The Doctor's Orders, page 28
“I think Ryan is out. His daughter might be in, though. It doesn’t matter, because we have all the information from Gilbert. We could go to the city council and see what they thought of it, maybe get them to offer insights. Hell, maybe they’ll campaign with us.”
Erin nodded. “There’s a lot of possibility here. It’s sooner than we’d planned to act, but there’s nothing wrong with that. The question now is at what point are you bringing Nick into this? You’ll need board approval, but you should run everything by him first as a matter of courtesy. I’m surprised you didn’t start with him.”
“It’s to try to take some of the pressure off of him that I fell into this rabbit hole in the first place. I feel like all he can see is the negative lately, and I wanted to show him we can turn this around and make it work in our favor. That his coming out wasn’t a liability. That he didn’t trade his power for his identity. I feel like he knows this, but he needs help seeing it. But you’re right, I need to tell him, and in a way he won’t immediately dismiss because he’s being a Negative Nancy.”
“Wine and woo him,” Owen suggested. “Honestly, I don’t know why you’re overcomplicating this. He’s not the only one who’s had his perspective blown out of the water. The two of you have always communicated with power struggle. Even when I didn’t know you were secretly going out back in high school, that’s how you operated. Maybe that’s what he needs. Lock horns with him in a way that lets him cool off, then show him the same blueprint you showed us. And if he resists, just woo him a second time. You seriously can’t lose here.”
Wine and woo him while locking horns. It was so simple and so obvious. Why hadn’t Jared seen it? He’d been so busy not telling Nick how to come out, staying out of his way, he’d quit doing one of the things that was, as Owen said, the hallmark of their relationship.
Well. That cease-fire ended now.
“I gotta go,” Jared said, rising.
Owen smiled over the rim of his coffee mug. “Have fun.”
NICK WAS exhausted in a to-the-bone kind of way, as if he’d been hauling around different-sized boulders but had to be careful so no one noticed what he held. He was worn out from the constant arguments with himself, trying to decide how much of his caution was overdone and how much of it was protective. He was weary from judging every interaction, weighing the other person as friend or foe, from sitting up late in the dark long after Jared was asleep and worrying over whether he handled this or that conversation properly. He understood objectively that he was making all of this worse, that his overthinking everything wasn’t helping, but it wasn’t something he could stop.
He was tired, but he was also restless. If Jared wasn’t with him to select a television show or a song, he flitted from one thing to another until eventually this too made him exhausted and he gave up. Several times he’d woken up in the middle of the night to his brain already churning, and he’d gone downstairs to pace like a caged animal. Twice he’d come close to asking Jack for something to settle his nerves, but he held off because he didn’t know when he wouldn’t be anxious, and the CEO using anti-anxiety medication seemed like another thing to worry about people discovering.
His thoughts were a train he wanted to get off of, but he couldn’t find the station.
What made him the most frustrated was he knew this was upsetting Jared. He tried not to worry him, but of all the people in his life, Jared was the most difficult to deceive. Plus he was the only place Nick could let himself go. There were times he couldn’t stand it, he needed to lean against his boyfriend while they watched television, to shut his eyes and breathe in the scent of him for half an hour. If he didn’t have this outlet, this touchstone, he wasn’t sure he could keep going.
He was having one of those days on a Sunday in the middle of November. He’d taken his family to church as usual, but everything was still awkward on both fronts. Church itself remained an exercise of walking on coals, and as far as his family went, though he’d graduated to resuming dinner with them after, it was chilly and awkward, and he always left feeling heavy. That day he’d hoped to come home and bury himself in Jared, but his boyfriend wasn’t there. He scolded himself for being disappointed. What, was it Jared’s job to sit around and wait for him?
He fussed with the television and the stereo, then flipped through a magazine, never landing long on an activity, lest his thoughts catch up with him. When he heard Jared’s car pulling into the garage, he sighed in relief and went to wait for him in the kitchen, a compromise to rushing out to greet him as he truly wanted to do. His heart beat faster as the door opened, even as he hurried to hide his neediness.
