The Doctor's Orders, page 10
You better do more than say hello.
Grinning, Jared snuggled deeper into the covers.
Nick typed again. But who knows. I might come find you first.
It had been a long time since Jared had one of those goofy grins that stretched his face, the ones you couldn’t wipe away. I think you’d better.
GRANDMA EMERSON had passed the promised pineapple upside-down cake around the nursing station and to the doctors in the emergency room before Nick left the hospital, and everybody took a slice. The cake was warm when she brought it, which in the Beckert household was the only way to serve it. The warm yellow cake, brown sugar, and cooked pineapple scent drew everyone, meaning Nick only got the two pieces she’d cut out for him. He’d tried not to be sullen about having so much of his favorite treat taken away.
However, that evening as he put away his phone from texting Jared, his grandmother pulled a second one out of the oven, one she explained was entirely his. She said she’d warm it up whenever he wanted.
They’d been spoiling him like this all day, acting as if it were some kind of strange holiday undeclared and centered on him. His mother played the stereo, alternating between Aretha Franklin and Etta James (Grandma Emerson’s favorite and hers, respectively), and everyone had hummed and danced as they did laundry, cooked, and fussed around the living room where Nick sat going over the files Erin had emailed. When Erin came by at nine to brief him on what had happened during the day and let him know what to expect on his return, they cleared out, but Nick’s mother gave him a look that said, Don’t you go staying up too late.
Erin smiled as they sat together at the table. “You seem well taken care of.”
Nick rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, well.” He nodded at the papers Erin had brought. “What do you have for me here?”
Erin sorted through the stack. “I sent you the summary of all the regular business items. What I need your help with are the stickier situations, things we need to take to the board and some things we simply need to act on now because there’s no time.” He handed Nick a stapled memo. “I met with the insurance adjusters, but they want to interview you and Jared both. Rebecca wants the hospital lawyer to be present at those meetings, and she wants to sit in as a board member and as Jared’s personal attorney. She says she’s willing to be yours as well, unless you have someone you want to use.”
“My usual attorney is at her firm, so it’s fine. She can represent me.”
“There’s also the issue of the consulting firm you wanted to call for. We’ll need board approval for that, of course, but I have some names I want you to look at. I want to call a board meeting as soon as possible, but I want everything lined up before then.” He tapped his pencil on his notebook. “I think you’re right, though. There’s no way they’ll tell us anything but that we should build a new facility. Apparently it’s been suggested for years, but the old board wouldn’t have it because of budgetary concerns.” Erin pursed his lips. “Quite an irony, given the amount of money they siphoned away. While I’m sure my father will help with this endeavor, the bulk of his fortune went to the cardiac unit and the scholarship fund in your father’s name. He might have some contacts in the industry, but I’d rather not use them. And while he and I are finally managing a civil relationship, I’m not ready to work with him on a sustained level, nor do I think is anyone in Copper Point.”
“Agreed.” Nick wiped his face, thinking. “If we’re going to have issues like falling elevators, we’re going to need to take action whether we’re ready or not. I don’t want this to get away from us.”
“That’s just the thing. The elevator repair itself is going to be incredibly expensive and take a long time. Even if a new building is only more expensive by twenty thousand dollars, we’ll be besieged by people who don’t understand construction and think we should be economical and recycle the building we have. This is going to hurt us no matter how we slice it.” His gaze darted to the plate beside Nick. “Speaking of slice. Is that the remnants of your grandmother’s pineapple upside-down cake I see there? I heard there was one floating around the hospital. I can’t believe I missed out.”
Nick perked up. “Oh, yeah, it is. She made another one, and it’s still warm, or she’ll make it that way if it isn’t. Let’s go get you some.”
“I won’t say no.”
Erin looked like a little kid as he sat at the table and waited for a slice of cake, fidgeting and tapping his feet as Nick’s grandmother brought two plates over. “Grandma Emerson, your kitchen always smells amazing.”
She waved a dish towel at him, but she smiled. “You want coffee with your cake?”
“Oh, no. Water is fine. I need to be able to sleep tonight.”
“I’m more worried about you staying awake long enough to drive home.” She set a piece of cake in front of Erin and another in front of Nick.
Nick held up his hands. “Grandma, I’m so full I’ll burst.”
“If you don’t eat the cake, I’ll put it away after Erin leaves.”
Sighing, Nick pulled the plate toward him as his grandmother walked away. “I’m going to need a week in the gym to make up for today alone.”
Erin ignored him, his eyes falling closed as his lips sealed around his fork. He groaned as he chewed. “Oh my God,” he said, mouth half-full. “This is amazing. This is absolutely the best cake I’ve ever had. It’s so moist. And I love that it’s warm.”
Giving in, Nick speared a section of the top of the cake, loaded with pineapple and brown sugar and part of a cherry. He didn’t make the sounds Erin did, but he had to agree, it was a perfect cake. All Grandma Emerson’s baking was amazing, but this one was the crown jewel as far as he was concerned.
He carved out another bite, this time from the plain cake section, which was moist and soft, springing back as he cut into it. “When I was little and Grandma would take this cake to church potlucks, I’d stand beside it like a carnival barker, selling it to everyone who walked by.”
