Reckless Seduction, page 6
“I’ll be here for you when you come back. I promise.”
Chapter 3
When Jon’s plane touched down at Gardermoen International Airport in Oslo, he said a prayer of thanks, as he always did. Like so many Norwegians, his folks were God fearing and had raised him to be the same. He lived by the principles that he’d been taught as a child. He tried to be as honest and truthful, and though business relations didn’t always permit total honesty, he made it a rule never to compromise his honor.
He lifted his luggage from the conveyer belt and headed for customs, and his face lit up when he saw Svend waiting for him. They greeted each other warmly. Jon was the older of the two brothers by three years. He knew that Svend idolized him and had been deeply saddened when Jon’s marriage ended. They had always been close, and what was pain for one was pain for the other.
“Well, kid, have you been doing anything that you can tell me about?” Jon asked Svend in their native tongue.
“I ought to ask you that. You look as if you either won a pile of money or found a good woman. Which is it?” Noticing Jon’s uncharacteristically diffident manner, Svend laughed. “Well, hell, man, tell me about her.” He put his brother’s bags in the trunk of his fire engine-red sports sedan, opened the passenger door for Jon, got in and headed for home.
“You’ve got me there, little brother. I hardly believe it myself. But there’s really nothing to tell. We’re just getting started. We haven’t rounded any bends or passed any major milestones yet.”
“But I can see that she pleases you. Can’t you tell me what she’s like? You know, is she over or under fifty, got all her teeth and things like that?”
“Don’t be a smart-ass,” Jon said, smiling.
“The important thing is whether she’s got the music that makes you dance.” As if sensing Jon’s unspoken plea for privacy about the woman, Svend relented and changed the subject.
“Mom and Dad were surprised, better say shocked, about your sudden decision to come home for six months. Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I left DuPree in charge in New York, and I’ve got MacKenlin covering the East Africa branch. Everything else goes on as usual. I just need some time to get my personal life together.”
“There hasn’t been anyone at all since Karen?”
“Until now, no one. This is important to me, Svend, but I can’t talk about it just now. I’ll just say that you, Mom and Dad would like her a helluva lot. She’s a fine human being, not to mention a beautiful one. I don’t want to raise anybody’s hopes with this, including my own. So let’s go easy, will you? I don’t plan to say much to the folks about it. Okay?”
“Gotcha.” But he could see that Svend was puzzled. He normally shared most everything with his brother; certainly he would ordinarily tell him about Haley, because she meant a great deal to him.
“Here we are. The place hasn’t changed a bit.” Jon looked at the pleasant white stucco two story house with its red shutters embracing high windows, its great red chimneys, inviting porches and its beautiful gardens with their wonderful spruce trees. The place was like his mother, forever nurturing him and always opening its arms to him when he returned. He loved it.
Erik and Inger Ecklund stepped out on the porch as the car drove up. Simultaneously, they opened their arms to Jon with the welcome that they always gave their sons when one was returning home. Jon hugged them, assured them that he was fine in all respects and that there was nothing for them to worry about, though he wasn’t so sure about the latter. Who knew what problems he may be starting—or even accelerating—for that matter? Well, it was something he should have done years ago. His family had always supported him. Why shouldn’t they do it now?
As he began unpacking in his old room, he thought about his parents. They were still young. His father was only twenty-two years older and his mother twenty-one years older than he. He knew that they were still lovers. They adored each other, and there was clearly a strong physical attraction between them. He was happy for them, and he wanted the same for himself. He had thought he would find such a relationship with Karen, but she hadn’t loved him. He had often wondered why she married him. Oh, she had pretended to be enamored of him, to be crazy about him until they married. Then he very soon realized that she had little patience with him in bed or out. It still hurt him when he remembered that she never once attempted to adjust to his needs. She would have emasculated a weaker man. Because he had sworn never to take another woman so long as he was married, he’d asked her to decide whether she would be his wife in truth or whether they should separate. She had asked for a divorce. A year later, she remarried.
Jon desperately hoped that his judgment would be better this time around. He sensed that loving Haley would be different. He wanted the love, the caring and most of all the passion his parents shared. He hoped to have that kind of relationship with Haley. Come what may, he wouldn’t turn back now. He had too much to gain.
Haley replaced the phone in its cradle, walked out to Amy’s desk and gave a sharp whistle. It was so uncharacteristic a gesture that Amy was speechless. “We got it! We got it!”
“We got what?” a startled Amy wanted to know.
“Brayton-Rogers came through with a million and a half. I’ve got to call my mother and thank her for all the help she gave us.”
When Gale didn’t answer her call, Haley suddenly lost steam.
“What’s the matter?” Amy asked.
“I don’t know,” Haley said. “I wanted this so badly. Now that I have it, something’s missing.”
“Call up Jon Ecklund and tell him about it, and you’ll find out what’s missing.”
“You’re way off base. Anyway, he hasn’t said ‘pig’ to me since he left here two weeks tomorrow.”
“I’ve always found that it’s best not to lie to myself,” Amy said. “That way, I’m better prepared for whatever comes, be it welcome or not.”
