The Peas and Carrots Series Boxset 1, page 50
part #1 of Peas and Carrots Series
He considered what words he would use to explain the event, if that’s what he could call it. He had to call it something, but to say kiss made it sound lurid, sexual. Like he had cheated. And he hadn’t. He was certain he hadn’t. At least not deliberately. Three times during the walk back Eric had had to stop and steady his thoughts in order to prevent himself from throwing up on the pavement. He wanted to convince himself it was the Chinese. That he had just eaten too much, but he knew that was bullshit.
His stomach corkscrewed. It wasn’t his fault, he reminded himself for the hundredth time in twenty minutes. He had gone there with good intentions. All he wanted to do was see Lulu and indulge in a bit of non-judgemental affection. If Suzy hadn’t made him get rid of the puppy, he would never have gone around to Fleur’s in the first place. If Suzy had just let him keep Lulu, none of this would ever have happened. Suzy definitely held some responsibility in the situation, Eric tried to convince himself, although as the squirming around his intestines increased, he realised he was not doing a particularly good job.
He had barely turned the key in the lock when the door sprang open.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Suzy said. Eric’s feet were still firmly placed on the outside welcome mat as Suzy’s arms squeezed tight around him. ‘I’m so sorry. I was completely out of line.’
She had been crying, a lot, judging from the blotchiness of her skin. Her hands were cold, as if she hadn’t thought to turn the heat up, and her loosely knotted hair messily framed her face.
‘How were you to know they were after Dad,’ she carried on. ‘I wasn’t thinking. I really wasn’t. I wouldn’t have known if I answered the call either. I’m so sorry.’
She backed up into the doorway, giving Eric room to slide into the house.
‘Oh, my goodness,’ she said, suddenly noticing Eric’s state. ‘You’re soaked. Take these off, and I’ll put them straight into the wash.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You’re not. You’re not fine at all.’
The scene evolved as if Eric were a spectator, watching as his wife fussed about, apologising for something she really didn’t need to apologise for. She took his coat and then his jacket and even made him remove his jeans standing there in their open hallway.
‘I’ll sort these for you now,’ she said. ‘You go get dry.’
She moved in for a kiss. Eric stiffened. A waft of red wine, which clung to his lips caught his attention. He turned his head sharply to the side.
‘I’m just going to have a bath,’ he said. ‘Warm up a bit.’
Suzy’s hands dropped. Fixing her gaze on him, she tilted her head to the side. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly.
‘Eric?’ she said. ‘Is everything all right?’
‘Everything’s fine,’ he said and this time he held her gaze. He held it for all he was worth. He held it so firmly that his eyes began to water, and he could feel his pulse pounding with every passing breath. ‘I just want to get clean and dry, that’s all.’
For a moment, Eric was certain she knew. His heart thumped even harder in his chest, his pulse beat fiercely in his stomach. Perhaps Fleur had already called here. Perhaps this niceness was simply a ruse, and she’d taken his clothes simply to set fire to them before pushing him out stark naked into the night so that he could rot forever in accidental adultery hell. It was too much, he had to tell her now. He had to tell her.
Suzy dropped her gaze and smiled.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘You get in the bath. I’ll bring you a drink up.’
When Suzy climbed into bed in the early hours, Eric pretended that he was asleep. He groaned, what he considered to be a reasonable amount, when she moved the duvet over to her side and mumbled in what he felt was a suitably incoherent, sleepy sounding manner, when she spoke.
‘It’ll calm down now,’ Suzy said. ‘I’m certain. We’ll find our rhythm again. Everything will calm down again now.’
Eric couldn’t respond. It was going to be a sleepless night he realised. An incredibly sleepless night.
Eric had tossed and turned all night, battling his wife for the duvet while racking his brain for the best way to explain that he had kissed – or had at least been involved in being kissed by – another woman. The room was hot, stiflingly so for the end of March, but even opening the window did little to alleviate the sweating. In the room beside them, Yvette fared no better. Her pacing and sobbing provided a constant ostinato to his own melodrama, which replayed over and over in his mind. Only when he had finally drifted off, and the early morning birds had just broken through the night-time silence, did Yvette’s sobs turn into a scream that shattered everyone’s fitful sleep.
