Brides of Arizona, page 29
The anger in Quinn’s eyes eased somewhat. His forehead smoothed. Kathleen breathed a little easier. Whatever had upset him must have happened during the service. Had the preacher said something? She couldn’t think what. The message had been one of the best she’d heard in a long time.
Quinn crossed to her side of the buggy and reached up to help her down. Her feet settled on the ground, but Quinn kept his hold on her longer than necessary. His eyes, more gray than blue today, gazed at her. She could almost see the pain inside and wondered anew at the cause.
Kathleen unpinned her hat and placed the veiled head covering on the buggy seat. Once more, she looked up at Quinn, wishing he’d know he could talk to her. She didn’t want to appear to be hiding.
“Quinn, what’s wrong?” She thought to reach up and touch his cheek as she had the night before, but the memory of the kiss they shared still startled her. If she did that again, she would seem forward, and that would be the wrong impression to give.
His eyes darkened. Quinn turned toward the meandering river, his jaw tense once again. Kathleen grasped his arm, hoping he wouldn’t storm off, leaving her here.
“Did the preacher say something that bothered you?”
Quinn’s body jerked. She could feel his muscles tighten. His fists clenched.
“He said a lot that bothered me. In fact, he didn’t say much of anything I liked. I have no idea how people could sit and listen as he insulted everyone there.”
“I didn’t hear him insult anyone.” Kathleen tried to remember the preacher’s exact words to see if there was something she’d missed. Her hand slipped from Quinn’s arm as he strode over to the riverbank. Lifting her skirts to clear the brush, she followed at a slower pace.
Whirling around, Quinn faced her. Deep lines dug into his forehead. His eyes flashed. “Didn’t you hear what he said about Conlon and me? We do our best to protect the people in this town, and this man comes along and kicks us in the teeth. On top of that, the people applaud him for it. I felt as if no one cared whether I do my job or not.”
Shock raced through Kathleen, robbing her of speech. Quinn felt his credibility had been attacked. Being a lawman was his life, and he took his duties seriously. Now, the work he’d devoted his life to had been questioned. Even if no one else in the service this morning viewed the pastor’s words that way, Quinn did. His anger covered a multitude of hurts.
“Another thing.” The muscles in Quinn’s jaw jumped as he spoke. “That man didn’t know what he was talking about.”
“Why is that?” Kathleen kept her tone soft, hoping to ease Quinn’s distress.
“He said that God would protect us when we needed protecting.” Quinn started to rake a hand through his hair and knocked his hat to the ground. He picked the hat up and banged it against his leg. “That was a lie. I know for a fact God doesn’t protect those who love Him. He allows all sorts of bad things to happen to them, and no one ever knows the reason. It’s as if He can do whatever He wants and we, insignificant as we are, aren’t to question Him.”
Oh, Lord, how do I answer all these years of hurt and anger that he’s allowed to build up? I feel You are speaking to Quinn’s spirit. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be so angry over this message. Please, give me the words to answer him. Help me to reach out in the right way. Kathleen waited for God to give her the wisdom to speak, but nothing came. She could only watch as Quinn turned away and stared across the river to the fields beyond.
Stepping up beside him, Kathleen took Quinn’s hand in hers. This might be a bold move, but she knew he needed someone right now. If he wanted to talk, she would listen. If he wanted to stand quiet and be angry, she would stand with him and pray. Until God gave her the words, she would be silent and wait.
Long moments passed in silence. When Kathleen was almost ready to concede nothing would happen, Quinn began to speak. She held still in order to catch his quiet words. He told her the story of his sister, how she’d been different, but everyone learned to accept her as she was. Then, the new family moved in. The torment began. Bitterness made Quinn’s voice harsh as he told her the story of Rupert Magee and his own part in saving Elizabeth from the bully.
“So you see, my sister loved God. My parents loved God. At that time I thought I loved God.” His mouth twisted in a grimace. “All that love didn’t help her at all. God refused to protect her.”
