Seven Weeks to Forever, page 9
“We’ll talk soon,” he says. I can feel Selena’s eyes on us and I know it’s time to get out of here.
Riley stays standing by the curb while I unlock my car door and get inside, and he doesn’t move when I give him a wave and pull out onto the road. I can still see him there when I get to the stop sign at the end of the street, a speck in the distance watching after me. Selena’s there, too, standing in her driveway, her arms folded across her chest.
Chapter Nine
I might be breaking a world-record for yawning. It’s probably not a great record to break while driving on the freeway, but I can’t help it, no matter how hard I try. My energy level is low after that visit with Riley, although not to the point of blacking out. That hasn’t happened since the night of my birthday, but I feel weak enough to know that I need to be in Amarleen’s class in the morning.
It’s a relief to pull into my driveway, even though I know I’ll be walking into a snake pit. I’m not too sure I’m up for round five-hundred-and-three with my aunt, but there’s a nap waiting for me once I get past her. That’s all the motivation I need to open my door and get out of the car.
I square my shoulders like I’m getting ready for battle. Which I am, really. Breathe in, breathe out, and just keep walking.
My aunt flings open the front door before I can put my key in the lock. “You’re late,” she barks.
“For what?” I ask, brushing past her. I’m only a few steps away from my bed and the beauty of burying myself under the blankets. Give me strength.
“Dinner. You know we always eat at six o’clock, sharp.”
I kick off my sandals, not bothering to turn around to look at her. “That’s when you eat at your house.”
“And that’s when we’ll eat here, since you’re grounded. You’re not just running off to see God-knows-what-boy and not telling me when you’re coming home.”
I shrug and keep walking, dragging my feet down the hallway to my bedroom. “You can’t ground me,” I call over my shoulder. “We’re not at your house, remember?”
I shut and lock my bedroom door behind me before she can answer, and then sink face-first into my bed. All I want to do is curl up under the covers and get swept away into dreamland, but I know what I have to do before I let myself sleep.
It takes a few minutes before I can push myself up with my arms. Once I’m up, I close my eyes and let my mind go still. It takes longer than usual before I see the sparks of gold that tell me I’m connecting.
I must nod off while I’m getting my energy boost, because it’s after 1 a.m. when my eyes open and I look at the clock on my bedside table. My head fell forward at some point, and my neck is stiff from the position I’ve been sleeping in. Fantastic. I try rubbing it with my fingers.
As sleepy as I was before, I’m wide-awake now. The house is silent, and I know my aunt went to bed hours ago. The quiet gives me a chance to think, but I’m not sure that’s a good thing. Between my aunt’s house-crashing and life-crashing, running into Selena again and finding out she knows Riley, and then Riley himself, there’s a lot to think about.
There’s something nagging at my mind, too. I sit still, trying to let the thought surface. The moment Riley’s mom walked into his apartment plays in my head, almost on a loop, until I realize what it is.
Dr. Julian’s office called, and there was something about a new time to see him. Elizabeth didn’t say what the appointment was for and neither did Riley, but I think I need to find out.
I grab my iPad from my bedside table and open a web browser. Dr. Julian and Los Angeles are what I type in the search box, even though there are probably a zillion or so doctors in L.A. with the same last name.
Or maybe not. I stare at the first search result that shows up on my screen. Ernest Julian, Ph.D. Grief counselor.
Is Riley seeing a grief counselor? I think of the photograph in his living room and what happened to his energy when he was talking about the girl pictured in it. Then there’s how uncomfortable he is with any mention of death at all. This might even make sense.
“Did you have a nice date this afternoon?”
I look up from the screen at the sound of Noah’s voice. Now I know I’m onto something. Noah doesn’t usually show up in the middle of the night without sending me an indigo feather first.
I ignore his question. “Riley’s seeing a grief counselor?” I ask. He nods. “Because of the girl in the photograph?”
“Good detective skills.” That must be a yes.
“Who was she?”
“Her name was Amanda.” I wait for more, but there’s nothing. Helpful, Noah.
“Am I here to help him with his grief over Amanda?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“I don’t get it, though. He’s already seeing a grief counselor. Why does he need me?”
Noah sets his hat down beside him on the chair. “Let me show you something.”
“Can you do that here?” It’s been a long time since he’s shown me anything. The last time he did was shortly after I found myself in The Life-After, and I thought maybe he could only do it there.
