The Last Place You Look, page 10
After counting to fifty, she returned to the bedroom. She found Julia in her bed, covers pulled up to her chin. “I didn’t know which side of the bed was yours.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Not like she’d be getting any sleep.
“Come on, everyone has a side.”
“Fine. Left.”
Julia scooted over to the right. “See? That wasn’t so hard.”
Taylor got into bed and switched off the lamp. The nearly full moon gave the room an iridescent glow. Julia had turned onto her side to face her. Taylor cleared her throat. “Do you need anything else? I should have asked.”
“I’m good. Thanks for letting me crash.”
“Anytime.”
Julia smiled. “Good night.”
“Night.”
Julia closed her eyes but Taylor kept hers open. She’d given a lot of thought to what it might be like to spend the night with Julia. None of those thoughts—or fantasies or daydreams—had looked like this. But she couldn’t quite manage to bring herself to be disappointed.
This was probably a terrible idea. Getting closer to Julia made it seem like maybe something was there, something more than a roll in the hay. But that could be wishful thinking as much as anything else. Pursuing it would be a huge risk, to her ego yes, but also to her heart.
The question, the one that kept her up at night even without Julia lying next to her: was she willing to risk it?
* * *
Julia woke to Taylor’s arm planted snugly around her middle. She didn’t remember positioning herself to be the little spoon, but that’s exactly what she was, her back pressed perfectly against Taylor’s front. A flash of self-consciousness hit her but was drowned out by how good it felt to be in Taylor’s arms.
Good in a way none of her hookups had felt. Good in a way she’d maybe felt with Erica years ago. Good in a way she’d almost forgotten.
She squirmed slightly, mostly to relish the sensation of Taylor’s body so close. Taylor let out a low groan and her grip tightened. So. Fucking. Good.
She’d just started thinking about how she could stay exactly like this all day when Taylor shifted. Started might be a more accurate description. Like she’d woken up and realized where she was and who she was holding.
Julia put a hand over Taylor’s, trying to make the moment last a hair longer. “Good morning.”
Taylor didn’t relax, but she didn’t pull away either. “Good morning.”
She scrambled for something else to say. “I hope I didn’t make things awkward last night.”
This time Taylor did shift. “You didn’t.”
Julia rolled so they were facing each other and propped her head in her hand. “Your mouth is saying one thing, but your body language is screaming something different.”
Taylor mimicked the posture and frowned. “I think I’m just confused.”
“Confused that I wanted to stay?”
“Confused about what you want. Because last night feels like the exact opposite of what you’ve been saying you want, of what you’ve been doing.”
The trace of accusation in Taylor’s voice made Julia bristle. Not because it wasn’t true, but because it was. “I don’t really know what I want. That’s the problem.”
Taylor’s whole demeanor softened and she closed her eyes. She opened them with a sigh and an encouraging smile. “Your ten-year marriage ended like two months ago. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out.”
“Yeah, but—”
“No buts. I get why you feel like you need to play the field, make up for lost time. There aren’t any rules aside from going about it with honesty and integrity.”
Rather than making her feel better, the understanding made her feel selfish and small. “You think I’m a train wreck, though.”
Taylor shook her head. “I never said that.”
Never saying it and not thinking it were not the same thing, a fact not lost on Julia. “You wouldn’t go out with me.”
Taylor rolled her eyes and flopped onto her back. “That has nothing to do with thinking you’re a train wreck.”
Julia lifted her chin. She should drop it, but she couldn’t. “Then why?”
With almost alarming speed, Taylor rolled back toward her. The look in her blue eyes was so fierce, it took Julia’s breath away. “Have you forgotten the fact that I asked you out?”
Oh, she remembered. “And then took it back pretty much the next breath. You weren’t shy in judging my choices.”
“I wasn’t judging.”
Julia sat up then and pointed a finger at Taylor. “‘I don’t want to be a notch in your bedpost.’ I’m pretty sure that’s what you said. If that’s not judging, what is it?”
Taylor sat up, too. She let out a groan and her head fell back. When she righted it, she once again looked into Julia’s eyes. “I like you. A lot. Have I not been obvious enough about that?”
She’d figured Taylor liked her well enough. Who would hang out with and sign up to be the wingman of a woman she didn’t like? But at the same time, why would Taylor sign up for that role if her feelings were anything more than friendly? “Now I’m confused.”
Taylor chuckled. “Maybe we could continue this conversation with coffee?”
If a small part of her never wanted to get out of a bed shared with Taylor, the rest of her needed caffeine. And to figure out exactly what was happening between them. “I approve this plan.”
Taylor climbed out of bed, giving Julia a glimpse of navy and white polka dot boxers. She hadn’t noticed them the night before, which was probably a good thing. She’d have had an even harder time keeping her hands to herself otherwise. “Would you like a pair of shorts or pajama pants or something?”
She looked down. Probably not the best idea to go prancing around Taylor’s house in a pair of lacy hip-huggers. “That would be great. Shorts are fine.”
Taylor opened a drawer. “Boxers okay?”
