Let Hate Go, page 3
“Me too,” he admitted. “I’m sorry too.”
We were silent for a moment, processing the enormity of those few simple words. It was crazy how the word “sorry” could not just mend broken bridges, but repair them from the ground up, as long as it was truly felt. The spoken word was so powerful. One word could make a difference between the direction of love and the direction of hate. Here we were, a prime example.
I realized in the silence that I was no longer scared in that small space. With just a few words from Eddie to distract me, I was okay … well, okay-ish. I didn’t plan on getting up from his comforting arms, but at least I was breathing easy again.
“What are the chances I’d run into you here?” I asked. “Same elevator. And now we’re stuck.”
“Already told you … part of my big plan,” he responded with a chuckle.
“But seriously, though. Small world, huh?”
“Well, I’ve heard everyone is connected to someone else in the world by six degrees of separation, so yeah, it is a small world. I’ve also been witness to some crazy coincidences,” he said, and I could hear in his voice that he was thinking about those coincidences. “Let’s just say if you knew them, you’d think this was nothing. Besides, life is just a series of crazy coincidences and chance encounters that lead you onto the path you’re supposed to be on.”
“For someone who’s not religious, that sounded awfully close to believing in a higher being,” I said.
“I never said I didn’t believe in God,” he told me. “I just said I wasn’t a religious person. But I don’t think you have to practice or do everything you’re told to do in order to believe something more is out there. I think everyone does what they can to the best of their ability and hope the outcome is still good. Like do I think I’m going to hell just because I don’t go to church every Sunday? Who knows, but I hope not. I think being a good person is more important.”
These were the little details I’m sure he tried to tell me on the date, but by then, all hell had broken loose, and I wasn’t hearing him, and he wasn’t hearing me. “You’re probably right,” I admitted. Even though my family had been a fairly practicing family, and I still tried to follow the traditions they set for us kids, I did respect Eddie’s views.
“I was on my way to meet with a lawyer,” he told me after a moment. “Had a small fender bender a few weeks ago, nothing major, but the asshole who rear-ended me is trying to say I backed into him … on the freaking freeway.” I laughed at his obvious annoyance and how stupid the other party was. Although, you’d be surprised at how many times I’d actually been witness to the stupid things people did while driving. A guy backing up on the freeway was, shockingly, not out of the realm of possibility. “My co-worker suggested a lawyer friend of his. Said he’d help me so I didn’t have to deal with the headache from the insurance company.”
“Probably worth it,” I responded. “I was here meeting with my financial planner,” I told him. “He said he wanted to go over some potential investments but wanted my input before proceeding.”
“Financial planning already?” he asked. “Damn. I can barely balance my checkbook,” he said with a laugh.
“Who still uses checks?” I retorted with my own laugh. “Besides, it’s never too early, especially if I want to retire early.”
“Beautiful and smart, I like it.” I blushed, and I hoped he didn’t see the redness on my neck since I still hadn’t looked up. I’d actually long since been comfortable enough to look into his face and talk directly to him, but I was afraid if I looked up, it would ruin whatever magical bubble we’d found ourselves in. Gone was the Eddie I hated, and here was the guy who had taken me in his arms, given me strength, and talked me down from the ledge without a second thought. I liked this Eddie, and I didn’t want it to end.
As if the damn cruel universe had read my thoughts and wanted to play with my life a little more, we heard a voice come through the door. “Hello in there. It’ll be just a minute before you’re out.” And then we heard the elevator making funny noises and start to move.
“Your savior has arrived,” Eddie joked, and I had no choice but to move out of his embrace. We pulled apart and stood somewhat awkwardly, facing each other. This was the first time I looked at him, truly looked at him in all of our short encounters without an inkling of hate, not even in the back of my mind. You’re my savior, I had wanted to tell him, to thank him for being there for me, but I bit my tongue.
“Looks like it,” I responded lamely. And just as the guy predicted, a minute later, we were climbing out of the elevator. We walked silently together toward the stairs, neither of us wanting to chance another elevator. We didn’t say another word, the silence stretching between us as if it were waiting for something, as if we were waiting for something. But what? It wasn’t like we were friends now all of a sudden. We just maybe didn’t hate each other anymore.
His floor was first. “This is me,” he said, and I could swear I heard a bit of disappointment in his voice.
“Good luck,” I told him.
“Thanks. You too.” He opened the door to get to his floor and started to enter, closing the door behind him.
“Eddie,” I said just before the door closed, and he stopped, putting his hand on the door to hold it open before turning back to face me.
“Thank you … for the elevator … just, well, thank you.” I didn’t have the right words to express just how much it meant to me for the welcome distraction he provided and the compassion he showed me.
“Don’t thank me for that. Never for something like that. Plus, it was all part of my plan, remember?” he added with a wink. “Bye, Evie,” he said somewhat solemnly. “I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
And then he was gone. And this time, instead of putting him out of my head, thinking I’d never see him again, I actually hoped the universe wasn’t done playing with us … at least not yet.