He smiles. “Close your eyes and clear your mind, just like you do when you connect to The Life-After.”
My mind is a complete blank for what feels like a minute or two, and then a blur of colors appear. As the blur comes into focus, I see motion in front of me.
I think I’m watching something that happened here in L.A. but can’t be sure at first. The blond girl from the photograph is in front of me, standing outside of a brick building. The sign on the building tells me it’s a high school. This is Amanda. She looks like she’s waiting for someone, bouncing from foot to foot. When she spots something and smiles, I follow her gaze and see a younger-looking Riley come walking toward her.
Something pulls my eyes down to their hands, which are only a few inches apart as they walk side-by-side. It takes a few moments for me to realize that what I’m supposed to be looking at isn’t their hands or their faces at all, but their energy. More specifically, her energy. I focus in on the waves of light around her. My eyes almost fly open at what I see, but Noah places a hand on my shoulder to help me stay focused on what I need to be watching.
I can tell from Amanda’s energy that she’s a second-timer, or at least she was. This must be a glimpse of her time in The Before prior to her return to The Life-After, but I’m not sure I understand why she was with Riley. I’m the one assigned to him. How Amanda fits in is a mystery.
The pressure from Noah’s fingers on my shoulder gets a little heavier. I stop thinking about Amanda and why she’s here, and focus on her energy to read it for more clues. Her energy plays with Riley’s and I turn my eyes to him. He looks buoyant, his energy at a level high above anything I’ve seen from him.
Noah’s fingers ease up and the scene before me blurs until it fades away. I open my eyes.
“Amanda was a second-timer,” I say when I can find my voice.
“She was,” Noah agrees.
“She’s back in The Life-After now?”
“Yes, she is.”
I’m silent for a minute, still puzzling over why she was with Riley.
“Was she assigned to Riley, too?” I ask.
“No, but they grew up together,” he replies. “They were very close.”
I watch his face and see a familiar expression. There’s something he’s waiting for me to realize, but I’m not sure what it is.
“How did she leave?”
He sits down in the chair again. “Everyone who knew her thought it was a surfing accident out in Malibu.”
Malibu is where I’m supposed to be when it’s my time to go back. Another ocean accident. I wonder if her accident was made to look like she’d been caught in a riptide, just like my accident is supposed to appear.
“Was he with her?” I ask.
“No. He was working that morning at the studio. He planned to meet her later on in the day so they could surf together.”
“Anything else I should know?” I don’t expect an answer, but I find my eyes closing from a force not my own.
Images of Riley flash in front of me again. I see him arriving at the beach, a surfboard in his arms. He heads toward a bluff, scanning the surf and the sand for someone. I’m pretty sure he’s looking for Amanda. As he gets closer, though, he can see a crowd of people in a circle around something that’s blocked from his view. When he gets behind them, he rises up on the balls of his feet to get a look at what’s happening, and then he’s crumpling to his knees. The noise that escapes his lips is something I’ve only heard once before, when I was Anna. It came from me when I realized David had disappeared.
I fight to open my eyes but they’re glued shut. Next is the funeral. What I can see of the service is mostly blurry, and it’s clear my attention is being called to Riley. He sits in the front row of the church, gripping the hand of a woman who might be Amanda’s mother. There’s anguish there but it’s muted now, like he’s found the sweetly numbing embrace that only shock can give. There’s something else, though, and it burns brighter in his energy than the anguish or even the grief. It takes me a second or two to zero in on it. When I do, my eyes fly open.
It’s a struggle to breathe as I come back to my senses. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin until Noah puts a hand on my shoulder and I’m flooded with a sense of calm.
“He feels guilty about Amanda?” I ask, once I find my voice again.
“He thinks he could have saved her if he’d left the studio earlier instead of staying a few extra minutes to talk with the band.” Okay, simple enough.
Noah’s not done, though. “Did you see anything else in his energy?” he asks.
I shake my head, since it was obvious what was going on with Riley at the funeral. “The guilt was overriding pretty much everything.”
“Look closer this time.”
