BrookLyn's Journey, page 3
BrookLyn didn’t quite get it, so she said nothing. She sat there trying to understand what was going on.
“You want me to stop?” Gabriella pulled her soft light brown dreads back into a ponytail.
“No. Yes. Well, I don’t know. I’m scared.”
“Of what? Me?” She focused her seemingly ever-changing eyes directly at BrookLyn.
“No. Not you. I’m afraid of what we’re doing. I’ve never...”
“How did it feel?”
“It was okay. But that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.” BrookLyn’s head was one ball of confusion. This entire day had been filled with so many different feelings. From rehearsing to get permission to go to the party, to needing to ride home without Tiffany, to being locked out...now this.
“I really like you and don’t want you to be scared. I’d never hurt you.” Gabriella spoke with the gentleness of someone she’d known all of her life. Somehow BrookLyn felt as if she had known her longer than she’d known herself.
“I don’t even know what I’m doing—or supposed to do.”
“I’ll lead and you can follow. That doesn’t have to be tonight, or ever for that matter. But if it comes to a moment like this again, I’ll take it slow.”
For the first time in my life, I think my heart may have melted. Gabriella’s words wrapped around BrookLyn’s anxious heart, calming it and making her feel more comfortable with each soft-spoken word. BrookLyn felt hypnotized. Right now, she saw a different Gabriella than she’d ever seen in church.
“I guess.”
She wasn’t sure where they would go from here or what tomorrow would be like, but before she could ask her anything, Gabriella covered her mouth again. She had sweet soft lips and BrookLyn liked the way she smelled as she pulled her closer.
What in the hell is going on here? What do I know about feeling good? That’s what her mother would say. Maybe she didn’t know anything about it before tonight, but she knew whatever this was, it felt good.
“You okay?” Gabriella pulled away from her.
“Think so,” she said. She was starting to feel safer than she had been earlier. She wasn’t ready to go any further but this felt nice. She leaned in.
Gabriella smiled and held BrookLyn in her arms. “I’ll make you feel good all the time. I’m not saying just like this. I mean, I’ll keep you safe. I want you to be my girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?” BrookLyn was clueless.
Gabriella laughed at her. “We won’t tell anyone outside of my friends because of your parents. But we can be together, if you want to be with me.”
“And how would that happen? I have parents that never let me out of their sight.” BrookLyn’s thoughts always came back to her parents. Why couldn’t I get into the house? She shook it off. “Plus, we go to different schools,” she continued. “I’d never see you even if I wanted to.”
“We’ll see each other. So?” Gabriella looked at BrookLyn as if it should be the easiest decision in the world.
It wasn’t. “Let’s just try and figure it all out later. I’m tired.”
“I am too, but I’ve liked you for a long time and I can’t believe that you’re finally in my house. That blows my mind. I’m not willing to go to sleep and miss a moment of you being here beside me. I wanna watch you dream. You go to sleep and I’ll hold you.”
“Are you serious?” How is she just going to watch me sleep?
“Yes, I am.”
“Does your family know that you like girls?” As tired as BrookLyn was, questions kept popping into her curious head.
“Yes.”
“What do they say?”
“My aunt isn’t happy about it. She said I’m supposed to like boys. How can you make me like something I don’t? She was really mad at first and used to call me names. Nothing I can do to change how I feel. I tried, but boys ain’t my thing. I can’t ignore it. Everybody else is okay with it, I guess. They’ve never said anything different.”
“What does she say?” Her parents would be ten times worse, she was sure.
“She says God made Adam and Eve. He made women for men. She says that two girls can’t make a baby. I don’t want a baby. I want to be happy and won’t live a lie. If I was with a boy I wouldn’t be happy. God won’t stop loving me if I love a girl.”
“You sound like you really know what you want.” BrookLyn thought she did too—until tonight. Gabriella definitely threw her off her well thought out course.
