Brides of Arizona, page 20
How many times had her mother cautioned her to stay away from men? “You’ll end up with a child just like you.” Her mother would stand there lecturing, her hands on her hips, brow furrowed in a frown. “Imagine putting a child through the agony you’ve gone through. I don’t see how you could ever want to do that.”
Kathleen never summoned the courage to tell her mother that her life would have been bearable if she’d had some support at home. Instead, all she faced were more shame and ridicule. The only satisfaction she got was being in charge of her younger siblings. They loved her for who she was, not for how she looked.
Her aunt and Glorianna, on the other hand, always loved her and accepted her as a special child of God. The memory of the day the three of them sat sewing while Mother was out came flooding back. She could clearly recall her aunt’s gentle voice. “Kathleen, someday you will make some young man a wonderful wife. Don’t deprive yourself of one of God’s greatest gifts. Consider yourself as worthy as any other girl to marry and have children. God loves you so much. He wants the best for you.”
Did God truly want her to marry? She understood God loved her as she was, but could someone else love her the same way? How could any man get past her outer ugliness?
Flipping the reins over his horse’s neck, Quinn swung into the saddle. He needed some time alone, and he’d promised Conlon he’d come out to the new Fort Lowell to see how the building was progressing. Ever since the contract came through for Lord and Williams to supply the adobe bricks for the buildings, Conlon had been hard pressed to have any free time. Quinn knew he chafed at leaving Glorianna for so long each day, especially with the fort so far from town. Having Kathleen here would be a relief for him.
Quinn tipped his hat to the mayor, John Allen, as he urged his horse to a faster pace near the edge of town. Being a deputy certainly had good points and bad ones. Keeping the peace and making sure people were safe gave him great satisfaction. Dealing with the officials could sometimes give him a headache, even if they were good men.
The sun shone bright, warming the crisp, clear day. Quinn’s thoughts began to drift to the subject he wanted to avoid thinking about—his visit with a certain young lady this morning. A groan escaped as he thought of the stupid way he’d acted in front of Glorianna and Kathleen. When Kathleen entered the kitchen, he’d been so enamored, he’d forgotten his manners, sitting there with a coyote-that-caught-the-chicken grin on his face. His horse slowed to a walk, something the beast did whenever Quinn wasn’t paying close attention. Quinn eased in the saddle and let him walk as he envisioned Kathleen bright-eyed and without her veil.
Her hair, still damp from washing, shone in the morning light. She wore it wrapped up in a very becoming fashion, but he wondered what she would look like with it hanging loose about her shoulders. He could still recall yesterday when she fell in the street and her hair loosened, allowing more than a few tendrils to come down. Even that wasn’t like seeing it all flowing freely around her.
Quinn frowned. The only problem with the woman was her idea that people would dislike her because of the birthmark on her left cheek. His finger itched to trace the line of her intriguing star. He couldn’t imagine how she’d gotten the idea that the birthmark detracted from her looks. She was a beauty who had been hidden for too long. He’d have to see what he could do about that.
The ride to the fort passed by too quickly. Quinn would have liked a little more time to get his thoughts in order before facing Conlon. He knew his friend wouldn’t resist ribbing him for arresting Glorianna’s cousin. Conlon didn’t know, and Quinn hoped he wouldn’t guess, that Quinn was the one most relieved that Kathleen wasn’t a criminal. He’d hate to think he could have such an immediate attraction to someone who lived her life outside of the law. The most important measure in determining a person’s worth should be their ability to live within the law.
“Hey, Quinn! Over here.” Conlon waved from across the parade ground. Quinn waved, swung down, and watered his horse before tying him in the shade. The buzz of conversations from men at work droned in the air. Glancing around, he could see a lot of progress since his last visit to the site. The men had been working hard.
“ ’Morning.” He greeted Conlon with a slap on the back. “You sure accomplished a lot.”
Conlon grinned. “I figure we need to work fast before the government decides on better ways to spend the money and takes the rest. Follow me, and I’ll show you where everything will be. By the time Glory and I move out here, we’ll have our own doctor and hospital in case anything should happen. That’s one of the worries Glory always had about being so far from town.”
