Click. Puff. Zing.

  Stick a fork in me, because this creeper is DONE.

  DAY 15: THURSDAY

  You know what’s super annoying about Sam? It’s REALLY hard to stay mad at that slime. Especially when he’s all wrapped up in tinsel like a Christmas tree.

  Well, it wasn’t really tinsel. It was supposed to be a chain chestplate. But Sam is as wide as he is tall, and round as a ball. So it takes a LOT of chain to wrap that boy up.

  See, I guess the leather helmet wasn’t really working out for Sam—it gave him a headache. (Go figure.) So now he’s all blinged out in silver, like Kid Z in his chains. But WAY less cool.

  Anyway, it was hard to look at Sam without laughing. And I REALLY didn’t want him to see me smiling just yet—I was still pretty mad about the whole “turn in your enchanted pencil” incident. I’d had a perfectly good science project. And now, thanks to Sam and his too-tight helmet? I had nothing. Zilch. Zero. Nada.

  PLUS, it took me TWO HOURS to get my homework done this morning. I forgot how boring it was to do it the old-fashioned way, with a slow, dull pencil.

  Even my rap song for Language Arts turned out to be a total embarrassment.

  So yeah, I was still steaming mad at Sam. But I forgot all about that when I saw what Willow Witch brought to class. A SWORD. YIKES.

  She was standing at the enchantment table, complaining about getting the Fire Aspect enchantment instead of the Bane of Arthropods.

  I guess that Arthropods one would make it easier for her to “collect” spider eyes for potions. BLECH.

  Bones was in line behind the witches, and he was PUMPED UP. Now that it’s weapons week, he’s been enchanting all his bows to make them more powerful. GREAT. He rubbed his bony hands together the way Dad does when we make fireworks in the garage.

  Which enchantment would Bones get? POWER, to make his arrows more damaging? FLAME, so he could set things on fire with them? INFINITY, so he could shoot as many arrows as he wanted and NEVER use them up?

  WHO CARES??? They’re ALL unfair, if you ask me. Why can a bully like Bones run around with flaming arrows, when a harmless creep like me can’t even keep an enchanted PENCIL?

  SHEESH.

  When Bones got the Infinity enchantment, Mrs. Collins reminded him that he could ONLY use his enchanted bows during extracurricular activities. But I happen to know that one of his “extracurriculars” is picking on mobs like me. So I made sure my leather vest was good and snug around my shoulders.

  When Sam got his turn at the enchantment table, he ended up with the Protection enchantment. He was SO excited. He started bragging about how he could roll through lava without getting burned. How he could bounce right off cactus plants. (He even demonstrated that with the cactus in the corner, which I’ll admit was KIND of cool. Me and cactus plants don’t exactly get along.)

  But now Bones was staring at Sam, like he was a shiny new target or something. I could tell his fingers were itchy to try out his enchanted bow. So I was going to have to walk Sam home after school, no matter how mad I was at him. Someone had to have that slime’s bouncy back.

  When it was MY turn to enchant something, I wasn’t even excited. Sure, I had Cate’s boots. And I ended up getting the Depth Strider enchantment, which would help me swim faster. But so what? I’d already given up on the whole “breathe underwater” thing, since I couldn’t find a single helmet in Cate’s closet.

  Funny, how I needed a helmet and didn’t have one. And how Sam had one, but couldn’t wear it. And … well, you can see where I’m going with this. Genius struck again while I was standing right there at the enchantment table.

  Now I FOR SURE had to walk Sam home. As soon as we left school, I came straight out and asked him if I could have his helmet. (Well, I might have said “borrow.”) But Sam barely heard me. He was bouncing off every tree and rock, testing out his enchanted chest plate.

  Then it happened. An ARROW bounced off Sam’s back.

  I whirled around and spotted Bones on the edge of the Archery field. He dropped his bow, looked up at the sky, and started whistling. But his gang of rattler friends were laughing their bony butts off.

  Well, Sam didn’t even know what hit him. He just kept on bouncing around and grinning. So I gotta say, that Protection enchantment REALLY works. But it does NOT mean that Bones and his buddies can use Sam for target practice.

