Jess's words stayed with me all the way to Nikki's door. She didn't like me anymore? That seemed harsh, but the more I thought about it, the more accurate it seemed. Maybe she'd miss me after this month of separation. I held that hope close and knocked on her door. "Go away, Kevin," came through the door almost instantly. That hope evaporated.

  "I need to talk to you," I said.

  "I don't."

  "This isn't just about us." I sighed. "Look, either you can let me in, or I can open the door myself, but I'm not going to shout through it. Give me that much, all right?"

  There was a click and the door opened wide. She stood there, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, her eyes dark and unforgiving. "Happy now?" she asked.

  I walked in, brushing past her, and the door shut behind me. I sat on her bed and she sat on Kaitlyn's. She crossed her arms and stared at me. "I missed you," I said.

  "That's nice."

  "So is that it?" I asked. "You don't even like me anymore, so are we going to continue pretending everything will be all right, eventually?"

  "Wait, what?" Her eyes narrowed. "I don't like you? Who put that idea in your head?"

  "Pretty much everyone who's seen the way you act toward me?"

  "It's none of their business how we act toward each other."

  I rubbed my forehead. "I'm not trying to start any more trouble, but this has gone on for months now, Nikki. We need to work this out or we need to end it and move on."

  "You didn't try and contact me over the break."

  "You made it clear you didn't want to talk to me. You could have tried too, you know."

  "So now I'm the one not trying?"

  I held my breath and counted. "All right. Let's step back and figure this out. What do you want from me? Is there something I can do to make things right?"

  She stared at me, then looked away. "I don't know, Kevin. I really don't. I'm angry with you in a way I can hardly explain. Every time I think about the good times we've had, what you said to me on Valentine's Day comes back and I get angry all over again. It's consuming me and I hate it."

  "It was a mistake," I said. "I had so many things on my mind and I took it out on you."

  "And here we are," she whispered. Her arms tightened around herself.

  "Here we are," I said. "I know saying I'm sorry doesn't mean much at this point, but I'm sorry."

  "It helps," she said.

  We sat there for a moment in silence. I wanted to ask her for help with Max's issues. It wasn't a great time for it, but I couldn't trust I'd have another chance to ask. "I do want to ask you something work-related, though," I said.

  She looked up and her eyes narrowed. "Go on."

  I held my hands up. "It wasn't the main reason I came here," I said.

  "Sure. Go on."

  I gave her the news about Max quitting smoking. She didn't show any real emotion. "So, I wasn't going to ask you for direct help, but I was hoping you could give me some advice."

  "It's a good thing you didn't ask me for direct help." Her voice was level and cold. "That would have gotten you a kick right in the balls. Honestly, do you think I believe that you didn't come here just to get my help? All you want to do is use me, right?"

  "Nikki, wait-"

  She reached down and pulled her t-shirt off. "Want to make use of my body, too? Sounds like that's all I'm good for. Go put a sock on the door, all right?" She reached behind her back to undo her bra.

  I found myself at a crossroads. On one hand, it had been a while, she was hot, and even hotter with her clothes coming off. On the other hand, this was a hideously dangerous situation. "I'm not that good a guy," I warned her. "Don't do this."

  She flung her bra at me and reached down to slip her shorts off. "Don't do what? You're my boyfriend and I'm going to seduce you." Her tone was full of venom. "Don't you want that? Don't you want to see me naked and make me moan?"

  "I do, but-"

  The shorts came off, followed by her panties, and Nikki stood up. She walked over to the door, opened it, and jammed a sock on the doorknob. "Shut the fuck up, Kevin. Just shut up. I'm not going to give you what you want. I'm going to take what I want."

  Her nakedness stripped away any last bits of rationality I had. "I'm not sure this is a good idea."

  "It's a great idea." She pushed me backwards and straddled me. "Now you need to shut up and do this. Make it good. Make it last. It might be your last chance."

  "Is that a threat?" I asked as she pulled my shirt off.

