Stiltskin, page 20
“In fact, we can change subjects altogether. We could talk about the secret that I’m not telling you.”
Tweedle’s eyes narrowed. “You keep talking about this secret but you’re not telling us what it is. That can only lead us to think that you’re lying.”
“Oh, I don’t lie. Ask anyone.”
“You’ve got to admit that our choice of witnesses is limited.”
“You could ask the Troll?”
“He’s a snivelling toad!” shouted Tweedle Dum.
“You’ve been wondering about how the Dwarf got out of here when no one has ever escaped before.”
“Obviously.”
“But suurreeleee, you have some idea?”
Tweedle stared back at the Hatter with a blank look on his face.
“Oh come, come, you must know! Or at least have some concept? An inkling? An idea?”
Tweedle continued the blank stare.
“The hole in the wall could only be made with a compact magical spell. Which means someone brought it in. Who are the only people who can come in and out of the Tower at will?”
Tweedle screwed up his forehead as if thinking very hard.
“You’re smarter than this,” said the Hatter. “If you’re not going to play along then I won’t play, either!”
The Hatter turned his back to his cell door and a slight smile played at the corners of Tweedle’s mouth.
“People like me?” said Tweedle Dee.
The Hatter swung around and gripped the bars of his cell. “Yes, go on!”
“An Agent. It would have to be an Agent. But it would have to be an Agent who had something to gain. But the only way they would have something to gain would be if they knew all about Rumpelstiltskin.”
The Hatter was literally shaking the bars on his cell door with excitement. “Yes, yes! Keep going!”
“And the only way any Agent would know anything about an inmate is by interrogation.”
“And who interrogated the Dwarf? Who?” shouted the Hatter.
“Jack. It was Jack!”
“You took your damn time getting here. The bones are gone!” said the Dwarf.
Jack was still leaning against the gravestone, his features as chiselled as the stone tablets lying around the graveyard.
“I was already here! I dug up the bones earlier today. If you’d kept to the plan and met me outside of the City of Oz like you were supposed to do, this never would have happened!” said Jack.
“Outside the city? We weren’t supposed to meet outside the city. We were supposed to meet along the coastal path. You weren’t there!” shouted the Dwarf, losing his patience.
“Who told you that?”
“The Hatter, of course.”
Jack’s face tightened. “I knew we couldn’t trust that skinny idiot. I assumed I’d find you back here.”
Rumpelstiltskin laughed. “That skinny idiot very nearly ruined our plan.”
“Your plan, not ours. I’m just helping you make life more interesting,” said Jack.
“What?” said Lily’s startled voice from the edge of the graveyard.
“You can let me out now, Troll,” said Tweedle.
The Troll shuffled in front of the Agent’s cell door.
“What ya mean?”
“Well, of course you know I was just putting on an act so I could get the information I needed out of the Hatter?” explained Tweedle.
“Uh, wellz, no, didn’t occur t’ me really.”
“And now I have it. I need to report back to my associates as soon as possible. So like I said, you can let me out now.”
“So uh, you’z not really crazy then, eh?”
“Just an act, and a good one, I might add. Even fooled you, I see.”
The Troll scratched his head. “Well I s’pose.”
“Oh, come on!” said the Hatter, “you’re not really buying this, are you? He was arguing with himself a minute ago!”
“Sharrap, Hatter,” said the Troll and dragged a long nail down Tweedle’s cell door.
The locks slid aside and Tweedle stepped from the cell and straightened his clothing.
“I just need a quick word with the Hatter.” Tweedle waddled over to the Hatter’s door and moved his face close to the barred window and whispered, “Thank you so much for releasing us, we won’t forget what you’ve done for us today.”
Tweedle smiled a wide grin and then walked away down the hallway, followed closely by the Troll.
“You’ll never be able to hide it in the real world again, you know!” shouted the Hatter after them. “Everyone will know who and what you are! Just wait and see!”
