Stiltskin, page 23
He’d wished with all sincerity that the creature would stop climbing and glide back down to a reasonable height. Which it did. After that, it all seemed so easy. It took the simplest thoughtful urge to tell the Demon what to do and which way to go and even how to do it. Every so often, the Demon would let out a skkrraccchha or a sccraaahtatatata, but even that had ceased to irritate Robert as he fully began to appreciate the feeling of flying. Forty-eight hours ago, he was an accountant working in a cubicle, sitting comfortably in a one-sided relationship with a nice girl, he had an apartment and a landlady; he visited his adoptive mother every other weekend. He was boring. Now he was racing above the world of Thiside on the back of Screech Demon in pursuit of an evil wish-granting Dwarf who threatened to twist reality inexplicably. He was in the company of a beautiful werewolf. He’d been attacked by bandits and Mermaids. He’d met a giant White Rabbit and a wizard. He’d jumped through reality as if it was an everyday chore. He’d been injured and healed, buried alive, and almost burned to death. He’d very briefly owned a cat. And most importantly, he now knew this was his home. This was where he was born. And no matter what the outcome, this was where he was determined to stay.
“That’s if you make it out of all this alive,” said the voice.
“What do you mean?” shouted Robert over the wind that was rushing by.
“You don’t have to shout, I’m in your head.”
“Sorry.”
“I mean that this is where you’ll stay as long as you survive whatever it is Rumpelstiltskin’s going to do to you.”
“Well, yes, I suppose so.”
“Sorry, I broke your train of thought.”
“No, it’s okay. Good to be brought back to reality, thanks,” said Robert, but didn’t mean it.
Lily finally caught up to him.
“You’re going in the wrong direction!” she shouted.
“Oh,” said Robert, “Sorry!” he shouted back and thought to the Demon to turn itself around, which it did with grace and finesse and shot itself forward with powerful wings. Lily flew above and to his left.
“You’re very good at this,” she yelled.
“What can I say? I’m a natural,” he shouted back.
Lily looked beautiful. Her hair, which was still filthy from the graveyard, whipped around her head and her amber eyes blazed as the sun set and twilight swept across the land.
“How long until we get there?” he shouted.
Lily pointed ahead. Rushing toward them in the distance across the darkening horizon was a line of shimmering green.
Villages and settlements flew by beneath them as the Demons propelled themselves over the land. It felt to Robert as if the Demons barely used their wings but flew under their own volition and only used their wings for an occasional burst of speed. He looked at Lily again.
“You should tell her,” said the voice in his head.
“Tell her what?” said Robert.
“How you feel.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do I seriously need to spell it out for you?”
“You want me to tell her now?”
“Why not?”
“We’re flying hundreds of feet above the ground, racing toward the ruins of the Emerald City and who knows what else.”
“Can you think of a better time?”
Robert couldn’t.
“Lily!” shouted Robert.
Lily looked over as the last remnant of sunlight slipped across her features before the sun nosedived beneath the horizon.
“I think I love you!” shouted Robert.
The look she gave him was not what he expected. It looked like she was about to smile but then she instantly looked worried and then screamed, “Look out!” which wasn’t exactly the combination of words he was hoping for.
A chunk of green masonry the size of a garbage can flew between them, clipping one wing of Lily’s Screech Demon, which screamed and plummeted toward the ground.
“Lily!” shouted Robert but didn’t have time to see if she was okay as another piece of masonry was thrown from somewhere on the ground, causing Robert’s Demon to flip sideways. Robert flailed at the reins as he slid from the saddle and fell from the creature.
Oshitoshitoshitoshit! was the mantra that flew smoothly through his mind. It was probably just a play of light, or maybe the adrenaline, or possibly the feeling of absolute horror, but it felt less like falling to Robert and more like the world was rushing toward him to smash him into little pieces. So this is how it ends. He fondly hoped that Lily was okay, and then, in a glimmer of hope, he thought that maybe his Demon would come and retrieve him. That same balloon of hope was quickly popped when he saw his Screech Demon falling unconscious out of the sky not far away from him. Thoughts, questions, and memories jumbled quickly through his mind as the world rushed to meet him: Who is my father? Am I dating a werewolf? A Dwarf in his bathtub. Lily’s eyes. A hippopotamus in a tutu. Buried in a coffin. The halfway house burning around him and the kitten appearing in the fireplace. Shit! And then he hit the ground.
The courtyard was decorated with intricate symbols that looked like they’d been drawn in blood. The air crackled like arcing electricity as the magical field began to stir and the spell was woven. It was a complex spell with no room for mistakes. The Dwarf knew that such a powerful spell posed a danger when performed in such a large magical field, but it was the magical field that powered the spell. As it turned out, magic had a strong sense of irony.
Rumpelstiltskin was reading incantations from the scraps of paper he’d stolen from the Wizards’ Council library when Crushnut grunted in surprise.
“Wotz that?” said Blarfunder, and Ian skidded to a stop next to him.
“Looks like a couple of dragons,” said Ian.
Rumpelstiltskin finished the incantation he was reading and looked up into the sky where his idiot henchmen were staring.
