Heavy is the Crown: A Gothic Grove Novel, page 11
I know for a fact he doesn’t use this place, not since he found Ava, but before that, he used it to entertain his guests. Even entertained me, once. I can still remember the taste of his come down my throat, the feel of his fingers pumping in and out of me until I let my release paint my stomach. I quickly shake the memory out of my brain, and dig my fingers into my palms hard enough to ground me back to the moment.
The dark room is lined with couches that are deep red. The walls are covered in embossed black wallpaper, the whirling designs almost like camouflage. It smells like Eufori, but right under that is Drago’s eucalyptus scent. My dragon flares to life for a moment, but I push him away. Push away the pang in my chest that has me wincing.
I realize, after a moment, I haven’t answered her question, and she is sending off nervous energy. “Yeah, it's my stepbrother’s club. I can do what I want,” I say before I can think better of it and shut the door behind us.
Her eyes are wide as I brush past her toward the couches. “Holy shit, you’re related to Drago?”
I sit down on the couch, arms spread wide, and let out a chuckle. “I mean, my father fucked his mother, so sure.” I’m annoyed that she keeps talking. “Now, did we come here to talk, or are you going to put that mouth to better use?” With Drago and Ava, I submit, but with anyone else? I would rather die than give them power over me. I snap my fingers and point to the floor.
She smiles wide, her pupils blown out. I can smell her pussy from here, but my cock is still soft. I’ve tried many times to lose myself in both men and women, but it always ends the same. I belong to them.
The drugs and pain may own my body.
Ava and Drago own my soul.
Drago
Sitting in one of the VIP booths of the roped-off section, I sip the cool, clear liquid from the tumbler in front of me. The burn is lighting up my throat in a way that allows me to find some pleasure in the pain. I keep my arm slung back over the edge of the dark leather couch, my white button-up half undone and sleeves rolled up. The scent of Ava is still strong on my fingers.
“How is he?” Ciaran asks, his voice pulling me from the memory of how her tight cunt felt. The two months that have passed since our last interaction feel like a lifetime at this point. His eyes have grown harder, a cold edge surrounding them. Something is off . . . his scent is changing. It reminds me of long ago, before he pulled Shadow from that aviary.
I shrug. “About as good as can be expected. I honestly thought he would give in by now, but he’s just grown more stubborn. He avoids us on the best days, and the worst days, he is high as shit, sulking around.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know what to do.”
Ciaran takes a sip of his drink, his blue eyes looking out over the crowd at The Playground. “Shadow doesn’t believe he is good enough for anyone. My fucking father didn’t help matters. He fed into the narrative that he is a monster, that he’s dangerous.” I nod as Ciaran talks, my heart clenching at all my mate has been through. “And when he found out about the deal I made to get him out, fuck . . . I don’t think he’s ever forgiven himself for that.”
“You did what you had to. Alexi never would have released him, and with that damn collar on, you didn’t have an option,” I remind him.
He snorts, taking a long drink of his beer before continuing. “I know that. But he doesn’t. All he sees is the supposed pain he’s caused others. Not the love we have for him.”
My cell phone vibrates in my pocket, pulling my attention from Ciaran. “Fuck,” I mutter when I see Kai’s name flash across the screen. “Yes?” My voice is clipped with annoyance.
“It’s Shadow.”
“Motherfucker,” I curse. “I’ll be right there.”
Ciaran looks at me in question.
“I have to go. It seems my mate took up the old idea of ‘the mice will play if the cat is away.’” I push to stand, buttoning my suit jacket again.
“Drago, he’s going to try his hardest to push you away, particularly now with only a month left. He’ll do anything he can just to hurt you so that you’ll walk away,” he says. "Don’t let him.”
I only nod. “Make sure Ava knows I left, but don’t tell her why. I’ll be back for her in a while.” I pause before walking away. “Are you okay?”
He lets out a dark laugh. “No, Drago. I’m far from okay. But my issues can’t be solved as quickly as yours can.”
A frown twists my face. “I’ll call you. We’ll talk.”
