Bojan, page 10
He shrugged self-consciously. “I figure this stress won’t go away if we don’t clear the air, and you probably won’t heal with that stress all around you, so the best thing is for me to go down and face it head-on.”
“No, we’re both going,” she reiterated.
He looked at her and smiled. “It’s always been that way with you, hasn’t it? Black was white, white was black.”
“Ha, that’s just your version,” she muttered.
Bojan watched her closely as she went down the stairs. Everybody was still at the dinner table, as Pia was serving dessert. Bojan and Lacy walked in, his arm firmly around her. One by one, everybody looked up, with varying expressions.
With a sigh, Bojan faced them all and stated, “You guys are entitled to an explanation.”
*
“You don’t owe us anything,” Leia replied, “but it would help us to understand what’s going on between you two. The undercurrents have made it difficult for us to know if we can do anything to help.”
“No, there’s nothing you can do to help, Leia, but thank you,” Bojan replied. “We decided that the best thing we could do—now that we’ve sorted out our differences, to the extent that we can at the moment—is to give you a bit of an explanation. But, if that whiskey is still on the table, I could use a little of it.” He looked at Pia.
Pia walked to the sidebar, poured him a shot, and brought it over, along with two slices of cheesecake. Bojan looked down at the combo and smiled. “That should help.”
With that, and Lacy sitting at his side, Bojan looked around at them and began, “Lacy was raised in my family, as a foster sister. She was always the little sister, the one I looked out for, the one who always got into trouble, yet somehow always managed to get out of it. We never discussed our abilities, and I never knew she had any. I was still struggling with whatever mine were. Don’t even bother to ask me to explain what they are because they always evolve, to the point that I don’t always know myself.” He stopped for a moment and took a shaky breath to collect his thoughts.
“We were raised in a very dysfunctional family, with a lot of fighting, a lot of infidelity on both sides, a lot of betrayals, a lot of sadness,” he explained. “Yet, at one point in time, I found Michelle, the love of my life, and everything was perfect. We were engaged to be married. She was pregnant with my child. She was my everything,” he revealed. “I had stopped by the house to collect more of my things, since I was getting married the following week. Because of all the family problems, I knew that Lacy was trying to get out of the house as well, just because life was so horrible and chaotic there.
“Anyway, the neighbor had come over, screaming for help because her baby was in trouble. We both ran over in order to help her, and the little girl was definitely not breathing. It looked like she was dying, choking maybe. I didn’t even know, but Lacy dove in to try and help, using her healing abilities that I didn’t really understand or didn’t even know that she had at the time. However, her energy wasn’t enough, so she grabbed me and my energy to help.
“Now, whether I had my own energy powers before this point in time or not, I don’t know. Yet somehow Lacy knew, instinctively knew that the only way to save the little girl was for us to bond. It took quite a bit out of both of us, but we saved the little girl, which was amazing, and there were smiles all around.
“The problem with the methodology that Lacy used came from the bonding,” he stressed. “Because Lacy and I were then bonded, my fiancée, the mother of my child, was no longer somebody I could bond with.”
Shocked gasps came from around the table, and Lacy reached out a hand and gripped his.
Bojan stared down at it, a sad smile on his face. “So, I’m sure you guys can understand that the ensuing days, weeks, and months even were traumatic and difficult. I never did get married because I knew, from that moment on, that I could never love her because of this bond that existed between Lacy and me. As you might imagine, it was an awful and confusing time. I absolutely hated Lacy for what she’d done to my life. My upcoming marriage, my child, my girlfriend, my life, it was all turned upside down. Then …” He stopped, his jaw working for a moment, before Lacy reached across and gave him a hug, then turned to the rest.
“His fiancée committed suicide, with his unborn baby,” she whispered. “So, with that single act, … with that choice I made while trying to save that neighbor child, I cost him everything.”
Absolute silence filled the room, as everybody digested what they had just heard.
Finally Bojan continued. “So, there are a couple of things to understand about this. One, Lacy didn’t know that the bonding would happen, but I blamed her anyway. My fiancée blamed Lacy as well and ultimately took her own life. It was a terrible scene, similar to when Lacy and I had fought together to save the neighbor’s little girl, except we were fighting to save my child. We were in a raw, ugly panic, where we felt that the soul wasn’t strongly attached, and, in the ensuing fight to save Michelle, we lost the child.”
Shock settled over the table, as everyone imagined what that scene must have been like. They were all very still, looking between Bojan and Lacy. “Michelle died at the same time, her pregnancy at thirty-two weeks.”
At that, Leia paled, her hands going to her belly.
“The baby would have been viable, had we had any way to save her,” Bojan added. “Afterward, … after I buried my family, I directed my fury at Lacy and my biological family and anybody else who had the misfortune to get close enough to me. Then I went into the military, and, like many of you, I became a skilled hunter, a killer, more or less. I did my time in the military, then went private, and thankfully didn’t join the bad guys but stayed on the side of right. I have funneled a lot of negative energy toward Lacy because of everything that happened,” he admitted. “Only when I saw her shot and hurting did I step out of that bubble of self-pity. Without a thought, I bent down and used the same energy, knowing full well that doing so would open a door I had slammed shut in her face long ago.