Quinn followed Conlon about the fort, admiring the buildings and the setup. “Has Glorianna been out here lately?”
A frown creased Conlon’s brow. “She wants to come awful bad. I want her to wait until the baby arrives. She’s getting so big, I figure the baby could come any time. I refuse to be between here and Tucson and have to deliver a baby.”
Quinn laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “I imagine you’ve delivered a colt or two. You should be able to handle one little baby.”
Conlon chuckled. “The only way I know to deliver a baby is to rub the mother with straw to wipe the sweat off and rub her nose whispering things like, ‘Good girl, you’re doing fine.’ Somehow, I don’t think Glory would appreciate that.”
They both laughed as they walked toward the parade ground. “I went by your house this morning to deliver some things Glorianna’s cousin left at the jail. Your wife seemed pleased to have her cousin visiting.”
“And how was Kathleen this morning? Since she was sleeping when I left, I still haven’t met her.” Conlon’s intense blue eyes studied Quinn, making him want to squirm. Why had he mentioned Glorianna and Kathleen?
“She looked refreshed from the trip. I do believe she liked her accommodations at your house better than the ones at the jail. She didn’t seem particularly happy to see me.”
“She doesn’t know you.” Conlon strode across to the stable area. “Why don’t you come to supper tonight? I’m sure Glory won’t mind. She loves company. That way you can get to know Kathleen in a more relaxed atmosphere than the jail.”
“Naw, you need the time to get to know her without me intruding.”
“You aren’t intruding. I invited you.” Conlon slung a saddle on his horse and began to adjust the cinch. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you might be a little sweet on Miss O’Connor, Deputy.”
“I only met her yesterday—and then I thought she was a criminal. How could I be sweet on a woman that fast?”
Conlon swung up on his horse. “Well, I knew the minute I met Glory that she was the one for me. I’d been praying for a wife, and when I saw her, I knew God brought her all this way just for me. Now, how about we head for town? I need to get Josiah Washington to do some shoeing for the cavalry.”
Quinn tugged his horse’s reins free and mounted. “Well, I haven’t been praying for a wife. If and when I decide to get married, I don’t need any help from anyone, God included.”
Conlon’s shoulders stiffened, and Quinn knew he’d hurt his friend again. He hadn’t meant to. Conlon and Glorianna couldn’t seem to understand why he didn’t mind them believing in God and praying. If that worked for them, fine. They could worship however they wanted. Quinn’s parents were Christians, but he knew he didn’t need anyone bossing over him. He could manage his own life quite nicely. If he decided to pursue Kathleen, then that would be his choice—not something brought about by a God who lived in some far-off place watching over everyone. He had parents as a boy. Now, as a man, he answered to no one.
Nudging his horse, Quinn caught up with Conlon. “I didn’t mean to offend. I’m glad your God brought you a wonderful wife, if that’s what you believe. All I’m saying is, I’d like to pick out my own wife when the time comes.”
“I understand, Quinn.” The smile had faded from Conlon’s face. “I used to feel the same way you do. I’ll pray you turn your heart to God before it’s too late.”
The thunder of hooves interrupted them. A horse raced around a bend toward them. They rode ahead to meet the rider. Tugging the reins, the young boy almost lost his seating as the horse slid to a stop. Conlon reached out to grab the horse’s bridle.
“Paulo, what’s wrong?”
Quinn recognized the son of Pedro and Alicia Rodriquez, the couple who worked for Conlon and Glorianna. Paulo looked pale and ready to fall from the horse.
“The señora. She is having baby.” Paulo looked frightened. “Doctor say to get you home.”
Panic crossed Conlon’s face. “Something must be wrong. Why else would they send for me?”
Chapter 5
Swallowing a grin, Quinn urged his horse to catch up to Conlon’s. He couldn’t understand what possessed a normally rational, in-charge man like Conlon to fall apart at the mention of a woman having a baby. Glorianna was healthy and fit. Didn’t women have babies all the time? Most of the families he knew had several children, and the wife was just fine. This wasn’t the Dark Ages. Between the doctor and women with midwife experience helping Glorianna, this baby’s birth should be easy.