He nods, holding his glass up in response, gaze tracking back out to the crowd.
Ava
I walk back up toward the VIP booth I know Drago and Ciaran are sitting at, having just checked in with my staff after changing my destroyed panties and slipping on a flowing pair of harem pants, the black material loose against my legs but gathered tightly at my ankles. As I pull the curtain back, I see Ciaran looking out over the crowd, but Drago is nowhere to be found.
“He got called back,” Ciaran says. “He said to wait for him here.”
I flop down on the chair next to him, causing Drago’s scent to bloom off the material. It tugs at me, and I rub my chest. “You mean Shadow did something, and he’s cleaning it up before I get back?”
Ciaran raises his eyebrow at me, and I shrug. “I’m not dumb. I know Drago plays damage control for Shadow so I don’t see anything.”
“We do what we have to for our mates.” His words send a chill through me, and I look up to find his eyes are a deep storm.
“What’s going on, Ciaran?” I ask, tucking my feet up under me on the seat. My skin pebbles with goosebumps, not from a chill but in anticipation of his next words. Because something is going on.
He stays quiet for a long while, and I almost think he isn’t going to answer, until he finally lets out a long breath. “Astrea’s magic is a lot. Being tied to it. I don’t know how she doesn’t get pulled under by it.”
“Because of you,” I reply automatically. “Because you tether her.”
He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have been the tether. I shouldn’t have access to her magic like this.” I frown at the statement, but he keeps going. “Regardless, I don't know how to help her. Which is why I’m here.”
“I can’t help, I don’t know anything about the Harbinger magic, or at least, I don’t know enough to be helpful.”
“That’s why he called me,” a voice from behind me says.
I whip my head around to spy Kallen standing in the entrance to my lounge. Her skin is soft and milky, that long white hair flowing down her back. The soft curve of her stomach shows between the dark sports bra she is wearing and the tight leather pants that hug her full hips and ass. Flanking her is a giant redheaded man, his hair pulled back in a thick bun and his beard trimmed. On her other side is a Hispanic male, his mismatched blue and green eyes standing out brightly against his tanned skin. He traces over me, his gaze far too perceptive for my liking. Both men are wearing leather cuts signifying they are from an MC, but the logo is blocked from view.
Kallen smiles and walks forward, the action not reassuring. As both men move forward with her, I see their logo appear. Primal Knights MC. Drago is going to fucking lose it. I glance at Ciaran, whose reaction is calm as he takes in the two shifters in front of us.
“Hello, little princesa,” the one purrs, his accent thick on his tongue. I stiffen slightly, my body coiling inward. He makes no indication that he notices my movements, the stillness of his gaze unnerving. “Estás muy lejos de casa.”
Kallen smacks the man in the chest with the back of her hand. “Dios, leave her. We are here for Ciaran.” She looks at me, a strange understanding passing between us. Two people who have seen a devastating future and are keeping it from those around us. “Ava has enough she’ll need to face without your bullshit.”
Ciaran stands up, setting his drink down and looking toward me. “Thank you for the drink. Tell Drago I’ll call him.” He looks back to the three others. “Let’s go get this over with. I’m not looking forward to how angry Astrea will be about this.”
Kallen’s eyes widen in feral delight, as if the knowledge that Astrea will be angry is the best news she’s heard all day, as she creates a portal. The man she called Dios looks me over once more before stepping through, close on the heels of Ciaran. Next, the giant redhead goes, giving a subtle nod of his head toward me before he too disappears, leaving only me and Kallen in the lounge.
She looks me over, eyes narrowing. “We need your magic if we are going to win this.”
“I know,” I say simply.
She crosses her arms. “So, what are you doing about it?”
A growl slips from me. “Everything I can.”
She shakes her head and mutters something that sounds an awful lot like, “Stupid dragons,” before she too leaves the VIP lounge through the portal of her creation. Once her body disappears through, it swiftly shuts, leaving me alone with my thoughts and fears.
FOURTEEN
Kallen was an experiment of what we could do with a power being. That experiment clearly failed. But the next one didn't. We can now harness another's power and channel it as our own.