Eddie
Despite what you saw in the movies, most nights in an ER were not a chaotic blur of people on the verge of dying. The bulk of people seen in the ER were cases that could easily be treated at a regular physician’s office, like the flu, a broken bone, deep cuts, those sorts of things. The difference was usually the people who came to the ER had to do so because it was either after hours, they couldn’t get an appointment with their doctor, or they didn’t have a doctor they go to in the first place. Most days, surprisingly, were pretty slow.
This was one of them.
“Reading on the job?” I asked Martha, one of the nurses. She alternated between the night shift, so she could help with her grandkids during the day, and the midday shift, so she could give her kids a break at night. Not that I was giving my mom grandkids anytime soon, but she was a long way away from being that kind of grandma. She’d turned her life around drastically, but I couldn’t imagine her working her own schedule to be there for her grandkids like Martha. I could see Kat or Sophie doing that, and I could even see them doing that for me, but my mom … it was hard for me to picture her like that when I saw the things I saw because of her while growing up.
“My daughter’s newest favorite author,” she told me. “Sadie Grubor,” she said, not even bothering to look up. “You should give it a read. Good book, and it’ll teach a young guy like you how to land a woman. You’re a good-looking boy, Eddie,” she told me, finally looking up from her book. “No reason you should be single,” she said with a slight shake of her head. “I’ll let you borrow this one after I’m done. Swipe Right … read it. Ethan, the main character, will teach you what women these days are looking for.”
“Oh, uh … thanks,” I sputtered out. “I’ll do that,” I told her as I walked away quickly. I was single because I didn’t have time for anything serious, and I hadn’t found someone to make time for … well, not exactly true.
Something had shifted in that elevator with Evie. Within the span of seconds, things had changed one hundred and eighty degrees. And that something was so tangible, I could have grabbed it and held it in my hands, keeping it tight, and neither one of us would have argued.
But then it ended.
As bad as I felt about her obvious panic, I hadn’t wanted it to end. I loved the feel of her body in my arms, her soft curves burrowed against my hard edges, and the feel of her warm skin pressing against mine. Her lips were so close to my chest, I wanted to breathe in a little more so that they could press against me. To say I was attracted to Evie would be obvious, to say I had an appreciation for her strength and beauty would be an understatement, but to say I had a newfound respect for her ability to be vulnerable was shocking. Yet I admired that she didn’t try to put on a brave face or hide behind her fears just to prove a point. She cut herself open, allowing me to see her bleeding heart. And she allowed me to be there for her.
I’d never been there for someone like that. I’d tried to stand up for my mom or the late Kat when they were too strung out to care about anything but the high they were chasing. But it wasn’t the same. It was even different than being there for my patients in the hospital. For the first time, I felt truly needed.
We’d even managed to right the past wrongs.
When we parted, I had an overwhelming feeling of disappointment, and I think she felt it too. I was tempted, so very tempted to ask her for a do-over, but it was too much too soon. She was vulnerable, and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I didn’t want to push her.
And truth be told, I was a bit afraid. We’d essentially ended things on a good note for the first time when every other time hadn’t exactly been that way. If nothing else, she’d remember me fondly now. I didn’t want to risk changing that. So I didn’t ask her for her number, and I didn’t ask her out on a date. I didn’t even ask her to be friends. That was three weeks ago. And I hadn’t stopped thinking about her.
If there really was a woman to turn this single man into a relationship man, it would be her … too bad the one time I was hoping I’d run into her again didn’t seem like it’d happen.
“Incoming, gunshot victim,” I heard right behind me from Martha, who’d materialized out of nowhere, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Traffic ticket gone bad, officer shot at the scene,” Martha told me as I followed her to the ambulance doors. Ever since I’d met Evie, I’d started having a quiet fondness for police officers. I felt a slightly higher sense of emotion when I heard it was a cop coming in.
Then the doors opened, and the stretcher came into view, and I could feel the blood drain from my face. Dread. There were no other words for the feelings that overcame me. Maybe horror or all-encompassing fear. Those words worked too.
“Fuck, Evie, no,” I muttered, rushing to the stretcher and knowing immediately that this wasn’t just a quick patch-up job.
“Eddie?” Martha asked from my side.
“I can’t operate on her,” I told her and the other two nurses that had made their way over to us. “Get Dr. Melin,” I told her. “But I want to assist.”
“If you know her, Eddie, you know it’s not advisable to be involved.”
I shook my head violently. “I won’t be primary, but I need to be in there,” I told her, probably looking like a crazed man, my face white as a bedsheet. “I need to make sure she’s okay.”
“Eddie,” she whispered, sympathy coloring her voice as I heard Dr. Melin being paged.
“Please,” I begged. The funny part was it wasn’t up to her, but at that moment, it sure as hell felt like I needed her approval. She must have realized it because she nodded and left, with me following her like a lost puppy looking for its owner.