The doctor shouldn’t send for the father until the baby arrived. That would save hours of floor-walking distress for the husband. After all, what could he do at the house? Husbands weren’t allowed to help with the delivery, although Quinn couldn’t imagine why a husband would want to. The father always seemed to be in the way as the doctor’s helpers hurried from one task to another. A father-to-be should be left at work, content in his ignorance, until the baby made an appearance.
The day had turned warm, and Quinn could see the sweat starting to lather up on Conlon’s horse. Ridden like this, the animal would be overheated by the time they arrived in town.
“Conlon, slow down.” Quinn urged his gelding to a faster pace and drew up alongside his friend. “Running your mount into the ground won’t help Glorianna or the baby.”
Blue eyes, glazed with worry, glanced his way. As if he suddenly realized what he was doing, Conlon pulled on the reins. Both horses slowed, their breaths huffing out in sharp pants. Patting his mount’s neck, Conlon grimaced.
“Sorry. All I could think of was getting home to Glory. I hate being so far from her when she needs me.” Panic swept across his face again.
“She’s got the doc looking after her. Don’t worry.” Quinn spoke in the soothing voice he used when calming a skittish mount or an angry drunk. “Besides, you know Alicia is there. She’s had six kids of her own and probably delivered who knows how many others.”
A shuddering sigh rippled through Conlon, making his shoulders quake. “I know you’re right. I’m fine now.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know why I can’t trust God with everything the first time, but even now I run off trying to take care of everything myself.” He grinned. “When will I learn? All I have to do is pray, and God will handle everything else.”
Quinn groaned. Not another religion lesson. Conlon must have read his look, because he tipped his head back and laughed. How could the man be in a panic one minute and completely at peace the next? An uncomfortable reminder pricked Quinn’s conscience. This was the same kind of peace his parents demonstrated when they went through difficulties. They would go off together, pray, then not be bothered by anything.
The steady thump of the horses’ hooves in the dry dirt had a calming effect. Small waves of dust blew into the brush at the side of the road, coating the deep green leaves of the mesquite trees and creosote bushes with a layer of tan. Conlon appeared to be deep in thought, probably about his wife and child. Quinn began to relax.
Almost a mile passed with Conlon urging the horses on at a trot, fast enough to speed the trip home, slow enough to keep their mounts from overheating.
Conlon glanced over, his forehead furrowed. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question, Quinn? One friend to another.”
Quinn studied Conlon for a long moment, trepidation making him hesitate. “I guess I don’t mind. That doesn’t mean I’ll answer.” He cracked a grin. “If you’re asking me what to name the baby, I’ll have to tell you the only names I’ve ever given were to dogs and horses. How would Glorianna like a daughter named Brownie or a son named Buster?”
Conlon chuckled. “I’m glad I wasn’t asking for help with names. I think Glory and I can manage that quite nicely.” His grin faded. “I wanted to ask something about your growing up.”
Quinn’s horse snorted and pranced to the side as Quinn’s legs tensed.
“You told me once before that your parents are as bad as me and Glory when it comes to talking about the Bible and the Lord. I don’t want to be nosy, but I’m curious as to why you’re so against anything Christian when your parents are firm believers.”
The reins dug painful grooves into Quinn’s palms. He and Conlon had grown pretty close in the last few months since the Sullivans moved to Tucson from Camp MacDowell. Their respective jobs brought them in close contact, and the friendship had developed from there. Conlon was easy to talk to. He often listened when others jumped to conclusions without considering the surrounding circumstances. Maybe if Conlon understood his reasons for turning away from God, he would leave him alone. After all, if Christians could go around explaining their faith to everyone, why couldn’t he explain his beliefs, especially since Conlon asked?
