Outbreak Company: Volume 6 (Premium), page 19
part #6 of Outbreak Company Series
A cheer went up.
Excellent! My audience was good and warm now.
Mentally, I switched to my next subject.
When it came to giving speeches, I was right up there with a certain Lieutenant Commander.
“Let me be clear—I mean loli!”
To be fair, I was moe about a lot more things than just loli, but for my purposes here we would let it slide. Why? Stay tuned.
“I declare that we good-hearted lolicons cannot turn to crime. It is in feeling moe for that most hallowed of types of 2D girl that lolicons first taste the life eternal. To progress from that to laying hands on a 3D loli would be a danger to loliconism itself! We must give notice to those fools who would discriminate against us. This is the time when we must stand up for the future of lolicon!”
I shouted as lustily as I could.
“We must not confuse 2D with 3D! Because we are gentlemen! It is precisely our love for the 2D that prevents us from laying hands on the 3D! The moment you touch such a person, you cease to love the two-dimensional! How boorish! How crude and tactless! May any otaku so blind as to forget the precepts of the venerable second dimension be cursed!”
It would have been easy enough to tell them, “Don’t do this.”
But this was just the opposite. It would be more effective, more memorable, to tell them, “Doing this instead is cooler,” or “If you do that, it’ll be shameful.”
“Yes! Now give voice!” I said, shaking my fist at the sky. “Yes lolita! Nooooo touch!”
I raised my right hand. There was a moment of shocked silence... and then the courtyard audience, very much on my side by now, responded:
“Yes lolita! No touch!”
“Yes lolita! No touch!”
“Yes lolita! No touch!”
Every fist punched the sky in rhythm with the chanting.
“Yes lolita! No touch!”
Ahh! Every heart in the courtyard was beating as one!
“Yes lolita! No touch!”
“Yes lolita! No touch!”
“Yes lolita! No touch!”
And on and on. The cries of “Yes lolita! No touch!” continued until the very walls of Holy Eldant Castle shook.
And they all lived happily ever after.
.........Probably.
I turned my back on the still-enthusiastic crowd and withdrew—and was soon met by Myusel, Elvia, and Hikaru-san, who all came running up to me.
“Great work,” Myusel and Elvia both said. They were each in dresses that really did make them look like nobility. They also looked difficult to walk in, and for a moment I wondered who these girls were—but they were also extremely cute, so much so that I thought I could fall in love at first sight.
“Thanks,” I said, and I meant it for all three of them, including Hikaru-san.
I’d been fairly confident I could pull this off, but without people to light the spark right when I needed them to, I might have been considerably less likely to succeed.
“Thanks to all your help, this was a big success—I think.”
“Was this your big, secret plan?” Hikaru-san asked, seeming half annoyed and half shocked.
For what it’s worth, Hikaru-san wasn’t directly involved in getting the crowd going, but he had been standing with Myusel in the courtyard, and so had seen my little performance.
“One wrong move, and you would have been just another dictator at the rostrum,” he said.
“Ah ha ha ha, ha ha... Well, yeah.” I scratched my cheek.
“Anyway, it turned out the kidnapping didn’t really have anything to do with the ero game, right?”
“That’s what it looks like,” I nodded.
It seemed like the remaining members of the Assembly of Patriots had been hoping to both secure money for their activities and commit a little terrorism simultaneously by kidnapping nobles; there was no fundamental connection to the game. The scrying orb that had been dropped at the scene of that first crime turned out to be pure coincidence. One of the students who had gotten sucked into the ero game had apparently created the orb so that he could “see” his virtual girlfriend even when the batteries in his game system died—and then he had dropped it as he was walking around.
Obviously, the student couldn’t tell anyone about this, much less let it slip that he had designed his character to look like Petralka. So instead he resolved to play dumb if the issue came up. Prime Minister Zahar investigated which orbs had been made recently and who they belonged to. Since scrying orbs weren’t printed with serial numbers or anything, it was apparently a tricky process, but eventually we were able to uncover the story.
In short, there had never been a criminal committing a kidnapping because of his ero game.
In many cases, that might have meant Amutech could simply say, “Welp, nothing to do with us,” and everything could go back to normal. And by our good fortune, that was how things had turned out this time... but that wasn’t really the end of it.
For better or for worse, the people of Eldant had come to be thoroughly influenced by otaku culture. And so I decided to take the initiative, in hopes of preventing any highly-improbable-but-still-possible problems.
“Don’t you think it’s ultimately just a problem of feelings, though?” I said.
“Feelings?” Hikaru-san asked.
“Or, you know, etiquette or something. You were right, Hikaru-san, that there have been crimes committed by otaku, and I assume there’ll be otaku who commit crimes in the future. But I don’t think the percentages will be any higher than in the general population.”
There are plenty of criminals who aren’t otaku. And plenty of otaku who aren’t criminals. Most of them, in fact. So it was mostly a problem of feelings—of the impression people had. To put it a bit more bluntly, it was nothing more than an emotional reaction backed up by no real proof. At least, I thought so.
It was just a hazy image people had.
In that case, why not change the image?
