This Love, page 12
part #45 of Forever and Ever Series
“I’m trying to represent a singular person. Solo artists tend to do better than those in bands.”
“But my sound will be completely different.”
“No, it won’t,” he said. “I can find a band for you with the snap of my fingers.”
Could I really do that? Move on and leave everyone else behind?
Don watched me and didn’t seem happy with my reaction. “This is how the business goes, Slade.”
“You aren’t willing to sign me and them?” I asked. “That’s completely off the table?”
“Yes,” he said. “I’m only interested in you.”
I knew the band would take it hard when I told them the news, but I also knew they wouldn’t hate me either. I was the one who started the band to begin with, and I wrote all the music. I was definitely the one putting in the most effort.
Don returned the lid to his pen. “Would you like some time to think about it?”
“How often will I be away from New York?”
He shrugged. “It’s hard to say at this point in time. Everything depends on how well the record sells and how well the public accepts you.”
“I won’t be under contract to commit to certain things?”
“Well…” He rubbed his chin. “Yes and no. When we go over the specifics you’ll see what I mean.”
“So there’s a possibility I may have to do something I don’t agree with?” I asked. “Like, taking shirtless pictures for a magazine? Or staying in the U.K. for an extended period of time?”
“Slade, you’re the master of your own destiny. If there’s something you don’t want to do, don’t do it.”
Good.
The contracts are for allocations of funds, mostly. Not to make you a puppet.”
“Okay.” I could get on board with that.
“How about you come into the studio next week and play a few songs for the rest of the crew?” he asked. “I want them to get a look at you.”
“Sure.”
“And think things over before we meet again. Chances are, you’ll be offered a record deal.” He winked at me then took another drink of his wine.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I’d always hoped for this moment, and I never expected it to happen. It was right in my fingertips, and I could actually smell the crowd in the stadium.
I was going to be a rock star.
Chapter Thirteen
Arsen
The next few days were a painful blur.
I did my duties as a father and took care of Abby, but whenever she wasn’t around I felt myself fall into a pit of darkness. The words from the letter echoed in my mind. I would never be able to erase the image from my brain.
Silke hadn’t contacted me, and I hadn’t called her.
I’d officially given up.
She made love to me and led me to believe everything was okay between us. I got the best night of rest in a long time. But then when I opened my eyes, I realized it was all a dream.
She left.
I really believed that she would forgive me. Of all people, I thought we could move past this. There was light at the end of the tunnel, but I was the only one who saw it.
I was sitting on the couch while Abby colored on the floor. She had her crayons and colored pencils around her. The TV played in the living room but I didn’t watch it. I just sat there, in a haze.
The doorbell rang and I almost didn’t register it. There was no one I wanted to see. Silke was the only person that mattered, but I knew she wasn’t the person who came to see me.
She would never see me again.
Did she already go out with that other guy? Did they hit it off? Did they sleep together?
I was going to throw up.
The doorbell rang again.
Abby looked up from her coloring book. “Did you hear that, Daddy?”
I snapped out of it. “I’ll get it.” With dragging feet, I headed to the front door. It was probably girl scouts trying to sell me some cookies. Without checking the peephole I opened the door.
Ryan stood there, and instead of being angry like last time, he looked sad.
I wasn’t in the mood to talk or be remotely friendly. “Can I help you?”
He sighed like his words failed him.
He must have known what happened between Silke and I. There was no other reason why he would be there. “No, I’m not spinning out of control. I haven’t had a single drink. Abby is in the living room coloring right now. We’re fine.” I wasn’t even offended with the insinuation. I just didn’t care anymore.
“That’s not why I’m here.” His voice came out quiet, like he was in pain.
“Then what do you want?”
He put his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Silke told me what happened…”
That must have been an awkward conversation. Would Silke really tell her father something like that?
“She said you came over and the two of you fell asleep together on the couch. But when you woke up, she left you a note saying goodbye. I wasn’t even there but I can only imagine how that must have felt.”
That made more sense. “Yeah…”
Ryan crossed the threshold then pulled me in for a hug.
I wanted to push him off because I was still angry with him. But I was too weak to push him away. His arms circled me and I allowed it to happen. His fatherly affection was something I needed right now—at my weakest point.
“I’m sorry, Arsen.”
I closed my eyes and breathed a painful sigh.
“I really am.”
“It’s all my fault…I wish I could take it back.”
“I know, Son.” He pulled away and patted my shoulder. “I know you wouldn’t repeat those mistakes again.”
“She doesn’t believe that…”
“I think she’s scared more than anything else,” he said quietly. “And when people are scared, they run.”
And I was the one who scared her off.
“I know this is hard to believe right now but…you’ll get through this.”