“Did the boy hurt her permanently?”
“No, the bruises and cuts would heal. She could even get over the cruel taunts.” Quinn’s hand gripped hers so hard her fingers were going numb. He looked down at her and cupped her chin with his other hand. He stared with an intensity that was hard to face. “Don’t you see? A God who protects His people should always be there for them. How would I look if I allowed bad things to happen one time and not the other? I wouldn’t be a very good deputy, and I would lose my job.” He shook his head. “Well, that’s what happened to God. As far as I’m concerned, He lost His job.”
Tears burned in Kathleen’s eyes. She lowered her lids to try to hide them. How she wanted Quinn to believe in Jesus. He needed the comfort of a Savior now more than ever. A wave of compassion washed over her. All these years, Quinn hid his love for God behind indifference and anger. His hurt now was because he truly wanted to trust God, but felt he couldn’t.
“Quinn, maybe you should talk to the preacher. Tell him why you disagree with him.” Kathleen refused to release his arm as he tried to turn away. “Quinn, if you were doing your job and someone disagreed with what you’d done, would you want them to be angry at you or come to you for an explanation of why you acted in the manner you did?” Afraid to even breathe, Kathleen waited to see if Quinn would understand the analogy.
Emotions played across his face like clouds across a sky on a windy day. When his eyes met hers again, she could see understanding and a sort of peace. He ran his thumb across the reddish-brown star. Her heart began to pound. She thought he might try to kiss her again. She didn’t know whether to lean toward him or back away.
“Thank you.” He smiled and the air warmed between them.
Her heart pounded. “What are you thanking me for?”
“For this.” He stroked her bare cheek again with his thumb. “For caring enough to come with me when I was so angry. For reminding me of the right thing to do.” He pulled her close and rested his cheek on the top of her head. “I’ll go talk to the preacher. I don’t expect anything to come of it, but I’ll give him a chance to explain.”
Kathleen drew away. “I’d better get home. I need to check on Edith. We all left her alone while we went to church. She’ll need someone there soon to tend her needs.”
“Do you think she’s strong enough for me to talk with her?” The serious expression of a lawman changed Quinn’s demeanor. “I’d still like to ask her some questions about her sister and herself. Maybe I can find out if she wants me to notify anyone of her sister’s death.”
Sadness tugged at Kathleen. “She’s taking the news hard. I think even though she knew her sister probably died in the attack, she still held out a hope you would bring her back alive when you and Conlon rode out to the site. She says she has a black dress for mourning in her things, and I promised to help her change this afternoon.”
Quinn slipped a hand under her elbow to steady her on the uneven path. The horse lifted its head and nickered at their approach. “I think she wants to get to the stable for her oats.” Quinn helped Kathleen climb into the buggy. “I’m afraid she’ll be disappointed to find out she isn’t going straight home.”
On the ride to town, Kathleen didn’t have to hang on tight. The slower pace and the closeness to Quinn made a heady combination. She didn’t want the ride to end even though she knew they had no chance together. That small, rebellious part inside her longed for a relationship with Quinn, marriage, and a family of her own. No matter how hard she tried to rid herself of those desires, they were buried deep and would come to the surface at all of the wrong times.
Now was one of those times. She could picture Quinn with a son or a daughter. Pride would shine from him. He would make a good father. Even now, he took the time to talk to them and play with Andrew and Angelina. Unlike many unmarried men, he wasn’t afraid of holding the small babies. Kathleen sighed at the picture her thoughts made and pushed the impossible dreams away.
The boardinghouse echoed when they walked inside. As they drove into town, they’d seen Maria and Harriet walking down the street with Ed and John. They were going to Señora Arvizu’s for supper. The foursome looked like they belonged together. Quinn had shot Kathleen a warning look as if to let her know she couldn’t set him up with either of them again.
Mrs. Monroy had informed all the girls before church that she would be going to a friend’s house after the service. She wouldn’t be home until after the evening meal, so they would have to find something to eat themselves.