And when I entered Evie’s room, getting ready to help repair her bleeding, broken body, this puppy had found its owner. Now I had to get to work to make sure my owner woke up and could claim me.
Evie
“Fuck, Evie, don’t ever scare me like that again.” What an interesting way to wake up. Except I didn’t remember ever going to sleep. My eyes had slowly fluttered open, a deep slumber like never before threatening to keep me under, and I’d looked up to see Eddie hovering above me.
His perfect face marred with worry until he drank in my own stare, and then I could see relief flood his features. It hadn’t occurred to me to wonder why the fuck Eddie was standing over my bed in the first place. It didn’t even occur to me to question it when he uttered those odd words.
“I was afraid I’d never see those beautiful eyes of yours,” he said much quieter as though he was admitting something he shouldn’t be. I felt my lips turn up into a smile. And then it hit me like a freight train or, rather, like a damn bullet piercing my gut, which was exactly what happened before the lights went out for me.
That evening wasn’t any different than usual except my partner wasn’t with me. Nelson had gotten a twenty-four-hour bug that he claimed he contracted from his wife. In all honesty, he had sounded like shit when I’d called to check on him. It wasn’t a big deal to me. I’d been on my own plenty of times. I was out patrolling and saw a guy bust through a stop sign like he was in a race he needed to win, so I pulled him over. He was a young punk who thought he could say lewd things to me. I ignored them for the most part like I always did, but when the little fucker said, “I bet you’d like it if I cuffed you, pinned you down, and rammed into you hard from behind like the little bitch you are,” I was done. Done. Fucking done.
I told him to get out of the car, and I was full-on planning to throw his vulgar, inappropriate, and harassing ass in jail, except in my anger, I’d completely ignored Rule Number One, which was not to take your eye off the asshole. Next thing I knew, he’d grabbed a gun and got me before I got him. I didn’t lose consciousness right away. I was able to call for help, give them his info as he sped away, and then, bam, dark. Not sure if they got him, but apparently, they got me because now that I remembered, it was obvious I wasn’t in my own bed.
“Lucky for you, I’m indestructible,” I told Eddie, my voice a bit hoarse. He didn’t respond. “How long was I out?”
“Two days,” he responded.
“Not too bad,” I mumbled, but then I looked at him, and his face said otherwise. “How bad?” I asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure out what the payment should be for saving your life. It was pretty touch-and-go there for a bit, but of course, Dr. Eddie was there to save the day.” He said it teasingly, obviously trying to lighten the situation, but something told me there was a large dose of truth in his joking.
“You’re trying to take credit?” I asked.
“Oh, absolutely. You so owe me now. Forever, really. I just have to think of my list.”
“Don’t hold your breath,” I told him. “But seriously, tell me what happened,” I urged.
“You were unconscious when they brought you in,” he said. “I couldn’t be the primary doctor because I was too close to the situation, but I was the second in the room. I needed to be in there with you to make sure you were okay. But it was one of the scariest moments of my life, worrying about whether you’d be all right.”
“Too close to the situation? Because you knew me?” I asked.
“Because I care about you, Evie,” he told me, stressing the word “care” like it meant more than he was letting on. I wasn’t one-hundred percent in the right frame of mind at that moment, but his words got to me, got under my skin. I cared about him too. In the short and random times I’d gotten to know him, I’d begun to care. And I wanted to know more, but we never seemed to align. First, we hated each other, then we didn’t, and still, there was nothing between us.
“I only have one thing on my list,” he told me suddenly.
“List?” I questioned.
“My requests for saving your life.”
“Oh, that again?” I said with a light chuckle. “Let’s hear this request, Eddie.” I smiled despite the discomfort I was starting to feel, wondering if whatever meds they had me on were starting to wear off.
“Go out with me. A real date,” he said and then drew in a deep breath before continuing. “When I saw you come in, when I knew it was serious, when I thought for even a split second that I might not see you again, I couldn’t breathe,” he admitted. “There was this crushing feeling on my chest that the world might miss out on Evie Drew, that I might miss out on Evie Drew. And I told myself that if, no, not if, that when you woke up, I’d do something about it. So here I am, asking you to give me a chance. I know you hate me, Evie, but life’s too short for hate. Especially when something is really here between us. I know there is. And I know you felt it too … in that elevator. I should have asked you out then, but I didn’t want to take advantage of the situation, of you. I guess I could say the same about this situation, but I can’t let you walk away this time. Please forget about the terrible interactions we’ve had. Those … they’re not me, they’re not us. What do you say, Evie? Can you let hate go?”
I listened to his entire tirade patiently even though I’d wanted to cut him off several times. I had an answer for him the minute he asked, but he didn’t really give me a chance to respond. It’d been somewhat endearing to listen to him ramble and justify just why we needed to give us another shot. I should have put him out of his misery, but I couldn’t help playing with him a bit. “I don’t know, Eddie, can I?” At least I put on a smile when I uttered the words.