Then he got one look at Jared’s face and forgot everything he’d been thinking about.
Jared seemed… different.
He was slightly out of breath, as if he’d run beside the car instead of driven it. His eyes had a wildness to them, a sparkle that made Nick pause. He looked dangerous.
It reminded Nick of the way Jared had been that fateful day when they were young and Jared had stalked across Nick’s bedroom, pushed the handheld game out of his hands, and straddled his lap. The day that had ended up with both their pants around their ankles and Nick holding their cocks together in his grip as they thrust their tongues into each other’s mouths.
Backing up, Nick took hold of the edge of the counter behind him.
The expression on Jared’s face didn’t change as he set his keys aside and placed himself in front of Nick. “You and I need to have a chat.”
Normally that would be an ominous phrase, but the way Jared purred the syllables made a chat sound like sex, and Nick’s dick responded accordingly. “What did you want to… chat about?”
“A lot of things.” Jared nudged Nick’s legs apart and stood between them, running one hand up the center of Nick’s chest. “I have some ideas on how we can best sell the bond issue. I already ran them by Erin, and I think you’ll appreciate them. But before we get to that.” He trailed long fingers along Nick’s jaw toward his ear. “First, I owe you an apology.”
And now apology sounded like blow job. Nick felt hypnotized. It had been a while since Jared had come at him like a panther. He’d forgotten how much it turned him on. “Wh-why do I need an apology?”
“Because I took things a little too far. I was trying not to be bossy, but I forgot that at least most of the time, you like me this way. In private. You need to be the boss at the hospital, and you’re damn good at it. Most of the time in our relationship, we share the lead. Sometimes, though, you need me to take it away from you. You’ve needed me to do that for some time, but I was trying so hard not to get in your way over coming out, I missed the cues. So, I’m sorry, honey.” He ran his thumb over Nick’s bottom lip, tugging it away from his teeth. “I’m going to make it all up to you today.”
Yep. Nick’s dick was all the way at attention. “What is it you want me to do?”
Jared placed a soft kiss on Nick’s lips. Then he took his hands and tugged him toward the stairs. “Follow me.”
Nick went willingly. Goddamn, but yes, he liked this side of Jared. Bossy, sexy, confident. He only liked it in Jared, though, because he was the only one Nick had ever gone to bed with who knew how to balance it. He wasn’t arrogant about it. He wasn’t shaming. He took Nick’s control only on a sixth sense of when he knew his partner wanted it taken, or in this case, needed it. And he always gave it back in a manner that made Nick feel superhuman. It was the sweetest space. He could be a little bit submissive without giving up an inch of pride.
He needed that so much right now.
In their bedroom, the curtains were drawn, and Jared kept them that way, lighting a few of the accent lamps. When Nick started to undress, Jared waved a finger at him. “No. You’re not in charge at the moment. You need a day off from everything. You’re not allowed to so much as think without my permission, not for the next several hours.” He winked and slid a hand underneath Nick’s shirt. “Doctor’s orders.”
Nick grinned even as the boulders he held started to lose some of their weight. “Playing doctor, are we? That’s a new one.” A terrible thought stole the light from his heart. “Did you do this with the fireman?”
Jared tweaked his nose. “Stop thinking. But for your information, no, I didn’t play doctor with the fireman. I didn’t play with anyone like I do with you. I couldn’t.”
More of the boulders fell away. “Me either.”
“Hold up your arms so I can undress you.”
“Yes, Dr. Kumpel.”
Jared’s smile sent a delightful shiver down Nick’s spine. “See? I’ve only given you one order, and you’re already more relaxed. Just think how you’re going to feel after several hours.”
This. This is what I’ve been missing, who I’ve needed to give it to me. Nick arched an eyebrow as Jared worked the T-shirt over his head. “Hours, huh? You’ve got that kind of stamina?”
Jared cupped Nick’s face and nipped at his lips. “Be a good boy, and I’ll let you find out.”
Nick shut his eyes and leaned into his lover. “I love you so much.”