– Mori Family Grimoire
Drago
Walking into my club, I follow the pulse in my chest toward the back rooms. Shadow's scent hits me full force in the darkened hallway. Security stands next to one of the closed doors, and my heart cracks a little knowing exactly what I’m about to find. The grimace on my man’s face confirms it. Pushing open the door, I see Shadow, barely conscious, his hand wrapped around a blonde’s head as she tries desperately to get him hard. As I step into the room, I allow the darkness to cloak me for a moment, just to watch. My chest heaves at the pain emanating from my mate. It almost matches my own.
I know the second Shadow is aware of me because his eyes flare open and lock on mine, despite the cover of darkness. Stepping out of the alcove of shadows, I snap my fingers, and security enters behind me. The girl is yanked off his half-hard dick with a shout. I don’t bother addressing her as she is dragged from the room. Instead, I keep my eyes on Shadow, on his own looking unfocused as they take me in.
“Did you have a reason for stopping that?” he slurs.
Crossing my arms, I look him up and down. “Yeah. I didn’t want her self-esteem being ruined over the fact that there was no way she was ever going to get you hard.” I lean in a little. “Because we all know the only way that dick is getting hard is by one of us.”
Shadow lets out a sad grunt as he fumbles to push his dick back in his pants, the movement difficult given how fucked up he is. Another wave of misery washes over me, but whether it’s his or mine is unclear.
Security comes back in just as he gives up the fight and slumps over, passing out with his cock still out of his tight jeans. “The girl was seen out. She wasn’t happy.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I shrug. “I couldn't care less.” I push my white hair back just for strands of it to fall back in my eyes. The urge to punish him for being reckless pushes through me until I have to clench and unclench my fist to manage it. When he’s asleep, Shadow exposes his vulnerability, the deep unhappiness seeping out of him in uncontrolled waves that will drown me if I let them. “Have Kai close down tonight. I’ll be gone the rest of the evening.”
My man grunts a response and moves out of the room.
My people are loyal to a fault. Most of them have been with me since the beginning, and the rest were brought in by Ciaran; a couple of the girls that work the floor were even rescued from Alexi. It’s a safe place, and their loyalty buys my protection in a city that offers little. Particularly in recent years. With the shifter packs at war, the witches being hunted down and slaughtered, and Alexi having run the vampire community into the ground, Gothic Grove is a dangerous place. It’s the type of place where law does not exist, and sin is the only currency recognized.
Bending down, I hoist Shadow up onto my shoulders—and find noticeable weight loss now that I’m holding him. Ava has been worried about his lack of food, but I didn’t realize how much of an issue it’s really become. “When you sober up, I’m going to shovel a steak into your fucking mouth,” I growl. It’s as though he thinks if he allows himself to waste away, we won’t miss him. His passive suicidality shows up in new ways daily.
Walking out of the room, I head toward the elevator that will bring me up to the penthouse where I live. I own the whole building, but when I saw the view from the top floor, I created a penthouse and claimed it as my own.
The elevator dings, and I stumble into the foyer, sending up thanks to the gods that Ava is being occupied by Ciaran now. It's not like I can hide how bad he is from her; she sees it daily. However, seeing a girl sucking his cock will add far more stress to her, and hurt her in a way that I’m not sure she’d come back from right now.
I push through into my bedroom; the windows are open to the Gothic Grove skyline. The cool air is trying to give way to summer heat, humidity slowly seeping in. The sunshine will avoid the city in its entirety, summer hardly able to breach. It's as if it can’t cut through the never-ending dark haze that spread across Gothic Grove after the original families were murdered. As though, in their death, they laid a curse over the city.
Lightning crackles off in the distance, illuminating my bedroom. I picked this as my bedroom when I moved in because of the view, but it is small. I pull back the cool gray sheets and lower Shadow onto the bed. He groans quietly as I shift him around so I can pull his shirt over his head and shimmy his pants off. Despite the weight loss, Shadow's body is still beautiful. The need to claim him cuts into me. My dragon huffs his annoyance, but consent is important to me, which I remind the beast. Shadow being passed out is not how I want to lay our claiming mark onto him. So, instead, I let my eyes rake over his naked body and try to memorize every tattoo and scar before I turn and leave the room.
