Stiltskin, page 24
“How did he get here?” she growled.
It looked like the Dwarf had employed two other henchmen and one of them had a large rhino’s head on its shoulders. The other was picking its nose and aside from looking like he could rip entire telephone companies in half, let alone a telephone book, he didn’t seem like much of an immediate threat.
“Now what do we do?” asked Robert.
“Get us as close as you can to the emerald flame in the middle of the courtyard,” urged the Cat in Robert’s head.
“I don’t know. I think I can take the two henchmen. But we need to stop the spell,” said Lily. “And I don’t know how to do that.”
“Destroy the papers he’s reading from,” said the Cat.
“We have to destroy the papers,” said Robert.
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
“Know what?” said an unfamiliar voice. Blarfunder lifted the piece of masonry they were hiding behind over his head and grinned at the pair. There were few things in life more disturbing than the grin of a rhino.
“Kill them!” shrieked Rumpelstiltskin and continued reading from the spell pages.
“Sorry,” said Blarfunder. “Nothing personal, just business.”
He swung the piece of masonry down but Lily caught it and threw it backward over her head.
“Time to move,” said the Cat. Robert’s legs realized they should be doing something and he sprinted toward the courtyard. He made it an entire five steps before Jack tackled him, knocking him to the ground, driving the air from his lungs.
“You are very strong,” said Blarfunder to Lily. “I’m going to enjoy this.”
“Rrreeaaaaa,” agreed Crushnut, joining his friend.
Lily squared off with them as Jack reared up to pummel Robert. He raised a fist and Robert tensed for the blow… but it never came. Jack was thrown from his place atop Robert and flung across the courtyard. A glowing red ball buzzed around him.
“Veszico!” said Robert. He looked toward Lily, who was backing into a corner.
Blarfunder and Crushnut were completely shocked when two Gnomes landed on their shoulders. They were equally shocked when, much to their dismay, the Gnomes swiftly slit their throats.
Blarfunder’s last thoughts were about how he had not expected to die today and how a little heads-up would have been appreciated.
Crushnut’s last thoughts were less coherent and lacked anything prolific. His last thought was Wwaarrgg.
Robert sat up and felt the press of cold steel against his throat. Rumpelstiltskin held a clump of his hair in one hand and a knife to his throat in the other.
“All right, that’s quite enough of that,” said the Dwarf. “Any more swift movements will result in our friend Mr. Darkly’s untimely demise.”
“I’d rather no one moved,” said Robert.
“Shut up!” said the Dwarf.
“Sorry.”
Veszico landed on Lily’s shoulder and the Dwarves stood to either side of her. Jack took his place behind Rumpelstiltskin.
The air crackled and snapped, causing the occasional spark, and the green ball of fire slowly began to grow.
“How do you expect to finish your spell while holding Robert?” said Lily.
“You’re saying I should kill him now and be done with it?” replied the Dwarf.
“I really don’t think that was what she was saying,” said Robert.
“This doesn’t concern you,” said the Dwarf.
“It bloody does,” said Robert. “It’s my neck that’s at risk here.”
The Dwarf quickly moved aside as Jack hauled back and hit Robert square in the jaw.
Robert hadn’t taken a punch to the face since he was twelve years old when the school bully had decided Robert had looked at him funny. He didn’t recall it hurting this much. Blood trickled from his lip.
Robert could see Gnick tense up and he felt a wave of appreciation for the Gnome.
“The spell is all but done,” said Rumpelstiltskin.
Robert spit blood. “Obviously. If it’s not done then it has to be all but done, then, doesn’t it?”
“You… never… shut up!” said Jack and punched Robert again.
“Dammit, Jack!” said Lily.
“All of you stop. Mr. Darkly here can help me finish the spell.” Rumpelstiltskin dragged Robert by the hair, all the while holding the blade to his throat, into the courtyard to kneel ten feet from the ball of fire.
“Don’t move!” Jack shouted at the others and Robert, although he couldn’t see them, assumed they had begun to move to help him. He felt warm and happy that his companions cared for his life.
“They might not care for you, they might just care for the good of civilization,” said the Cat.
“You have to ruin everything, don’t you?” said Robert.
“Well, it’s about time things changed,” replied the Dwarf, believing that Robert had been addressing him. “And it’s not ruining anything, it’s fixing everything. It’s putting things back to normal!”
“You must be crazier than I am if you think anything in this world is normal. I grew up in what would be considered to be a normal world and even that is not normal.”
Rumpelstiltskin released Robert’s hair and pulled the papers out of his pocket and handed them to him. “Read the last page.”
“What happens when I read it?”
“Why does it matter?” asked the Dwarf, becoming red in the face again.
“I’m just curious as to what will happen. After all, I’m a part of it now.”
“You’ll finish off the last incantation which will release the spell from the glowing ball of fire you see before you and it will abolish all regulations on the doors. Everyone will be free to move about whenever and wherever they want.”
“Can I move a bit closer to the big fireball thing?” said Robert.
“Why?”
“Well, I think I’ve been fighting a cold, my throat’s been hoarse. I’d hate for the big ball of flame not to hear me.”
