Record Love, page 5
Even if I had gone the more traditional route during our meeting and simply listened to his demo, his talent would have been immediately evident to me. I was shocked nobody had picked him up by now.
Then again, I probably shouldn’t be. I knew damn well how this industry worked. You got multiple demos sent to you every day and most of them just got tossed in the trash, never to be listened to. Which I could only assume was what happened with Caleb.
Because I could guarantee that anyone who actually listened to his wouldn’t be able to turn him away. He was brilliant. Absolutely, positively, musically brilliant.
It only made me more obsessed with him.
I was listening to my favorite song on the CD, a smile on my face, when my secretary walked in.
“Sir, I just got a call from Sarah Ashley’s agent. She wants to meet with you next Thursday, so I penciled her in for 2pm. Is that okay? I figured you wouldn’t want to keep her waiting.”
She was right, Sarah Ashley was probably my most famous client currently. If she wanted a meeting, she got one.
“That’s absolutely perfect. Thanks, Angela.”
She nodded, but looked at me suspiciously.
“What is it?” I asked.
I’d worked with Angela for fifteen years by now, a lot of that time when I was still only a producer, so she never hesitated to give it to me straight.
“Mr. Clarke, are you dating someone?” she asked with a cheeky smile.
“What?!” I blurted out, laughing. “Why on earth would you think that?”
“It’s just the smile on your face. You’ve got that dreamy look people get when they’ve just met someone they really like.”
I put a hand on my cheek, trying to do so casually, but really trying to hide the fact that I might start blushing.
“No, I’m not dating anyone,” I said as casually as I could.
She laughed. “You can’t hide it from me, I’ve known you a long time. You’ve met someone, I can see it. And you shouldn't be embarrassed! You work hard, you deserve to have someone bring some happiness into your life.”
I rolled my eyes. “Angela, really! I’m not dating anyone.”
“Uh huh,” she said skeptically. “Well, I hope that’s not true. And I hope if there is a special someone in your life, that you hang onto them. Anyone who can make you smile like that is a gift.”
That last part, I couldn’t deny.
After she left, I started getting around to some busy work. Answering emails, going over my planner, that kind of thing. But no matter how much work I got through, her words still rang out in my head.
Thoughts of Caleb were still invading my mind. Even worse now that I listened to his music constantly. There was something in him that I simply never saw in any other person before.
I always thought I knew pretty well what it was like to love someone. I’d dated plenty of men, though none of them ever lasted. And I really believed I loved them.
I still thought I did, in the way of caring deeply for someone and wanting the best for them. But I never felt the kind of passion for them that I’d begun to feel for Caleb.
I still barely knew him, but just the thought of him sent chills down my spine. Night and day, I found myself fantasizing about him. I didn’t mean fantasizing in a sexual way, either.
I was fantasizing about stupid shit, like us cooking dinner together. Being on a couch, eating pizza, and watching some good TV. I even fantasized about what would have happened if I allowed our conversation during our meeting to continue. What more could I have learned from him if I didn’t stop the conversation? And what else would I have allowed myself to open up about in front of him?
I needed to stop the conversation, though. And I needed to quit thinking about him. This was never going to happen, it couldn’t. He was still too damn young for me and I was still his superior.
But then again, it wasn’t as if he was like other twenty-five-year-olds. He wasn’t stuck in his partying stage, going out every weekend and having random hookups. He was actually more like me, focused on his career and doing whatever it took to reach his goals.
He still may not be on the same level as me financially, but his mind was in the right place. And if his first album took off like I suspected it would, he’d catch up to me financially really quick.
But that didn’t change the fact that I was still his superior and he was still straight. I needed to get over it. It wasn’t like he was my soul mate or anything. There were plenty of other unique, good looking men in this city, and eventually I’d find one.
No matter how many times I repeated this to myself, though, there was still a thought lingering in the back of my mind. What if he was my soul mate?
Really, it did seem like the stars had aligned for us. We never would have crossed paths usually, But he just so happened to be working in the restaurant where my grandma had a heart attack. He saved her damn life.
And clearly, she really believed we were soulmates. When I visited her this week, she wouldn’t stop asking about how the meeting between us went. I did my best to hide from her the fact that I was attracted to him. I wasn’t able to, though. She knew me too well.
She seemed convinced that we were going to end up together no matter how many times I explained to her that he was not into men and that our business partnership would hinder a relationship. She ignored the logistics, though, and continued to tell me we’d be perfect together.
“You can’t just let business or age get in the way of love, Mason. You don’t get a lot of chances to be with someone who can complete your soul. You don’t just let a person like that walk out of your life,” she had told me.
This echoed the same sentiment that Angela had. If you found someone who could genuinely make you happy, you shouldn’t let them go.
He really did make me happy. What if I didn’t get a lot of other opportunities to be with someone who gave some genuine joy? In my thirty-five years of life, I’d never met anyone else who made me feel like him, had I?
