Reckless Seduction, page 7
Gale regarded her sadly. “Pain is a great teacher, and loneliness can conquer pride and fear. I’m looking forward to meeting the man who has cracked my daughter’s carefully constructed veneer.”
When Haley walked into her apartment Sunday afternoon, she saw the light on her answering machine. She got a glass of lemonade, kicked off her shoes and sat down to check her calls. Nels wanted to have lunch with her on Monday, the neighborhood florist asked for a return call and then she heard his voice, “Haley, I’ve tried to reach you four times this weekend, and I’ve finally decided to leave a message. I hate to talk into these things. Call me, would you? I miss you. Jon.”
She laughed aloud, partly from pent up emotion and the anxiety she’d been experiencing at not having heard from him and partly from his assumption that she wouldn’t recognize his voice. She punched in his phone number, noting from her watch that it was already eleven o’clock in Oslo. It shocked her to realize that she had memorized the number, though she’d only looked at it once when he gave her his card the last night they were together.
“Hello.” She felt the tremors from her head to her toes. Suddenly, she found herself lying flat on her back on the sofa, hugging herself.
“I’m sorry I missed your calls, Jon. I was in Washington spending the weekend with Mama.” How could her voice be so calm when she felt like a volcano inside?
“Did you get my flowers?”
“No, but I got a message from my florist that I should let her know when I got home. Thank you. However, my first act was to call you. I’m sorry that I’m calling so late, but it’s only five o’clock in the afternoon here.”
“I wouldn’t care if it was five o’clock in the morning. I wanted to hear your voice, and anyway, I’m not sleeping.”
“You could have heard me sooner, if you’d called.”
“Touché! Actually, I haven’t been here. As soon as I arrived, I found that I had to look into some problems in our Southeast Asia branch, and I left the next day for Bangkok. I found such a mess there that I was at it sometimes eighteen to twenty hours a day. I got back yesterday. I just want to know one thing. Have you missed me?”
“I’ve missed you, and this is going to be a long six months.” She gambled, hoping that he would give her something more than that he’d missed her, but knowing in her heart that he wouldn’t, couldn’t until he’d worked through whatever problem he had.
“Yeah, it is that,” was his cryptic response.
“Thank you again for the flowers, Jon. I’m sure it’s time you slept. We’ll talk again, good night.” There was another long silence before he said good-night. She sat up on the sofa, feeling bereft and forlorn.
Jon pulled his pillow under his right arm and covered it with his left. What had he wanted to say to her? When he’d called, there’d been so much he’d wanted to tell, to share. The personnel problems in Southeast Asia were threatening its very existence. For once, he and his father did not agree on a solution. Now his father had gone to see what he could do to settle staff agitations and especially the problem with reporting and who knew when he would return.
There had been no opportunity for him to speak with his father about his personal concerns. So his life was still on hold. He knew that their telephone conversation had disappointed Haley, as it had him, but he didn’t know how to amend it. His feelings for her went even deeper than he had thought when he left. But he didn’t really know how she felt about him. He knew that she was attracted to him and that she responded to him. She seemed to care about him. So why had he left her hanging at the end of that call?
He went downstairs to the library, helped himself to some scotch and went back to bed. An hour later, unable to sleep he called her. When she answered, he wasted no time.
“Haley, what I really called you for was to tell you that I need you. I’m lonely for you, and I’ve got all kinds of professional concerns that I want to share with you and no one else. I need to be with you, and having to talk with you this way was so frustrating. Forgive me for having been so uncommunicative.”
“There was so much that I wanted to say, too. I’m glad you called back. There are things that I’ve wanted to share with you, too. For instance, when I learned that Brayton-Rogers had not only agreed to provide the grant that I was requesting but had doubled it I was unhappy because I couldn’t tell you.”
“That’s great news. Does that mean that having dinner with me really did solve the problems you were having with it?” She laughed that low throaty laugh that he liked so much.
“Hardly! Well, there may have been a relationship. The next day, I got down to business and got the job done. Of course, I might have done that anyway,” she joked.
“I won’t push it.” Feeling uplifted and knowing exactly why, he savored the silence for a moment and then, in a lowered, husky voice that betrayed his true feelings he spoke, “I’ll call you again soon. Good night, sweetheart. Dream about me.” He hung up before she could respond. He slept soundly the rest of the night.
Haley was less fortunate than Jon. She lay in the dark thinking about the calls, what he hadn’t said the first time and all that he’d said during the second call. He’d said that he needed and missed her, called her his sweetheart and asked her to dream about him.
She’d been in bed for hours and couldn’t get to sleep for thinking of him and how much she wanted to be with him. After counting sheep and saying the multiplication tables backward till dawn, she took a sleeping pill and sent a text message to Amy saying that she would be in in the afternoon. Finally, she drifted off to sleep.