“I used to be scared about it. My older cousins and my counselor, Ms. Evans helped me. I used to think God would turn His back on me, like my aunt said, but too many people told me different. They told me God loves you no matter what. I believe them. Nobody told my aunt who to love, so I won’t let her tell me.”
“God won’t turn His back. He wouldn’t be God if He did.” BrookLyn’s eyes were getting heavier as she tried to listen.
“I always tell her that if He didn’t want me to love girls, then He wouldn’t have made me this way. I didn’t just wake up one day and say that I was going to like girls instead of boys. It’s something inside of me.”
“Did you see that something inside of me too?”
“No. But I saw something in you that I never saw in anyone else. Like I told you before, from the first second I saw you in church, I wanted to be with you. I just wasn’t sure if I ever could.”
“Does it mean that I like girls too...if we’re together?”
“It means we’re together, if we’re together. I know I like girls and right now, I hope you like me.”
BrookLyn was fading off. She could hear Gabriella talking but didn’t want to open her eyes. The rollercoaster of a day had finally caught up with her.
“You do know you asked me a question and then had nerve to fall asleep when I answered?” Gabriella laughed.
BrookLyn hoped she hadn’t been snoring. “I’m tired.” She yawned, stretching for emphasis.
“Your snoring gave that away.”
BrookLyn felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment, but she just smiled, closed her eyes and breathed deeply, letting her fears soar out into the cool night through the opened window.
Gabriella wrapped her arms around BrookLyn and held her close. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but knew it would be different, because she would be different too. She was comfortable in Gabriella’s arms and it felt good. The sweet smell of her breath and warmth of her body comforted BrookLyn’s shaken spirit and she fell asleep to dreams full of bright colors and stars.
Chapter Three
BrookLyn woke up startled that she was wrapped in someone’s arms, forgetting for a moment where she was. Wondering if she were lost in a dream, she turned her head slowly. Seeing Gabriella it all came flooding back to her.
BrookLyn remembered being locked out of her house, and now the thought of having to deal with that misery was giving her an enormous headache. Then thoughts of last night with Gabriella edged into her awareness. Am I her girlfriend for real? Do I even like girls? How do I know? I know I enjoyed Gabriella kissing and touching me. How do I know if I’m ready for more? She shifted her body and stretched, waking Gabriella. She smiled at BrookLyn.
BrookLyn smiled back. Gabriella was beautiful and beyond sweet but did she really want this? She was eighteen years old and this would be her first relationship. It was really out of her league and literally the furthest thing from her mind when she had asked to go to the party.
Gabriella stretched and leaned in. “How’s my pretty girl this morning?” She kissed BrookLyn’s brow with her soft full lips.
Gabriella certainly knew what to say. Sweet words rolled off of her lips like butter. She looked directly at BrookLyn with eyes that always managed to intrigue her. BrookLyn looked away. “I’m feeling okay. I just have to call my house.”
Gabriella passed her the house phone.
“Thanks.” BrookLyn stared at the phone as if it were the enemy.
“Anytime, Sweets.” She smiled, got off the bed, and went into the bathroom.
BrookLyn dialed her house number slowly, and she felt the flight of nervous butterflies in her stomach. She didn’t want to get into trouble, but it was too late for that. Her parents were never logical. This would be seen as BrookLyn’s fault. In her house her parents were never at fault—they ruled the roost.
“Hello.” Her mother answered on the first ring.
Round one. “It’s me.”
“Where are you?” Her tone was the familiar harsh and dismissive one that BrookLyn knew best. She also knew her mother’s lips would be pressed tightly together on the receiver. She’d seen her mother’s anger enough to imagine it without seeing her face.
“My key wouldn’t work.”
“That’s not what I asked you, girl. Now, I said, where are you?”
“I’m at Gabriella’s house—Tiffany’s cousin from church. I called, rang the bell and banged as loud as I could on the door. I probably woke up the entire neighborhood.” She sighed loudly. “I couldn’t get my keys to work.” BrookLyn repeated it as if it would change anything. It wouldn’t.