Shadow
My mother's voice enters my dark room. “Shadow? My love?” Her concern bleeds into me as I shake in the corner of my closet, cold sweat beading across my sixteen-year-old body. “Where are you?” she asks. I must make a noise because in a moment, the closet is flooded with light and her scent invades the space. Looking up through blurry eyes, I can see the concern on her face.
She reaches for me, but I press myself further back from her. “I’m sick,” I try to say, but my voice is weak. “Don’t touch me.” It cracks on the command, but she doesn’t stop, and her cool skin touches my face.
“When did you start feeling sick, my sweet one?” Her voice maintains that calm tone.
“This-s-s mornin-n-ning,” I stutter as more shivers wrack my body. When I woke up, it felt like a mild flu, but by midday, I was positive I was dying. Certain that this was the end, despite knowing killing a dragon shifter is damn near impossible. My mouth tastes like ash and no matter how much water I have tried to drink, I keep throwing it up, and no matter what I do, that ash taste stays.
My mother bends down, her slim face coming further into view. Her black hair is swept up into a bun atop her head. She is so thin these days, too thin. Her frame looks easy to break, and I worry endlessly about her. My father is a piece of shit, and someday, I will stand up to him for putting his hands on her, for making her so sick.
Gathering my lanky body into her arms, she hugs me tight. “Your dragon is coming,” she whispers. “It won’t be long now until you meet him.”
My body shakes. I can’t help but feel like she isn’t happy. As if sensing my worry, she looks down at me, taking my face between her hands. “Whatever happens, you mustn't let your father know how strong you are. How powerful you are. He cannot know it. Promise me you’ll keep it from him?”
“I promise, Mom.”
The dream hurts my head and my heart. I want to escape it, but I can’t avoid her in my sleep. I try to open my eyes, drawn to the scents of Ava and Drago washing over me, but they are far too heavy. I give up the fight and let sleep take me back.
FIFTEEN
He is showing magic. I fear that when this is all over, I will not be the mother I had hoped I’d be.
– Personal entry of Kara Carmine in the Carmine Family Grimoire
Shadow
The dreams that invaded my mind overnight have left me even more tired, if that’s possible. I shift my body slightly, feeling cool satin against my naked back, and bite back a groan at the hangover currently trying to crack my head open. I blink a few times, slowly bringing the dark room into focus. A light from behind a cracked door is the only thing providing illumination. Not that I need it—now that my dragon has ripped apart its cage, my eyesight is unmatched. He smiles at me, satisfaction at my inability to rebuild his smoldering cage evident on his face.
Just below my chest, I can feel my beast rumbling as I look over at the small form curled next to me. Ava lies in a mess of pink curls, her red lips open as she lets out a relaxed breath. A small smile creeps across my face at the tiny ball she’s curled herself into. It’s a rare smile these days. I often wonder if Drago sees it as well: when Ava isn’t “on,” she’s pulled in on herself. Distant until she notices someone paying attention and that switch goes back up. Something is going on with her, and my dragon is furious that we don’t know what it is.
For a moment, I let myself imagine lying back down with her, pulling her close to my body and relaxing. My dragon huffs approval of the idea, and I start to move to pull her in, but then she shifts, and her shirt raises up so that jagged scar is in view. The illusion shatters, just like that, and that voice in my head laughs viciously as it reminds me that scar is my fault. Her pain is my fault. And I don’t deserve to have any peace. So, I carefully slip out of the bed, my mouth tasting of ash as I hold back my dragon and move into the bathroom.
My stepbrother’s bathroom greets me with bright lights and the smell of eucalyptus. I squint as my eyes adjust. The shower is rounded and open to the room, and two shower heads attached to the ceiling allow a constant stream of rain, no matter where you step, to pour down on top of you. Tile flows from the shower out onto the bathroom floor, the surface warm under my feet. Pulling off my black boxer briefs, I step in and turn the water as hot as it’ll go. Standing under the deluge, I allow it to burn tracks down my tattoo-covered body, my black hair a heavy curtain in front of my eyes as I brace both arms against the wall.