Jon had become impatient. It had been two weeks since his father went to Bangkok, and he gave no indication that his return home was imminent. His dad hadn’t been out in the field for a while and probably wanted to touch base with as many regional bureaus as possible. Jon rejoiced that his father retained an active interest in EIS, but the timing was unfortunate. He couldn’t wait much longer to know whether he was doomed to the life he’d lived for the past five years. He always found it difficult to speak candidly about highly personal matters. And though his father was close to both his sons, he made it a point never to invade their privacy. Perhaps he should discuss the matter with his father only as a last resort. He wouldn’t speak to Svend, because he suspected that his brother didn’t have the problem. That left his mother. She might have the answers he needed.
He got out of bed, dressed casually in jeans and a red plaid cotton shirt and walked down to the kitchen where he knew he’d find his mother. It was Saturday morning, and Svend, who was spending the weekend at his parents’ home, had already gone to the gym. Inger Ecklund looked up at her elder son, smiled warmly and poured him a cup of coffee. “Morning, Mom. You always spoil me. I could have done that. Just sit with me while I drink it. You want one?”
“No, thanks. I had two cups with Svend. I don’t think I should have any more.”
“Your health’s all right, isn’t it?”
“Oh, yes. As far as I know, I’m just fine. I’ve got some fresh bread, smoked salmon and eggs this morning. How about some?”
“Thanks. Every time I come home, I wonder how I’m able to stay away.”
“What’s bothering you, son?” Her question stunned him.
“Something’s bothering me, Mom?”
“You know there is. Ever since you got home. I figured you’d say something before now.”
“Well, as a matter of fact there is something, but I’m not sure whether I should discuss it with you or Dad.” He watched her as she waited for his reply and knew without a doubt that no matter what he had to say she would receive it with the love and sympathy that had always set her apart from every other person in his life.
“Mom, did you ever wonder why Karen and I couldn’t make it?”
“No, I didn’t, because I knew that she hadn’t brought you the love of a mature woman. In fact, I never thought she loved you. She liked the glamour that she thought you represented.”
“You’re right about that, and she quit acting as soon as we got married. The problem was that I couldn’t reach her. She never showed me the understanding and, well, the feeling I needed if…what I’m trying to say is that I couldn’t make an adjustment with her. She didn’t try. I never expected the women that I dated more casually before I got married to show that kind of understanding, but I had thought that my wife would. What I had with Karen was so, well, so devastating that I swore never to be vulnerable to another woman.”
“And now you are.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact.
“Now, I am. I think I’m in love. I want her desperately, but I’m unable to open up to her. The last time we were together, she was so loving and compassionate. I was certain that she would have taken me right then if I had let what we were feeling run its natural course. But I had to back off. I couldn’t risk it. That’s why I put some distance between us and came home for a while. I wanted to see if you and Dad had any experience with this and perhaps get help in solving it. The problem is—”
She interrupted him, knowing that the details would be too painful for him to disclose. “I know what the problem is, son. You inherited it. And yes, it can be solved.” Relief washed over him like rain over arid soil.
“But why haven’t you mentioned this before? I’m so sorry that I haven’t known. How you must have suffered! It can be solved, but it is not you who can solve it.”
“What do you mean?”
“What you’ve just told me about your last meeting with your girl reminds me of my courtship with your father. I knew that he cared deeply for me and that he wanted me. But he always backed off just when I thought he’d surely tell me he loved me. I was frustrated and hurt, and I didn’t know what to think because, in those days, he was not great at communicating. But I also sensed that he didn’t want to give up on me. Each time we were together, his love for me seemed to be stronger. After sleepless nights and much self-doubt and fear, I gambled and told him that I wouldn’t see him again, that I wanted a husband and a family and that he didn’t seem to be headed in that direction. I told him that if he wanted to see me anymore he’d have to let me know what his intentions were.
“He was troubled. On the steps of my parents’ back porch, I sat on his lap and asked him to tell me what was bothering him. I told him that I loved him and that no matter what he told me I would accept it sympathetically. He put his arms around me and confessed that he loved me but that he had a handicap that was vital to our relationship and that he didn’t know how to share it with me.
“I didn’t know what to expect, but after he told me that he loved me, I made up my mind to get him if I had to seduce him. He was silent for fifteen or twenty minutes and so was I. I just hugged him and caressed him. You might say I lulled him into telling me. The next day I went to the doctor and asked her how I could make love with a man who was especially large. She assured me that all I needed was love, patience and tenderness. I had plenty of all three.
“That same evening, I went to your father’s apartment, uninvited and unannounced, and I seduced him. I shall never forget the moment when finally he was in my arms and we were at last as close as we could get from head to toe. He wept at his release. I have never been so happy before or since. And to this day, every time I look at you, I just overflow with love for you. It was at that moment that you were conceived.”
Jon sat riveted in the spot, stunned. He hadn’t expected that either of his parents would be so forthcoming. He rounded the table, took his mother in his arms hugged her.
“Now I know why my father loves you so deeply and cherishes you so.”