“Those are too small for dragons,” said the Dwarf, squinting. A sense of panic kicked him in the frontal lobe. “Those are Agents!”
“That’s silly,” said Blarfunder, “Agents don’t have wings.”
“They’re riding Screech Demons!” screamed the Dwarf, jumping up and down. “Kill them!”
“Now, where’s your manners?” said Blarfunder, wagging his finger.
“What?” sputtered the Dwarf.
“What’s the magic word?”
The Dwarf made a quick mental note to kill his henchmen at the first available opportunity.
“Please kill them!” he shrieked.
“Yes, sir!” said Blarfunder and picked up a massive piece of masonry and threw it at the approaching pair of Demons as if it were a pebble. Crushnut began searching through the rubble to find his own rock to throw.
Blarfunder’s throw hit one of the Demon’s wings and it plummeted toward the ground over a hundred feet away. Crushnut found a piece of rock he liked and with one hand threw it with the dexterity of an Olympian at the second Demon, which dodged it, but lost its rider in the process. Blarfunder’s second chunk of masonry hit the creature square in the chest and it fell to the ground.
Not bad. Maybe he wouldn’t kill them after all. Maybe I’ll just maim them a little.
“You, with the legs,” said Rumpelstiltskin to Ian, “run off and make sure they’re both dead.”
Ian nodded and ran off.
The Dwarf returned to his incantations. Thanks to the greenish glow of the emerald stones and the forceful magical field, the ruins were never completely black, even as twilight began to slip away and the sky turned dark. Everything shone with a luminescent green.
As he read the incantations, the symbols he’d drawn on the courtyard began to glow. The dragon’s tooth, the other items he’d procured before being incarcerated in the Tower, and the remains of the last Bastinda sat in the middle of the courtyard.
The air began to feel heavy and the wind began to pick up. Rumpelstiltskin danced around the symbols as he continued reading. Something snapped at the edge of the courtyard, and the Dwarf looked up to see a doorway appear. It shimmered and floated and represented everything about Thiside that the Dwarf hated. He was about to dismiss it with a sneer when Jack stepped out the door. He looked angry.
o this is what it’s like to be dead,” said Robert as he floated in an infinite sea of nothingness. “I’m actually disappointed.”
“It’s phenomenal, really,” said the voice in his head.
“How is this phenomenal?”
“Well, you’re floating around in your own subconscious; you’re actually inside your own head. That’s not something that happens every day, you know?”
“You’ve lost me,” said Robert, floating upside down. At least he assumed it was upside down. As everything was nothing but an inky blackness, it was impossible to tell which way was up and which way was down.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Would I look this confused if it was obvious to me?”
“I don’t know, I can’t see you, it’s too dark.”
Although he was dead and floating in infinite space, Robert suddenly felt as if he wasn’t alone. It was a creepy feeling and he’d feel better if he had something to look at, but he couldn’t even make out his own hand in front of his face.
“So you’re here with me?”
“Of course,” said the voice.
Robert suddenly realized that the voice was no longer in his head. He could actually hear it.
“Who are you?”
“I go by many names.”
“Am I dead?”
“Not in the slightest. But like I said, you’re in your own subconscious, which is amazing when you think about it. It’s like you’re a person inside a person inside a person inside a person inside a person inside a person inside a person inside a per―”
“All right, all right I get it! I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but are you mad?”
“Probably. It’s hard to make it through life without being thoroughly mad, which is why you’re so good at it.”
“And I’m in my own brain?”
“Your subconscious. Where all your deep dark memories are sitting. Your only memory of your father is in here somewhere.”
Robert was beginning to think that death would be a better option than being trapped in the dark with the voice that had been speaking to him in his brain and was now telling him that he was actually in his mind somewhere.
“Why didn’t I die?”
“You fell through a door just before you hit the ground. I saved you.”
“Why?”
“Some people are worth saving. And being that I recently took up residence in your subconscious I thought it was a better option that you lived.”
“Who are you?” Robert asked again.
“I’m the Cat,” said the Cat.
“The kitten I found?”
“Yes, that was me, too.”
Robert thought about it for a moment. “Then you are the Cheshire Cat?”
“That’s ridiculous, I’ve never even been to Cheshire.”
“But you are the Cat. The Cat? The one that was powerful and then vanished.”
“Self-important wizards thought they should control me. Ridiculous. They tried to bind me and hold me and failed miserably. The fun had gone out of this world and everything was so strict and orderly. Everything that your writers in Othaside had seen that made this place magical was slowly slipping away. And so I slipped away, too.”
“Where did you go?” asked Robert.
“Wherever I pleased. I removed myself from Thiside completely. I floated through space as far as I could go and then I went further. I dropped into Othaside occasionally. I’ve always favoured Cannock Chase woods in England and appeared there many times as a large cat. I believe it made the news a few times,” said the Cat.
“Why are you back now?”
“I felt a pull. A tugging. As if something had been introduced into Thiside, a catalyst that felt like it would bring change, and it drew me back.”
“What was it?”
“It was you, Robert Darkly.”
“Me?” said Robert. “I really don’t think I’m the catalyst type.”