  I’m proud to say that I actually stepped in front of Sam—at least until the next arrow hit. Because that one was FLAMING. Yup, Sam would have been one smoked slime, if not for his enchanted armor.

  That’s when I decided it would be better for me to use HIM as MY shield. I mean, Sam doesn’t have to worry about taking a flaming arrow to the leg like I do. And if I get hit, who’s going to walk Sam home?

  Well, those arrows kept coming. Of COURSE they did, because Bones was trying out his new Infinity enchantment. I almost wished Willow would show up with her enchanted sword, because she is one FIERCE witch when someone messes with her boy, Sam.

  But she didn’t.

  When we finally made it back to Sam’s house alive, I asked him about his helmet. I told him it was probably my next best chance at a science project, and that he kind of owed it to me, after the whole “Mrs. Collins took my pencil” thing.

  Well, when Sam said YES, I did my happy dance. He ran right into the house and bounced out with that leather helmet. It was a LITTLE bit stretched out from his big noggin, but I figured it would still work. Then he asked if I wanted to go fishing this weekend.

  Um, let me think about that, I told him. See, I’m not really big on fishing. (I had a pretty traumatic experience fishing with my dad in the jungle last summer, but THAT’s a whole other story.)

  Sam kept pleading. And then I got to thinking that if I had my enchanted helmet and boots, maybe I could SWIM in the lake while he fished. And figure out a NEW stellar science project.

  Anyway, like I said, I didn’t commit to Sam right away. I learned a long time ago that a creeper has to keep his options open.

  DAY 17: SATURDAY

  So, I went fishing with Sam tonight. Turns out, it was my best option.

  I mean, I could have stayed home and done homework. But I was sick and tired of staring at the pile of books on my desk. It’s been growing taller by the minute, I swear. I think I even heard it growl at me, trying to get my attention.

  But I am NOT doing homework on a Saturday. I don’t even feel like writing raps anymore. (Did I really just SAY that?!)

  I guess I could have stayed home and let Chloe pelt me with chicken eggs. (Yup, you heard me right.) When I went out to the garage to enchant my helmet with Respiration, I heard the CLICK of Spence the Dispenser. I saw the puff of smoke. And I did NOTHING. Because, I mean, I’m wearing my enchanted vest, right?

  But it turns out, Chloe has moved on from fireballs and started using CHICKEN EGGS. (I guess there were some left over after Mom gave the chickens away.)

  Well, my enchanted vest DOES protect against chicken eggs. They bounce right off. But most of Chloe’s rotten eggs hit me in the FACE. Or bounced off my vest and cracked open on my legs and feet. And Chloe thinks it’s all one big yolk—er, JOKE.

  So, no thank you. I was not going to stay home on a Saturday night with my egg-flinging Evil Twin.

  The other reason I decided to go fishing is because Thanksgiving is only FIVE days away. That means Aunt Constance is coming, and Mom is totally freaking out. She tore through the house AGAIN, cleaning and looking for ANYTHING else she could get rid of. When she started getting rid of furniture, I knew we were in trouble.

  There’s a big empty spot in the living room where the rocking chair used to be. And you know what Mom stuck in its place? A CACTUS plant. Creepers don’t even LIKE cactuses CACTI those kinds of plants!

  But Mom started talking about positive energy again, and about reconnecting with our “Life Force” (HUH?), and about how we need more WIND and WATER and GREENERY in the house.

  More wind? The windows are pretty much open ALL the time now. If griefers wanted to come in and steal our stuff, Mom’s making it REALLY easy for them—I mean, except for the fact that we don’t have any stuff left to steal.

  And as for greenery? There are six creepers living in this house, so I think we’re pretty green already. Just saying …

  When Mom mentioned water, I breathed a sigh of relief—I’m not gonna lie. Because that means Sticky is probably safe in his aquarium. My pet squid won’t end up in a donation box, headed to poor mobs in the Nether, anytime soon.

  I probably shouldn’t have even THOUGHT about Sticky, because Mind-Reader Mom handed me a rag and said she wanted me to clean Sticky’s aquarium till it sparkled.