“I’d have walked off with the whole tray.” Erin, having finished his piece, mashed some crumbs with his fork and licked them. “I suppose I should get going. Owen had to go in for an OB patient, and Jack and Simon are sitting at the house with Jared. None of us feel right leaving him alone tonight, but at the same time, I don’t want to keep them up too late. And since I’ll be up early, I should get some sleep too.”
Nick thought of his earlier text with Jared. “I’m glad he’s staying with you.”
“Yes, well, he’ll insist on going home soon enough, and if we try to coddle him, he won’t have it.”
Grandma Emerson stuck her head back into the dining room and looked at Nick’s empty plate with a knowing smile. “I’m heading to bed. You boys put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and, Nick, go ahead and start it after.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Nick called.
“Thank you,” Erin replied.
Nick walked Erin to the door, but as they stood in the vestibule, Erin glanced into the empty house, then leaned in close to Nick.
“I know you like to keep things private, and I’m not going to pry. But if things are going the way I think between you and Jared, I’m all for it and will support you however I can.”
Nick stared openmouthed at Erin. “How—”
Erin gave him a come on look. “Nick. I’ve known you forever, and I got drunk with you in college.”
Nick went still. “What happened when we got drunk together in college?”
“You talked about Jared Kumpel every single time.”
Nick took a step backward so the wall would support him.
Erin held up a hand. “You only said how frustrated he made you and how you wanted to tell him off, though after vodka you were known to say how much you missed his friendship. Except I always wondered if there wasn’t something more to it. Then I watched the two of you play racquetball together, and I was convinced there was.”
He needed to deny this, to tell Erin no way, he was imagining things, but Nick was so sideswiped he didn’t know where to start.
Worse, Erin kept going. “Then I saw the way you looked at him when the two of you came out of the elevator.” When Nick tensed, Erin hurried to continue. “No one else noticed what I did, I’m sure. Except maybe Owen. We’ve talked about it together, since Jared is his friend. If I’m reading into all of this, I apologize.”
There was his escape, except Nick couldn’t take it. He pulled Erin deeper into the shadows and pitched his voice low. “I’m not….” A cold sweat broke out across his skin. He’d never said the words out loud. They clogged his throat. “I’m not out. To anyone.”
I’m barely out to myself.
“I know.” Erin kept his voice low as well. “Which is why I’m telling you like this. I support the two of you. Tell me how I can help.”
What was he supposed to say to this? He wanted to tell Erin he could help by butting out and leaving him alone, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Shouldn’t do that. But saying anything else felt like he might puke up the cake he’d eaten, and dinner too.
Inclining his head, Erin put his hand on the door. “I’m sorry, I’ve made you uncomfortable. Forget I said anything. But the offer stands. For the record, I know it’ll be true of Owen, Jack, and Simon too.”
Erin started to leave, and words fell out of Nick’s mouth. “Thank you.”
He wasn’t sure if he meant for stopping by or for bringing my notes or for covering for me or if he actually meant for telling me you know I’m gay and that you’re fine with it. Maybe it was all of it.
Erin smiled. “Anytime. See you tomorrow.”
Head spinning, shoulder aching a little, Nick shuffled into the dining room to collect the plates. Except they were already gone, and he could hear the sound of someone loading the dishwasher in the kitchen.
His stomach turned to lead as he followed the sound. Oh God, who was it? Who had heard them? His mother? Grandma Emerson?
No, it was Emmanuella. When she saw him standing in the doorway, panic-stricken, she put a hand on her hip and cocked an eyebrow.
“What are you looking at me like that for?” She motioned to one of the tall stools at the breakfast bar. “Sit. You’re going to fall over, and I’m not having Mom shout at me for it.”
Nick moved toward the chair and took a seat in a floating haze. Had she heard them? Had she been in the kitchen? Had they been quiet enough? Should he say something? Should he pretend nothing had happened?
Well, he’d thought she might know in the hospital, but….
God, he didn’t know how to behave.
Emmanuella continued to load and start the dishwasher as if nothing was wrong. When she finished, she dusted her hands and turned to him. “Come on. Let’s get you to your room. Everyone else is in bed, and I heard you’re going to work tomorrow.”
Normally Nick would have insisted he could walk to his room alone just fine, but right now he wasn’t so sure. He let her herd him up the stairs and down the hall and didn’t question it when she followed him inside and shut the door, ushered him to the bed, then sat beside him.
“All right. Now that we’re where you know it’s private, tell me what has you so spooked. Erin say something? He guess something you didn’t want him to? Was it about Jared?”
Nick couldn’t breathe for a second. “H-how—?”
Emmanuella tilted her head and looked down the slope of her nose at him. She didn’t say anything else.
He was tugged in two directions at once, part of him eager to tell her what he’d wanted to share for years, part of him paralyzed with fear of discovery. As usual, the fear overrode everything. He decided this wasn’t the right time to discuss Jared with her. Best to deflect and come up with a better moment later.
Trouble was, he didn’t know how to do that with her looking so damned determined.