No, I won’t. I stepped back and felt burned by his words. “She was the one, Ryan. Anyone else after this will just be a warm body in a bed. I’ll never know another love like the one I had with Silke. Despite what she believes, I really think we were supposed to be together. The first time I saw her…I knew.”
“She told me the same thing.”
But that wasn’t enough.
Why did I have to ruin this so harshly? Why did I have to spin out of control? Why did I have to throw away the one woman I actually loved? “I don’t know what to do with myself. Without her…I just don’t see the point.”
“The point in what?”
“I don’t know…trying to be happy.”
“You have Abby,” Ryan reminded me.
“And thank god I do,” I said. “Without her I would really lose my mind.”
Ryan bowed his head. “You’ll get through this. And you will be happy again someday.”
He didn’t get it. And he would never get it.
“For what it’s worth, she seemed just as devastated as you are now.”
How can that be possible? She was the one choosing to move on. I wasn’t. “Ryan, do you think there’s anything I can do or say to stop this?” I didn’t see the point in asking because I doubt he would have an answer.
He crossed his arms over his chest.
“I’ll do anything…anything at all.”
His mouth was immobile and his eyes looked hollow.
“You still refuse to help me?” I snapped. “Even now?”
“Just give me a second.”
I turned around and saw the picture of the three of us hanging on the wall. It was from the day we went to the beach a few years ago. Silke was on her guard, and I had to work hard to get her back. Slowly but surely I did.
“There’s nothing you can do,” Ryan finally said. “Unless you make some kind of big gesture. But there’s no gesture you can make. You’ve already told her how you felt, and you’ve already done everything you can to change her mind.”
Big gesture?
My eyes were glued to the picture as my mind raced. What gesture could I possibly make to prove anything to her? What would mean something to her? I remembered how disappointed she was when I said it wasn’t time for us to get married because Abby was still adjusting to Lydia’s death. Instead, she moved in with me.
And then it hit me.
“I’ll marry her.” I turned back around and faced Ryan. “That’s it. I’ll marry her.”
Ryan’s expression remained stoic, like he didn’t agree with that at all. “What? You think proposing is going to fix this? Arsen, I really don’t think that’s a good idea. If you go over there and get down on one knee she’s just going to stay no.”
“No, I didn’t say I’d propose to her. I said I would marry her.”
Now he looked more confused.
“Ryan, I need your help—more than ever.”
Just like before, he looked hesitant. “I told you I wouldn’t interfere. Don’t make me say no again.”
“I’m not asking you to interfere. I’m just asking you to help me.”
“Help you do what, exactly?”
My mind was working furiously. I was throwing everything together at lightning speed. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but I had to try. Living the rest of my life without her wasn’t an option I took lightly. “I need to talk to Janice.”
***
“Shit, I’m coming.” Slade’s irritated voice came through the door. “Stop knocking. Damn.” He opened the door with half-lidded eyes. He was shirtless and only his sweatpants were on. His infinite ink was etched across his skin. The image of Trinity was the most noticeable. “What the fuck do you want?”’
“Someone needs their beauty rest…”
His nostrils flared like a bull. “My pregnant wife is trying to sleep.”
“Dude, it’s ten.”
“Well, she has work in the morning.”
When did they turn into an old married couple?
“Fine.” Slade knew I saw through his lies. “We’re fucking, alright? Don’t come to a married couple’s house by nine. You know what we’re doing.”
Slade was like a brother to me so this was a little awkward. “I need to talk to you and it’s really important.”
He rubbed the back of his head in irritation then allowed me to enter the apartment. “Spit it out. And make it quick.”
“You’re still ordained, right?”
Both of his eyebrows shot up off his forehead. “Yes…why?”
“I need you to perform a wedding for me in about an hour.”
“What?” he blurted. “Dude, I don’t do it for a living. I just did it for Skye and Cayson.”
“Well, this one is for me.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, still confused. “I thought you and Silke were done?”
“We might be…but I hope not.”
“You think proposing to her will fix it? That worked with Trinity and I but I don’t know if it will work for you.”
“Please do this for me. Just be there.”
“Where?”
“Central Park—next to the bridge. Everyone is meeting there.”
“Tonight?” he asked. “You realize it’s freezing, right?”
“Yes. And the snow looks beautiful.” Silke always loved the wintertime.
“Does my dad know about this?”
“Yes.”
“And he’s on board with it?” he asked incredulously.
“Yes. Now put on a suit and meet us down there.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “This is insane…”
“I know.”
“And Silke is on board with this?”
“Not sure…”
“This could be a disaster. You know that, right?”
“Yeah.” It could totally backfire in my face and make it a million times worse. “Or it could be the greatest day of my life.”
***
Janice came into the living room. Her face was free of make up, and her straight hair wasn’t as nice as it usually was. She was in her pajamas because she’d clearly been in bed.
She stared at me with venom in her eyes. “What’s he doing here?”