“Thanks, Aristotle,” Haley retorted, “but would you please try to reach my mother, again.” She went back to her office and closed the door. Why hadn’t he called or written? He’d said he wanted them to be in close touch. All right, she’d try to have patience. It was just that she hadn’t expected to feel the emptiness, the awful void. She hadn’t even gotten used to him, yet she missed him almost as much as if they’d been close for years. Amy interrupted her musings.
“Your mother’s on the line.”
“Thanks, Amy. Would you close the door, please.”
“Hello, darling, what’s up?”
“Oh, Mama, I got the Brayton-Rogers grant. Isn’t it wonderful? I’m in the big time, a full-fledged multimillion dollar foundation. They doubled the amount that I asked for. Now, I can get to work on the East Africa program and the reservations project. You helped me tremendously, and I’m calling to thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m always here for you, darling. That’s what unconditional love is all about. Now when do we get together to celebrate? Why not come down for the weekend?”
Haley grabbed at the suggestion like a drowning person reaching for a rope. She hadn’t known that she needed to crawl into the safety of her mother’s warmth and wisdom. She didn’t ask herself why she needed shelter, but she knew that she did. And in that moment she began to suspect that she might be in love with Jon Ecklund.
“I’ll get the five o’clock shuttle Friday,” she told her mother. “That should put me home by six forty-five.” She still referred to her mother’s house as home when she was speaking to her mother. “Don’t meet me, the traffic will be too heavy. I’ll take a taxi.” She remained deep in thought for some time after she rang off. When had she fallen in love with Jon?
The taxi pulled into Spring Road and stopped at her mother’s home. She paid and thanked him and walked up the winding path to the red brick Tudor that was home for so many years. They greeted each other warmly. Gale was tall, less than an inch shorter than Haley and, except for their eyes, they looked much alike. Haley’s eyes were light brown, Gale’s were dark brown. As elegant as her daughter, she was a beautiful woman. But unlike her daughter, Gale Feldon had known the love of a man. Jack Feldon had loved her with passion for every day of the twenty-two years of their marriage. She was a woman completely fulfilled. In the end, he had a difficult illness, but he had taken great pains to prepare her for death. She would miss him all of her life, but he hadn’t left her empty.
Gale looked at her daughter. “You haven’t been sleeping, Hessy? Surely you weren’t so concerned about the Brayton-Rogers grant that you couldn’t sleep. What happened to my cool, self-confident and optimistic girl?”
Haley forced a smile. “Let me get in the door before you start interrogating me. I’m fine.” She hugged her mother. “And you look great, Mama.” She looked around, missing the familiarity of the furnishings that made her call the house, home. “You didn’t tell me that you’d redecorated the foyer and living room.” Her evasiveness did not escape Gale.
“Your brother took pains to instruct me as to the difference between antique and just plain old. He was as subtle as ever.”
“How is Sky? I haven’t spoken with him in a couple of weeks. I’ve just let everything go.”
“Not everything.”
Haley managed a lame smile. She would never get around Gale’s sharp eyes, and for the first time in her adult life, she wanted to see her mother as a friend. She wanted open honesty that she had never permitted herself with anyone. The thought occurred to her that she didn’t have one close friend. Amy tried to be a friend, but she had erected a barrier, never letting Amy get too close. In the Peace Corps, she’d been buddies with all of her colleagues but friends with none of them. She’d never given it a thought—never needed to. Now, in a moment of candid self-appraisal, she saw that her tranquil, successful life was, in fact, a very lonely one. She couldn’t know that the look she gave her mother was one of despair.
“Go up and put your things away, dear. I thought we’d have dinner at home tonight, give us both a chance to unwind.”
“Okay, be right back.” Haley changed into a yellow jogging suit, which she only wore at home, as she never jogged. She walked slowly down the stairs, thinking how comforting it was to be with Gale. She had a mother who didn’t criticize her, didn’t lecture to her and didn’t try to run her life. Yet she knew that her mother loved her fiercely.
They watched the news on the cable channel while they sipped white wine and nibbled cheese straws. Gale served a simple dinner, and after they finished eating and cleaned, Gale took Haley by the hand and led her into the den.
“Hessy, I don’t intend to pry, but I can see that you are troubled, and I want to know what I can do to help.” To Haley’s surprise and horror, she began to cry, and within seconds, she was sobbing uncontrollably. Gale held her for a few minutes until the sobbing subsided.
“Does he love you?”
“What? What did you say?”
“Does he love you?”
“Oh, Mama. Why do you think it’s a man?”
“Because I know my daughter, and you’re in love. I was beginning to wonder if it would ever happen.”
“Well, there was Josh.”
“Bull, you didn’t love Josh. Why are you crying for this man?”
“I miss him so much. I didn’t realize that I love him until he went home. Mama, why would a man who says he cares for a woman leave her for six months without making any effort to take her to bed? He says that there’s no other woman in his life.”