“She is not to blame for any of that, although she will say she is. But she’s not. She had no idea that pulling me in to help her the way she did would bond us in that way. She was just trying to save a little girl, and I was right there with her. So, I totally get it if you guys want me to leave or if you have a hard time with this. I’m really not into oversharing, and, as far as I’m concerned, this subject is closed. It’s been enough of a shit storm all around.”
And again came silence.
At that, Lacy looked over at the others. “It’s partly why we know about Leia’s baby. It’s also partly why we each have some abilities we’re unsure about. In bonding, we seem to have created an unstable relationship.”
“How does that work?” Ryland asked, confused.
“From what I’ve formulated, because we share energy and are bonded, as I have developed my abilities, it has left him a certain amount of development space that’s available but unused.” She gave him a sideways look. “And, as he has developed skills, that has left space for me to develop. … That has left us both unsure because what is natural for me to develop won’t necessarily be comfortable for him, and some of his natural skills are not what I would think to try. I’m sure Terkel would have a heyday if he ever got us long enough to do some testing, though maybe that’s something we should look at in order to become whole again,” she suggested. “It’s definitely been a very tumultuous time for us.”
And again came more silence.
Bullard looked from Lacy to Bojan to his men, then back again, and whispered, “What the hell? For people like us, who don’t even know anything about this, to even think something like that is possible seems crazy.”
“That’s part of the problem,” Bojan agreed. “We didn’t know either. I didn’t know it was possible. I didn’t know any of that, and neither did she. Again, it was that desperate attempt to try and save a neighbor’s child.”
“And because of that, there can never be somebody to blame,” Leia noted. “We’ve all had various events in our lives where we tried to save somebody, and all of us have also taken part in some of them where it just wasn’t possible.” She faced Bojan. “I am so sorry for Michelle and what she went through.”
At that, an audible sob was heard, and everybody turned to look at Lacy, as she bit her lip and nodded. “There was nothing I could say to her that made a difference. I tried time and time again, but I just couldn’t do anything to make it right,” she shared. “I really tried. However, short of dying myself, I could do nothing for her, and believe me. I did consider that as well.”
She whispered, “You have no idea what tumultuous means until somebody you’re bonded with wants nothing to do with you, and then you watch his partner and child die in his arms.” Lacy shook her head. “So I know this is difficult to understand and to accept, but, if you are tempted to judge us, please don’t. It’s been done already, … mostly by us. We’ve both been to hell and back. I don’t know how or why we both ended up here at the same time. All I know is that I put out the concern that I was worried about Leia, and somehow you guys brought Bojan back into my world, though I’m not sure he’s ready to thank you for that part either.” She gave them half a smile.
Bullard still stared at her in shock. Then he looked around at the others and announced, “I’m not sure blame needs to be assigned in any case. Having a child of my own right now, the thought of watching him or her die? Well, it would kill me. And Leia? I can’t even think about it. But then to know it was due to the action of somebody else?” Bullard whistled. “I am not sure I’d forgive you either.”
The silence that followed spoke volumes.
“I know that,” Lacy whispered in tears.
“Honestly I would like to think that I’m a good man and that I know right from wrong,” Bullard added, “but this would be one of those instances where right from wrong would get very confusing. So, I certainly don’t blame you or Bojan. I don’t think anybody needs to blame either of you. Clearly you two have blamed yourselves more than enough.”
Everybody turned to look at Bojan and Lacy.
Lacy sighed and shared a look with Bojan.
Bojan nodded. “The fact is, there is no blame that anybody could lob in my direction that I haven’t already charged myself with ten times over and more. Michelle was twenty-nine years old, and we had the most brilliant future ahead of us. The two of us together, we would have been great, and, to this day, I still mourn that loss. I don’t know how one couldn’t,” he said, with a shrug.
“We were set to have a family and a bright future, and it was gone just like that. But, as I have finally come to realize, I need to move on, and I have to do it in a way that makes sense for the world I’m in, which is not in any way clear, concise, or understandable. One of the things that never made sense to me was just how confusing all of this energy work could be. I mean, if this is supposed to be correct and right and a done deal, then it should be a done deal that makes sense. Yet I’m not there. I am moving in that direction, however. Having Lacy get shot like that and having to open myself up to helping her to heal? … Well, that also opened the doorway between the two of us again that I had slammed shut.”
There was a shocked murmur around the table.
“Whether I like it or not, that bond between us is now open and flowing once again, and where we go with it from there? I have no idea. I also don’t know whether putting it all out there to you will make things better or worse, but we felt the only way forward was to be honest about it. That way, Leia and Lacy have less stress and can focus on healing.”
Chapter 7
Lacy woke up the next morning, with a smile on her face. Last night she and Bojan had both quickly excused themselves, knowing that the group needed to discuss the bomb that they had just dropped on them. For most people, to even know such a thing was possible was just horrifying. These people were all in very strong and intensely committed relationships, so to think of that being ripped apart would cause many of them to stop in their tracks.