Tweedle left the Troll standing at the gate to the Tower and began his journey across the bridge. He had much more of a spring in his step than when he’d first arrived. The storm raged all around him, but it was nothing compared to the storm that was raging in his head.
“Never be able to hide it. That’s what the Hatter said,” said Tweedle Dee nervously.
“He’s right, you know, and I have no intention of hiding it. Why should we hide our true selves when people like Rumpelstiltskin are free to be exactly who they are? We won’t hide anymore, everyone will know exactly who and what we are!” Tweedle Dum let loose a chilling laugh.
“I’m scared,” said Tweedle Dee.
“You should be!” said Tweedle Dum. “They all should be!”
Lightning flashed across the sky and a shrill scream rang out from the Tower, hiding the giddy laughter coming from the small, fat figure waddling his way across the bridge.
Robert and Lily had cut across one of the fields to get to the graveyard quicker. The sheep in the fields posed no problem. As soon as they caught a whiff of Lily’s scent, they all headed for the farthest corner of the field and huddled there, silently hoping the wolf in women’s clothing wouldn’t bother them.
Robert didn’t have Lily’s natural ability to see in the dark and he was having trouble avoiding the hundred or so piles of sheep crap that littered the field. After a while, he just gave up.
They reached the edge of the field and climbed over the short wall into the graveyard. Lily suddenly grabbed Robert and pulled him down behind a gravestone and put a finger to her lips.
“There’s someone here already,” she whispered.
“Is it the Dwarf?”
“It doesn’t sound like the Dwarf,” she whispered. Her eyes suddenly grew large in surprise. “What?” said Lily and stood up and strode off toward the voices.
Robert hurried to keep up.
What he saw, once they were close enough, was the same Dwarf that he’d found in his bathtub almost an eternity ago, covered in mud, holding a shovel, the Agent whom he knew as Jack, and a very full-looking garbage bag.
Lily marched right up to Jack, who was no longer leaning against the gravestone but standing at his full height.
“What do you think you’re doing, Jack?” asked Lily.
“Hello again, Darkly,” said the Dwarf with a sneer.
“Stiltskin,” said Robert.
“Find your daddy yet?”
“Actually no, been a little busy chasing you around.”
“I won’t ask again, Jack. What are you doing with the Dwarf?” asked Lily, stabbing a finger at his chest.
“It doesn’t concern you, Lily, go home,” said Jack matter-of-factly.
“Go home? Are you out of your mind? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what’s going on!”
“Go on, tell her, Jack, she’s going to figure it out anyway,” said the Dwarf.
“Shut up!” said Jack.
Robert eyed the garbage bag that was resting on the ground next to Jack.
“I wonder if that’s the body of the last Bastinda?” said the voice in Robert’s head.
“Excuse me,” said Robert, “but I don’t suppose that’s the remains of Elise Bastinda in that garbage bag, is it?”
“Good guess, Darkly. You might just be as smart as your father,” said the Dwarf.
“Aren’t you curious who your father is?” asked the voice.
“Well, of course I am,” replied Robert.
“Modest, too,” said the Dwarf.
“Will you two shut up?” snapped Jack.
“Enough!” said Lily, grabbing a handful of Jack’s shirt and lifting him clear off the ground. The tall man wriggled, but her grip was obviously too strong.
“Don’t make me do this, Lily,” growled Jack.
“Do what?” she asked.
“Lily, I wish you were unconscious,” said Jack.
“Granted,” said the Dwarf.
Jack landed on his feet as Lily’s body slid to the ground.
“Lily!” shouted Robert.
Jack rolled Lily’s body into the open grave of the last Bastinda and she slid unceremoniously into the open casket.
“No!” said Robert and punched Jack in the face. Every bone in his hand hurt. “Shit, that hurt.”
“This’ll hurt more,” said the Dwarf from behind him.
Robert’s first impulse was to ask what will hurt more but before he had a chance the back of his head was greeted by the flat side of the shovel and all he managed to get out was, “What wurrlll…?”