Opening the door to Miss Barstow’s room, Kathleen stuck her head in, hoping she wouldn’t be waking her. Doc Meyer insisted Edith needed a lot of rest from all her blood loss. When Kathleen peered around, Edith rolled over to look at her. Her swollen, red eyes told of the crying she’d been doing.
“Edith?” Kathleen slipped into the room, blocking the door so Quinn would have to wait until she had permission to let him in. “The deputy is here to talk to you. Do you think you can manage?”
“Could I wash a little first?” Edith wiped at her eyes with a hanky.
Kathleen relayed the message to Quinn, then slipped in to help Edith. By the time Quinn entered the room, Edith had pillows behind her to help her sit up a little, her face was washed, and her hair combed. She hadn’t tried to cover the scar on her cheek, although she did turn her head to the side, as if to hide the blemish from them.
Amazed, Kathleen listened as Quinn questioned Edith in such a gentle manner that she didn’t get very upset. He answered her questions, her main concern being that her sister hadn’t been tortured or suffered, but had died quickly.
“Do you mind telling me why you and your sister were traveling to Tucson with a bunch of freight wagons rather than waiting for the stage?” The chair Quinn sat in creaked as he moved.
Picking at the blankets covering her, Edith avoided his gaze. Her face paled even further, causing the scar to stand out like a jagged bolt of lightning on a dark night.
“Is there someone you’d like me to notify? Your parents?” At Quinn’s gentle question, Edith’s eyes widened in horror.
“No.” She tried to sit up, cried out in pain, and dropped onto the pillow. “No. He’ll kill me if he finds out. Don’t tell anyone.”
Chapter 17
Clicking open Edith’s valise, Kathleen glanced at the woman asleep on the bed. Edith started to move, moaned, and lay still again. She’d been so distraught after Quinn’s question about notifying the family, Kathleen feared she would tear open her wound. After doing her best to calm the woman, she finally gave her some of Doc Meyer’s medication to help her sleep. Then she shooed Quinn out of the house and sat by Edith’s bed, assuring her everything would be fine, praying she told the truth.
Once again questions raced through her mind. Who was the man who would be angry enough to kill Edith if he found out what happened? Had her sister been a favorite and their father would be so grief stricken, he would resort to violence even though the girl’s death hadn’t been Edith’s fault? What comfort could she offer Edith? Prayer came to mind, so she petitioned God while Edith sank into a fitful sleep.
Earlier in the day, Kathleen had talked to Edith about unpacking her bag. After all, Edith would be staying here until she gained enough strength to look for another place. She might even want to rent a room at Mrs. Monroy’s. A young woman living alone could cause talk, and Kathleen knew Edith would do best to avoid that. Already rumors were flying about town since the Barstow sisters were traveling with a group of teamsters.
Kathleen laid the things from the valise on the dresser top, deciding which items to put where. Miss Barstow certainly had been traveling light. When asked where their trunks of clothes were, she’d said they had none. All they carried were the two satchels and the dresses they wore. Kathleen wondered if perhaps other belongings would be sent as soon as Edith notified someone where to ship them.
In the bottom of the bag a black dress lay folded with a black veil beside the dress. Pulling them out, Kathleen noted the dress seemed a little more worn than the other things in the valise. Had Edith experienced another death in the family recently? Was that why she seemed unusually distraught right now? She shook her head and sighed. If one of her sisters died in such a horrible manner, she would be just as upset as Edith—maybe more so.
With the clothes put away, Kathleen took the empty valise and set it on the floor to push under the bed. Letting go too soon, she noticed a thump as the bag landed. She frowned. If the bag were empty, where did the noise come from? After picking up the valise, she snapped the catch open and peered inside, wondering if she’d missed a shoe or something. Empty space greeted her.