I close my eyes and wait until I see Riley again, still at the funeral. He’s staring at Amanda’s casket, but I don’t look at that. Instead, I watch the sparks of guilt still in his energy and then focus in closer, until I understand what Noah means. Something isn’t right with the color, and this isn’t just guilt. I pick an energy spark to study more closely. The spark jumps closer to me, magnified like I have it under a microscope. This close, it seems to split into other pieces and I look at the color and vibration of each one. There’s something familiar about this, something I’ve seen before in another vision. It was a vision of me as Anna, when I saw what happened to my energy in the week before I died.
“The color,” I whisper. “What is that?”
My eyes are still closed as I watch the pinks and deep reds dance together, rolling over one another and then becoming muted and brightening again. The spark glows like a fiery ember, so bright I think it might burn me if I reach out to touch it.
“I think you know,” I hear Noah say.
I want to tell him that if I knew, I wouldn’t be asking him. I don’t, though, because I learned a long time ago that he doesn’t budge when he thinks there’s something I need to figure out for myself. I keep watching, wondering what it could mean, until a thought forms in my mind that makes my eyes open again.
“Riley and Amanda were a lot more than close friends, weren’t they?” The words tumble out of my mouth as a question, even though I know the answer from what I’ve just seen. I feel myself pitch sideways, the reason for why I’m here slamming into me fast and hard. I grab on to the side of my bed.
“Yes.” Noah watches me closely as I steady myself.
“How much more?” I demand. I can’t be hearing what I’m hearing, and especially not when he seems so casual about it.
“He thought he’d marry her after they finished college.”
He has to be kidding me. I stare at him so long and so hard that for the first time I can remember, he looks away first. He isn’t kidding.
“Riley fell in love with a second-timer?”
He keeps his eyes focused on the kitchen window. “Yes.”
“The Life-After let him fall in love with her?” This is blowing my mind. If it were possible for steam to come out of my ears and nostrils, I’m pretty sure that would be happening right now. Noah must sense it, because he finally looks at me.
“It’s not the same thing as you and David,” he says. He knows exactly where I’m heading with this.
“How is it any different?” My voice is shrill, but I can’t help it. Noah’s lucky that my aunt is in the house and I can’t do what I really feel like doing, which would involve a lot of yelling.
He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “An innocent in The Before crosses paths with someone from The Life-After who wasn’t sent here to help him, falls in love, and is devastated when that person is just gone one day? Does that sound like any other life you might know? Some other cosmic accident, perhaps?”
“Are you done?” Noah asks. His voice is quiet. I glare at him, and he takes it as a signal to continue. “What happened to Riley won’t end up as a cosmic accident as long as you do what you’re here for.”
I bring my thumb and forefinger up to pinch the bridge of my nose. This is crazy, but I don’t say anything.
Noah continues. “Amanda was different from David, because she didn’t stay past her time. She was here to help someone else, and she left when she was supposed to. Her path was always going to cross with Riley’s.”
“And you were always going to let Riley fall in love with her,” I add.
“You can’t help who falls in love with you, or who you fall in love with. Of anyone, I think you know that. That’s why you were sent here years ago to help Riley now. We don’t have to cut his life short if you do your part. But if you don’t, he won’t ever get back on track and his energy won’t be ready for The Life-After. He’ll have to die and come back as a second-timer.” He tries to hold my eyes, but I look past him to my bedroom window.
“So what do you want me to do?” I ask, watching a leaf stir on a tree outside.
“Do you remember the dead spot in your energy?” It takes a lot of willpower not to snort at his question. Of course I do.
I turn my eyes away from the window and back to him. “I’d almost forgotten about why I’m here, but thanks for reminding me.”
If he hears the sarcasm in my voice, he ignores it. “You’re here to keep that from happening to Riley, so he can move forward to have the life he’s meant for.”
“And that means what, exactly?”
“It’s your job to help him open his heart again. He needs to, or this will turn into a cosmic accident for him. Just like with you.”
Just like me. What a disaster.
I fold my arms across my chest. “If I’m the one who makes that happen, though, wouldn’t that mean he’s opening his heart to me?”
Noah is silent for long enough to make me nervous. Finally, he looks at me.
“That’s exactly what that means. This is your mission here.”
“To make him love me so then I can go and die on him, too? Don’t you think that’s going to be a problem?” I feel an ache starting at my temples. I don’t know if it’s from my energy being low tonight, or if it’s from having to think about all of this.
“Are you questioning your mission and the wisdom of The Life-After?” he asks.