I’m a CEO of a hospital. I took out a nest of crooked board members. I can handle an interrogation from my baby sister. Except when Nick opened his mouth, all that came out was, “What do you mean, is it about Jared? Why would you guess that?”
“What it’s about is I’d bet my next paycheck you’ve had a crush on him since you were in high school, and now you were trapped in an elevator with him and you both came out looking at each other like you were Jack and Rose in that car in the Titanic cargo hold.” When Nick felt the blood drain from his face and possibly the entire upper half of his body, his sister threw up her hands. “See? This is what I’m talking about. I’ve been waiting twenty years for you to confess your orientation to me. You think it’s some big mystery, with the way you won’t date anyone? Figured it was just a matter of time until you introduced me to your boyfriend.”
Nick could only stare at her, drowning in his worst nightmare. It didn’t matter that she was reacting positively. The part of him that was always afraid was too keyed up, too busy connecting every potential dot that might bring his world crashing down around him.
Emmanuella, unaware of this, pressed on. “I’m telling you to your face, bro, that I’m for this. Why don’t you come out and tell me about it so you can quit bottling it up inside?”
Nick honestly thought he might be sick. “Does Mama know? Grandma?”
“That you have feelings for Jared? Or that you’re gay?”
Every bone in his body failed him at once, his stomach twisting into a tighter knot. He slumped farther forward.
She put a hand on his back and stroked him in slow, easy circles. “Nick, honey. I’m not trying to make this about me, but for real, I’m hurt you’re reacting like this. You’re not happy that I’m happy for you?”
A rough, hollow laugh escaped him. “Wasn’t ever gonna tell you.”
She smacked him sharply on the shoulder. “Seriously? I just told you—”
“I wasn’t ever going to tell anyone in the family. You’re the last people in the world I could tell.”
“But why?”
His chest was so tight he could barely breathe, his vision blurred by unshed tears as he clenched his hands into fists over his thighs. “Because I could handle anyone in the world rejecting me, but not a single one of you.”
She pulled him tight into her arms, drew his head onto her shoulder. “I would never reject you. Not for anything. Certainly not for you telling me the whole of who you are.”
A small ball of tightness inside of Nick’s chest relaxed, and for a moment they sat quietly as her vow echoed around them and his tears fell softly onto her shirt.
Eventually she started stroking his back again. “As for Mama and Grandma, I don’t know. I think they have to suspect something. I mean, everybody wonders why you don’t date. But then, I assumed we just didn’t meet your dates. I never figured out how you got together with anybody, though. You’re so busy, and it’s not like you sleep overnight anywhere much or stay out late. If you’ve got extra work, you bring it home.”
“Don’t date, never have.”
She drew back and regarded him with a stunned expression. “Go on, you did so.”
He shook his head. “Tried seeing a few women in my early twenties, but I couldn’t take them to bed. I was trying to make myself straight, but I knew what I was doing to them and couldn’t go through with it. Tried to marry my job after that, which kinda worked.”
“What, so you didn’t date anyone?”
He shrugged. “Hooked up occasionally, but I tried not to. Not much since I came back to Copper Point—only twice, when I was out of town.”
“Baby. That’s not right.” She paused. “Unless, are you not interested in sex? Because that’s a whole other situation altogether.”
“Oh, I’m interested. But denying myself was where I was. I don’t want to be there anymore.” He ran his good hand over the top of his head. “I want to be with Jared, but I worry a relationship with a closeted man won’t be enough for him, and I worry about people finding out.”
Rising from the bed, she motioned for him to follow her. “Come on. Let me help you with your hair. You won’t be able to do it the way you want with your shoulder. Let’s get you some nice waves for tomorrow. You can seduce your doctor or take on insurance adjusters, whatever pleases you most.”
He wasn’t going to fight her. His hair felt frizzy and dry, his beard a mess. She was right, his shoulder was going to hinder him. If she was offering to play barber, he was willing to let her.
He sat in front of her while she greased his waves and brushed them into place. Having someone else fuss with his head felt good, almost hypnotic. When was the last time someone had done this for him? How old had he been? Over and over she ran the hard bristles, following the pattern of his hair, working in the conditioning oil and taming the curls.
She must have brushed the words out of him too, because all of a sudden he was talking.
“I never knew how you would accept it.” He let his head follow the tug of her arm movements. “Coming out wasn’t as important to me as family unity or the honor of Dad’s memory, so I kept quiet. I figured I just wouldn’t get married.”
Her brush clipped his ear. “You think any of us want you to deny yourself to preserve some fantasy you have of our family’s happiness? You think we can’t be unified without you making sacrifices?”
“I think Mom and Grandma would have a hard time with it. A very hard time.”
She brushed for a few seconds before replying. “You might be right. But I think they’d come around.”
“And what if they don’t?”
“You honestly think they still wouldn’t love you?”
“I think they might love me and be more distant at the same time.”
“They might need a minute to adjust, but I’m telling you, they would get over it.”
“I don’t want to risk it. They’ve given up so much for us.”
“They didn’t do it so you could be half of yourself.”
“If me being my true self means turning the women who kept us above water all these years into angry, bitter strangers, then I don’t want my true self.”
“Even if it means losing Jared?”