The dark room is lined with couches that are deep red. The walls are covered in embossed black wallpaper, the whirling designs almost like camouflage. It smells like Eufori, but right under that is Drago’s eucalyptus scent. My dragon flares to life for a moment, but I push him away. Push away the pang in my chest that has me wincing.
I realize, after a moment, I haven’t answered her question, and she is sending off nervous energy. “Yeah, it's my stepbrother’s club. I can do what I want,” I say before I can think better of it and shut the door behind us.
Her eyes are wide as I brush past her toward the couches. “Holy shit, you’re related to Drago?”
I sit down on the couch, arms spread wide, and let out a chuckle. “I mean, my father fucked his mother, so sure.” I’m annoyed that she keeps talking. “Now, did we come here to talk, or are you going to put that mouth to better use?” With Drago and Ava, I submit, but with anyone else? I would rather die than give them power over me. I snap my fingers and point to the floor.
She smiles wide, her pupils blown out. I can smell her pussy from here, but my cock is still soft. I’ve tried many times to lose myself in both men and women, but it always ends the same. I belong to them.
The drugs and pain may own my body.
Ava and Drago own my soul.
Drago
Sitting in one of the VIP booths of the roped-off section, I sip the cool, clear liquid from the tumbler in front of me. The burn is lighting up my throat in a way that allows me to find some pleasure in the pain. I keep my arm slung back over the edge of the dark leather couch, my white button-up half undone and sleeves rolled up. The scent of Ava is still strong on my fingers.
“How is he?” Ciaran asks, his voice pulling me from the memory of how her tight cunt felt. The two months that have passed since our last interaction feel like a lifetime at this point. His eyes have grown harder, a cold edge surrounding them. Something is off . . . his scent is changing. It reminds me of long ago, before he pulled Shadow from that aviary.
I shrug. “About as good as can be expected. I honestly thought he would give in by now, but he’s just grown more stubborn. He avoids us on the best days, and the worst days, he is high as shit, sulking around.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know what to do.”
Ciaran takes a sip of his drink, his blue eyes looking out over the crowd at The Playground. “Shadow doesn’t believe he is good enough for anyone. My fucking father didn’t help matters. He fed into the narrative that he is a monster, that he’s dangerous.” I nod as Ciaran talks, my heart clenching at all my mate has been through. “And when he found out about the deal I made to get him out, fuck . . . I don’t think he’s ever forgiven himself for that.”
“You did what you had to. Alexi never would have released him, and with that damn collar on, you didn’t have an option,” I remind him.
He snorts, taking a long drink of his beer before continuing. “I know that. But he doesn’t. All he sees is the supposed pain he’s caused others. Not the love we have for him.”
My cell phone vibrates in my pocket, pulling my attention from Ciaran. “Fuck,” I mutter when I see Kai’s name flash across the screen. “Yes?” My voice is clipped with annoyance.
“It’s Shadow.”
“Motherfucker,” I curse. “I’ll be right there.”
Ciaran looks at me in question.
“I have to go. It seems my mate took up the old idea of ‘the mice will play if the cat is away.’” I push to stand, buttoning my suit jacket again.
“Drago, he’s going to try his hardest to push you away, particularly now with only a month left. He’ll do anything he can just to hurt you so that you’ll walk away,” he says. "Don’t let him.”
I only nod. “Make sure Ava knows I left, but don’t tell her why. I’ll be back for her in a while.” I pause before walking away. “Are you okay?”
He lets out a dark laugh. “No, Drago. I’m far from okay. But my issues can’t be solved as quickly as yours can.”
A frown twists my face. “I’ll call you. We’ll talk.”
He nods, holding his glass up in response, gaze tracking back out to the crowd.