“I suppose he had a reason, though I can’t imagine what it would be. Why don’t you start at the beginning?” Gale waited until Haley finished her story before she spoke. “Why can’t you trust him? There’s no such thing as love without trust.”
“I’m trying. I’m really trying.” If she hadn’t been upset and had been her usually perceptive self, Haley would have been aware of her mother’s look of pure satisfaction.
“I can understand why you’re concerned that you haven’t heard from him, though you didn’t give him any reason to believe that you’d be waiting with bated breath. But, Hessy, nothing you’ve told me explains why you’re so unhappy.”
“I know. I don’t know how to say this. I—”
Gale interrupted her. “Just say it. I’m not your judge. I’m your mother, and I love you no matter what you do.”
“Mama, if Jon had asked me to make love with him, I don’t know what I would have done. I don’t think I could face the devastating humiliation that—”
Gale sprang to her feet, interrupting her daughter. “Why would a twenty-eight-year-old woman think that she would be devastated if she shared her body with a man who cares for her and whom she loves, a man with whom she shares a powerful attraction? That man you described to me would cherish a woman. What happened between you and Josh?”
“Oh, Mama, he hurt me. And when I couldn’t respond the way he wanted, he said terrible things. Please don’t ask me to repeat them.”
“I see. He didn’t bring you to climax?”
“No. I mean, I don’t even know what that is.”
“Good Lord! And he’s the only one?”
“What’s worse maybe is that sometimes when I’m with Jon I remember how cruel Josh was to me that night and how he humiliated me. Jon looks white, but he isn’t really—”
“Wait a minute. You’re not suggesting that every white man would be like Josh, for heaven’s sake.”
“No, I’m not, Mama, but I think about how Daddy treated you and how gentle he was, and from my childhood, I dreamed of marrying a man like him. Maybe I should stick close to my roots.”
Gale ran her fingers through her long silky hair, punishing her scalp. “What do you mean? He’s Norwegian, but he’s not white?”
“His mother is African American. She married his father and went to live in Norway. I gather that, except for his curly hair, which is blond, he looks like his father.”
Gale released a long sigh. “We’re off the subject. I forget how good you are at that. Are you telling me that there hasn’t been a man in your life since Josh?”
“There’s been no one else. Maybe he acted as he did because his folks didn’t approve of me. I don’t know, and I’m not sure I have the guts to go that way again.” She walked to the window, looked out at the moonlit garden and felt her mother’s gentle hand on her shoulder.
“That had nothing to do with him as a man. Josh cheated you. He was inadequate, perhaps just inexperienced, and he knew it, but he led you to believe that the problem lay with you. He did a cruel thing. In the first place, he should have been gentle with you. Then, if he didn’t satisfy you with his God-given male equipment, he has two hands, a mouth and a tongue, and he should have used them. Damn! Nothing’s more distressing than a man who’s ignorant, selfish or both. Promise me that when you and Jon reach the point of intimacy that you’ll tell him about this, including the part that you didn’t tell me.”
“Mama, I couldn’t do that.”
“If you don’t tell him, how will he repair the damage? And believe me, he will repair it. I’m putting my money on him. The person that you described to me is a real man.”
“You’ve never shown me this side of you before, Mama. I mean, I never saw you as being, well, you know, such a woman. I don’t know exactly how to phrase it, but you know what I mean.”
“Honey, I know what a man and a woman can be to each other. I had the love of a man who adored me, and I want that for my daughter. Your father gave himself to me completely because I let him. I welcomed him. He knew that I wanted him anytime and all of the time. He didn’t have to lay a big scene for me, just open his arms and let me know that he needed me.” She struggled to control the tears, but they came anyway.
She went on. “You can’t have what love promises with your man if you don’t open up to him, if you don’t share your thoughts, dreams, fears, sorrows and joys with him. You can’t have it if you’re looking only for your own pleasure, for what you can get. A man and a woman have to be there for each other in the most selfless way. And, darling, if you’re there for him when he needs you, when you’re in his arms, your man will take you to heaven with him.”
Gale sat quietly for a while, and Haley was so struck by what she knew had been a personal account by her mother that she was without words. Finally, Gale spoke. “I haven’t remarried, because I know that I can’t duplicate your father. And even if I could find such a man, I wouldn’t break my vows to Jack Feldon. I’ll love him even after I’m dead.”
Haley had lost interest in celebrating her success at fundraising. So when Gale raised her glass in toast a few minutes later, she stopped her mother.
“I’d rather just remember right now the love that I’ve known from the time that I was conceived. I’ve never thought much lately about you and Daddy, but I know that you loved each other deeply and that Sky and I were lucky to have you two as parents. If I’m fortunate enough with a man I love to have just half of what you had, I’ll be satisfied.”
“It isn’t all luck, my dear. I try to restrict my lectures to the classroom, but I can’t resist telling you that your professional accomplishments shouldn’t be the only important thing in your life, certainly not the most important. Which would have hurt you most, losing Jon or losing the Brayton-Rogers grant?”
“I don’t have Jon, yet, Mama, and a lot of things have to be resolved between us before we get any closer.”