His body must have been getting used to being rendered unconscious. As he collapsed to the floor, he could still hear what was going on. For example, he knew that the tingly feeling on his side was his body sliding down into the grave. The thump he heard was his body rolling into the casket on top of Lily. He heard the Dwarf laugh. There was a creak, which he assumed was the casket lid closing. What followed were several deep thumps, which Robert knew to be the sound of Jack and the Dwarf burying them alive.
“Hold it together, Robert,” said the voice in his head. And the voice sounded calm.
That should mean I’m calm, thought Robert, slowly regaining consciousness. And then madness and fear overtook him and he began to scream like a six-year-old girl.
obert had never suffered from claustrophobia; however, being buried alive really made him reprioritize his top five fears. He’d finally given up on screaming when he realized how pointless it was. He could hear thunder outside and assumed the storm must be raging in the skies. Lily was still unconscious. One had to assume that Elise Bastinda was a large lady, as Robert and Lily both fit into the casket and still had some room to spare. He wondered how long it would take to run out of oxygen. Everything was so dark.
“Of course it’s dark,” said the voice in Robert’s head, “you’re in a grave. Not exactly going to be flood-lit, is it?”
“Well, at least you’re still here.”
“You should try waking her up.”
“I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“You could throw water on her?” suggested the voice.
“Where am I going to get water? I’m in a coffin.”
“You could spit on her?”
“I’m not spitting on her. That’s just rude.”
“That’s a good point. Try pinching her?”
“Worth a try. Where do I pinch her?”
“Well, I’d suggest maybe her neck?”
“Her neck?”
“Well, you don’t want to pinch anywhere private. That’s just rude.”
“Right.” Robert fumbled around in the dark, struggled to bring his arms up closer to his head, and felt around what must have been the back of Lily’s head. He noted that her hair was very smooth, like a Labrador’s.
“Are you actually comparing her to a dog?” said the voice.
“Well, you have to admit it’s not a long stretch.”
He brushed her hair aside and felt down to her neck and pinched hard.
Several things happened. Lily swore colourfully as her hand came up extremely fast and smacked Robert in the nose, who also swore, only with less colour.
“What the hell are you doing?” said Lily.
“Shnorry,” said Robert, whose hand was cupped over his nose.
“Where are we?”
“We’ve been buried alive.”
“That bastard. Wait until I get hold of them. How’s your nose?”
“I don’t think it’s broken. Maybe I missed something up there but I thought that Jack was on our side?”
“It was Jack. That’s how the Dwarf escaped in the first place. Jack must have helped him.”
“But what does Jack have to gain from the doors being unregulated?”
“I don’t suppose we could talk about this once we’re out of the grave?”
“How are we going to get out of here? We’ve been buried alive. In fact, why aren’t you panicking?”
“Why aren’t you?”
“I did all my screaming already,” said Robert.
“The grave wasn’t too deep, it’s just a matter of leverage.”
“You’re strong enough to get us out of here?”
“I’m not. But what’s inside of me is.”
The statement floated through Robert’s brain looking for something to connect to. A few short yet disturbing flashbacks later, Robert hit a wall of realization.
“You’re going to turn into that thing, into a werewolf! Forget it; I’m beginning to like it down here.”
“Don’t be silly, Robert.”
“Silly? Who’s being silly? The smell of pine wood and rotting flesh is blissful to me.”
“You are being silly,” agreed the voice.
“I’m not being silly!”
“This won’t be like last time. When the moon forces me to change, I have no control, the creature bursts out of me as if it’s breaking out of a cage. When I change myself, it’s like I’m letting it out through the front door on a leash. I can control it.”
“You’re sure?”
“Robert, I’m over three hundred years old, I know what I’m doing. Trust me.”
“Okay,” he said solemnly. And he realized that he did actually trust her with his life. Ironic, being that she had been trying so hard to kill him less than twenty-four hours ago. “How do we do this?”
“I need to be naked.”
“Come again?” said Robert.
“I’ll need the clothes afterwards and I don’t want them ripped when I change. Help me get undressed.”
