Threadbare - Complete Trilogy, page 74
“Excuse me,” Threadbare called, through his Minorphone.
The battlefield paused, as the fighting stilled, and everyone looked back.
“Is there some way we could work this out? I’m very certain this is definitely a misunderstanding.”
“You want me to translate that?” Glub said, taking the opportunity to pick up one of his severed arms.
“Yes, please.” Threadbare said, strolling down the street, with every buff active, adjusting his jacket as the gribbits stared at the sharp-dressed bear.
He was very glad he’d used Dazzling Entrance before coming into sight.
You are now a level 9 Model! +3 AGI +3 CHA +3 PER Your Work It Baby skill is now level 41! Your Work It Baby skill is now level 42! Your Work It Baby skill is now level 43! Your Work It Baby skill is now level 44! Your Work It Baby skill is now level 45! Checking Dietary Restrictions time counter… Your Dietary Restriction skill is now level 45! Buff adjusted accordingly.
Oh, well, that was nice.
Glub croaked out words to the gribbit queen, using his knack for languages. The queen croaked back.
“She says your people threatened her eggs, and killed many of her tribe. She wants to know why she should not keep fighting here.”
“Back off a bit, Mads,” Garon called up, and the little dragon wheeled away. A watery globe arced after her, but the queen turned and slapped her consort lightly, and the ball dispersed into droplets.
“Did you threaten the eggs?” Threadbare asked Cecelia.
“No, we found them and were looking at them when they attacked us.”
“Ah. I see. Please tell her that we mean her eggs no harm, and would have left them alone regardless.”
“Well, actually—” Zuula began.
“Would have left them alone regardless,” Threadbare said, with long experience in dealing with Zuula.
The little shaman shrugged, and returned to shore.
The queen considered that, running her eyes over the remnants of her tribe, and croaked.
“She says this may be so, but her people are dead, and she does not see why she should spare you.”
“Spare us?” Threadbare said, moving up to where ten gribbits lay dead in a heap. “Mercy no. We’re sparing them.” He beckoned, and Pulsivar oozed out of the shadows, purring, and rubbing a bloody cheek against the bear’s paw. “Please let her know that if she wishes to continue the fight we will, but we came here to fight goblins, not her people.”
That seemed to make her happy. “She’s bitchin’ a lot about goblins, and telling me the awesome tale of how they won their home,” Glub said.
“Ah, okay. Listen to her. Please tell me when she’s expecting me to be appreciative.” For his part, Threadbare smiled and nodded whenever Glub gave the signal. It really wasn’t too different from his early days, listening to Cecelia’s stories and woes back during the tea parties, before he understood what she was saying.
And it worked.
CHA +1
“All right,” Glub said, much later, after some negotiations. “Boss, you’re gonna repair and forge their armor and weapons, since they don’t have a proper smith, and montage the smith job to one of their own. In return they’ll forgive us our trespass and the deaths, and let us leave in peace.”
“And we get nothing but departing safely, but that’s all right,” Garon said. “We came in here to grind levels, and sweet Ritaxis, did we ever.”
“There’s still a few more we could get,” Kayin said, glancing back to the barrel Cecelia was sitting on, now. “I mean, it’d be kind of a jerk move, but… we are up against the Crown, and if we don’t pull off that very sneaky mission, we’re gonna die in Fort Bronze. A little more experience could give us an edge.”
“Mm.” Threadbare said. “You’re thinking of using Zuula’s poison stocks?”
“If we dump it in the lake, then they all die. And their kids. And the pond and the land around it are poison for years,” Cecelia said.
“And what do you think of that?” Threadbare asked.
“I think my father would do it without hesitation, to make us all stronger. So fump that noise.” Cecelia’s mouth set into a line of determination. “If you can’t get strong without being evil, you don’t deserve to be strong.”
“Works for me,” Garon said. “I was going to try to threaten them with it if we got in a bad spot, but I really didn’t want to use it. It really was a last-ditch maneuver.”
“Let’s agree to not do that or things like that, then.” Cecelia said. “No matter how bad it gets, genocide isn’t an option, okay? I made that mistake last life, I want to start fresh with this one.”
“I think we’re all good with that,” Threadbare said. And the rest of them nodded, one by one. Kayin and Madeline were a heartbeat behind the others, but no one called them out on it.
“All right,” the dapper teddy bear decided. “Tell her I agree to her terms. Everyone else, feel free to hang about if you want, or go get the camp in order. After I’m done we’ll pack up and leave peacefully.”