Ava
I walk back up toward the VIP booth I know Drago and Ciaran are sitting at, having just checked in with my staff after changing my destroyed panties and slipping on a flowing pair of harem pants, the black material loose against my legs but gathered tightly at my ankles. As I pull the curtain back, I see Ciaran looking out over the crowd, but Drago is nowhere to be found.
“He got called back,” Ciaran says. “He said to wait for him here.”
I flop down on the chair next to him, causing Drago’s scent to bloom off the material. It tugs at me, and I rub my chest. “You mean Shadow did something, and he’s cleaning it up before I get back?”
Ciaran raises his eyebrow at me, and I shrug. “I’m not dumb. I know Drago plays damage control for Shadow so I don’t see anything.”
“We do what we have to for our mates.” His words send a chill through me, and I look up to find his eyes are a deep storm.
“What’s going on, Ciaran?” I ask, tucking my feet up under me on the seat. My skin pebbles with goosebumps, not from a chill but in anticipation of his next words. Because something is going on.
He stays quiet for a long while, and I almost think he isn’t going to answer, until he finally lets out a long breath. “Astrea’s magic is a lot. Being tied to it. I don’t know how she doesn’t get pulled under by it.”
“Because of you,” I reply automatically. “Because you tether her.”
He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have been the tether. I shouldn’t have access to her magic like this.” I frown at the statement, but he keeps going. “Regardless, I don't know how to help her. Which is why I’m here.”
“I can’t help, I don’t know anything about the Harbinger magic, or at least, I don’t know enough to be helpful.”
“That’s why he called me,” a voice from behind me says.
I whip my head around to spy Kallen standing in the entrance to my lounge. Her skin is soft and milky, that long white hair flowing down her back. The soft curve of her stomach shows between the dark sports bra she is wearing and the tight leather pants that hug her full hips and ass. Flanking her is a giant redheaded man, his hair pulled back in a thick bun and his beard trimmed. On her other side is a Hispanic male, his mismatched blue and green eyes standing out brightly against his tanned skin. He traces over me, his gaze far too perceptive for my liking. Both men are wearing leather cuts signifying they are from an MC, but the logo is blocked from view.
Kallen smiles and walks forward, the action not reassuring. As both men move forward with her, I see their logo appear. Primal Knights MC. Drago is going to fucking lose it. I glance at Ciaran, whose reaction is calm as he takes in the two shifters in front of us.
“Hello, little princesa,” the one purrs, his accent thick on his tongue. I stiffen slightly, my body coiling inward. He makes no indication that he notices my movements, the stillness of his gaze unnerving. “Estás muy lejos de casa.”
Kallen smacks the man in the chest with the back of her hand. “Dios, leave her. We are here for Ciaran.” She looks at me, a strange understanding passing between us. Two people who have seen a devastating future and are keeping it from those around us. “Ava has enough she’ll need to face without your bullshit.”
Ciaran stands up, setting his drink down and looking toward me. “Thank you for the drink. Tell Drago I’ll call him.” He looks back to the three others. “Let’s go get this over with. I’m not looking forward to how angry Astrea will be about this.”
Kallen’s eyes widen in feral delight, as if the knowledge that Astrea will be angry is the best news she’s heard all day, as she creates a portal. The man she called Dios looks me over once more before stepping through, close on the heels of Ciaran. Next, the giant redhead goes, giving a subtle nod of his head toward me before he too disappears, leaving only me and Kallen in the lounge.
She looks me over, eyes narrowing. “We need your magic if we are going to win this.”
“I know,” I say simply.
She crosses her arms. “So, what are you doing about it?”
A growl slips from me. “Everything I can.”
She shakes her head and mutters something that sounds an awful lot like, “Stupid dragons,” before she too leaves the VIP lounge through the portal of her creation. Once her body disappears through, it swiftly shuts, leaving me alone with my thoughts and fears.
FOURTEEN
Kallen was an experiment of what we could do with a power being. That experiment clearly failed. But the next one didn't. We can now harness another's power and channel it as our own.