This time the kiss on his lips was slow and sweet. “I love you too.”
He let everything go as Jared undressed him, surrendering not only his control but every one of those heavy thoughts as Jared first peeled his clothing away, then led him to their bed. He lay back on the comforter, able to do nothing but moan in pleasure as Jared kissed his way down Nick’s body, covering every inch of his torso in carnal trails, kneading his hips in a gentle massage. He writhed as Jared pushed his feet to the mattress and mapped his groin with the same tender lovemaking, kissing around his cock but not on it, laving his balls and teasing his taint, tickling his thighs with his tongue. When Jared finally sucked him down, Nick gasped, thrusting forward to meet him.
He was surprised when Jared got him off without further teasing, but then, as instructed, he hadn’t been thinking, only following the pleasure as Jared laid it out for him. He came into Jared’s mouth, then lay gasping on the bed, his body so heavy he couldn’t move.
Jared wasn’t done with him, though. While Nick’s head spun, Jared kissed Nick’s abdomen as he got to his feet.
“Lie here and rest. I’m going to draw some water for a bath.”
Nick nodded, letting his eyes fall shut as Jared walked away. He focused on the sounds of the room, the faint whisper of traffic from the street, a man calling his dog at a neighboring house. He heard the water running in the bathroom, a lulling rush. His mind started up a bit, but only to hope Jared stayed with him as he bathed.
He must have dozed, because abruptly Jared was touching him, calling for him to rise and follow, and the water had stopped. When they got to the bathroom, to Nick’s delight, it was full of candles, and an open bottle of wine and two glasses sat on the counter.
Jared shed the robe he was wearing, revealing his nakedness, then climbed into the water, gently tugging Nick after. “Come sit in front of me. I’ll wash your back. Then we’ll sip wine and loll here until the water gets cold.”
Nick approached the tub dubiously. “Are we going to fit in here together?”
“Oh, it’ll be a near thing, but I don’t think we’ll have to call emergency services to get out or anything.” After scooting the wine closer and fussing with his phone, Jared patted the edge of the tub. “Come on.”
Prince, of course, started to play. “Call My Name,” one of Nick’s favorites, of which Jared was well aware. The languid sound wrapped around him, making him feel easy and good. He laughed as they struggled to fit in the water, displacing it so much it sloshed a little over the edges. But eventually they got settled and Nick nestled against Jared’s shoulder, his glass of wine resting on the ledge.
“This is good.” Nick ran his hand over Jared’s wet thigh. “Sitting with you, a glass of wine, listening to Prince while soaking in hot water. Only way it gets better is if we have a bigger tub.”
“Do you remember the day I figured out what ‘Alphabet St.’ was about?” Jared stroked his fingers in Nick’s hair.
Nick laughed. “Oh my God, I still laugh sometimes when I hear it.”
“How was I supposed to know anything about oral sex with women? I was so panicked, though, when you were such an expert on it. I’d finally convinced myself you were into me, and then I thought I was wrong.”
“Hey. I could have been bisexual.”
“Yes, well, my thinking was exceptionally binary at that point. I was obsessed with trying to read every tea leaf that would tell me if you were into me or not.”
“I was into you.”
“I caught up eventually.” Jared kissed his hair. “Those were some magical years. I didn’t always like hiding, but I loved being with you. You were my whole world when we were together, and when we were apart, all I did was think of you. I’m sorry I messed it up.”
“We both messed it up. And anyway, that’s the past.”
“I know. But I regret we didn’t have more time together.” He trailed fingers across Nick’s chest, leaving a river of water. “We have the time now. And I’m not wasting a second of it. Not ever again. I’m going to treasure you, Nick. Every single day. I can’t take away the things that make life difficult for you and wear you down. But I can be a safe place for you, and I can support you. And I can remind you of things you can’t always see so clearly from where you’re standing.” He kissed the side of Nick’s head, leaning against his temple. “You’re doing a great job. You’ve done incredible things, and you’re going to keep doing even more. You’ve gotten so much done in such a short amount of time, and you did it with the care and meticulousness that’s your hallmark. I’m so incredibly proud of you. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”
Nick’s eyes had fallen closed in the middle of Jared’s speech, but when he got to you’re doing a great job, Nick surrendered and let his tears fall. They were tears of exhaustion, of relief, of gratitude. Of love.