“You’re shaking things up and you don’t even know it. Just by existing, you allowed the Dwarf to escape. Jack put his plan into action. Your father will probably get what he wants out of the deal. Lily found a connection with you. Things are changing. You’re bringing the magic back to this world.”
“Lily told me that you were a source of magic.”
“And it’s because of you that I came back. You are a bringer of change and chaos, my friend.”
“Why haven’t you shown yourself before now? And why not explain all this while you were the voice in my head?”
“I tried to become corporeal but there wasn’t enough magic left in this world to allow me to remain. The best I could manage was a kitten, which in turn started a most unfortunate fire. But even the corporeality of the kitten began to slip away, so I chose to be incorporeal again, but instead of floating in nothingness I decided to float in your subconscious; that way I could stay in touch with you. And let’s face it, you needed my help.”
“You healed me after the werewolf attacked me,” said Robert as pieces began to fit together. “You created the doors! When I needed them, it was you!”
“I don’t create doors, silly boy. But sometimes I can move them where I need them to be.”
“I was beginning to think I was going mad! Why not tell me you were the Cat all along?”
The Cat let out a light laugh. “Well, it was funny, wasn’t it? Your lineage lends to being a little off the deep end, so those around you almost expected it of you.”
“My lineage?”
“All in good time. We have more pressing matters at hand.”
“So what now?”
“We’re in the remains of the Emerald City and Rumpelstiltskin is casting a spell that will make the magical field churn and expand. I believe that if you can get me close enough, I’ll be able to become corporeal.”
“And if you’re corporeal, you’ll be able to help us stop him?”
“There are great things ahead of you, Robert Darkly, and I don’t see any advantage to the Dwarf completing his spell.”
“So how do I get out of here?”
“This might hurt a little.”
“What will hurt?” asked Robert, who was becoming accustomed to painful experiences.
“This,” said the Cat.
A door appeared next to Robert and he was instantly sucked into it―
―and was thrown up into the air twenty feet before crashing down on a patch of grass amongst the ruins of the Emerald City.
“Oourgg,” groaned Robert.
“I did warn you,” said the Cat, now back in Robert’s head.
Robert stood up and looked around. The Emerald ruins glowed and in the distance he could see people moving around.
“Robert!”
Robert turned to the voice to find Lily just as he’d left her. She was carrying an unconscious man who looked like he had the legs of an ostrich. She dropped the man and ran to Robert, throwing her arms around him. They embraced and Robert was happy that he wasn’t a smear on the ground somewhere.
“You’re welcome,” said the Cat.
“I saw you fall,” said Lily, “I thought you were dead.”
“Nahh,” said Robert, “takes more than a fall from a Screech Demon to kill Robert Darkly.”
Lily pulled back and Robert was surprised to see tears in her eyes. “How did you survive?”
“It’s a long story and we don’t have time. We need to get to Rumpelstiltskin. Who’s that?” asked Robert pointing to the unconscious Humanimal.
“I think he’s a henchman.”
“He has ostrich legs.”
“Nothing slips by you, does it? Come on.”
Lily took Robert’s hand and together they weaved a path through the rubble and dead creatures toward the courtyard that became more and more illuminated, as if the luminescence from the ruins was being concentrated toward it.
Jack held Rumpelstiltskin by the front of his shirt. “You’re a double-crossing little weasel!”
“I just thought by tricking you,” said the Dwarf, “that it’d throw the Agency off my tail and relieve you of any suspicion. After all this is said and done, you still want to be an Agent, don’t you? I thought that was the whole point. Bring back the good ol’ days! I assume you want to appreciate those days from anywhere other than the inside of the Tower. It adds to the charade; I’m the fugitive, you’re the brilliant Agent on my tail.”
“Just finish the spell,” said Jack and released the Dwarf.
“How did you get here, anyway?” asked the Dwarf.
“Special order of the Director. She used emergency orders to send me through a door created by the Wizards’ Council to get me here and take control of the situation.”
“But that means…”
“That there’ll be more Agents coming soon. And the Emerald Guard.”
Rumpelstiltskin’s blood pressure shot to its peak and he turned a lovely mauve colour. “Why did you do that?”
Jack shrugged. “Like you said, it adds to the charade. When they get here, I’ll tell them you’d already completed the spell and got away. So finish fast and then get out of here.”
“It’s not that easy!” shouted Rumpelstiltskin. “It’s intricate, it takes time, you idiot!”
“Then get on with it,” said Jack matter-of-factly and went to stand next to Blarfunder, who was polishing the horn on the end of his rhino’s snout.
Rumpelstiltskin resumed his incantations and a ball of green fire appeared in the courtyard above the gathered objects. The glow from the surrounding ruins crept toward the courtyard, making the surrounding rock and masonry brighter and more distinct.
“I wonder what happened to Ian?” said Blarfunder to Crushnut.
“Mehh,” said Crushnut.
Robert crouched next to Lily behind a large piece of masonry thirty feet from the courtyard. The air had taken to crackling and snapping and sometimes swirling. Thanks to the green ball of flame currently floating in the courtyard, it had been easy to find Rumpelstiltskin. Robert had noticed Lily bristle at the sight of Jack.