– Mori Family Grimoire
Drago
Walking into my club, I follow the pulse in my chest toward the back rooms. Shadow's scent hits me full force in the darkened hallway. Security stands next to one of the closed doors, and my heart cracks a little knowing exactly what I’m about to find. The grimace on my man’s face confirms it. Pushing open the door, I see Shadow, barely conscious, his hand wrapped around a blonde’s head as she tries desperately to get him hard. As I step into the room, I allow the darkness to cloak me for a moment, just to watch. My chest heaves at the pain emanating from my mate. It almost matches my own.
I know the second Shadow is aware of me because his eyes flare open and lock on mine, despite the cover of darkness. Stepping out of the alcove of shadows, I snap my fingers, and security enters behind me. The girl is yanked off his half-hard dick with a shout. I don’t bother addressing her as she is dragged from the room. Instead, I keep my eyes on Shadow, on his own looking unfocused as they take me in.
“Did you have a reason for stopping that?” he slurs.
Crossing my arms, I look him up and down. “Yeah. I didn’t want her self-esteem being ruined over the fact that there was no way she was ever going to get you hard.” I lean in a little. “Because we all know the only way that dick is getting hard is by one of us.”
Shadow lets out a sad grunt as he fumbles to push his dick back in his pants, the movement difficult given how fucked up he is. Another wave of misery washes over me, but whether it’s his or mine is unclear.
Security comes back in just as he gives up the fight and slumps over, passing out with his cock still out of his tight jeans. “The girl was seen out. She wasn’t happy.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I shrug. “I couldn't care less.” I push my white hair back just for strands of it to fall back in my eyes. The urge to punish him for being reckless pushes through me until I have to clench and unclench my fist to manage it. When he’s asleep, Shadow exposes his vulnerability, the deep unhappiness seeping out of him in uncontrolled waves that will drown me if I let them. “Have Kai close down tonight. I’ll be gone the rest of the evening.”
My man grunts a response and moves out of the room.
My people are loyal to a fault. Most of them have been with me since the beginning, and the rest were brought in by Ciaran; a couple of the girls that work the floor were even rescued from Alexi. It’s a safe place, and their loyalty buys my protection in a city that offers little. Particularly in recent years. With the shifter packs at war, the witches being hunted down and slaughtered, and Alexi having run the vampire community into the ground, Gothic Grove is a dangerous place. It’s the type of place where law does not exist, and sin is the only currency recognized.
Bending down, I hoist Shadow up onto my shoulders—and find noticeable weight loss now that I’m holding him. Ava has been worried about his lack of food, but I didn’t realize how much of an issue it’s really become. “When you sober up, I’m going to shovel a steak into your fucking mouth,” I growl. It’s as though he thinks if he allows himself to waste away, we won’t miss him. His passive suicidality shows up in new ways daily.
Walking out of the room, I head toward the elevator that will bring me up to the penthouse where I live. I own the whole building, but when I saw the view from the top floor, I created a penthouse and claimed it as my own.
The elevator dings, and I stumble into the foyer, sending up thanks to the gods that Ava is being occupied by Ciaran now. It's not like I can hide how bad he is from her; she sees it daily. However, seeing a girl sucking his cock will add far more stress to her, and hurt her in a way that I’m not sure she’d come back from right now.
I push through into my bedroom; the windows are open to the Gothic Grove skyline. The cool air is trying to give way to summer heat, humidity slowly seeping in. The sunshine will avoid the city in its entirety, summer hardly able to breach. It's as if it can’t cut through the never-ending dark haze that spread across Gothic Grove after the original families were murdered. As though, in their death, they laid a curse over the city.
Lightning crackles off in the distance, illuminating my bedroom. I picked this as my bedroom when I moved in because of the view, but it is small. I pull back the cool gray sheets and lower Shadow onto the bed. He groans quietly as I shift him around so I can pull his shirt over his head and shimmy his pants off. Despite the weight loss, Shadow's body is still beautiful. The need to claim him cuts into me. My dragon huffs his annoyance, but consent is important to me, which I remind the beast. Shadow being passed out is not how I want to lay our claiming mark onto him. So, instead, I let my eyes rake over his naked body and try to memorize every tattoo and scar before I turn and leave the room.