Reaching in, she ran her hand along the bottom to see if she could feel anything. Her fingers ran across the hidden catch twice before she realized what the lump was. Starting to ease the catch open, Kathleen halted. Edith had agreed for her to unpack the bag, but would she agree to this? Maybe there’s something in here that can help me understand why Edith is so afraid. Kathleen ignored the twinge of guilt that said she was only being nosy, not helpful.
Easing open the false bottom, Kathleen could see a rather large beaded bag and a pistol nestled together. She lifted the expensive-looking bag from the valise. The black beads shone in the lamplight. For some reason Kathleen shivered as she gazed at them. Her fingers closed over the object in the purse. She frowned. Why would Edith have this in her bag?
Edith stirred and moaned. Kathleen jumped. Heart pounding, she watched as Edith plucked at the covers, then lay still again. Her breathing evened out once more. A sigh of relief escaped Kathleen. She shoved the beaded bag into the valise and shut the hidden compartment. Determined not to snoop anymore, she pushed the bag under the bed. With quiet steps, she moved to the chair by the lamp where her sewing waited and sat down. Picking up the dress and her needle, she couldn’t keep her thoughts from the object in the beaded bag.
The door to the telegraph office slammed shut after Quinn. He paid little attention as he thought of the message he’d sent across the wires. Something about Edith struck him wrong. Why would she get so upset about her family being notified of her sister’s death? So far, she hadn’t even told anyone much of anything about her sister. Yes, she’d cried knowing Cassie died in the attack, but she also seemed to be hiding something or from someone. The lawman in him couldn’t let that go. He had to make some inquiries about Edith and see if he could figure out who she was.
Striding down the street, Quinn found himself thinking as he had all day about the message he’d heard at the church yesterday. For the hundredth time, he chastised himself for reacting the way he had. Here he’d planned to show Kathleen how compatible they were, and the first chance he got, he’d blown up over a sermon that shouldn’t have mattered. He didn’t care about that stuff anymore. He didn’t believe it, either.
This morning, when he’d stopped by to see how Miss Barstow was doing, Kathleen assured him she was resting peacefully. Before he left, she pressed a bundle of folded papers into his hand.
“I copied these Scriptures, Quinn. They’ve helped me in tough times. Please take the time to read them and think about them. I know you’re angry with God, but I’d still like you to talk to the preacher.”
“I’m planning to see him today sometime.” Quinn backed toward the door. “I have a lot to do, but if I can find him, I’ll ask him some questions.”
He’d run like a scared rabbit, folding the thick sheaf of papers and shoving them in his vest pocket. Later, he’d take the time to read what she’d written.
Touching his pocket, Quinn felt the bulge where the papers rested. He still hadn’t looked at them. Even though Kathleen had given them to him, he still didn’t want to be pushed. From the look of the writing on the paper, he guessed she’d copied whole passages from the Bible. His father used to carry Scripture with him, memorizing and quoting what God said, but that hadn’t helped his sister, either.
Making his way down the street to the jail, Quinn ignored the activity around him. Why did everyone think they had the right to tell him how and what to believe? Every time he and Conlon were together, the man had to get in some remark about God and how Quinn should believe in Him. Kathleen didn’t preach at him, but he knew she held back because of his lack of faith. She said she would never marry because of her birthmark, but he could see the longing in her eyes when she held one of the twins. If any woman deserved a husband and a family, Kathleen did. Quinn determined that somehow he would find a way to overcome their differences and become her husband.
Shaking the ring of keys, he located the one to unlock the door of the jail when he stopped. This wasn’t right. His stomach couldn’t take any more of this indecision. He had to prove to Kathleen that he was right when he said God would not protect His people. She wouldn’t believe him, but if he could convince the preacher to talk to her, then she would have to concede the point. Most of the time, God just left His people at the mercy of whatever happenstance came along. He didn’t really care, and Quinn knew it.
Shoving the keys into his pocket, he headed down the street to the home where the evangelist stayed. Several of the families in the area had offered to put him up during the weeks he would be in Tucson. Quinn couldn’t imagine wanting to have someone in your house who might start preaching at any moment.