‘Mum?’ Suzy jerked herself awake, her feet off the side of the bed before she had fully opened her eyes. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’
Eric bounded into the living room only moments after Suzy, to find Yvette blanched and shaking.
‘The money. Our joint accounts, he’s drained them.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘All the pesos. They’re gone. That was the plan. That was always the plan.’
Three tabs for three different bank accounts were open on the laptop screen in front of them.
‘He must have done it last night, as soon as he left.’
Together Eric and Suzy studied one page of Yvette’s finances, and then the next and the one after. Each displayed a strikingly stark balance of less than a hundred pounds.
‘How could he do this?’ Yvette was trembling and her complexion constantly fluctuating between furious red and ashen grey. ‘After everything. How could he do this?’
Suzy’s complexion was also undertaking similar periodic variation.
‘But he can’t have,’ Eric said, the only one who seemed to be able to find a voice in the situation. ‘Are you sure you haven’t made a mistake? That you’re not looking at old accounts?’
Yvette flicked the screens to the on-screen statements, each of which showed massive transfers.
‘We won’t let him do this, Mum, we won’t.’ Suzy rested one of her hands on her mother’s elbow, the other a clawed talon by her side. ‘He can’t do this. We’ll get you a lawyer. The one in the village. We can call him now.’
Yvette shook her head.
‘There’s no point,’ she said plainly. ‘It was all shared. Everything. Our entire life. And now he’s taken it all. What are they going to tell me, that I’m an old fool?’
Eric scanned through the statements, each one causing him to balk with more disgust than the next.
‘But do you not have anything separate? Surely all your accounts weren’t together?’
‘Forty-two years.’ Yvette clenched her fist for emphasis. ‘Why would I have thought to change it after all this time? Besides, we thought it would be best for the move.’
She corrected herself.
‘He thought it would be best if everything was in pesos. That way we could … we could …’ She stopped herself just in time.
A few sharp breaths turned into another heavily expelled sigh. The tears momentarily abated.
‘I have a little bit,’ she said to Suzy. ‘A little bit that your grandmother left behind. And my jewellery too, but I could never part with that. All our savings. All your inheritance. Oh, Suzy, I’m so sorry, that money was meant for you and your sister.’
That was all it took. Yvette collapsed into her daughter’s arms, shuddering with tears. Suzy looked to Eric. Her eyes were pleading for support in a way they had done so many times across the years. Still he had difficulty holding her gaze, even now. Even with this.
‘Are you sure you can’t come?’ Suzy said later as they loaded up the Audi with an overnight bag for herself, Yvette, and Abi, ready to take to Lydia’s. Yvette was shrouded in one of her batik quilts, all the healing crystals she owned draped around her neck and wrists.
‘No, it’s fine. There are things I can get on with here,’ he said. ‘I need to get the house sorted before Abi gets back. And besides, there’s not enough room at your sister’s for all of us.’
‘And you’re sure you’ll be all right by yourself?’ Suzy said.
Eric nodded.
‘I’ll be fine.’
When she kissed him goodbye, he thought he might just throw up. His hands were shaking, and there were so many causes it was almost impossible to identify the main culprit.
He was furious, that much was certain. Furious at Fleur. Who the hell did she think she was, kissing a married man like that? And her friend’s husband to boot. Suzy had bent over backwards to welcome her to the village; taking her out for tapas, inviting her to Hank’s for New Year’s Eve. Did she have any idea how lucky she was to have a friend like Suzy? And look at how she repaid her. Fleur was a bad friend, a bad person, Eric decided.