  She didn't say anything, just leaned down to kiss me so hard I tasted blood. In the back of my mind, a voice of sanity screamed for me to leave, to throw her off, to get the hell out of this situation as quickly as possible. In the rest of my mind, my hormones cheered as I rolled her onto her back and kissed her just as hard.

  My hormones won.

  Chapter Ten

  The door slammed open. I was out of my chair before I realized it was just my roommate, and even that took a few moments. He staggered to his chair, his skin tone pasty instead of pale, his entire persona ragged and unkempt. "I'm going insane," he rasped at me.

  "Going? You've been there for a while."

  "Going, going, gone. I need a smoke in the worst way, Kev. The demons are calling me. Calling my name." He collapsed into his chair with a creak. "The damn gum doesn't work. The patches don't work. The demons inside me tell me things. They speak to me."

  "What are they saying, exactly?"

  "Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Smoke."

  "They're full of shit."

  "Demons don't lie." He spun once in his chair. "Maybe they're exaggerating."

  "So are you actually wearing a patch?" I asked.

  He yanked his shirt sleeve up to reveal a bare arm. "Sure am."

  "It's not there."

  "It's invisible."

  "I'm pretty sure you're just not wearing one."

  "No, it's really invisible. That's what the fairy told me."

  I shook my head. "First demons, now a fairy?"

  "The Nicotine Fairy." He held his hands up toward the ceiling. "She came down from the Great Cigar Butt in the sky and gave me a lifetime supply of patches, so I'll never have to go without again, praise be unto her."

  "The Nicotine Fairy," I repeated.

  "She has long curly red hair, perfect white teeth, enchantingly bright green eyes..."

  "Max, you've been dreaming about Jess again."

  He moaned and his arms fell back to the armrests. "You're not buying it."

  "Why don't you just get a patch, for real?"

  "I don't know. Something in me wants to beat this, for real, without any of those assists. I feel like I can't really beat it otherwise. I have to do it myself to prove I can."

  I sighed. "It's not a sign of weakness."

  "You think I don't know that?" he snapped. "No shit, Kev, it's not a sign of weakness. I'm the one fighting my own brain on this. I know myself. If I make this easier on myself, it'll be that much easier to backslide. I don't want that. You know what they did to me once I got the x-rays?"

  "What's that?"

  "That doctor sat me down and gave me a good ten minute lecture. Must have been a slow day. He pointed out the spots in my lungs that were the worst. He made me make an appointment to come back during the next break, just to make sure they don't grow or get worse. He told me my cough might never go away. Never! Can you imagine that shit, Kev? A tickle in your throat for the rest of your life. Sometimes I think dying would be better."

  "Whoa, chill," I said. "I didn't mean to hit a sore spot."

  "You know what I saw when he looked at me?" Max didn't seem to hear me. He looked right through me. "Pity. That fucker pitied me. This doctor I'd never seen before in my life. What did he see? Some skinny twenty-ish asshole with rotting lungs and yellowed teeth and breath that could stun an ox. He pitied me. I'll never see the son of a bitch again, I bet."

  I didn't say anything. Max took a deep breath and swiped at his eyes. "Then, Jess. How much does that suck, do you think? We're together, kind of, right? How much do you think it hurts when the woman you've fallen for doesn't even want to touch you? She told me straight up when we started getting close that she didn't want to kiss a smoker. I mean yeah, we've kissed since then, and she was laughing when she said it, but shit, it hurt!"

  "I do know how that feels," I said quietly. Nikki had kicked me out of her room right after we had done the deed a few days ago. I'd barely had time to get dressed.

  "Well, we're like brothers then."

  I forced myself to grin. "Something like that."

  Max forced himself to his feet. "I hate to whine and run, but I only came back to grab shit for my next class. I don't know how I'm managing to stay focused through this. My grades are going to be shitty this trimester."

  "Good luck," I said as he sorted through his books and left. A couple of minutes later, there was a knock on the door. "Speak, friend, and enter."

  "Nerd." Jess poked her head in. "Did I miss him?"