“You’d better believe I am.”
“Then I’d advise you to stop doing that.”
He’s actually serious. I can’t imagine how he believes that Riley will be able to handle my death like it’s absolutely nothing if he opens his heart to me. This is going to be a cosmic accident either way.
“This is insane,” I tell him. “You can’t ask me to do this, just so I can leave him to grieve again. That doesn’t even make sense.”
Noah picks up his hat and places it back on his head. “It might not from what you can see, but it does. Just trust. This is your job.”
I open my mouth to argue that my job is to help Riley, not destroy him, but Noah is already gone.
“Coward,” I mutter, even though I’m talking to my bed. I can’t believe this is happening.
What I’m being asked to do to Riley is something I wouldn’t wish upon my greatest enemy. He’s already lost someone he was in love with once, which is one more time than anyone should have to experience it without knowing about The Life-After and all that comes next.
Chapter Ten
Countdown to The Life-After: four weeks.
“Where’s my phone?”
I haven’t said a word to my aunt in the last three days. The secret has been ducking out of the house as early as possible for Amarleen’s class in the morning, and making sure I’m in whatever room my aunt isn’t in when we’re both at home. I’d be on my way to my yoga class right now, except that my phone went missing from my bedroom some time between when I got into the shower and when I got out. I know exactly who has it, and the look of sweetness and innocence on my aunt’s face tells me I’m right.
“I’m sure it’s wherever you left it,” she tells me. “You should really be more careful with your things.”
“Stealing my phone is theft. That’s against the law, if you didn’t know.”
She walks over to the cupboard and pulls out two mugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Would you like some coffee, and maybe we can talk about what you’ll need for school? It’s just a few weeks until you start.”
“Keep living in your dream world.”
I turn on my heel and walk out of the kitchen, grabbing my yoga mat and purse from where I left them in the hallway. Guess I’m heading out for the day without my phone. My aunt probably thinks that if I can’t text or get phone calls, then she’s cut me off from boys or anyone else I know here. In her mind, this will somehow make it easier to get me on a plane and back to the plans she has for my life. I’m certainly not going to tell her that I can just go buy a new one and reactivate my number and all of my contacts and text messages. I don’t want to know what level she’d stoop to after that.
Riley stays standing by the curb while I unlock my car door and get inside, and he doesn’t move when I give him a wave and pull out onto the road. I can still see him there when I get to the stop sign at the end of the street, a speck in the distance watching after me. Selena’s there, too, standing in her driveway, her arms folded across her chest.
Chapter Nine
I might be breaking a world-record for yawning. It’s probably not a great record to break while driving on the freeway, but I can’t help it, no matter how hard I try. My energy level is low after that visit with Riley, although not to the point of blacking out. That hasn’t happened since the night of my birthday, but I feel weak enough to know that I need to be in Amarleen’s class in the morning.
It’s a relief to pull into my driveway, even though I know I’ll be walking into a snake pit. I’m not too sure I’m up for round five-hundred-and-three with my aunt, but there’s a nap waiting for me once I get past her. That’s all the motivation I need to open my door and get out of the car.
I square my shoulders like I’m getting ready for battle. Which I am, really. Breathe in, breathe out, and just keep walking.
My aunt flings open the front door before I can put my key in the lock. “You’re late,” she barks.
“For what?” I ask, brushing past her. I’m only a few steps away from my bed and the beauty of burying myself under the blankets. Give me strength.
“Dinner. You know we always eat at six o’clock, sharp.”
I kick off my sandals, not bothering to turn around to look at her. “That’s when you eat at your house.”
“And that’s when we’ll eat here, since you’re grounded. You’re not just running off to see God-knows-what-boy and not telling me when you’re coming home.”
I shrug and keep walking, dragging my feet down the hallway to my bedroom. “You can’t ground me,” I call over my shoulder. “We’re not at your house, remember?”
I shut and lock my bedroom door behind me before she can answer, and then sink face-first into my bed. All I want to do is curl up under the covers and get swept away into dreamland, but I know what I have to do before I let myself sleep.
It takes a few minutes before I can push myself up with my arms. Once I’m up, I close my eyes and let my mind go still. It takes longer than usual before I see the sparks of gold that tell me I’m connecting.