Maybe I never would again.
They were right. If that was the case, I really couldn’t just throw it away because of age or because I was his boss. None of those things were a good enough reason to throw away what could potentially be a happy partnership. Love trumped work, love trumped logistics. I’d been alone long enough that finding someone you cared about was a God damn treasure.
But none of this mattered! The boy was straight! This wasn’t even a fucking option. Why couldn’t I fucking let it go?
I was feeling genuinely furious with myself. I decided that I was done with busy work and was going to go out for a long lunch to calm my head. I grabbed my briefcase and began to head out the door.
But when I opened the door of my office, there was someone standing in the way of me leaving. And not just anyone…
It was Caleb.
I actually had to stop myself from doing a double take. Now he hadn’t just invaded my mind, but also my office?
“Oh, Caleb, hello,” I muttered.
“H-hi!” he said, sounding as surprised and nervous as I was. Which didn’t make any sense, considering he had come to see me.
I waited for him to say something else, to explain why he’d come here. But nothing came out of his mouth. He just stared at me awkwardly.
“Do you… Want to come into my office?” I asked, not able to stand the quiet any longer.
“Yes, please!” he said eagerly.
I let him in and sat back behind my desk. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.
I didn’t know why seeing him was making me so anxious. This was what I’d wanted, right? I just wasn’t expecting it.
And I felt a little guilt trickle in. I knew it was ridiculous, but a paranoid thought invaded my head. What if he knew I took his CD? Or that I couldn’t stop thinking about him? I was guilty of being a complete creep and though there was no way for him to know that, I was still very embarrassed.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” he said as he sat down.
“No, you’re never a bother. Did you need something?”
“Oh, no. I didn’t. I just wanted to come and thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I finished the last of my contract today, so it’s all official.”
“That’s fantastic! Congratulations!” I smiled at him. “But don’t thank me. It’s your pure talent and hard work that got you here, not me.” I considered telling him that I had listened to his CD too, but I decided against it. He had seen me throw it away and I didn’t want him knowing I’d pulled it out of the trash.
“Well, let’s be realistic, talent and hard work gets looked over every day in Los Angeles. You gave me an opportunity that might have never come for me. I’ll be forever grateful.”
“Hey, it’s nothing compared to saving the life of the woman who means the most to me. And it’s not exactly a big favor. I honestly believe you’re going to be making me a lot of money in the near future.”
“I hope so!” he said before silence invaded the conversation again. It was starting to get awkward, which was weird, because our first meeting wasn’t awkward at all. The conversation had flowed so easily between us before.
“Do you want to go dinner?” he asked suddenly.
The question came as a complete shock to me. Was he… asking me out? Like on a date?
“To dinner?” I asked, puzzled.
“To celebrate, you know. Me getting the deal and everything.”
“Right, yeah…” I whispered.
I couldn’t do that! I couldn’t just go out with him to a friendly celebratory dinner. I was way too attached to him to be able to just keep things friendly.
Already, with him only sitting across the table from me, it was agony for me not to reach over and kiss him deeply. If I wanted him this badly sober, I couldn’t imagine what I’d feel going to dinner after a glass of wine or two.
“What is it?” he asked. He must have been able to read my hesitance pretty easily.
“I’m just not sure if that would be entirely professional,” I said, instead of what I wanted to say. Which was ‘yes.’
“Oh, right. Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, I didn’t think of that.” It all spilled out of his mouth quickly and nervously.
I felt immediately bad. I had hurt his feelings, that was obvious, and I really didn’t want to.
I tried to think of something to say to ease the blow without just agreeing to go out with him, but I couldn’t. There was nothing to say.
“Well, I better head out then, I’m pretty hungry.” He gave an overtly fake laugh. “Have a good one!”
My heart sank as I watched him head to the door.
Let him leave, Mason, I told myself. Let him walk out the door. It’s the right thing to do.
But I just couldn’t. My Grandma Mary’s and Angela’s words were still fresh in my mind. I couldn’t just let him go—what if he was really the one for me? What if I was letting an opportunity for true love walk out the door right now? I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, I didn’t care if it was wrong.
“Caleb, wait!” I said, physically standing up, as if that was more likely to stop him from walking out the door.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“It’s just a congratulatory dinner, right? There’s nothing really wrong in grabbing some food together.” Even answering him out loud, I could feel myself trying to rationalize the dinner. “I’m pretty hungry, myself.”
He grinned. “Nope, nothing wrong with that at all!”
“Okay… Great. So, let’s go now?” I asked.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
As I walked down the narrow hall with him, I couldn’t help but question myself. Had I made a mistake just now?
I wasn’t used to acting on impulse, it wasn’t in my nature. I thought things through… Thoroughly. Every decision I made was calculated. I made my choices with reason, not emotion.
But there was simply no rhyme or reason to this. This choice was all emotion.