  But I thought fast. I told Mom that even though I really, REALLY wanted to clean the aquarium, I was feeling the need for more WATER in my life. In fact, Sam and I were heading to the lake tonight, where we could breathe in all that positive energy and reconnect with our life force—blah, biddy, blah, blah, blah.

  And Mom ate it right up. Or maybe she just didn’t hear me, because she was sliding a row of pictures off the wall and putting them in a cardboard box.

  So that’s how I ended up fishing with Sam. By the time I got to the lake with my enchanted helmet and boots, I was imagining my new science project. I could picture the poster already.

  But that poster went up in smoke when Sam showed up at the lake with Moo.

  SERIOUSLY?!

  That cat KNOWS I’m not a fan of hers. And she really likes to rub it in. How? By rubbing ALL OVER my legs. Good thing I had my Depth Strider boots on during that “love fest.” I could barely WAIT to get into the water and away from Moo.

  But Sam wanted me to fish with him. Every time I put on my helmet and started wading into the lake, he was all like, “Gerald, I think I got something!” He’d yank his pole out of the water, and then he’d show me the big lily pad hanging off the hook. I wasn’t sure Sam’s Lure enchantment was actually working. Even Moo was drooling, waiting and wondering when that fishing rod was going to catch a fish.

  I was almost relieved when Willow showed up with her fishing rod, too. Maybe she could keep Sam busy ABOVE water while I was doing my science project IN the water. I barely said hello to her before I pulled on my helmet, took a deep breath, and dove in.

  Well, the first thing that happened was that water GUSHED into Sam’s stretched-out helmet. I started to panic, but then I remembered that I could BREATHE underwater wearing that enchanted helmet. It was like being in a dream—the one I’ve had for eons about swimming with Sticky in his aquarium. And with my Depth Strider boots, I could swim FAST. I raced against a clownfish, and actually won! Boy, was that fish surprised.

  So, yeah, breathing underwater was pretty cool. For about 15 seconds. That’s how long the enchanted helmet lasts before you start choking and spitting up water. And that part’s NOT cool.

  Willow had to pat me on the back. I think I actually burped up a tiny fish, which Moo was all over. Then she rubbed up against me again, and before I knew it, I was COVERED in sticky wet cat hair.

  GROSS.

  Sam was all like, “Wow! I didn’t know Moo even LIKED water!”

  “She DOESN’T,” I groaned. “Cats hate water. Every mob knows that.” And now I kind of hated water too. There’s nothing like a near-drowning experience to make you rethink your science project—and pretty much your whole life.

  “Moo only likes my BOOTS,” I told Sam. “Probably because they smell like clownfish.”

  That’s when a torch must have lit up inside his head, because he bounced up and announced that he had an idea for his science fair project.

  Say WHAT now?

  “Armor for cats. Get it?” said Sam. “Instead of enchanted, I said, en-CAT-ed!” Then he fell all over himself laughing.

  Yeah, I got the joke. But it was pretty much the WORST idea I’d heard in my whole entire life.

  Sam had it all planned out. He’d sew little leather booties for Moo and try to enchant them with Depth Strider. He’d make her a little leather bonnet and enchant it with Respiration. “You can wear it on your little headie-weddie,” he cooed to Moo.

  That was when I lost it. “That’s NOT science,” I said to Sam.

  “Sure it is!” he said. “I’m going to do an experiment to see if I can get a cat to like water. MY cat anyway.”

  Well, I wanted to argue. But Willow suddenly got a bite on her fishing line. When she pulled an enchanted BOOK out of the water, we all sprang to attention. Even Moo sniffed and licked at the dripping-wet book.

  “Frost Walker!” Willow announced.

  WOW. She’d gotten one of those enchantments you can ONLY get from treasure chests, trades, or fishing. Frost Walker would let Willow walk ON the water, instead of trying to swim in it. It would actually turn the water to ICE.

  Well, I couldn’t believe her luck—until I remembered she was fishing with the Luck of the Sea enchantment.