“Perfect.” Sure, lounging around in the boxers and T-shirt of someone she’d spent the night with fell into the category of girly daydreamy things, but it didn’t need to be a big deal.
Taylor dug around for a moment, then pulled out a pair in plaid that sort of matched the colors of the shirt Julia wore. Did she do that on purpose? And why did Julia find it so damn charming?
Taylor left the room and Julia pulled on the shorts before padding after her. She walked into the kitchen to the whir of a coffee grinder. Of course Taylor ground her own coffee. Julia shook her head and tried to focus on the moment. Not on the way every minute she spent with Taylor fucked up the neat little compartments she’d created for the people in her life.
“What’s wrong?” Taylor looked at her with concern as she filled the carafe with water.
“Nothing. I mean, everything, but nothing.” What were the odds Taylor would take that answer and drop it?
She pointed a finger at Julia. “That is why we’re going to talk.”
So, no. “Do we have to?”
“Julia Pierce, are you afraid to talk about your feelings?”
Her therapist in New York may have used that exact phrase on more than one occasion, but Taylor didn’t need to know that. “No.”
Taylor smirked. She actually smirked. “Good.”
They lingered quietly while the coffee brewed. It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. Before long, they sat on the sofa, the one they’d sort of cuddled on a few hours prior. Julia sipped her coffee. Maybe they wouldn’t have to talk about feelings after all.
“I wasn’t judging you.” Taylor set her mug on the coffee table.
“So you said.” Although she’d yet to come up with another interpretation.
“I didn’t want to casually date you because I’m pretty sure I’d end up wanting more.”
Oh. Why didn’t she see that coming? “Really?”
“I maybe, sort of, had a thing for you in high school. Seeing you again made me realize it never really went away. So, when you said you wanted to date, or hook up, or whatever, with anyone and everyone, I knew better than to be one of those people.”
It all made sense now. Even as it made no sense at all. “You liked me in high school?”
Taylor shrugged. “Not in an obsessed, unrequited love sort of way. Just your garden variety crush.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“We weren’t tight. I didn’t even know you were queer. Until you hooked up with Erica.”
And once that happened, she had eyes for no one else. Would she have made different choices if she’d fallen in love before Erica came along? Not that she could do anything about it now, but she couldn’t help but wonder. “I wish I’d known.”
Another shrug from Taylor. “It’s fine. And being friends now is fine.”
“But you don’t want to be anything more.” She tried to ignore how disappointed the idea left her.
“It’s not that at all. I…” Taylor looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t need to think we’re going to end up together, but like I said before, I can’t just be a hookup. A good time you have once and never think about again.”
She thought about the feeling of Taylor’s arm around her in bed, the look in Taylor’s eyes as they shared sandwiches after taking pictures together. “You could never be that.”
“Look, I don’t need you to stroke my ego—”
Julia didn’t let her finish. She closed the space between them and she pressed her lips to Taylor’s. She’d meant to get Taylor’s attention, get her to stop talking nonsense. But once she started kissing Taylor, she couldn’t seem to stop. Taylor wound her fingers into Julia’s hair and took her bottom lip between her teeth. Not aggressive, exactly, but commanding, confident. And completely different from the tentative kiss on the tailgate of Taylor’s truck.
When Taylor eased back, it took a second for Julia’s head to stop spinning. “Um, wow.”
Taylor’s smile was as confident as her kiss, and maybe the tiniest bit smug. “I was thinking the same thing.”
“We weren’t going to do that.”
Taylor cocked a brow. “I know.”
“But I’ve been wanting to.”
“Same.” Taylor nodded slowly. Was she encouraging her or putting the brakes on?
“Do we get to do it again?” Please say yes.
Taylor didn’t answer for a long time. It took every drop of energy Julia had to sit still. Wait. Wait. Wait. After what felt like an eternity, Taylor said, “Yes.”
Thank God.
“But not right now.”
It was all Julia could do not to pout. “No?”
“If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right.” The firmness in Taylor’s voice was a total turn-on.
“And how does that go?”
“You’re going to let me take you to dinner and be romantic and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
“Old school.” Despite the teasing tone, the idea made her insides all fluttery.
Taylor crossed her arms. “Do you have a problem with that?”
“I do not.”
“Good.”
Julia leaned forward, resting her elbows on her crossed legs. “When do we get to go on this date?”
Taylor picked up her coffee and took a sip. “You name the day.”
The part of her all about instant gratification wanted to say tonight, but she had to work until seven and again the next morning. “How’s Thursday? Six o’clock?”
“I’ll pick you up.”
Chapter Twelve
Julia should be embarrassed by the amount of daydreaming she did over the next several days at work. Fortunately, no one but her knew the extent of it. The weight of Taylor’s arm wrapped around her, the solid warmth of her body pressed against Julia’s back. The taste of Taylor’s mouth and the confident sparkle in her eyes when they agreed to go on a real date. A date that still felt ages away.
Two days. Exactly two whole days away. She was a grown woman. Two days should not feel like an eternity. Only it did.
She slipped into yet another daydream, this one about Taylor naked and pressing into her in a way she hadn’t yet. Taylor’s body, hard and soft in all the right places, moving against hers, also in all the right places. Taylor’s fingers, grazing her thigh, before slipping into her.