“I almost feel guilty,” Garon said. “We got these levels, and you’re going to have to lose a day montaging.”
“I got a level of golemist while you were fighting,” Threadbare said. “And model because evidently they like my hat.” He hadn’t missed the fact that the tribe had spent most of the negotiations staring at his headware. Given that the sole concession that gribbits made in the way of clothing was hats, it wasn’t too hard to figure out the object of their gazes. “And besides, the stronger you all get, the better off I am. It’s good to be king, after all.”
“I agree,” croaked the queen, in heavily-accented common tongue, and the golems stared at her, mouths wide open.
“You understood every word we said, didn’t you? All this whole time?” Garon slapped his wide wooden palm to his muzzle.
“Yes. It seemed best to hide that until I was certain of you. Now I am. I am glad you decided to avoid treachery. You are good people after all, and I am sorry that we misunderstood your intentions. Now what is this about fighting the Crown, and sneaking into Fort Bronze?”
THREADBARE’S CHARACTER SHEET
Name: Threadbare Age: 5
Jobs: Greater Toy Golem Level 15 Cave Bear Level 12 Ruler Level 11 Scout Level 7 Tailor Level 11 Model Level 9 Necromancer Level 11 Duelist Level 6 Animator Level 12 Enchanter Level 10 Golemist Level 13 Smith Level 11 Sculptor Level 12
Attributes: Strength: 125 Constitution: 139 Hit Points: 332(422) Armor: 52(59) Intelligence: 221 Wisdom: 201(208) Sanity: 422(565) Mental Fortitude: 42 Dexterity: 147(154) Agility: 115(122) Stamina: 272(376) Endurance: 62 Charisma: 114(142) Willpower: 204 Moxie: 318(436) Cool: 20(48) Perception: 122 Luck: 89(96) Fortune: 211(308) Fate: 15(22) Generic Skills Brawling - Level 35 (+8) Climb - Level 13 Clubs and Maces - Level 9 Dagger - Level 9 Dodge - Level 8 Fishing - Level 1 Magic Item 1 - Resist Fire 13 Ride - Level 8 Stealth - Level 13 Swim - Level 5
Greater Toy Golem Skills Adorable - Level 31 Bodyguard - Level 7 Gift of Sapience - Level NA Golem Body - Level 26 Innocent Embrace - Level 14 Magic Resistance -Level 7
Cave Bear Skills Animalistic Interface - NA Claw Swipes - 24 Darkspawn - NA Forage - 13 Growl - 2 Hibernate - 37 Scents and Sensibility - 20 Stubborn - 8 Toughness - 19
Ruler Skills Appoint Official - Level NA Emboldening Speech - Level 16 Identify Subject - Level 10 It’s Good to be King - NA King’s Quest - Level 6 Noblesse Oblige - Level 26 Organize Minions - Level NA Royal Audience - Level 17 Simple Decree - Level 9 Swear Fealty - Level NA
Scout Skills Alertness - Level 2 Best Route - Level 2 Camouflage - Level 2 Firestarter - Level 4 Keen Eye - Level 5 Sturdy Back - Level 6 Wind’s Whisper - Level 5
Tailor Skills Adjust Outfit - Level 4 Clean and Press - Level 13 Recycle Cloth - Level 1 Tailoring - Level 51(65)
Model Skills Call Outfit - Level 1 Dietary Restriction - Level 45 (+90 to all pools) Fascination - Level 4 Flex - Level 16 Makeup - Level 1 Self-Esteem - Level 16 Strong Pose - Level 5 Work it Baby - Level 45 (+45% to raw item bonuses) Necromancer Skills Assess Corpse - Level 12 Command the Dead - Level 28 Deathsight - Level 8 Drain Life - Level 1 Invite Undead - Level 12 Mana Focus - Level NA (+11% to sanity) Skeletons - Level 19 Soulstone - Level 45 Speak With Dead - Level 20 Zombies - Level 3
Duelist Skills Challenge - Level 4 Dazzling Entrance - Level 8 Fancy Flourish - Level 7 (14) Guard Stance - Level 8 Parry - Level 6 Swashbuckler’s Spirit - NA (+14 to cool) Swinger - Level 2 Weapon Specialist - Level 17 (Brawling +8) Animator Skills Animus - Level 35 Animus Blade - Level 10 Animus Shield - Level 4 Arm Creation - Level 7 Command Animus - Level 19 Creator’s Guardians - Level 26 Dollseye - Level 18 Eye for Detail - Level 20 Magic Mouth - Level 18 Mend - Level 40
