Bojan, page 5
“You’re thirty-four weeks’ pregnant,” Bullard noted. “You don’t need twins to make that a reality.”
She smiled up at him. “I’m just curious about what the answer is though. It doesn’t change anything, but, in some ways, it does.”
“It does change things,” he admitted. “Not a lot, and certainly not in a bad way, so why don’t we just wait and see?”
She chuckled. “Right. Like you, right now, aren’t already trying to figure out if you can rush me in for another scan.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Hey, I’m not against having two sons,” he muttered.
“Yeah, how about two daughters?” she challenged.
“If they’re anything like you, absolutely.”
At that, Bojan sighed. “Wow, is your place just full of this romance stuff?”
Ryland laughed. “Yeah, and you might as well get used to it. Ever since we all paired up, it’s been like honeymoon haven or something.”
Bojan stared at him. “You guys too?”
“Yeah, us too. Several of the women are away on shopping trips in town, a couple partners and the guys are away, one on a job, two are off visiting families. Just couples all over the place here now, whether you like it or not, and the family stuff? … Well, that just got really big.”
“It’s amazing,” Bojan murmured, speaking calmly, trying to keep his voice neutral, but it was hard. “Seems as if it’s almost contagious.”
“It is contagious,” Ryland declared in a rough tone of voice. “Yet nobody ever believes us when we say that.”
Bojan got up and walked out of the room as well, leaving an awkward silence behind. He was looking for Lacy and soon found her outside with a book and a cup of coffee in hand, under a large sun umbrella. He sat down beside her, without even asking permission, because he knew she would immediately say no. She raised her focus from her book, then narrowed her eyes and asked, “Why me?”
“I don’t know. You’re just lucky, I guess.”
“No, not really,” she argued. “I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut.”
“I understand the need for sharing in this case, and I don’t think it’s a bad thing for them to know ahead of time.”
“But they don’t believe me, and they both have medical backgrounds, or at least have enough medical experience to sort it out themselves. I didn’t set out to tell them, but, considering the due-date topic, I figured it might be helpful if they found out,” she explained. “Now I feel that maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned anything.”
“Just let them figure that out, and, if they’re not comfortable with it, well, what was it that brought you here in the first place?”
“I’m doing my residency with Leia, and then I’ll go back to school in another few months. After that, I wouldn’t have to deal with them again I suppose, particularly if I’m not wanted here.” At that, she winced.
“Most people won’t get angry because you told them a truth, especially since you didn’t really understand how they didn’t know already.”
“Well, that’s the thing. I really didn’t understand how they didn’t know. I almost said something the first time I saw her. Then I saw the scans and realized all the discussions were in the singular. All I could think was How is that even a thing?”
“Good question, so can you explain it to me?”
She shrugged. “Because the second baby isn’t locked in to being here,” she began, “and I just didn’t want to tell them that.”
“Maybe you should though,” Bojan suggested, “because now they will be looking for twins, yet that second one isn’t as strong, is it?”
“No, it’s not,” she confirmed, “and an intervention, a physical one, such as a C-section, won’t make it any stronger. It’s a spirit thing.”
He smiled. “You do realize how very odd our conversation is?”
At that, hearing a sound, she noted Dave was behind them.
He walked over, sat down heavily beside them, and asked, “Seriously?”
She looked at him and repeated, “Seriously what?”
“There’s a problem with the second baby?” He clasped his hands together, his gaze going from one to the other.
“It’s physically viable, but spiritwise it’s not very strong. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you, but all I can tell you is that the baby won’t necessarily be here at the end of the road. I feel terrible about mentioning it because, if we have two healthy babies at the end of the day, Leia would be ecstatic and overjoyed. However, if there’s only one, but she’s expecting a second, it will be devastating.”
Dave stared off in the distance and nodded. “And yet, if they know now, maybe they can do something to improve the odds.” At that, he turned and looked at Lacy, with a questioning glance.
“Yes,” Lacy replied, “there is. Not that I can tell her how or what or anything,” she muttered. “I see and hear things, but they are disjointed, partial glimpses. So that’s not always an easy place to be because, just like Bojan, we don’t necessarily have answers.”
At that, Dave nodded almost absentmindedly. “The thing is,” Dave added, “we do have experience with Terkel. So, although what you’re saying sounds foreign, we understand that you don’t necessarily have answers, even though we want you to.” Dave gave her a weak smile. “I would do an awful lot to save them the heartache of losing a child.”
Bojan looked at him sharply and then relaxed. “It won’t be the same thing as what you went through,” he stated.
Dave winced. “Right, that’s the awkward part, when the psychic gets to see and to know a whole lot more than everybody else may be comfortable with.”
“That goes for us too,” she stated, staring at Bojan. “Just like Bojan can’t turn it off, I can’t turn it off, nor can we turn it off between us.”
Dave turned and looked at her, his gaze going from one to the other. “Is that why you two are on the outs? It seems to me that you would make a perfect pair.”