He wandered back into the house and sighed. In the light of yesterday’s events, there was still an excessive amount of clearing up to do. The bottom two railings of the banister were busted, as were the third, fourth, sixth, and ninth. In the living room, both the coffee table and the sofa were completely beyond repair. He carried on through the house. Fucking Philip. What kind of man would do that to his wife? To his children? Had Philip not made such a catastrophic balls-up with his life, Eric would never have been at Fleur’s. Had he just had the guts to leave Yvette, or tell her the truth, or just run off with his twenty-four-year-old girlfriend to Bora Bora or wherever the hell he was planning on taking her, then none of this would have happened.
He slumped to the floor, next to a broken photo frame. He should be tidying things up, he thought, looking at the sea of debris filling the floor around him. He should be doing as he said he was and making the place straight for when Abi got home. Only he didn’t feel like tidying. He felt like the exact opposite.
It was an incredible feeling, swinging the sledgehammer into the scratched pine and hearing the wood splinter beneath him. How many years had they had that crappy piece of flat pack furniture, he thought. Too many. He changed his angle and struck one of the legs. The table buckled at the side. Another whack saw the whole side collapse to the ground. He didn’t need that kind of crap in his life. He was still raining down blows on the now decimated table when the doorbell rang. Eric dropped the sledgehammer, wiped his brow with his sleeve and made his way over to the front door.
‘You have to be kidding me,’ he said and moved to close the door the moment he had opened it.
A hand pushed back against the pane, stopping it just before it clicked.
‘Please, Eric,’ Fleur said. ‘I just wanted to apologise. I brought you these.’
She held out a basket of eggs. Eric scoffed in disgust and moved again to shut the door. For the second time Fleur caught it.
‘Eric, I—’
‘No,’ he said, swinging the door open fully. ‘I don’t want to hear it. What the hell do you think you’re doing coming around here? This is my home. Suzy could have been here.’
‘I … I …’ Fleur stuttered, the eggs in the basket rattled as her hand shook.
‘You what?’ Eric snapped.
‘I was watching. I saw her leave.’
Eric balked.
‘You were watching the house? What are you? Some kind of stalker now?’ A small yap averted his attention before turning his muscles rigid.
‘Please,’ Fleur said. ‘I was out of line, I completely misread the situation—’
‘You think?’
‘— but I don’t want to ruin our friendship. Please, Eric, it was one silly mistake.’
Her eyes were welling, and her lower lip trembled; beside her Lulu had started to whine.
‘I was just lonely, and you were kind and funny and I …’
Before Eric realised what had happened, she was scrunched up against his shoulder, sobbing as the basket dangled in her hand. Eric’s stomach loosened. The burning anger becoming a more bearable simmer.
‘I messed up so badly, didn’t I?’ Fleur said. ‘It’s the same every time. I mess everything up.’
Eric sighed.
‘Come in,’ he said. ‘I’ll make you a cup of tea.’
In the kitchen, Eric discovered that his hasty demolition of the kitchen table may not have been such a wise move. With mugs of tea on their laps, Eric and Fleur sat on high-back chairs, facing each other.
Now that she’d stopped crying, Fleur was remaining unusually quiet. Even Lulu seemed to be eyeing Eric with some kind of suspicion.
‘I really am sorry,’ Fleur said. ‘I was confused. The loneliness, our friendship, then you turning up like that, all soaked through and upset. It felt like something out of a romantic comedy, I suppose.’
‘Or a horror movie,’ Eric muttered.
‘What was that?’ Fleur said. Eric shook his head, and she let it go. A silence expanded between them.
‘Have you told Suzy yet?’ said Fleur, breaking the silence after several sips of her tea.
‘No.’
‘Are you going to?’ It was a question he had asked himself multiple times. ‘I mean, I won’t tell her. I won’t tell anyone,’ Fleur said. ‘Really. We can keep it a secret, keep this between you and me. I don’t mind. You don’t have to tell her if you don’t want. I swear, I’ll never say a word.’