This is the kind of people otaku are.
These are the kinds of things otaku won’t tolerate.
These are the things otaku will deride as uncool.
If you could get out ahead of it, create that sort of atmosphere around otakuism, that would do the trick. It would help inoculate people against the notion that otaku were more likely to commit crimes, and serve as a sort of self-policing mechanism among otaku themselves. Happily, most people in this world didn’t yet have a negative bias against otaku. So what better time than now to secure a positive image for them?
That was my thinking, and so I decided to create an understanding that crime was not cool.
You know: Whoa, man, wait, what? You’re doin’ crimes? Ugh! Pass!
“It’s possible you’re right,” Hikaru-san said, glancing back at the courtyard, from which frenzied chanting could still be heard. “But I don’t think a normal person would come up with this particular method. I’m pretty sure only villains do this sort of thing.”
“Maybe you’re right. But one thing otaku never accept is goody-two-shoes orders from above.” I shrugged.
“And another thing. Wasn’t that entire speech basically just a rip-off of the Major and Gi***n?”
“I prefer to think of it as an homage. Or parody.” I puffed out my chest. “And anyway, I’ve always wanted to try doing something like that once.”
It’s every guy’s dream. Notwithstanding the actual content I ended up with.
“Uh...huh.” Hikaru-san gave a wry smile. “I admit, you’ve got me completely beat—this time.”
“Shinichi.”
I heard my name just as we got back to the bird-drawn carriage parked by the inner gate of Eldant Castle, all of us ready to go home.
I looked back and saw Petralka standing at the castle entrance. She seemed gloomy; she was looking at me with her arms crossed as if she wanted to say something.
Huh? I wondered what was going on. My visit was already technically over.
“Hang on,” I said to the others, then went over to Petralka, feeling puzzled. This was Her Majesty the Empress I was dealing with. Normally you would kneel before her and say something like, “How can I serve you?”
Instead I said: “...Yeah?”
As I approached, Petralka backed into the entranceway, beckoning for me to follow. What in the world could she want? Maybe there was something she wanted to say that she didn’t want anyone to hear, because even the royal guard, although present, were keeping a noticeable distance.
Seriously, what gave?
“Shinichi,” she said again, looking up at me. “This incident was a real brush with danger.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry about that.” It seemed a little late now, after that speech I had made, but part of the problem this time around had been my failure to keep a close enough eye on Hikaru-san, and I wanted to apologize properly. “But I swear, I never meant to cause so much trouble for you and the others—”
“That’s not what we meant, dunce.” Petralka frowned.
“It’s not...?”
“What we were most worried about...” She paused for an instant, as if hesitant. Was it just me, or did her cheeks flush ever so slightly? “...was that you... ahem...”
“Something about me?”
“...that you might leave us...”
“Ah,” I said after a moment.
Even if she didn’t know exactly what the Japanese government had in mind by sending Hikaru-san over here, Petralka would certainly understand that something like what we had just dealt with could have threatened Amutech’s position in the Eldant Empire—and by extension, mine too.
In fact, given that she was well aware of Japan’s attempt on my life, she probably knew perfectly well that my status as Amutech’s general manager was precarious at best, resting as it did on a delicate balance. Not that we ever really talked about it as such.
The point is, I could vanish from this world at any time. There were people, in both Japan and Eldant, who hoped I would. And so...
“Shinichi.” Petralka stretched up to take hold of the collar of my shirt. “For you to simply... go away, after all the important-sounding things you’ve said... We won’t permit it, you understand?”
“I—”
“We granted our royal permission for you to spread otaku culture in our Eldant Empire. You may not leave until your mission is completed. Do you understand?”
She seemed to grow embarrassed halfway through her little speech; still holding my collar, she looked down, resting her adorable forehead against my chest, the last of her words coming in a whisper.
“Petralka...”
“Do you understand?!” She was red up to her ears.
Ahh! Be still, O my arms! I thought, fighting down the urge to embrace her small body—which I figured could well get me beheaded by the royal guards still keeping a watchful eye on us. Instead I said, “Yeah... I understand.”
At one point, I had wondered whether, now that Hikaru-san was here, anyone would even notice if I disappeared. I would never think anything so foolish again. There were people who wanted me here. And I wanted to be here. So what did it matter who else was here too?
“I won’t go anywhere until you say so, Petralka. I’ll do what I can to make sure I don’t have to go anywhere.
“...You won’t,” Petralka said, letting go of me. Then she fixed me with her pointer finger. “Kanou Shinichi!”
“Y-Yes?”
“We renew our command to you to spread otaku culture. We have chosen you. Therefore, answer our demand with all your strength and all your mind!”
Now, that was an imperial order. Even if she was blushing adorably while she gave it.
Ahh, Your Moe Majesty!
“As you wish,” I said with a soft smile. I placed my right hand over my heart, like a butler responding to his master’s command, and gave an ever so slightly pretentious bow.
And so, life in the Eldant Empire—or at least at General Entertainment Company Amutech—returned to normal.