I must nod off while I’m getting my energy boost, because it’s after 1 a.m. when my eyes open and I look at the clock on my bedside table. My head fell forward at some point, and my neck is stiff from the position I’ve been sleeping in. Fantastic. I try rubbing it with my fingers.
As sleepy as I was before, I’m wide-awake now. The house is silent, and I know my aunt went to bed hours ago. The quiet gives me a chance to think, but I’m not sure that’s a good thing. Between my aunt’s house-crashing and life-crashing, running into Selena again and finding out she knows Riley, and then Riley himself, there’s a lot to think about.
There’s something nagging at my mind, too. I sit still, trying to let the thought surface. The moment Riley’s mom walked into his apartment plays in my head, almost on a loop, until I realize what it is.
Dr. Julian’s office called, and there was something about a new time to see him. Elizabeth didn’t say what the appointment was for and neither did Riley, but I think I need to find out.
I grab my iPad from my bedside table and open a web browser. Dr. Julian and Los Angeles are what I type in the search box, even though there are probably a zillion or so doctors in L.A. with the same last name.
Or maybe not. I stare at the first search result that shows up on my screen. Ernest Julian, Ph.D. Grief counselor.
Is Riley seeing a grief counselor? I think of the photograph in his living room and what happened to his energy when he was talking about the girl pictured in it. Then there’s how uncomfortable he is with any mention of death at all. This might even make sense.
“Did you have a nice date this afternoon?”
I look up from the screen at the sound of Noah’s voice. Now I know I’m onto something. Noah doesn’t usually show up in the middle of the night without sending me an indigo feather first.
I ignore his question. “Riley’s seeing a grief counselor?” I ask. He nods. “Because of the girl in the photograph?”
“Good detective skills.” That must be a yes.
“Who was she?”
“Her name was Amanda.” I wait for more, but there’s nothing. Helpful, Noah.
“Am I here to help him with his grief over Amanda?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“I don’t get it, though. He’s already seeing a grief counselor. Why does he need me?”
Noah sets his hat down beside him on the chair. “Let me show you something.”
“Can you do that here?” It’s been a long time since he’s shown me anything. The last time he did was shortly after I found myself in The Life-After, and I thought maybe he could only do it there.
He smiles. “Close your eyes and clear your mind, just like you do when you connect to The Life-After.”
My mind is a complete blank for what feels like a minute or two, and then a blur of colors appear. As the blur comes into focus, I see motion in front of me.
I think I’m watching something that happened here in L.A. but can’t be sure at first. The blond girl from the photograph is in front of me, standing outside of a brick building. The sign on the building tells me it’s a high school. This is Amanda. She looks like she’s waiting for someone, bouncing from foot to foot. When she spots something and smiles, I follow her gaze and see a younger-looking Riley come walking toward her.
Something pulls my eyes down to their hands, which are only a few inches apart as they walk side-by-side. It takes a few moments for me to realize that what I’m supposed to be looking at isn’t their hands or their faces at all, but their energy. More specifically, her energy. I focus in on the waves of light around her. My eyes almost fly open at what I see, but Noah places a hand on my shoulder to help me stay focused on what I need to be watching.
I can tell from Amanda’s energy that she’s a second-timer, or at least she was. This must be a glimpse of her time in The Before prior to her return to The Life-After, but I’m not sure I understand why she was with Riley. I’m the one assigned to him. How Amanda fits in is a mystery.
The pressure from Noah’s fingers on my shoulder gets a little heavier. I stop thinking about Amanda and why she’s here, and focus on her energy to read it for more clues. Her energy plays with Riley’s and I turn my eyes to him. He looks buoyant, his energy at a level high above anything I’ve seen from him.
Noah’s fingers ease up and the scene before me blurs until it fades away. I open my eyes.
“Amanda was a second-timer,” I say when I can find my voice.
“She was,” Noah agrees.
“She’s back in The Life-After now?”
“Yes, she is.”
I’m silent for a minute, still puzzling over why she was with Riley.
“Was she assigned to Riley, too?” I ask.
“No, but they grew up together,” he replies. “They were very close.”
I watch his face and see a familiar expression. There’s something he’s waiting for me to realize, but I’m not sure what it is.
“How did she leave?”
He sits down in the chair again. “Everyone who knew her thought it was a surfing accident out in Malibu.”