The door to the tasting room swung open and a dozen people streamed in. They wore matching polo shirts with a logo Julia didn’t recognize stitched onto the left breast. Perhaps they were on some type of corporate retreat. She plastered on her most welcoming smile. “Good afternoon. Welcome to Fairmount Ridge.”
They sidled up to the bar in small groups. Most looked happy to be there; a few did not. Julia sympathized with the miserable ones. Sure, there were worse ways to spend a Tuesday than on a wine tour, but group activities with colleagues could be insufferable. Especially if some of those colleagues were over-eager, enthusiastic types.
A woman, the only one not in a matching teal shirt, caught her eye. Her navy polo had the University of Rochester embroidered on it. “Hi. Tasting for ten, please.”
Her smile seemed almost too familiar, like they were in on a secret together. Odd. Julia hadn’t decided whether or not to reciprocate when realization hit. “Bianca.”
“I thought for a second you didn’t recognize me.” She winked, indicating no hard feelings. At least that’s what Julia hoped.
“Unexpected is all. Are you guiding a tour?” Only a partial lie, really. She thought Bianca did something fancy in the business school. This didn’t go with any of the contexts she had.
“Sort of. We’re doing a summer fintech institute. Today is a team building outing.”
Should she admit to having no idea what fintech was? Probably not. “Ah.”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be working today. I almost texted you.”
Julia experienced a pang of guilt for essentially dropping off the face of the planet after their night together. Not ghosting, exactly, but offering thin excuses about needing to refocus her energies. “Let me get everyone situated and then maybe we could chat for a minute?”
Again with the warm smile Julia probably didn’t deserve. “Sure.”
She set ten menus and ten wine glasses on the bar and walked everyone through a Fairmount Ridge tasting. She gave an overview of the options, including the flagship chardonnay and the ice wine, and concluded with, “And if you have any questions about specific varietals or anything else, my name is Julia and I’d be more than happy to assist you.”
Based on her experience, she had about three minutes before the quick deciders were ready to sample. She moved to the end of the bar and returned her attention to Bianca. “How are you?”
“Good. Work, play, the usual. A lot of kayaking to be had this summer.” She genuinely seemed to have no hard feelings. “You?”
“More work than play, but I’m making time to enjoy the summer.”
Bianca looked away for a second, then back at Julia. “I started seeing someone. Right after you, ironically.”
“Oh, that’s great.” She didn’t have to fake her enthusiasm. Bianca was a fantastic person, and it made her feel better to know there’d been no pining.
“Thanks. You never know, right?”
Julia’s thoughts went immediately to Taylor. Wasn’t that the truth? With the initial awkwardness dispelled, she wished they had time to talk for real, but a few of Bianca’s group started looking up from their menus. She angled her head in their direction. “I think that’s my cue.”
She signaled to Dwayne, who’d been arranging glassware, and they got to work. She poured and chatted, learned about what the hell fintech was, and settled the tab with Bianca. When the group left, she cleaned up and prepared for whoever came in next. All in all, it was shaping up to be a good afternoon.
When she took her break, she discovered a voice mail from Amanda, a woman she knew casually through her sister, but who was a good ten years older than her. No specifics, just a request to call her back. Strange.
She left her usual spot at the picnic table near the loading dock and wandered into the vineyard. Ten minutes later and she was still on the phone. She and Amanda had caught up, but the conversation had only gotten weirder from there.
“You want me to take Cal’s senior pictures?” Julia was glad to be having this conversation over the phone instead of in person. The look on her face would have likely killed any confidence Amanda had in her abilities.
“I saw the ones you did at Jessica’s wedding. They were so artistic. I’m already pulling teeth to get Cal to take them. If I go with some stuffy, traditional photographer, he’ll mutiny.”
Julia swallowed a laugh. She’d babysat for Cal and his sister, Daniella, before moving to the city. He was equal parts awkward and opinionated as a child. It seemed like the trait had proved permanent. “I mean, I’d be totally honored. But you know I don’t have any formal training, right?”
“If you can get me one decent shot to hang on my wall before he goes off to college, I’ll consider it a win.”
If Cal was hesitant about having his picture taken, it would probably help that they had some history. Whether the rapport would be there after so many years she couldn’t say, but it couldn’t hurt to try. And it wasn’t like a wedding. If the whole thing turned out to be a disaster, they could start over with a professional. “Okay.”
“Oh, I’m so excited. Cal will be, too. You let me know some dates you’re free and your rates and we’ll get it on the calendar.”
Rates. Again, she had to suppress a laugh. “Sounds good.”
“I can’t wait to see you, either. It’s been too long. Text me.”
“Will do.”
Amanda ended the call and Julia stared at her phone. Did that really just happen? It did, of course it did. She’d not gone so far over the edge as to start hallucinating. Still. The whole conversation had been surreal. It also left her with a host of questions and a daunting to-do list, including begging a camera off Taylor again. She sighed. And figuring out if Taylor had been the one to orchestrate the whole thing as part of her mission to convince Julia she had talent.