  "By a minute or two. You can probably run downhill and catch up to him."

  "Shit. That would be too much effort." She walked in and closed the door behind her. "Oh, did you want me to leave that open?"

  "Did you want to put a sock on it?"

  "Did you want me to shove a sock down your throat?"

  I laughed and she grinned at me. "Is this another bonding moment for us?"

  "Maybe. How is he?"

  "He's going full cold turkey," I said. She listened to my summary of the horrors he had been going through. "So, he's forcing it really hard. Extra misery."

  "I really wish he'd open up to me," she said. I looked over at her. She stood near the window, light touching her hair and shoulders. "I just don't think he's going to last. He needs help to get over that last step. I want to help him, but he doesn't want my help. Can you do anything for him, Kev?"

  "I'm trying," I said. The past couple of nights, after he had gone to sleep, I had poked into his brain and studied what he was going through. I'd looked up what little information there was on PSInet as well. I'd prodded a few places last night to try to relieve a little of his pain. "Doing what I can, Jess. I like him too."

  She turned and smiled at me. At that exact moment, the sun lit up her hair. I blinked once, twice, then waved my hand in front of my eyes. "You ok?" she asked. "Did my beauty suddenly blind you?"

  "No, I just thought I saw glitter in your hair," I said.

  She stared at me. I stared back at her. "What."

  "I said-" I stopped short and my jaw dropped open. Jess's eyes were dark green. Her hair was pulled back with a hairband, red flames restrained and pouring down her back. Her skin was ivory and her hands were delicate and graceful. Their figures were similar, but Jess had more curves and less muscle. Her eyes fixed on mine and her expression showed a growing horror. "Oh my god," I said. "You look like her."

  "Like who?"

  "Her name's Star. You look just like her."

  "What did you just say?" Her voice dropped to a harsh whisper and her face drained of color.

  "Nothing. Forget it."

  "What the hell is wrong with you?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Star. That was Sarah's nickname. My sister Sarah. My sister who died. You heartless bastard, I told you that I had a sister who died. How can you say I look like her? You don't even know her! You can't!"

  "She's not dead."

  Those words hung in the air for a moment before Jess crossed the room in three quick steps and grabbed my shoulders, leaning down in front of me. "She's dead, you son of a bitch! Don't you dare tell me she's not! She died when we were sixteen, in a car accident! Damn you for bringing all this back! I saw her, I saw her body at the wake, I saw her coffin in the grave, I remember, she's dead, she's dead and gone and you can't just tell me she's alive!" She shook me hard enough to make my teeth clack. "You can't say this shit to me! What kind of asshole are you?"

  My head was spinning. "Wait, you were both sixteen?"

  "Just out of school for the summer. On our way to a friend's house for a party. Walking across the street. Drunk driver. I didn't see it. I only heard it." Her hands gripped my shoulders.

  "You said your older sister died!"

  "She's older by three minutes." Her grip loosened slightly.

  "My god." My head was still spinning. Twins. "Jess, I'm so sorry."

  "Sorry doesn't cut it. That hurt. Damn you, Kev, you sounded serious."

  I swallowed hard. "I am serious."

  Her grip tightened again. "Not funny."

  "Not bullshitting you."

  "Do you know what it sounds like when someone gets hit by a car? It's not as loud as you think. Thump, car. Thump, ground. Clang, signpost. It took less time to hear those sounds than it took me to tell you about it. Just like that. She died."

  "I saw her in Washington," I said. "On the way to Florida last year. Then she showed up here last fall, at the end of the trimester. Then I saw her in New York City a couple of months later." I tried to keep my voice level and failed. "Jess. She told me...she told me she had a twin sister. And a family who thought she was dead."

  "No." Jess shook her head. "That's insane. It has to be a coincidence. Why would she keep it a secret? Why wouldn't she come back?"

  "I can't tell you," I said. "I don't know myself. She's involved in some crazy things. I don't think you'd believe any of them."

  "You're trying to convince me my dead twin is still alive. That's crazy enough. Go on, lay it on me."