Enchanter Skills Appraise - Level 30 Boost+5 - Level 9 Boost +10 - Level 2 Disenchant - Level 5 Elemental Protection - Level 8 Glowgleam - Level 26 Harden - Level 28 Soften - Level 30 Spellstore I - Level 9 Spellstore V - Level 4 Spellstore X - Level 1 Wards - Level 2
Golemist Skills Clay Golem - Level 2 Command Golem - Level 10 Golem Animus - Level 47 Golem Guardians - NA Invite Golem - Level 11 Mend Golem - Level 15 Program Golem - Level 40 Toy Golem - Level 56 Wood Golem - Level 12
Smith Skills Adjust Arms and Armor - Level 7 Refine Ore - Level 13 Smelt Down - Level 6 Smithing - Level 50
Sculptor Skills Detect Clay - Level 8 Mend Ceramic - Level 5 Refine Clay - Level 16 Sculpting - Level 58
Equipment Journeyman Tailor’s Apron of fire resistance (+6 Armor, +10 Tailoring, Resist Fire 9)(+2 Armor, +4 Tailoring, +4 Resist Fire from WIB) Okay Quality Bling Ringtail Master’s Coat (+5 CHA, +5 LUCK, +5 Armor, +5 Fate)(+2 CHA, LUCK, Armor, Fate from WIB) Rod of Baronly Might (+5 CHA, +5 WIS, +10 Cool)(+2 CHA, WIS, +4 Cool from WIB) Yellow Belt of Bravado (+5 AGL, +5 DEX, +5 to the Fancy Flourish skill)(+2 AGL, DEX, Fancy Flourish from WIB) Toy Top Hat (CHA +10)(+4 CHA from WIB) Inventory A Folded-steel Dagger (Dagger Level 10) Tailor’s Tools A small jewelry box with a few reagents and crystals, most minor. 1 bead of Mend Golem (Level 15) Minorphone (Enhances voice and social skills focused through it twice per day) Quests
Unlocked Jobs Berserker, Cleric, Cook, Cultist, Grifter, Spirit Medium, Tamer, Wizard
You’re Fired 1
What had turned into a one-day trade with the gribbits turned into three days, then a whole week. Threadbare and his friends montaged jobs, traded favors, and established a lifelong peace between themselves and the Smallgronk tribe, which was this group of gribbits’ formal name.
And all of the negotiations were presided over by a grinning Madeline, who used Haggle to great effect and had the time of her life grinding merchant levels.
The gribbits also shared knowledge of their favorite hunting grounds, and the local monsters, which the rest of the group eagerly adventured through while Threadbare montaged and spent his off time teaching the gribbit queen the finer etiquette of tea parties.
He also was busy making them a boatload of hats. They were very taken by his chapeaux, and he was happy to show them how to make it. Then of course he had to show off each one, and that was good for a Model level, and all new skills. Negotiating with a fellow head of state and signing treaties was also good for his and her ruler levels, and he thought very hard before he turned her down when she offered an heir’s betrothal to one of his.
The rest of the group spend the week grinding as hard as possible, and he was happy to gain a golemist level from their actions. Then they came back with scavenged reagents and crystals, (mostly red and orange reagents, and level 1 crystals respectively,) and he turned THOSE into items useful for the infiltration of Fort Bronze.
Threadbare also replaced his pants, while he was at it. He really did feel strange without pants on anymore.
But there were limits, and every time he checked with Graves, the man’s reassuring smile got smaller and smaller. He’d allocated a week to training up, but the longer it went on, the more he realized that had been a hopeful estimate. They needed yellow reagents, and they needed them now, and Zuula, who had been harvesting the most reagents, confirmed his fears when he consulted her.
“You not gonna find yellow around here. Zuula been gettin’ dem from places nature be strong, untouched herbs and places sacred to life and every’ting. But it take months to grow de red flowers for red reagents, and months more for dem to ripen to orange. Yellow takes a year or two, as do de crystals when dey bud from de main stalks. Don’ even be askin’ bout green.”
“Oh. Bother.”