“Crawl up to it and hug it if you want. Just read the words or the last thing you’ll feel is cold steel cutting your spine in half.” To iterate the point, the Dwarf nudged him in the back with the knife.
Robert crawled forward on all fours until he was within reaching distance of the green fire. Robert was surprised to find that it wasn’t warm at all. If anything, the fire was giving off intense cold.
“Don’t do it, Robert!” said Lily.
“Shut up!” spat Jack.
“Is this close enough?” said Robert loudly.
“Yes, this’ll do,” said the Cat in Robert’s head.
“Yes, that’s perfect,” agreed Rumpelstiltskin.
Robert stood up and turned to face the Dwarf and everyone else.
“Don’t need these anymore,” said Robert. He screwed the papers up into a ball and threw them backwards over his shoulder into the now pulsating ball of flame. The papers vanished into nothingness, and Rumpelstiltskin stood in a shocked silence with his mouth open.
“You bastard!” shouted Jack.
“I’ll kill you!” screamed the Dwarf, finally remembering he had a voice.
“I don’t think so, gentleman,” said Robert. “You see, I’ve been carrying a secret weapon, one that I didn’t even know I had. That’s how secret it was.”
And Robert laughed.
“Oh no, he’s lost his mind,” said Lily.
“I have this voice in my head. It’s been talking to me a lot lately.”
The green ball of fire shifted awkwardly behind him.
“Uh, Robert,” said Lily and took a step back.
“I’ve never really understood myself, I’ve always had weird things happen to me, and then I discover there’s this whole other world right here that I belong to. My father’s from here, did you know that, Rumpelstiltskin?”
The Dwarf had also seen that the ball was no longer a ball and was also backing away. “Actually yes, I know your father well and I hope he rots in hell!”
“Oh.” Robert hadn’t expected that.
“Robert, look behind you!” said Lily.
Robert turned and found the ball of flame was now oblong, and then a triangle, and then an intricate symbol, and it was continually getting bigger.
“Advice, please?” Robert asked the Cat but there was no answer.
“Run!” shouted Lily.
Robert turned to run and saw that everyone else had already scattered.
The full force of the explosion hit him in the back and he felt a piece of him dislodge. He sincerely hoped it was the Cat he felt and not his spleen rupturing. He was thrown several feet across the courtyard and slammed into a chunk of emerald rock. He was comforted by the thought that the rock probably hadn’t felt a thing so at the very least he didn’t have that on his conscience.
Waves of extremely cold green flame washed over him, plastering him to the hard surface. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the luminescence spread out across the ruins, delivering the green glow back to the landscape. A moment later and it was all over. Robert slid roughly to the ground and slipped into sweet unconsciousness.
What most people failed to realize was that spells had a life span. Aside from the Cat, a few of the more senior wizards of Oz, the exiled Evil Queen, and the wizard Niggle, no one else in Thiside or Othaside knew this. The actual successful execution of a spell came when the spell died. In its death, a spell caused a massive release of magic that completed the objective of the spell.
As soon as Rumpelstiltskin began reading the incantations, the spell was thrust into existence and the further along the spell casting went, the stronger and more developed it became. Having no mouth, it had no external way of projecting its opinions. Internally, though, it could chat up a storm. From conception to destruction, the spell’s timeless thoughts had gone something like this:
“Well then,” said the Spell, “this is a turn-up for the books. What have we got here, then? Looks like a Dwarf. Ugly Dwarf, at that. I bet he smells funny. And there’s a couple of big fellas over there. They don’t look overly smart, do they? Heyy, a door! I haven’t seen one of those in… well… ever. Well, that is a large woman. No, wait, it’s a man with long hair. He should cut that, he looks like a woman. I wonder if he gets comments about his hair, it is quite nice. I bet he uses some sort of special plant extract to keep it that shiny. Wow! Those look like dragons! Why are they throwing rocks at them? That’s not very nice. I see the Dwarf is reading again. It feels good when he reads, makes me feel all tingly. Hey, there are two people sneaking behind that rock over there. Oh never mind, the big one found them. Something very strange about that tall gangly-looking one. He’s got something inside of him that’s very unusual, I wonder if anyone else can see it? Aww, the Dwarf’s stopped reading. That’s a very shiny knife, looks like he’s going to shave that tall gentleman with the thing inside him. That’s awfully nice. Oh, they’re coming closer.”
“Hello,” said the Cat to the Spell.
“Hello,” said the Spell.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way but I’m going to burst forth from this human and use you as a springboard to launch myself back into the world.”
“I don’t think that’s what I’m meant for.”
“No, that’s true, but I’d certainly appreciate the effort,” said the Cat.
“Well, I don’t personally have any problem with it.”
“And please allow me to offer my most sincere condolences in regards to your impending death.”
“That’s awfully nice of you,” said the Spell appreciatively. “It’s really no big deal, it’s life.”
“If you say so.”
“So what happens now?”
“Well, you’re going to become unstable and explode.”
“And then you’ll use the explosion to birth yourself into existence?”