Ryan stepped toward her. “Baby, just hear him out. There’s something he wants to say.”
“I don’t care what he has to say,” she snapped. “We took him into this family and gave him everything—including our daughter. Then he turns his back on her and breaks her heart?”
I thought Ryan’s disappointment was bad, but this was worse.
“Absolutely not,” she said. “I don’t give a damn what he has to say.”
Ryan came closer to her and gripped her shoulders. He looked down into her face and lowered his voice. “Baby, listen to me. I know you’re upset right now and you have every right to be. I’m still hurt too. But Arsen has something important to say. Please keep an open mind and listen to him.”
Her eyes still burned with fumes. “But—”
“Just listen.” He kissed her forehead then looked down at her again. “For me.”
It wasn’t clear what got her to cooperate, his words or his affection. But something did.
He guided her to the couch then turned to me. “The floor is yours, Arsen.” He walked away and stood in the background.
I took the seat beside her on the couch. It didn’t feel comfortable the way it used to. Janice used to feel like a mother to me. She took care of me, cooked for me, and loved me like her own. But she’d been cold and distant ever since I hurt Silke—not that I blamed her. “I’m going to marry Silke—tonight.”
The fury left her face the second she heard what I said.
“I’m going to wait in the park for her to come. If she does, I’m going to marry her. I’d really like it if you were on board. You’ve always been like a mother to me. I know I let you down when I messed things up with Silke. If only you knew how much I regretted it.”
Janice’s eyes crinkled as they softened, and the line of her lips didn’t look so prominent. She was receptive to what I said, even moved.
“Janice, I’d really like your blessing in this. And your help.”
The disappointment in her eyes started to fade as the fondness returned. “I think I was so upset because I had so much faith in you. I wasn’t just hurt that you broke my daughter’s heart. I was hurt that you let us all down.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Of course I want you to be with Silke—if that’s what she wants.”
“I know she still loves me. I hope this is enough for her to understand what I truly want—a new beginning as husband and wife.”
“And you think she’ll say yes?”
“I don’t know.” I pulled the letter out of my pocket and handed it to her. “But I hope she does.
Janice took the letter and felt it in her fingertips.
“Please give this to her.”
The sadness returned to her features. “Arsen, I can’t convince her to be with you.”
“I know. But please give it to her.”
She stared at the letter again before she nodded. “I will.”
Chapter Fourteen
Silke
Leaving that note for Arsen was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I loved him with my whole heart, would love him for all of time, but I knew it was the best thing for me. He’d broken my heart too many times, and my heart simply couldn’t handle it anymore.
But it broke again when I left that note and walked out of the apartment.
He hadn’t contacted me in nearly a week, so I knew he finally understood my ironclad decision. It didn’t matter what he said or did, nothing would change my mind.
We were really over.
That didn’t stop me from being depressed. I stayed in my apartment all the time and watched TV. Instead of working on new sculptures for my gallery, I went to the museum then came home. I was too depressed to be creative.
I was too depressed to do anything.
It was a night like any other, and I was sitting in front of the TV in the same clothes I wore to work. I didn’t make dinner, but instead ate a few ice cream bars that were in my freezer.
At eleven in the evening, there was a knock on my door.
It was too late for me to turn off the TV and pretend I wasn’t here. They obviously heard the sound and knew someone was in the apartment. No one would come to my apartment this late without calling first, so I knew it was Arsen.
He hadn’t given up on me after all.
He wouldn’t go away until I answered the door. I knew that much. I looked through the peephole, and to my surprise, I didn’t see him.
It was Mom.
I opened the door and immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Did she and Dad have a fight? Did something happen? What was wrong?
She held two large boxes in her arms, and they looked heavy. “Sorry to drop by so late. Could you give me a hand?”
“Of course.” I grabbed the boxes and carried them into the living room. “Mom, what’s up? Is something wrong?”
“No, sweetheart. There’s nothing wrong.” She took a seat on the couch and pulled a letter out of her pocket. “I’m the messenger, so to speak.”
“For who?”
She gave me that look that told me everything.
Arsen.
How did he convince her to talk to me on his behalf? Mom was more pissed at him than I was. How was this possible?
“Mom, what’s going on?”
“He asked me to give this to you.” She held out the letter. “I’ll explain the boxes when you’re done.”
I stared at the envelope and didn’t take it. “I can’t believe he got to you.”
“He didn’t. But I think you should hear him out anyway.”
“Everything has already been said.” My eyes were glued to the envelope.
“Silke, just read it.”
“Do you know what it says?”
“The gist,” she said with a shrug.
I took the envelope with shaky hands and felt the paper in my hands. It was warm from my mother’s touch. Arsen’s final words were in this letter. Just when I thought we were done, he threw a curveball my way.