“Your father, him change the locks.” She almost yelled this which only served to confirm the amount of trouble BrookLyn was in.
Was she serious? Of course she was. Nothing in life was funny to her.
“Him worked a double shift. I would’ve heard you if you called or knocked.”
“Okay, but you didn’t.” BrookLyn fought to keep anger out of her voice, but it was hard. She did to try and get in. She did call. Either her mother really never heard her, or she just wanted BrookLyn to suffer. “Why did he change the locks?” She nervously chewed her fingernails, paying close attention to the ones she’d already gnawed at. It didn’t make her worry less but it was a distraction.
“He is allowed to do that, huh?”
“Of course, but—”
Her mother mumbled something under her breath in her stern island tongue that BrookLyn couldn’t clearly comprehend, but she knew it wasn’t good.
“It isn’t my fault I couldn’t get in.” She slightly raised her voice.
“Why are you at Gabriella’s house instead of Tiffany’s? We don’t know her parents.”
You don’t know Tiffany’s either.
BrookLyn wasn’t going to explain all of that. Her mother was on a roll. “Tiffany is here too and this is where we stayed.” Was my life going to become full of lies? Probably.
“Are you on your way home?” Her mother’s short tone had a ring of disgust underneath.
They change the locks. They didn’t answer the door, or the phone. It makes sense to be mad at me in your dark, distorted world. You should have been expecting me, Mother.
“Yes.” BrookLyn managed to get the word out, truly annoyed but not surprised that she was the one being blamed for this. It would take time for Max to show up to give her a ride home, but she didn’t mention that. I’m already in trouble, so what does it matter how long it takes?
At the end of this year BrookLyn would finally be away from their prison. Graduation couldn’t come fast enough. That was the gateway to her escape. She was so jealous of her sisters and her brother Peyton because they’d managed to escape. He’d left two years ago, on the first plane out, to attend Florida A & M University in Tallahassee. Her sisters fled to North Carolina to go to school in Chapel Hill.
If BrookLyn was jealous of anyone it was definitely them—their rank in the family, and their newly found freedom. Her rank as the baby of the family left her taking her parents’ anger all by herself. She didn’t blame them. She would’ve left too. She’d always be the youngest, but BrookLyn wouldn’t always be in that house. Her time would come.
All three of her siblings had accepted their high school diplomas, had walked across the stage, glanced toward BrookLyn with that look of silent joy across their faces, and left. She hadn’t seen them since. They’d talked on the phone periodically but that was it. She missed them—not just because they left her to deal with her parents.
She kept her grades high because she didn’t want anything stopping her escape from that madhouse. Everyone always said how wonderful her parents were, but unless you live with someone you have no idea who they really are behind closed doors. Her father should’ve been an actor because he played the good guy part so well. Her mother is afraid of him and always took it out on the kids. The problem was that the kids had dwindled down to just BrookLyn, who always believed that her mother enforced her father’s rules to ensure her safety.
I just want out. Maybe hooking up with a girl will get me just that.
***
“What did she say?” Gabriella had come out of the bathroom.
BrookLyn rolled her eyes and huffed. “She just asked me if I was on my way home and hung up. She doesn’t believe I tried to get in. I knew she wouldn’t. You catch a glimpse of her sweetness at church but I know who she is at home. That woman is the devil.”
“No way.” Gabriella looked astonished.
That’s why BrookLyn never told anyone. They wouldn’t believe that Mr. and Mrs. Perfect weren’t actually perfect.
“My parents suck.” BrookLyn flopped onto the bed. “They changed the locks. That’s why I couldn’t get in. They didn’t even tell me, but it’s all my fault. I’ll be grounded...maybe worse.” BrookLyn didn’t share what the worse was.
“It’ll work out. I’m sure they’ll realize they were wrong.”