“And you’re not the first person to mention that, but an element of trust is required, and sometimes, when that doesn’t exist or can’t exist in harmony, we can’t take it any further,” she murmured. “So, you talk about having a perfect pair, a soul mate, but what do you do when your soul mate isn’t ready or is incapable?” she asked, deliberately not looking at Bojan.
Lacy snorted, then added, “Or when the soul mate or supposed soul mate doesn’t see that he’s a soul mate or doesn’t want to be in a relationship because there’s definitely some differences between people. Just because one may have come around in this lifetime to learn something doesn’t mean that both are prepared to make the compromises to do the learning together.”
Dave’s gaze widened as he again glanced from one to the other. “Wow, that really complicates things, doesn’t it?”
“You have no idea.” Bojan shook his head.
At that, Dave asked Lacy, “Do you mind if I have a talk with Bullard about it?”
“No, I don’t mind,” Lacy replied. “If there hadn’t been a roomful of people, some that I don’t even know yet, I would have done it differently. Plus I still need to have that conversation with Leia.”
“Do you know what they can do to improve their chances?”
At that, Bojan looked over at her and said, “You might as well tell him.”
“I can tell them as much as I know, but I can’t guarantee it.”
“No, there are no guarantees in life,” Dave confirmed, “but I know they will both be willing and ready to do anything they can to keep two healthy babies.”
She sighed. “Fine, you talk to them first, and, if they want to talk to me after that, okay. Same for Bojan,” she offered, with a wave of her hand. “If Bullard would rather talk to Bojan, he knows the same information I do.”
With a shake of his head, Dave got up and disappeared inside.
“Damn it,” Lacy muttered. “Now I should just go back to the university.”
“Do you always stay here?” Bojan asked.
“At first I didn’t, and then, because of all the surgeries, I started staying sometimes. It’s hardly a normal residency because such a steady stream of people in need come to the clinic,” she murmured. “I’ve been running my schedule incredibly tight and getting exhausted. So, when they offered me a room and a chance to stay here, I jumped at it. It’s been several weeks now. I kind of got settled in, even though another steady stream of Bullard’s team come and go—or maybe that’s why it worked, I don’t know. Still, I’ve felt comfortable here, and that’s not something we feel easily, you know?”
Bojan nodded thoughtfully, as he stared out at the world around them. “No, we don’t. We’re different, strange even, and that doesn’t always sit well with people.”
“No,” she agreed, feeling tears in the back of her eyes. “I really felt accepted here, and now I’ve blown it yet again.”
“I don’t think you’ve blown anything, and, if you manage to save Leia’s life, it won’t be an issue.”
At that, she looked at him and frowned. “What if all the visions I saw had more to do with the babies than anything else?”
“Why don’t you just tell me what you saw,” Bojan said, “then I can judge from that. Besides, didn’t Terkel agree?”
At that, the expression of relief on her face was evident. “Yes, he did.”
“So it wasn’t just the babies?”
“No,” she replied and felt an odd tickle of a sense. When a commotion came at the back door, they looked up to see both Leia and Bullard coming toward them.
Leia sat down on the footstool and said, “Lacy, we know that this isn’t your fault and that it has nothing to do with you, beyond the fact that you’re seeing something which is the concern here,” she explained, taking a huge breath. “We obviously haven’t gotten any confirmation about multiple births, and you seem to have some sort of an explanation as to why that may be.”
“I—”
Leia interrupted. “Dave tried to explain, but he was obviously upset, and it came out a bit garbled. We would like to talk to you both about that and wonder if this is why you’re seeing my life in danger.”
At that, Bojan nodded. “We were just discussing it, but the babies are not the complete answer.” Bullard looked at him and frowned. Bojan shook his head. “Something else is going on here, and the babies are an entirely different issue.” Then he watched as the pain in Bullard’s eyes spread over his face, only to be quickly hidden.
“I get why you would think that,” Bojan replied, “but it’s not the case.” He stopped abruptly, then faced Lacy. “Did you get the timing for that?”
“No, did you pick something up?” she asked Bojan.
He stood up slowly, looked over at Bullard, and asked, “How prepared are you guys for an attack here?”
Bullard straightened, staring at Bojan with a hard gaze. “Dave’s watching one area, where our cams pick up movement, mostly at night, probably just some wildlife. Other than that, pretty prepared. Why?”
“An attack is happening somewhere right now,” Bojan stated. “It feels like it’s your place, yet it’s not. … Not sure it’s related, but my vision entails some kind of uprising.”
At that, Bullard looked at Bojan in shock and muttered, “Tunisia.” With only the one word of explanation, he bolted inside.
Leia looked at Bojan and nodded. “Go with him. He has another compound on the Tunisian border.”
Shocked, Bojan bolted inside, pausing to give Lacy a quick order. “She needs to know.” And, with that, he went after Bullard. There wasn’t any sense of urgency to the message he’d received, but, as he stepped inside, he stopped and turned to look around. He felt as if a shadow had walked across his grave. An impending sense of something wrong. Here. He slowly glanced around, but he couldn’t see anything.