It really wasn’t wrong though, right? I mean, I definitely wasn’t abusing my power to go eat with him. He asked me, completely unprovoked. He had already signed the damn contract, so he had no business motive to come into my office and ask me to eat with him.
That all hit me at once. He asked me to dinner. And he had no business motive to do it? Then why was he doing it?
Perhaps I hadn’t imagined it in our meeting the other day. Maybe he really did also feel the same connection I did.
But he was straight. He made that very clear. He seemed downright anxious when Grandma Mary was trying to set us up. It was very obvious to me he had no interest in a relationship with a guy.
Straight men didn’t just change their mind because they met an interesting guy. I would never find myself dating a woman just because she was attractive. I knew I wouldn’t, because I met many very gorgeous women in this industry.
I speculated on his reasoning all the way to the car. I offered to drive us to my favorite restaurant and he agreed excitedly. As we both stepped into it and shut the door behind us, I still found myself quietly trying to analyze his motives.
And then I realized, I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to sit here and guess at his reasoning. This wasn’t me; I didn’t play these kinds of games in relationships. I didn’t play mind games at all. I said what I thought. Just because Caleb made me excited and nervous didn’t mean I couldn’t be as up front as I always was.
“Caleb, why did you ask me to dinner?” I said bluntly, hoping the question wouldn’t scare him. He did seem pretty easily anxious.
“Honestly… I don’t know,” he said softly. “It’s weird. I’m not usually compelled to spend time with people I don’t know well. Actually, I’m not compelled to spend much time with anyone. I’m alone most of the time. I don’t make many friends. But you just seem so… I don’t know. I just have the desire to be your friend. Does that sound weird?”
“Not at all,” I lied.
It did sound a little weird. I’d never been chased in this way just for friendship. If someone asked me to dinner and felt compelled to get to know me, usually they liked me romantically. Honestly, it sounded like he did.
But clearly, he didn’t think of it like that. For him, this was a possible friendship. Which I didn’t mind. I didn’t have many good friends, either.
And the ones I did have didn’t spend time talking to me like Caleb did. We just went out a lot. They tried to encourage me to hook up with some other guys. It wasn’t exactly a deep friendship and it didn’t fulfill me in any way.
Being friends with Caleb, though? I could see that as actually being fulfilling.
I wanted him romantically, of course. I wasn’t going to pretend I also wanted to be just friends. My ideal situation with him would be deeper than friendship.
I could deal with friendship, though, if it meant I still got to talk to him. It was better than having nothing between us. And if we could continue to talk as openly as we did at our first meeting, then who knew? Being simply friends with him might be enough in itself to curb my loneliness.
The restaurant I picked was pretty high-end but not necessarily overly romantic. I wanted to spoil him without making him feel obligated to explore anything else with me. I had a feeling he had never been to a dinner this expensive before.
And he deserved it. The man had worked his ass off serving in Los Angeles since he was eighteen years old just to have a shot at making it in the music industry. Now that the goal was finally reached, I was happy to treat him for all his perseverance.
Obviously, nobody else was going to do it for him. He had no friends and he didn’t mention being close to his family. I could usually tell if someone had a decent relationship with their family by how they reacted to getting a record deal.
Either they’d mention how happy their parents were going to be or they’d start to call them as they walked out of my office. Even if they were adults with long term significant others, they always called the parents first.
I could only attribute this to the fact that parents were so prideful. Nobody was going to celebrate your success quite like your parents would. The people who raised you: that was who took the most pride in you.
Admittedly, this always stung for me. My parents passed too young to ever see me reach my true potential. I would have given anything to be able to call my Mom and Dad the day I acquired the record label. They both would have been over the moon.
I had to be satisfied with being proud of myself . Oh, and having Grandma Mary be proud of me, I supposed. Which she always was.
When we walked up to the restaurant, I opened up the door for him instinctively. I couldn’t help it, it was habit. I actually had to stop myself from walking around to his driver side door and opening it up for him, which was what I usually did on dates.
But this wasn’t a date, this was just two guys becoming friends. No big deal.
Except it actually was for me. And I had my fingers crossed that this dinner was going to go well.
7
Caleb
There wasn’t too much conversation between the two of us on the way to the restaurant. Which I didn’t mind; it wasn’t an awkward silence at all. I was pretty comfortable in the quiet with him. He seemed to have some stuff on his mind, anyway.
The silence gave me time to think about how thrilled I was he had said yes to dinner with me. Even more, why I was so thrilled that he had said yes.
I knew I told myself that I only wanted to be friends with Mason but my happiness felt too extreme to just be excited about a friendship. It couldn’t be romantic, though. I wasn’t into men. So what was the real reason I felt so happy?
I had no idea other than the fact that just being around Mason gave me joy. He was nice, charming, and attentive, and we had good conversation. I liked him, that much I knew.
There was also this added element of being around somebody really important. He wasn’t a celebrity himself, but he dealt with them literally every day. He held many of their careers in his hands with his record label. The biggest of stars interacted with him personally; his time was valuable.