“I used to think like you do.” Quinn forced his hands to relax on the reins, and his horse settled into a steady walk. “I went to church every Sunday with my family. I joined them in prayer at mealtimes and even listened at night when my dad read to us from the Bible. I agreed with most everything they said until about a year before I left home.”
The silence stretched as long-forgotten images flashed through Quinn’s mind. He could see his sister, Elizabeth, seated on the floor, a book in her lap. His mother would be in the rocking chair working on the never-ending pile of mending, while his dad’s deep voice filled the house, sometimes sounding like what Quinn thought of as the voice of God Himself.
“What happened to change you?” Conlon appeared genuinely interested.
“A new family moved to town.” Buried anger burned in Quinn’s gut. “They had a boy a little older than me. Rupert Magee was the biggest bully I’ve ever met. He and his dad were large men, and both thought they should rule over everyone. Rupert took a dislike to my family for reasons I won’t go into. He hated my sister, Elizabeth. At first he only yelled taunts at her in front of her friends. That hurt, but she and my folks prayed about it and said it would be all right. I wanted to pound Rupert into the ground.”
Quinn’s horse began to prance sideways down the road. “My dad tried talking to Rupert’s dad, but Mr. Magee always defended his son. He said Elizabeth deserved what she got. Since they never did more than talk, there was nothing the law could do.”
“I remember my mama saying words only hurt you if you let them.” Conlon reined his horse around a gopher mound. “I think it’s impossible for kids to ignore something said in cruelty. That kind of hurt is hard to heal. Did he ever do more than taunt her?”
Quinn’s jaw tightened. “Not openly. Rupert took to following Elizabeth, but she didn’t say anything for fear that I would get riled. Two days before I left, he followed her home from town and pelted her with rocks. We found out he’d done it before, but he’d never hit her. This time she came home with a knot on her head, the cut beside it bleeding all over. She also had a bruise on her back from a rock.
“I wanted to fight Rupert so bad, I could feel my fists hitting him. My pa stopped me, saying we needed to do this legally. We went to the sheriff. He was afraid of Rupert and his daddy. He wouldn’t do a thing. Pa said that was God’s answer.”
“That would be enough to rile any boy,” Conlon said.
“You’re right. I was angry at my dad, angry at Rupert, and most of all, angry at God. All this time I believed God would protect His own, but now I knew different. I knew I couldn’t stay around and believe in a God who made promises He didn’t keep.”
The clop of the horses’ hooves and the jangle of their bits grated in the quiet. “Did you leave then?”
“I gave God one more night to do something. I thought maybe He was busy or Elizabeth wasn’t important enough to take care of right away. Nothing happened, and I realized I had to handle things myself. When I had the chance, I packed a bedroll and loaded my horse. I didn’t tell my folks I was leaving. I was so angry with them, I didn’t think they deserved to know.
“That night I waited for Rupert at a spot I knew he’d pass by on the way home from a friend’s house. I beat him almost senseless. After I had my revenge, I told him he’d better never even look at my sister again, or I’d hear about it and come looking for him. Then I climbed on my horse and haven’t been home since.”
Conlon’s brows drew together. “So how do you know he listened to you?”
“Because he’s a coward. Bullies are always that way when someone stands up to them. Besides, I did write to my folks. After I cooled down, I wrote and asked them about Rupert. They said he left town shortly after I did. He and his dad moved, and no one knew where they went.”
The first houses on the outskirts of Tucson came into sight around a curve in the road. Quinn’s horse settled to a quiet walk. “I suppose you’ll say what I did was wrong, but I don’t agree with you. I took care of my sister that night, and I’ve been taking care of myself ever since. I don’t need a God like yours to interfere with my life.”
Conlon flashed a cocky grin. “I know how patient God is. When you’re tired of doing everything yourself, He’ll be waiting.” He urged his horse to a trot. “Now, let’s go see if I’m a father.”
Quinn noted the relief he felt at finally sharing his story. Conlon hadn’t rejected him for what he’d said. In fact, he didn’t appear surprised at all. As they tramped from the stable to the house, Quinn clapped his hand on Conlon’s shoulder.
