behind black velvet curtains, I sit on my leather couch, legs splayed open and both arms thrown over the back of it. I look at ease with my surroundings. My white shirt is thrown open, revealing my tattooed midsection and the defined muscles from years of fighting. My white hair hangs untidy in my face.
I keep my eyes scanning the crowd, on alert for issues but also looking out for my mates. Ava and Shadow are down there someplace, one enjoying the fray while the other is most likely cursing our tiny hellion for wanting to be in the crowd. It wasn’t my first choice to have her out on the floor, but something has been off about her, an anxious energy that keeps pulsing down the bond. So, I couldn’t say no to her tonight. And Shadow would rather brave the crowds than allow someone to touch what is ours.
The movement of the curtains blocking the stairway pulls my gaze away from the congested dance floor, and I find my head of security walking up to me. Kai doesn’t look imposing to the naked eye, but there is a reason he’s managed to work his way up to being one of my most-trusted men. His dark hair and luminous yellow eyes give him an edge. I look him up and down. His black suit is pristine.
“The weather is getting worse; it’s bringing more people in,” he says in his typical flat voice.
I nod. “Make sure anyone who needs to get home is able to. I don’t want my people in danger because of this fucking storm,” I say, before taking a long drag of liquid from the tumbler in my hand. Outside the weather clashes, wind and rain pelting the streets in a maelstrom.
He nods, already sending out a text from the phone in his hand. “We have one more issue,” he says, his voice uncharacteristically unsure.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. If it’s flustering Kai, it can’t be good. “What now?”
He rocks on his heels, as though he wants to be anywhere but here, delivering me this information. “It’s Ava. Tren saw her take something from the stash. I, uh . . . I don’t think she’s sober.”
(“Promises (Skrillex and Nero Remix)” – Nero)
A long sigh escapes my mouth as I lean forward on my knees before standing and walking to the edge of the railed balcony. Looking down, it only takes a second for me to find Ava—crawling up into one of the cages on the mainstage. She’s wearing a black mesh bodysuit. Save for the patterns of dark snakes that curve over the most sensitive parts of her body, it’s entirely transparent. Her pink hair is pulled up into two buns, one on either side of her head, and even from here, I can see the obscene amount of glitter she’s plastered on her body. Cheers erupt from the crowd as they see her take the stage. But instead of entering the cage, she stays in front of the DJ booth, her hands suddenly producing flames that match Shadows.
“Shit,” I mutter as she starts to dance in a sultry way, those flames licking over her body like a lover’s tongue. The crowd goes wild as she dips and spins around, her ass on full display in the tiny bodysuit. Off to the side, I can see Shadow seething, his own flames practically spilling off him. She continues to run her hands up and down her body, those flames following her obediently. The DJ is living for it—he continues to pick up the beat of the song, throwing his hands in the air as the crowd screams. I continue to track her body as the song draws to a close, and when she meets my eyes, I know she sees the small tilt of my head.
“Get them up here.”
Shadow
(“Movement” – Hozier)
Ava stumbles down off the stage to the cheers of the crowd, her face plastered with a giant smile as the flames, my flames, snuff out on her. Her eyes are glazed over from whatever she took before I hunted her down. She throws her arms around me before smashing her mouth into mine, and her taste is intoxicating now that it’s mixed with the smoky taste of my flames. When she pulls off, I can see her pupils are blown wide and sweat is beading down her face.