Shadow
My mother's voice enters my dark room. “Shadow? My love?” Her concern bleeds into me as I shake in the corner of my closet, cold sweat beading across my sixteen-year-old body. “Where are you?” she asks. I must make a noise because in a moment, the closet is flooded with light and her scent invades the space. Looking up through blurry eyes, I can see the concern on her face.
She reaches for me, but I press myself further back from her. “I’m sick,” I try to say, but my voice is weak. “Don’t touch me.” It cracks on the command, but she doesn’t stop, and her cool skin touches my face.
“When did you start feeling sick, my sweet one?” Her voice maintains that calm tone.
“This-s-s mornin-n-ning,” I stutter as more shivers wrack my body. When I woke up, it felt like a mild flu, but by midday, I was positive I was dying. Certain that this was the end, despite knowing killing a dragon shifter is damn near impossible. My mouth tastes like ash and no matter how much water I have tried to drink, I keep throwing it up, and no matter what I do, that ash taste stays.
My mother bends down, her slim face coming further into view. Her black hair is swept up into a bun atop her head. She is so thin these days, too thin. Her frame looks easy to break, and I worry endlessly about her. My father is a piece of shit, and someday, I will stand up to him for putting his hands on her, for making her so sick.
Gathering my lanky body into her arms, she hugs me tight. “Your dragon is coming,” she whispers. “It won’t be long now until you meet him.”
My body shakes. I can’t help but feel like she isn’t happy. As if sensing my worry, she looks down at me, taking my face between her hands. “Whatever happens, you mustn't let your father know how strong you are. How powerful you are. He cannot know it. Promise me you’ll keep it from him?”
“I promise, Mom.”
The dream hurts my head and my heart. I want to escape it, but I can’t avoid her in my sleep. I try to open my eyes, drawn to the scents of Ava and Drago washing over me, but they are far too heavy. I give up the fight and let sleep take me back.
FIFTEEN
He is showing magic. I fear that when this is all over, I will not be the mother I had hoped I’d be.
– Personal entry of Kara Carmine in the Carmine Family Grimoire
Shadow
The dreams that invaded my mind overnight have left me even more tired, if that’s possible. I shift my body slightly, feeling cool satin against my naked back, and bite back a groan at the hangover currently trying to crack my head open. I blink a few times, slowly bringing the dark room into focus. A light from behind a cracked door is the only thing providing illumination. Not that I need it—now that my dragon has ripped apart its cage, my eyesight is unmatched. He smiles at me, satisfaction at my inability to rebuild his smoldering cage evident on his face.
Just below my chest, I can feel my beast rumbling as I look over at the small form curled next to me. Ava lies in a mess of pink curls, her red lips open as she lets out a relaxed breath. A small smile creeps across my face at the tiny ball she’s curled herself into. It’s a rare smile these days. I often wonder if Drago sees it as well: when Ava isn’t “on,” she’s pulled in on herself. Distant until she notices someone paying attention and that switch goes back up. Something is going on with her, and my dragon is furious that we don’t know what it is.
For a moment, I let myself imagine lying back down with her, pulling her close to my body and relaxing. My dragon huffs approval of the idea, and I start to move to pull her in, but then she shifts, and her shirt raises up so that jagged scar is in view. The illusion shatters, just like that, and that voice in my head laughs viciously as it reminds me that scar is my fault. Her pain is my fault. And I don’t deserve to have any peace. So, I carefully slip out of the bed, my mouth tasting of ash as I hold back my dragon and move into the bathroom.
My stepbrother’s bathroom greets me with bright lights and the smell of eucalyptus. I squint as my eyes adjust. The shower is rounded and open to the room, and two shower heads attached to the ceiling allow a constant stream of rain, no matter where you step, to pour down on top of you. Tile flows from the shower out onto the bathroom floor, the surface warm under my feet. Pulling off my black boxer briefs, I step in and turn the water as hot as it’ll go. Standing under the deluge, I allow it to burn tracks down my tattoo-covered body, my black hair a heavy curtain in front of my eyes as I brace both arms against the wall.