Malibu is where I’m supposed to be when it’s my time to go back. Another ocean accident. I wonder if her accident was made to look like she’d been caught in a riptide, just like my accident is supposed to appear.
“Was he with her?” I ask.
“No. He was working that morning at the studio. He planned to meet her later on in the day so they could surf together.”
“Anything else I should know?” I don’t expect an answer, but I find my eyes closing from a force not my own.
Images of Riley flash in front of me again. I see him arriving at the beach, a surfboard in his arms. He heads toward a bluff, scanning the surf and the sand for someone. I’m pretty sure he’s looking for Amanda. As he gets closer, though, he can see a crowd of people in a circle around something that’s blocked from his view. When he gets behind them, he rises up on the balls of his feet to get a look at what’s happening, and then he’s crumpling to his knees. The noise that escapes his lips is something I’ve only heard once before, when I was Anna. It came from me when I realized David had disappeared.
I fight to open my eyes but they’re glued shut. Next is the funeral. What I can see of the service is mostly blurry, and it’s clear my attention is being called to Riley. He sits in the front row of the church, gripping the hand of a woman who might be Amanda’s mother. There’s anguish there but it’s muted now, like he’s found the sweetly numbing embrace that only shock can give. There’s something else, though, and it burns brighter in his energy than the anguish or even the grief. It takes me a second or two to zero in on it. When I do, my eyes fly open.
It’s a struggle to breathe as I come back to my senses. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin until Noah puts a hand on my shoulder and I’m flooded with a sense of calm.
“He feels guilty about Amanda?” I ask, once I find my voice again.
“He thinks he could have saved her if he’d left the studio earlier instead of staying a few extra minutes to talk with the band.” Okay, simple enough.
Noah’s not done, though. “Did you see anything else in his energy?” he asks.
I shake my head, since it was obvious what was going on with Riley at the funeral. “The guilt was overriding pretty much everything.”
“Look closer this time.”
I close my eyes and wait until I see Riley again, still at the funeral. He’s staring at Amanda’s casket, but I don’t look at that. Instead, I watch the sparks of guilt still in his energy and then focus in closer, until I understand what Noah means. Something isn’t right with the color, and this isn’t just guilt. I pick an energy spark to study more closely. The spark jumps closer to me, magnified like I have it under a microscope. This close, it seems to split into other pieces and I look at the color and vibration of each one. There’s something familiar about this, something I’ve seen before in another vision. It was a vision of me as Anna, when I saw what happened to my energy in the week before I died.
“The color,” I whisper. “What is that?”
My eyes are still closed as I watch the pinks and deep reds dance together, rolling over one another and then becoming muted and brightening again. The spark glows like a fiery ember, so bright I think it might burn me if I reach out to touch it.
“I think you know,” I hear Noah say.
I want to tell him that if I knew, I wouldn’t be asking him. I don’t, though, because I learned a long time ago that he doesn’t budge when he thinks there’s something I need to figure out for myself. I keep watching, wondering what it could mean, until a thought forms in my mind that makes my eyes open again.
“Riley and Amanda were a lot more than close friends, weren’t they?” The words tumble out of my mouth as a question, even though I know the answer from what I’ve just seen. I feel myself pitch sideways, the reason for why I’m here slamming into me fast and hard. I grab on to the side of my bed.
“Yes.” Noah watches me closely as I steady myself.
“How much more?” I demand. I can’t be hearing what I’m hearing, and especially not when he seems so casual about it.
“He thought he’d marry her after they finished college.”
He has to be kidding me. I stare at him so long and so hard that for the first time I can remember, he looks away first. He isn’t kidding.
“Riley fell in love with a second-timer?”
He keeps his eyes focused on the kitchen window. “Yes.”
“The Life-After let him fall in love with her?” This is blowing my mind. If it were possible for steam to come out of my ears and nostrils, I’m pretty sure that would be happening right now. Noah must sense it, because he finally looks at me.
“It’s not the same thing as you and David,” he says. He knows exactly where I’m heading with this.
“How is it any different?” My voice is shrill, but I can’t help it. Noah’s lucky that my aunt is in the house and I can’t do what I really feel like doing, which would involve a lot of yelling.
He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “An innocent in The Before crosses paths with someone from The Life-After who wasn’t sent here to help him, falls in love, and is devastated when that person is just gone one day? Does that sound like any other life you might know? Some other cosmic accident, perhaps?”