“You don’t understand, Gabriella. They’re never wrong. Even when they are.”
BrookLyn sat quietly for a few minutes wondering how her entire life changed so much in one night. Had her father planned this when he had agreed to let her go out? It wasn’t like he needed a reason to beat on her. It didn’t make any sense. She closed her eyes.
“So, are you going to be my girlfriend or what?” Gabriella asked suddenly.
BrookLyn’s eyes popped open to the sight of Gabriella’s Cheshire-cat grin. “Right now, all I want to do is get this morning breath taken care of. Do you have an extra toothbrush?”
“There’s a brand new one with your name on it over on the counter.” She smiled, calming BrookLyn’s angry heart down.
“Thanks.” BrookLyn walked past Gabriella and into the bathroom.
After BrookLyn brushed her teeth, she stopped and stared at herself in the mirror. What am I doing over here when I have to go back to the house that I hate? I can’t get comfortable here with Gabriella. She looked at the toothbrush in her hand. This isn’t my home. I won’t be able to see her when she wants, if I want to see her. My father runs my life and everything in it. Is this a chance I’m willing to take? Is it fair to her?
BrookLyn didn’t have the answers. She straightened her clothes, combed her messy hair down with her fingers, and looked at her freshly brushed teeth. Had she become Gabriella’s girl overnight or was she just trying to have a life? She inhaled deeply and opened the bathroom door.
“So, you my girl or what?” Gabriella didn’t miss a beat. She flashed her million-dollar smile as soon as BrookLyn walked into her bedroom, causing her heart to skip a beat and sending a shock down her spine.
“I don’t even know what that means, Gabriella. Can I think about it?”
“Yes. Just know that I want to be with you. I’ll protect you and make you happy.”
She believed Gabriella. She believed that she would protect her, with every bit of her heart, but she doubted that she could protect her from her horrible parents. No one had this far.
“What would I have to do?” BrookLyn had never even thought about being with anyone before, let alone another girl. All she’d ever thought about before was her books, her grades and her great escape—college.
“BrookLyn, you would only have to be you. I want to see and spend time with you, more than just at church. When you’re ready to go to the next level we can. Not before then.” She smiled.
Gabriella made her feel good, even if only for one night of kissing and hugging. She made her believe that she was safe. BrookLyn smiled back. Could it hurt to say yes?
“I really don’t know what I’m saying yes to, but okay, I’ll be your girlfriend. I’ll be grounded forever, though, so we won’t get to see each other that much.” BrookLyn’s mouth suddenly went dry.
“We’ll work it out. We’ll see each other.”
“How are we going to do that?”
“I have my ways. I’m good at this believe me.” There was something even more stunning about Gabriella that BrookLyn hadn’t noticed last night. She was positively beaming, as if a genie had just granted her three wishes. She had this glowing aura about her that surpassed her beauty. Not exactly a halo, but there was definitely something there.
BrookLyn looked at Gabriella as she stared deeply into her eyes. She felt as though they were almost touching her soul as she leaned in closer and then kissed her. God I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be doing this, but it feels good. No, that’s a lie. It feels great. She thought this must be what her friends felt, even though they were with boys. It was nice to be touched gently for a change.
When Gabriella finally stopped, BrookLyn forced the words out, “I have to get home.”
“I wish you could stay, but I’ll see you later.” Gabriella hopped up from the bed. “I’m gonna give you something of mine to wear. Will you wear it?”
BrookLyn sat up. “What is it?” She might be inspected from head to toe when she got home, so she couldn’t go with anything that would get noticed.
“This is my favorite necklace.” She put the long chain around BrookLyn’s neck.
BrookLyn looked down. It was a beautiful diamond heart necklace that her father would definitely notice. “Thanks. I’ll keep it under my shirt, but can’t promise they won’t see it and take it. I could tell them my brother sent it to me, but I’ll worry about that if it happens.”