As if sensing he was on to something, the something’s off premonition drifted away. Bojan went back inside to help Bullard sort out whatever was happening. Bojan couldn’t help but wonder if it was all related.
Chapter 4
“What do I need to know?” Leia asked Lacy, her voice shaky.
Lacy rubbed her face, then took a deep breath. “The reason you’re not sensing or seeing the second baby in your medical tests is because of something I would call a ghost pregnancy,” Lacy began. “So the baby itself has not made a permanent decision at this time.”
At that, Leia sucked in her breath. “Holy crap, what does that mean?”
“It means that you could lose the baby because the baby hasn’t yet bonded, hasn’t resolved in some way to make this a permanent thing.”
“So …” Leia stopped and just stared at her. “Is that really a thing?”
“It is really a thing. Sometimes, some babies think that this birth into this life is a good idea, then at the last minute either chicken out or never make a connection as strong as they could have. Therefore, they aren’t as strong as they should be, … and they die at birth. In some cases they die in the womb. We’ve heard of babies dying in vitro. You know that.”
“Of course, but I wasn’t thinking in those terms with mine.”
“No, and I’m feeling really shitty about mentioning it because, if you had an unexpected twin show up at the end of your pregnancy, you would be ecstatic. Yet, if you have a deceased twin, you’ll be heartbroken. If you didn’t know about it ahead of time, it just seemed it would be easier somehow.”
“I still don’t understand how this is something we can’t see on the scans.”
“Well, when the baby decides and gets a stronger resolve to come into our world, that would then show up on the scan.”
“So, even if I have a scan right now, there’s a good chance I still won’t see the other twin? Is what you’re saying?”
“Correct, but, if we can work to strengthen the bond you have with this child, when you do have the next scan, say in another couple of weeks, … it could very well be that the baby will show up on that image.”
Leia reached across, gripped Lacy’s hands, and whispered, “I really want both children.”
Lacy winced. “I know you do, and that’s what Bojan was telling me to talk to you about.”
“What is that?”
“How you can work to help the child decide.”
“And to make it just the way I want?” she asked, with a wry look.
“Exactly. Some things are still beyond us because ultimately it’s not your choice. However, I do believe that you can affect the outcome.”
“How?” she asked.
Lacy hesitated. “This will be a very simplistic answer, and it probably won’t be what you want to hear because you’re looking for steps one, two, three to follow,” she began, “but really it is just about love. The child hasn’t made a decision, hasn’t been given whatever it needs in order to lock itself in here. Thus, in that case, it needs to know that you are there for it, that you love it, that you want it, and that you will do whatever it needs to come here and to be part of your family,” she explained.
Leia stared at her in shock. “You’re right. I don’t like that answer at all.” Looking out to the compound, she muttered, “It’s too simplistic. Of course I love this baby. I want them both to be here with me. But why would my other twin not want that too?”
“Lots of reasons can be given. It could be that there’s a defect or that the life the baby sees ahead doesn’t have the life lessons this baby needs to learn, and so the shy twin is not sure that this is where the baby wants to be at this time. It could be that the baby will be born with a disability that will make life too hard. Or a disability where the baby won’t survive.” Lacy paused, then continued. “Some people believe that, when souls reincarnate, they make agreements, contracts to come on the other side, and some of those are not for its own learning but for the learning for others.”
Leia just stared at her.
“I know this is not a discussion you thought you would have today,” Lacy admitted, with a groan. “And I’m so sorry because it’s not a discussion I should be having with you either.”
“Why is that?” Leia asked, her tone rough.
“Because this is really about you and the baby, and if there’s anything that you can do to help that baby feel more secure and well-loved, and you can influence whatever is going on in that baby’s life, then you need to go lie down, meditate, and talk to both of those children. You didn’t know there were two before, and you may not consider it a case where the second child is listening to you and being jealous. Regardless that baby’s still undecided. Otherwise that baby would have made its presence known.”
Leia just couldn’t find the words to say anything.
“I get it. It sounds like complete malarkey to you,” Lacy noted, “and this is why I don’t have many friends.”
At that, Leia laughed. “Good God, girl, if you know stuff like this about other people, life can’t be all that easy.”
“No, it isn’t,” she agreed. “I’ve seen women with dead babies in their wombs,” she murmured. “Nothing is easy about knowing that kind of information, and worse knowing you can do absolutely nothing to help them.”
“What do you feel around me?” Leia asked.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t see or feel death around you.” Such a look of relief crossed Leia’s face that Lacy immediately reached out and added, “But, having said that, I still just can’t be sure how this will end up.”
“No, that’s fine. I get it,” Leia said, now sitting up straighter. “And now that I know, believe me. I am very eager to go meet this new addition in my life.” With that, she waddled off.
Lacy stared after her, wondering if she’d done the right thing.
She sagged into place on the lounge chair, wondering what she was supposed to do about any of this. Just as she decided she wanted to nap and to try to forget the incredibly stressful morning, she heard an odd sound nearby. She turned and saw nothing, as far as she could see, but, as she went to relax again, something felt off.