  "I can't. I shouldn't have told you about this in the first place, but I did promise her that I'd try to reunite her with her family. I guess this is the first step."

  Jess bowed her head until her forehead touched mine. "I'm not sure how to take any of this. This is a lot of shit and it has to be coincidence. But there is one thing I really, really need to know."

  "What's that?"

  "Were you hitting on her? I'm not sure if that makes you a total asshole, or a total asshole and necrophile."

  "She's not dead, so not necrophilia," I said, though I couldn't help the flush as certain memories of our time together came to mind. "I didn't hit on her, but she hit on me. Aggressive doesn't begin to describe it."

  Jess sunk down until she was kneeling on the floor at my feet. "I don't want to believe that. I really don't."

  "What can I say," I said. "I just have some sort of magnetism."

  "I can't describe how much I hate you right now."

  "I'm pretty thankful for that."

  She stared up at me and shook her head. "Kevin. I swear, if you're bullshitting me, our friendship is over. I want proof, or your sincerest apology if it's some sort of coincidence, but if you're fucking with me, I won't ever forgive you. I'm not giving you a time limit, but the sooner the better. Got it?"

  "I understand."

  "I'm serious."

  "So am I." I cleared my throat. "Maybe you should get up before Drew barges in here and gets the wrong idea."

  She blinked, then pushed herself backwards. "Oh god. No way."

  "Now that just stings."

  Jess jumped to her feet, glared at me one last time, and stalked out of the room without another word. I waited for about a minute, then rolled over to my desk, grabbed my keys, and headed downtown. Just like the last time I had called her, I masked my presence, borrowed someone's cell phone, and wandered off with it. When I walked far enough away from prying eyes and ears, I dialed her number.

  "Sarah here." Her voice was grim.

  "Hey you," I said.

  "Kevin!" Her tone immediately shifted. "I was just thinking about you!"

  "Explains why you sounded so angry when you picked up."

  "Angry because you're not here."

  "Good save."

  She giggled. "What's on your mind, sexy pants? I assume this isn't just a social call, and I don't really have the time for phone sex right now."

  "Well, there's a couple things I need to pick your mind on, if you're fine with that."

  "Sure! Establishment coming down on you? Bureau sniffing around? Girlfriend not keeping you satisfied?"

  "Nothing quite so serious," I said. "First item is a friend of mine who's quitting smoking and having a rough time of it. My head's still aching and I'm not great at biokinesis, so I hoped you could give me some pointers."

  "It's not my forte either, but I know a few things about it." She gave me some instructions on what receptors I needed to shut down to kill off the cravings and other symptoms. "Do it gradually," she finished. "If you go overboard, it can do nasty things to his brain chemistry. Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, all sorts of psychological issues can crop up if you aren't careful."

  "Wasn't planning on going overboard at all," I said. "I just want to make it smoother for him. He's been in agony for the past few days. I want to be as unnoticeable as possible."

  "Then you should be on the right track."

  "Awesome. Thanks."

  "You're welcome." She paused. "Did you say there were a couple of things?"

  "Yeah." I paused as well, trying to frame how the conversation should go.

  "Well, spit it out. I already said I don't have time for real phone sex, unless listening to me undress will get you off."

  "I don't even know how that would work."

  "Poorly, Kevin. Poorly."

  I chuckled. "Well, there's a situation with another friend of mine, and I could use your help or some advice."

  "My help? Directly? That's weird. I don't know any of your lady friends up there. Do you have some sort of harem? Should I be jealous?"

  "You know this one."

  "Do I?"

  Her tone was still teasing and playful. "Yeah. Jessica Kelton. Your twin sister."

  She was quiet long enough that I wondered if she had hung up. "So, you made the connection. I was wondering how long it'd take."

  "You knew?"

  "Of course I knew. You think I wouldn't keep an eye on my twin?"

  "She reminded me a lot of you, and you reminded me a lot of her," I said. "And then today, her hair sparkled in the light, and it all slipped into place."

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35