“Dere odder places to get reagents and crystals. Can get dem from ground. Fluffbear been diggin’ for a few. She good at de mining. But dis marshy land, ain’t many places to mine. No, we want any better den basic, we gots to get to dwarves or find a dungeon to clean out. Or kill a bunch of soldiers an’ you crumble dere armor and stuff…”
So with a heavy heart, he gathered the group that night and took the barrels full of smoked fish that the gribbits had supplied them. Then Fluffbear got to work on the wagon, taking down Annie Mata’s cover, and assembling a proper yoke for the lone oxen that the Gribbits had… obtained… from somewhere.
Privately, Cecelia checked the tattoos on its ears and kept silent. Gribbits WERE monsters, but they were monsters that the band of golems needed right now.
But after this was all over and done with she made a note to track down the oxen’s owners and reimburse them for their loss.
Fluffbear gleefully adopted and named Oxey McOxenface, and would have tamed him properly had it not been pointed out that it might shrink him down a bit. Though Mopsy had grown some in the last week as Fluffbear leveled tamer, she still wasn’t back up to her former Mountain Lion size.
Finally it was done, and Oxey was roped to the wagon. A shorn and shaven Graves, now clad in a peasant tunic and breeches and boots that Threadbare had made himself, and artfully smeared with mud, clambered into the wagon seat and settled in for the trip.
In the case of the toys, this meant packing Madeline in a false bottom of one of the barrels, and putting everyone else in, well, her pack. It had gotten a bit roomier in there as she leveled the skill, now up to the size of a bathroom rather than a closet. They’d taken the precaution of putting tools, supplies, and more barrels of fish in there, in case one of the Crown wizards detected it as a merchant’s pack. Any questing hands that came in would latch onto the merchant stuff first, was the hope. They’d also put the crate of cultist soulstones in there, and Threadbare had promised to speak with them a few times every day.
They had to have a tiny hole in the bottom of Madeline’s barrel for her to reach out and poke the pack every few hours, but that was no big deal. And anyone could reach into the pack and pull them out, they just couldn’t get out on their own. Worst case, the pack would blow up, and send all of them free at once.
“That’s how I think it’ll wahk, anyway,” Madeline said, taking once more glance at the barrel she’d be coiled inside for the trip. “Yeesh. Really glad I don’t have a sense of smell anymoah.”
“Wait!” Cecelia said, turning back to look at Graves. “What if they scout you? There’s no way you’re not on a wanted list by now.”
“I thought of that.” Graves smiled. “Fortunately, level five Spirit Medium has the solution for that. You know how cultists have a skill that falsifies their status screens?”
“Yes, but you’re not a cultist.”
“No, but I can talk to dead ones. And as a spirit medium, I can borrow their skill for a little while. Or others, for that matter. Level ones, only, right now, but that’s okay, because it’s a level one skill.” He held up a soulstone and smiled. “Marva here’s going to talk me through it once we get to the fort. Doesn’t last long, but it should get me past the door if they’re looking. I’ll be a merchant with farmer and carpenter levels, that seems safe.”
“All right. Just…” Cecelia hopped up to the backboard of the wagon, and gave him a hug. “Play it safe, all right? This golem thing has its downsides. Stay alive.”
“Believe me, I’ve no desire to shed this mortal coil anytime soon.” Graves hugged her back. “Sit tight. We should be there in three days. I’ll pull you out if things go to plan and it’ll be Madeline if things don’t.”
“Okay,” Cecelia muttered. “Okay, okay…” She headed into the pack, joining the others.
“Oh, there you are. I was beginning to worry,” Threadbare said. He waved from the big grindluck circle that the others had settled in for. “Shall we deal you in a hand or three?”
“We could do that,” Cecelia said, then shook her head. “But I’d rather practice. We can’t kill monsters in here, but we can use some of our skills. And Zuula can dream quest us.”
“Dat might be a little weird in here,” Zuula said. “No nature. Dreams gonna be screwy.”
“They’re screwy anyway, desu,” said Kayin, neatly stacking the deck and setting it back. “All green and stuff with weird things moving in a light that’s actually darkness.”
“That’s what you see?” Garon said, grabbing the deck from the cheating assassin and shuffling it again, before slapping it down in the middle of the circle. “I see trees, usually. Just trees on a hillside, bending in a windstorm.”
“I see fish mostly,” Glub said. “Some real hotties.”
Celia didn’t want to say what she saw. It was pretty disturbing, to her at least. “But we’ll still get the rest, right? Full pools?”
“Yes,” Zuula conceded.
Glub put down two blues, and won the hand. “I also got something new at tenth level. Song of Clarity, dudes. Should help refill moxie and sanity for people so we don’t have to wait on dream quests so much.”