  You’d think a witch would be pretty excited about Frost Walker, right? I mean, what mob WOULDN’T want to walk on water?

  But she turned to Sam and said, “Maybe you can use this enchantment to help MOO learn to like water.”

  SHEESH. What a colossal WASTE of an enchantment.

  When Sam got all weepy and lovey-dovey with Willow, I knew I had to shut things down. “But how is Sam going to USE that enchanted book?” I asked. “Mrs. Collins won’t let us use the anvil at school yet!”

  Willow narrowed her eyes. “Maybe he can use YOUR anvil,” she said.

  Say WHAT???

  I almost asked her how she knew, but why bother? Witches have all kinds of ways of finding things out. For all I knew, she’d been spying on me with her potion of invisibility.

  So instead, I thought fast. “My anvil is … um … damaged,” I said. “Chloe got a little carried away with her fireball dispenser.”

  But Willow just shrugged. “Mrs. Collins says we can start using the anvil at school next week,” she said.

  HUH. So much for my “secret weapon” at home. If all the kids started using enchanted books and anvils, I’d NEVER come up with the award-winning science fair project. There’d be way too much competition.

  Like Moo and his en-CAT-ed armor.

  GREAT. I suddenly felt like I’d dived into the lake and hit rock bottom. Things were looking up for Sam and his science project. And for Moo, who’d get to walk on water any day now. And for Willow, who could care less about enchantments, but kept getting cool ones anyway.

  But for me? Things were looking pretty bleak. I’d just about drowned in that lake, which meant I probably needed to come up with a new science project. And I was drowning in homework, too.

  While I dumped the water out of my boots and wrung out my leather helmet, I must have been whining about my life—out loud. Because Willow told me to stop being so dramatic. Then she cracked some joke about needing an enchantment to protect against drama.

  BAH-HA-HA. Very funny.

  What I really needed was an enchantment to protect me from lousy friends. And sticky wet cat hair.

  I’m back home now, and I’m still coughing up water—and hairballs. But what’s NOT coming up? New ideas for a science project. The fair is only two weeks away, and I have to start all over.

  AGAIN.

  I flung my window open wider and stood there, hoping for a blast of Mom’s positive energy. When I heard something whiz toward me, I thought it might be my Life Force. I raised my face toward the starry sky and took a deep breath.

  But NOPE. It wasn’t my Life Force at all.

  It was just a chicken egg.

  SPLAT.

  DAY 18: SUNDAY

  You know, I like to think I’m a pretty RE-SIL-I-ENT creeper. That means when Life gets me down, I find a way to bounce back up—like a slime. Usually.

  Tonight was kind of like that.

  I was going to stay in and feel sorry for myself. When Sam came over and invited me to go fishing with him and Willow again, I almost said no. Why would I want to hang out with a wet cat and a witch who kept pulling out enchanted books from the lake—and didn’t even APPRECIATE them?

  But then I saw Mom carrying another cactus plant into the house. And I really didn’t appreciate THAT either. So I grabbed my fishing rod and got out of there—FAST. I didn’t even bring my boots and helmet this time. I mean, a creeper has to cut his losses.

  Well, I’m sure glad I went fishing with Sam tonight. Because you know what happened? He gave me a genius new idea for a science project. Well, actually, WILLOW gave me the idea.

  Here’s how it all went down:

  Sam had caught like his tenth lily pad, and then finally caught a fish. A SALMON.

  He was about to feed that raw fish to Moo, which would have been a total waste. But then Willow pulled her enchanted SWORD from out of nowhere. (You never know what a witch might be hiding in her purple robe.) She touched the tip of it to that fish and lit it on fire.

  I’d forgotten all about the Fire Aspect enchantment she’d put on that sword! But my eyes—and nose—were all over that burning fish. When the flames went out, it was black and crispy, just the way I like it. When Sam cut it into four equal pieces, I nearly swallowed mine whole.

  He caught another salmon right away. I guess his Lure enchantment was finally kicking in. And after a few more burned, crispy bites of salmon, my brain started to kick in, too. Nothing like a good meal to set things right again.

 

1 2 3 4 5