“Are you done?” Noah asks. His voice is quiet. I glare at him, and he takes it as a signal to continue. “What happened to Riley won’t end up as a cosmic accident as long as you do what you’re here for.”
I bring my thumb and forefinger up to pinch the bridge of my nose. This is crazy, but I don’t say anything.
Noah continues. “Amanda was different from David, because she didn’t stay past her time. She was here to help someone else, and she left when she was supposed to. Her path was always going to cross with Riley’s.”
“And you were always going to let Riley fall in love with her,” I add.
“You can’t help who falls in love with you, or who you fall in love with. Of anyone, I think you know that. That’s why you were sent here years ago to help Riley now. We don’t have to cut his life short if you do your part. But if you don’t, he won’t ever get back on track and his energy won’t be ready for The Life-After. He’ll have to die and come back as a second-timer.” He tries to hold my eyes, but I look past him to my bedroom window.
“So what do you want me to do?” I ask, watching a leaf stir on a tree outside.
“Do you remember the dead spot in your energy?” It takes a lot of willpower not to snort at his question. Of course I do.
I turn my eyes away from the window and back to him. “I’d almost forgotten about why I’m here, but thanks for reminding me.”
If he hears the sarcasm in my voice, he ignores it. “You’re here to keep that from happening to Riley, so he can move forward to have the life he’s meant for.”
“And that means what, exactly?”
“It’s your job to help him open his heart again. He needs to, or this will turn into a cosmic accident for him. Just like with you.”
Just like me. What a disaster.
I fold my arms across my chest. “If I’m the one who makes that happen, though, wouldn’t that mean he’s opening his heart to me?”
Noah is silent for long enough to make me nervous. Finally, he looks at me.
“That’s exactly what that means. This is your mission here.”
“To make him love me so then I can go and die on him, too? Don’t you think that’s going to be a problem?” I feel an ache starting at my temples. I don’t know if it’s from my energy being low tonight, or if it’s from having to think about all of this.
“Are you questioning your mission and the wisdom of The Life-After?” he asks.
“You’d better believe I am.”
“Then I’d advise you to stop doing that.”
He’s actually serious. I can’t imagine how he believes that Riley will be able to handle my death like it’s absolutely nothing if he opens his heart to me. This is going to be a cosmic accident either way.
“This is insane,” I tell him. “You can’t ask me to do this, just so I can leave him to grieve again. That doesn’t even make sense.”
Noah picks up his hat and places it back on his head. “It might not from what you can see, but it does. Just trust. This is your job.”
I open my mouth to argue that my job is to help Riley, not destroy him, but Noah is already gone.
“Coward,” I mutter, even though I’m talking to my bed. I can’t believe this is happening.
What I’m being asked to do to Riley is something I wouldn’t wish upon my greatest enemy. He’s already lost someone he was in love with once, which is one more time than anyone should have to experience it without knowing about The Life-After and all that comes next.
Chapter Ten
Countdown to The Life-After: four weeks.
“Where’s my phone?”
I haven’t said a word to my aunt in the last three days. The secret has been ducking out of the house as early as possible for Amarleen’s class in the morning, and making sure I’m in whatever room my aunt isn’t in when we’re both at home. I’d be on my way to my yoga class right now, except that my phone went missing from my bedroom some time between when I got into the shower and when I got out. I know exactly who has it, and the look of sweetness and innocence on my aunt’s face tells me I’m right.
“I’m sure it’s wherever you left it,” she tells me. “You should really be more careful with your things.”
“Stealing my phone is theft. That’s against the law, if you didn’t know.”
She walks over to the cupboard and pulls out two mugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Would you like some coffee, and maybe we can talk about what you’ll need for school? It’s just a few weeks until you start.”
“Keep living in your dream world.”
I turn on my heel and walk out of the kitchen, grabbing my yoga mat and purse from where I left them in the hallway. Guess I’m heading out for the day without my phone. My aunt probably thinks that if I can’t text or get phone calls, then she’s cut me off from boys or anyone else I know here. In her mind, this will somehow make it easier to get me on a plane and back to the plans she has for my life. I’m certainly not going to tell her that I can just go buy a new one and reactivate my number and all of my contacts and text messages. I don’t want to know what level she’d stoop to after that.