This is what I needed. To be this version of myself, in this way, with this man.
“Thanks,” he whispered at last.
“Everything’s going to come around.” Jared kept stroking Nick’s arm. “The hospital funding and rebuilding. The bond issue. Your family. Our family. It’ll take time, and there will be bumps in the road, but we’ll get there. I know you’ll work hard no matter what, but I want you to know I’ll always be here beside you.” He kissed Nick openmouthed on the back of his neck. “And tonight, I’ll be inside you.”
Nick laced his fingers with Jared’s, tipping his head forward and giving him better access to his neck.
He groaned in pleasure as Jared touched him, kissed him, washed his body. He sipped the wine Jared brought to his lips, allowed it and the heated water to spin him gently away from his cares. When Jared let out the water and had him rise, Nick went, feeling as if he were floating now, listing a bit as Jared toweled him off.
Jared led Nick to the bed once more, this time sending him facedown. Jared switched the music to the bedroom stereo, and Nick smiled into the comforter when “Alphabet St.” started playing.
Then he sucked in a breath as he felt hands against his thighs and a hot mouth sliding along his crack.
His legs trembled as he rose to his knees, as Jared parted his cheeks with his thumbs and licked inside in time to Prince’s beat. Occasionally his hand would slip down and stroke Nick, ensuring he was at nothing less than full hardness, but mostly Jared stayed at his post, writing the alphabet with his tongue against Nick’s ass.
“Can I fuck you, baby?” he asked once the song was finished.
Nick whimpered and let his knees fall apart wider in response.
He kept finding new depths to release into. When Jared’s slick fingers entered him, working him open and preparing him, Nick tumbled further away from his worries. When Jared’s cock pushed at his entrance, he thought of nothing but this moment, of connecting with this man, of tumbling into blissful, wild places with the two of them alone. When Jared pounded into him, Nick let his body go slack, taking it, eager to have it, riding the wave of pleasure Jared asked him to accept.
They came one shortly after the other, and Nick, completely spent now, drifted into a sort of bliss coma. He lay there as Jared cleaned him up, not so much as shifting until Jared came back to bed, spooning up behind him.
“I’m going to go make us dinner now.” He kissed Nick’s shoulder. “How about you stay here and sleep until you’re rested? I’ll keep everything warm in the oven until you’re awake. And then we can watch Luther together while we eat.”
It sounded wonderful. It sounded perfect. All Nick could manage was a small grunt of acknowledgment, though, as he drifted away, every one of his cares behind him, his mind and body insulated by the safety and security of Jared’s love.
Chapter Seventeen
A WEEK before Thanksgiving, Jared stood on the doorstep to Pearle Dinah Emerson’s house, straightening his tie and squaring his shoulders as he waited for someone to answer the bell. He’d already run his plan by Emmanuella, who had approved after a few edits and cautionary pieces of advice. Jared made note of everything she said, thanked her for her help, then asked when the best time to visit was.
Now here he was.
Aniyah answered the door, her expression cool and unreadable. “Come in.” She held the door open wide for him.
This had been an appointment, set by Emmanuella, so his arrival wasn’t some dramatic surprise—Emmanuella’s first edit.
With a murmured thank-you and incline of his head, Jared entered. He glanced at Aniyah’s feet and the entryway for clues as to whether or not he should remove his shoes—he couldn’t remember if he had when he was younger, but since Simon had adopted the practice in deference to his spouse, Jared was more cognizant of the rule. Aniyah wore house slippers, and there were several pairs of shoes by the door. At their house, Nick did tend to shed his shoes for the most part as soon as he’d entered. Jared decided to err on the side of caution and stepped out of his loafers.