“Well, yes. If you don’t mind me saying so, you have a fantastic grasp on all of this.”
“Thank you. I like to think I’m a very intuitive Spell. Whoa, that didn’t feel good. What was that?”
“That was you becoming unstable. This next bit is going to hurt a little bit but please be assured that I hold the utmost respect for you.”
“Well, thank you, I really appreciate the sentiment… oh… that doesn’t feel goo―”
And the Spell exploded, ending its life instantly.
Rumpelstiltskin was sprinting as fast as his little legs could carry him. While sprinting, he was cursing. He cursed the spell for becoming unstable. He cursed Robert Darkly for his interference. He cursed the Mad Hatter for ever setting him on this path in the first place. He cursed Jack because he was an idiot. He even cursed several chunks of masonry and rotting Ogre remains that blocked his path as he tried to move as swiftly away from the explosion as possible.
The last thing the evil Dwarf ever heard was scraachachcachacha! as an injured and extremely pissed-off Screech Demon ripped his head from his shoulders. The part of a Screech Demon’s brain that dealt with recall and memory was exceptionally small but there were certain things that stuck out in a creature’s mind. Thanks to highly enhanced eyesight and hearing, the thing that stuck out in the minds of the two Screech Demons was the order of, “Kill them,” issued by the Dwarf they were now eating. Chances were, he wouldn’t be making that mistake again.
Robert woke up lying on his back. His head was resting in Lily’s lap while a massive black panther licked the side of his face.
“Am I dreaming?”
“No, silly,” said Lily. “You had me scared. I thought you were dead.”
“I’m happy I’m not dead,” said Robert.
“So am I,” said Lily and smiled.
“Really?”
“Yes. Really.”
For a while, Robert lay still as happiness and exhaustion washed over him. The panther continued licking his face. It was a big cat, very regal looking. It also had a large mouth with sharp teeth and Robert thought asking it to stop would be rude and possibly hazardous to his health.
“What happened?”
“The spell became unstable and exploded. Rumpelstiltskin failed. The doors are still intact.”
“Where is everyone?”
“General Gnarly took a nasty hit to the head, he’s not doing very well. Gnick’s wrapping him as best he can. Jack was knocked unconscious.”
“And the Dwarf?”
“Dead.”
“In the explosion?”
“No.”
“You killed him?”
“No.”
“Gnick killed him?”
“No.”
“You know, you could just tell me.”
“Rumpelstiltskin fled from the scene when he realized what was happening. I pursued him and almost caught him but I wasn’t fast enough. The Screech Demons survived their fall and caught Rumpelstiltskin running from the explosion. Apparently, Screech Demons hold a grudge.”
“So we won?”
“It seems that way.”
“Lily.”
“Yes, Robert?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why is there a giant panther licking my face?”
“You should ask him that.”
The panther backed off and stretched its large muscular body while Robert sat himself up with Lily’s assistance. His back felt like it had been slammed into a large rock and he was convinced that his entire backside would be bruised for many years to come. The giant Cat sat in front of him and tilted its head. Robert felt it looked familiar.
“I should look familiar,” said the Cat. “I’ve lived in your head for the last twenty-four hours. You should really clean up in there; it’s quite the mess.”
“You’re the Cheshi… I mean, you’re the Cat.”
“I am indeed. And thanks to you, I’m back in Thiside, for a while at least. For that, and for allowing me to reside in your head, I owe you a great deal of thanks. Walk with me.”
Robert struggled to his feet and walked beside the Cat. They left the courtyard and rather than climbing over the ruins, a path unfolded before them; the broken pieces of buildings slid together to form a flat surface.
“That’s amazing,” said Robert.
“It’s really nothing,” said the Cat. “After a while, you grow tired of floating and climbing and just feel the need for a good stretch of the legs.
“In stories, you’re always a regular house cat. I wasn’t really expecting a panther.”
“When you’ve lived as long as I have, you sometimes get bored with your appearance. Between you and me, I don’t actually look like anything. I’ve always liked cats, though, and so in one form or another I’ve always assumed the image of one. They’re amazing creatures. You can never tell what they’re thinking; makes them very mysterious.”
“What will you do now?”
“I don’t know. I’ve spent so much time existing as nothing. It’ll be nice to be something for a while. I think I’ll travel between Thiside and Othaside, maybe learn a new language. Who knows?”
“At least you have some idea what to do. I don’t know what the future holds for me.”
The Cat stopped, turned to Robert, and sat down. “Robert Darkly, son of a mad man, exiled from his home as a baby. Your life is about to begin.”
“So I will go mad, like everyone thinks?”
“To be honest, a little madness isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I know what you desire most of all.”
“I want to see my father.”
“As you should. When you choose the time, I’ll make sure there’s a door there for you to use.” The Cat sighed. “You should get back to the courtyard. Your Gnome friend isn’t going to last much longer and the Director of the Agency will be here soon, which means it’s time for me to make myself scarce.”
“Will I see you again?”
“I’ll be around.”
Robert looked back toward the courtyard to see that a door had opened there. “Thank you for everything,” he said.