We collected all the game systems and ero games, erased any potentially problematic data, and returned them. A few people who were already in the throes of addiction objected forcefully, but by way of apology Amutech provided specially made body pillows, and that seemed to mollify them. I supposed all the addicts were busy hugging their pillows and panting by now.
Somehow things didn’t feel quite... resolved, but it was probably my imagination. Yeah, that had to be it.
As for the trading cards, we rebalanced the strength of the rarest cards as well as how frequently they appeared, making it so people wouldn’t be paying illegal premiums for them. Anyway, the whole trading card thing had been a pilot program, and I expected to be able to sell a fair, balanced product when we began offering the cards in earnest. Assuming nobody became hell-bent on using only the first run of cards, it would no longer be possible to use one or two overpowered cards to walk all over opponents.
The lesson, of which we were so vividly reminded, was that you had to think very hard before introducing new products.
And so...
“My feeling is we should be a little more thoughtful going forward,” I said. I spoke to someone sitting on the couch opposite me—Matoba-san, who had dropped by to see how things were going.
“Yes, that might be a good idea,” he said, as if it didn’t really involve him. He still seemed like the quintessential bureaucrat. It was almost as if he were saying that all of this was outside his immediate jurisdiction, and so no responsibility of his—even though it had all started when he brought Hikaru-san here.
“Matoba-san,” I said, a bit miffed at the way he was acting detached from all this. “Why do you think Hikaru-san was brought here from Japan at this particular time?”
Of course, I knew full well that Matoba-san knew what the Japanese government was thinking—if nothing else, Myusel had told me that she’d overheard Matoba-san and Minori-san having conversations about it. In my mind, the question was just to rankle him.
But he simply replied with a smile, “I’m sure I don’t know. Perhaps it’s coincidence.”
“You think so, huh?”
Apparently he was going to stick to his story. On the other hand, if I was wrong about Hikaru-san having been sent here to replace me as General Manager of Amutech, then that meant they weren’t going to drag Hikaru-san back to Japan to punish him or, in a worst-case scenario, kill him to keep his mouth shut.
For now, that was enough.
“Okay. Well, I guess that’s about all I’ve got to report for now.”
“I see,” Matoba-san nodded, then looked at Hikaru-san, who was sitting beside me. “And what about you, Hikaru-kun? It sounds like you had a difficult introduction. Do you think you can continue here?”
“Absolutely,” Hikaru-san said with a firm nod. He looked at the trading cards sitting on the table. “Despite how things turned out this time, they do say failure is the mother of success. Whatever I do next, I’ll make sure it succeeds without giving anyone reason to complain.”
“How heartening,” Matoba-san said easily. “Shinichi-kun, be careful he doesn’t show you up, eh?”
“Yeah, I’ll have to be on my guard,” I said, and all I could do was smile tiredly at how Matoba-san pointedly put a bow on everything.
“Shinichi-san,” Hikaru-san said, turning to me. “I acknowledge my failure this time, and I recognize my mistakes. But that doesn’t mean I recognize you, okay? Just so you know—”
“What’s with the tsundere tropes?!”
“Ts-Tsundere?! I am not!” For some reason, Hikaru-san had turned red. It only made him look even more tsundere-ish—like, if this were a game, it would be a clear sign of exactly how to deal with this character. A real-life tsundere? What the heck? I know what I said in my courtyard speech, but it was hard to just abandon three dimensions like— No, no, no, no, no, wait! I don’t care how pretty he is, Hikaru-san’s a man! He’s got all the equipment!
Don’t get moe for him, O my heart! Don’t race for him, O pulse!
A new world doesn’t have to begin here!
As I repeated these lines to myself like mantras, Hikaru-san said, “Someday I’ll show you who’s really fit to be general manager!” Which only compounded the sense of tsundere-ish-ness.
Aw, gimmie a break.
“I really doubt it,” I said with a wry smile. “You and I just have different levels of experience.”
I meant both as otaku, and as potential general managers of Amutech.
Of course, with time, Hikaru-san would gain experience too. But I wasn’t going to make the hare’s mistake and be overcome by this tortoise.
“Obviously, you get a handicap,” Hikaru-san said, smirking. “It wouldn’t be any fun to win too easily.”
“If you’re thinking of me as some kind of final boss, you’re going to let your guard down and get clobbered.”
“Who said anything about a final boss?” Hikaru-san said. Then he looked at me (he’s so cute, I still can’t believe he’s not a girl!) and proclaimed, “I’m just saying it would be boring if you didn’t put up a fight. I only play games on hard mode.”
I was completely lost for words.
The response came instead from Matoba-san, who grinned to himself and said, “Now, where have I heard that before?”
（つづく）
To Be Cont’d...
Afterword
Hullo! Light novelist Sakaki here, presenting you with Volume 6 of Outbreak Company: The Power of Moe.
Most of you who have picked up this book will probably have noticed this from the “obi,” but it’s been announced (as of May 2013) that following the manga adaptation, there’s going to be an Outbreak Company anime!
Myusel! Petralka! Minori! Elvia! And also, I guess (What do you mean, you guess?!) Shinichi, Brooke, Matoba, the LAV, and more will all move and talk for real! Well, the LAV won’t talk.