She had left Bojan at her bedroom door last night, firmly closing it in his face. Then she went and had a shower, standing there and crying for what seemed like hours. For the loss of his fiancée and child, for the loss of his future, for the years that Lacy and Bojan had been apart, and for all the hours, days, weeks, and months that she had been tormented, knowing that, for her, there could never be anyone else. Seeing what happened to Bojan and Michelle and their child was wrong and had been too much to handle. Lacy’s years of anguish, so hard and at the front of her mind, were like a needle in her side, and now that the dam had broken, she felt beyond exhausted. Still not knowing what her new world even looked like, she crashed into bed. … With her hair damp and her body barely dried off, she crawled under the single sheet and collapsed into an endless night.
But now it was morning, and she didn’t have a specific psychic feeling as to how anything might be. She slowly sat up and walked to the bathroom, and things seemed lighter, easier somehow. She moved with more fluidity, as if everything that had pulled her down, everything that had been a weight on her joints, on her shoulders, was gone.
When she finished with her morning rituals, she looked at the relatively small selection of clothes she’d brought with her and put on another sundress, then slipped into her sandals and walked slowly downstairs, hesitant as to what kind of reception she would get.
As she walked into the kitchen, the kitchen itself was empty and so was the adjoining dining room. She stared at the pool and wondered if she should have gone for a swim first. Though it would have been against medical advice, she was certain it would have made her feel a lot better. Yet she didn’t feel bad, just a bit numb somehow, and, painwise, that was fine by her.
She poured herself a cup of coffee just as Pia walked in. When he stopped and stared at her, she gave him a tentative smile, lifted her cup, and said, “Hope you don’t mind?”
He shook his head, his face softening. “Of course not. I thought you would be in the pool. And, so you know, Bullard has the place on lockdown, extra guards on the perimeter, while we work on enhancing the technological aspects of our system.” He sighed. “You are safe by the pool again.”
Lacy smiled. “Thanks. … Not sure my wound should be in the pool just yet. I’ll have this coffee and see.” She stepped outside, deliberately not looking at the doorway where she had been shot. She walked over to find a seat in the shadows, yet that didn’t feel right either. So, within thirty seconds, she got up and moved to the sunny spot, wondering if maybe now she could step out and live a normal life, instead of one that held secrets and heartache.
She sat here with her face to the sun, sipping her coffee, trying to let the new day sink in.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Leia asked, as she made her way over and sat down beside her. She looked at her friend with a wry smile.
“Better in many ways,” Lacy replied. “I’m sorry for all that you guys had to endure last night. Obviously we would have preferred to keep everything personal and private, not have our world broken apart and exposed like that.”
Leia shook her head. “We didn’t understand what was going on though, so that gave us an explanation, far more than any of us would have thought was possible. Believe me. Nobody is judging you or Bojan today,” she stated, “not that anybody was yesterday either. However, after hearing what happened, I think we’re all just grateful it wasn’t us.”
That startled a laugh out of Lacy, and she nodded, her smile wide. “Isn’t that the truth? Believe me. I wish it’d been somebody else too.”
Leia grinned at her. “Sorry, I was trying to put you at ease. Really though, I think it was a good decision to clear the air. So, now that you and Bojan are …”
“Honestly, I don’t know what Bojan and I are,” Lacy interrupted, looking over at Leia. “I know that we’re bonded, and that’ll never change. I don’t see any way that it ever could, but I’m also not sure that we are 100 percent together either. Let’s just say we’re on the pathway.”
At that, Leia beamed. “I think that is exactly where you need to be. It’s now a whole new day for both of you, a day of exploration, I guess,” she noted, with a smile. “So, I, for one, am delighted.” Then she studied Lacy critically. “Pia even mentioned it, and I agree. You do seem to be moving easily.”
“Well, I’ve been sitting here for the last five minutes, so not much moving going on.”
“No, I saw you come out though,” Leia explained. “I was in the garden, pulling weeds.”
Looking at Leia’s massive girth, Lacy shook her head. “Of course you were.”
Leia laughed. “Hey, it helps me to stop worrying about my babies.”
“Ah,” Lacy murmured, “but, yes, I am feeling better. I had a shower and didn’t even really notice the pain. I took off the bandage.”
Leia stared. “You’re kidding?”
Lacy shrugged. “Just like other things in my world of healing, the healing of my physical body can speed up as well.”
“Good Lord,” Leia muttered under her breath. “I would like to have a look at that wound.”
Lacy nodded. “Okay. Remember, it’s not something I can teach you to do or somehow give you. It’s just what I can do myself, and, beyond that, I don’t know.”
“Well, we will all try to learn,” Leia stated. “The fact that you’re here and that you have the ability to help heal others … is why I’m hoping you will stay, at least through the birth.”
“I do have classes and exams to take, but, since my practicum happens to be with you, of course I’ll be here.”
“I’m hoping you’ll come back for a second practicum as well,” Leia added. “I know you’ll have to be at university for a couple months, but …”
“It’s six weeks, I think,” Lacy corrected. “And you will have motherhood fully upon you at that point in time, so I doubt you will be doing surgeries for a while.”