Eric stared at the mug in his hand. Could he do that? he wondered. His memory skipped back to the last time he had lied to her, the last time he had hidden the truth about where he was going and what he was doing. She had left him over it. She came back of course, but she had left him; packed up and gone to Lydia’s for over a week and it had broken his heart. Not seeing Abi every day, not having Suzy next to him when he curled up in bed a night. Eric’s stomach twisted and tightened. She had been under so much pressure recently; how could he add this to her list of things to worry about? The argument went back and forth in his mind. Besides, what if she didn’t believe him about it simply being a kiss? What if she didn’t believe that Fleur was the one responsible, not him? She wouldn’t stick around, not after everything she went through with Pete. And then what would happen?
Eric placed his hand on the back of one of the chairs. The air in the room had thinned and the kitchen table had started to shift in and out of focus. It should be an easy decision to make, one side of his conscience was telling him. It should have been straightforward, and yet each thought in his head was countered by another even more convincing one. The dizziness was almost unbearable.
‘Are you all right?’ Fleur lifted her hand to his shoulder. Eric shook it away
‘I can’t,’ he said.
‘Can’t what?’
‘I can’t have her leave me.’
A tangible silence filled the air between them. Eric’s heart pounded in his chest.
‘If you breathe a word—’
Fleur’s eyes brightened, her head nodded rapidly. ‘I swear I won’t.’
‘And you’re not to see her, not to speak to her, not even to be friends with her anymore?’
‘But I …’ Her lower lip trembled. ‘Okay. I won’t. I won’t ever talk to her again.’
A deep breath filled his lungs with cold air. He was really going to do it, he thought. He was really going to keep the kiss from Suzy. The pounding in his chest has lessened by a fraction. It was for the best, the best for all of them. This way they could move on with their lives without any more shadows hanging over them. This way he could focus his attention on helping with Yvette and Abi, not waste all his energy trying to convince Suzy that he still loved her. Because he did. More than anything in the world, Eric loved Suzy.
‘Okay,’ he said to Fleur, his pulse steady for the first time all day. ‘She will never find out.’
Epilogue
ERIC HAD TRIED to keep his word to Fleur. When they had spoken, he had been certain it was the right thing to do. But as the minutes passed, the old arguments rose in the back of his head, and finally, on the floor of a smashed-up kitchen, he accepted the truth. He couldn’t keep it from her.
‘I need to talk you,’ he said down the phone, the sounds of shrieking children echoing in the background.
‘Can it wait?’ Suzy said. ‘Mum is still in a bad way.’
‘No,’ Eric said. ‘I need you to come home now. I need to speak to you now.’
‘Eric, is everything all right?’
‘Please,’ he said. ‘Please can you come home? Just you, though.’
There was a pause.
‘I’m on my way.’
Eric was staring out the window when her car pulled into the driveway. He had rehearsed his lines to himself multiple times, and provided she didn’t interrupt, he would be fine. A lump was bulging in his throat constricting his airway and making it near impossible to swallow while sweat slickened his palms more by the second.
The minute her car door clicked open, he was on his feet.
‘Eric?’ Suzy called as she rushed into the house. ‘Where are you? Is everything all right?’
He stepped out into the hallway. Suzy flung her arms around him.
‘What happened?’ she said. ‘Did he come back? Did Dad come back? Did Maggie call?’
‘No,’ Eric said. Tension filled his whole body forbidding more than one-word answers.
‘Then what? What is it?’
‘I think you should sit down.’
‘Eric, you’re worrying me.’
‘Please, Suzy.’ He could feel the heat building behind his eyes. ‘Please sit down.’
Suzy’s brow knitted.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Okay.’
With both the living room and kitchen out of action, Eric led Suzy into the dining room. The carpet, though a little more weathered, still exuded the new carpet smell and forced Eric’s mind back to the night just before Christmas when he and Suzy had worked all night to get ready for Lydia’s arrival. Their in-law invasion had only just begun, and Fleur hadn’t even entered their lives. How happy the children had been as they rode their bikes up and down the road. It felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened.