“Jon, do you think I didn’t love him more for the faith he showed in me when he let me see his terrible vulnerability and because he allowed me to give him something so precious? Love is giving, not only receiving. Tell me something about your girl. Most important, does she love you?”
“I’ll tell you what I can. I know that she cares for me,” he said.
“Have you told her that you love her?”
“No. But I’ve told her that I think I’m falling in love with her. That was as much as I felt I could say at the time.”
“Take your time with her, Jon, and teach her to love you. I think, from what you’ve told me, that Haley is a strong woman but that she needs assurance of her womanhood. You can give her that. Talk to her. Share this burden with her. If you don’t let her know that you trust her enough to show her your vulnerability, how will you know that she’s the woman for you? And don’t forget, it’s one thing to tell her that you need her and something else to show her. From what you’ve said, I’d say she cares a great deal for you. I want to meet her.”
He considered all that his mother told him. She had made it clear to him that he had to do what he’d sworn never to do again and that he had to do it on blind faith. In other words, he could either risk it or walk away.
He looked at the gold watch that his parents gave him when he graduated from college and saw that he’d been sitting there for over three hours. He glanced up at the clear blue sky and around him at the still trees that were fast losing their summer elegance and wondered what his life would be like a year from then. Some inner voice told him very plainly that nothing would change unless he had the courage to set that change in motion. He had sat in that spot against that same tree hundreds of times, since he had been barely old enough to walk. Now he looked at the rushing waters below him and thought, for the first time and much to his surprise, that not even a dam could reverse the river’s flow. With that, he stood up and headed back to the house. He’d made a decision, and he wouldn’t reverse it.
Around that time, Haley, too, came to a decision—one that had been long coming and that would one day have an important effect on her life. She punched the intercom button, “Amy, would you please ask Spencer to come to my office.”
Fully ten minutes later, the sullen man sauntered into her office. She had long suspected that he didn’t like having a woman as boss, but that being the case, he should have found another job. “You sent for me?”
“Yes. Clean out your desk. This is your last day. I’m tired of your attitude. Amy will give you your severance check. That’s all.”
“What the hell? You can’t—”
She didn’t look up. “If you need assistance leaving, I’m sure that one of the guards will be glad to provide it.”
She punched the intercom. “Amy, would you please get me a list of suitable applicants for Spencer’s position?”
“Yes, ma’am. With the greatest of pleasure!”
Three days later, Haley interviewed Nina Emory. “Come in, Ms. Emory.”
After talking with the woman for a few minutes, she liked her, but she needed to test the woman’s professional depth. Half an hour later, she was satisfied that Nina Emory would be an asset to the institute.
“When can you start? I need you now,” Haley said as she stood and shook Nina’s hand.
“I’ve already given notice that I’ll leave my position as soon as I find a better-paying job, but I think I still owe my boss a week’s notice.”
“You certainly do. I’ll expect you a week from Monday.”
She decided to treat herself to a gourmet lunch, satisfied that she had passed an important milestone, that she had the self-confidence to hire someone whose competence she thought about equal to her own.
“Mr. Andersen’s on the line, Haley.”
“Hello, Nels. What was that economical message on my answering machine all about? Were you saving breath?”
He chuckled. “Hi. I hate talking into those blasted machines, but I guess they do serve a purpose.” Who else had said that to her within the past twenty-four hours? “How about lunch tomorrow? I’d hoped to see you today, but you’re rather late making your morning calls, aren’t you?”
Haley laughed. She had never been able to understand why she had always felt so much at ease with Nels. He was good looking, charismatic and very masculine, yet she had never been attracted to him physically. But she valued him as a friend. The realization that Nels knew her better than Jon did startled her. He interrupted her musings. “Are you still there, love?”
“Yes, I was thinking. Where shall we meet for lunch?”
“I’ll let you choose. By the way, how long has it been since you thought of Jon?”
“Drat you, Nels,” she said, unable to control a giggle. “I don’t like having my mind read.”
Chapter 4
She settled down to the task of outlining the program for the reservations and soon found herself chewing on the end of her pencil, a habit she thought she had broken in fifth grade. She got up, walked to the window and looked down on one of the city’s many parks. This one had a waterfall, lovely greenery and white wrought iron chairs, benches and tables to accommodate the office lunch crowd that preferred a brown bag and thermos to a restaurant. For a fleeting moment, she wished that she were free to spend an hour in the sun. She stared into space, seeing nothing, her thoughts on Jon and what might face them.
She couldn’t imagine what demons a man could have, and she didn’t see how she could expose herself, her weaknesses, and her pain to him. She hadn’t even been able to tell her mother all that had hurt her. He’d think her less than a woman. How could there possibly be a future for her and Jon? And what if she started to make love with him and his face became Josh’s face? The face that tormented her.
“Would you like tea, Haley?” Amy came in with two cups and a plate of ginger snaps. Startled, she quickly got herself under control but not before Amy was able to assess the situation.