“Uh-ah,” was all Robert could come up with for an argument.
Lily kicked off her shoes. The casket was around six and a half feet in length, around two and a half feet high, and three feet wide, which didn’t lend itself to too much wiggle room. Lily struggled with getting the sweater off over her head while Robert fumbled with the zipper on her pants. Robert pondered on what a highly erotic moment this could have been, had it not been for the whole we’re buried alive thing.
Robert pushed her pants down using his feet, then she kicked them off. He hadn’t realized that all she was wearing was a sweater, pants, shoes and nothing else.
Lily finally succeeded in getting her sweater off.
“What now?” said Robert, who sounded nervous and was probably sweating more than he should have been.
“Relax, Robert, I realize this is awkward…”
“Noo… well just a bit, yes.”
“But it’s going to get a little worse.”
“What?” said Robert.
“How could this be any more awkward?” said the voice.
“I need to climb on top of you,” said Lily.
“Oh, that’s how it’s going to be more awkward,” said the voice.
“Uh… wha… why?” said Robert.
“I don’t want to crush you when I change and I don’t want to bury you under the dirt. The only way to do that is to straddle you, change, and as I do so, I’ll push upward out of the coffin and break through the earth.”
“And there’s no other way? You see, I’m a man, I have urges…”
“We’re in a life-threatening situation. How can you be thinking of those urges at a time like this?” said Lily.
“Well, it’s been a while,” said Robert. He was thinking about how to protest but it was too late as Lily was already manoeuvring herself on top of him. He could feel her pressed up against him.
“Think of something else!” shouted the voice in his head.
So Robert did. He thought about tractors, and garden Gnomes, sheep, antique bathtubs, Lily in a bathtub…
“Not that!” said the voice.
“Okay, I’m ready,” said Lily. “Your heart is racing. Are you all right?”
“I’ll live.”
“This might be horrifying for you but I suppose you’ve already seen it once.”
Robert was about to apologize for his male urges when all of a sudden it was no longer an issue. He heard the cracking of bones first and in such a small space, it was truly ghastly to listen to. Her body expanded above him, and he felt hair grow from her face as her nose began to stretch and protrude into a wolf’s snout. He could sense her tense up as she pushed with both arms so as not to crush him. Her whole body radiated heat, and her muscles writhed against him as they stretched and transformed. He heard splintering as her nails grew, then broke through the bottom of the casket as the overall size of her body expanded and the lid cracked open. Mud and dirt began to pour in on all sides. She began to growl a low guttural growl and drooled on Robert’s face. For a moment, she didn’t move too much more and Robert began to fear that she’d overestimated her strength. The growling grew louder and she pushed herself upward. In retrospect, Robert considered that particular moment to be one of those moments that he never actually expected to find himself in. In fact, it probably made the top of the list. Buried alive, trapped in a casket with a beautiful naked woman, who then transformed into a werewolf while straddling him.
“Definitely top of the list,” agreed the voice.
The lid cracked completely and the earth began to shift.
It had taken Frank a long time to make it up Smithwell Lane as his keen sense of direction, heavily influenced by alcohol, had become about as sharp as a plastic spoon. To his credit, he’d actually managed to stay on the road for the most part, except when he stopped to relieve his bladder, during which time he detoured to one of the fields and ended up falling into a ditch. He hadn’t noticed at the time, but the sheep in the field had enjoyed a good laugh at Frank’s expense. Laughing and grinning came much easier to sheep than scowling.
Tweedle’s eyes narrowed. “You keep talking about this secret but you’re not telling us what it is. That can only lead us to think that you’re lying.”
“Oh, I don’t lie. Ask anyone.”
“You’ve got to admit that our choice of witnesses is limited.”
“You could ask the Troll?”
“He’s a snivelling toad!” shouted Tweedle Dum.
“You’ve been wondering about how the Dwarf got out of here when no one has ever escaped before.”
“Obviously.”
“But suurreeleee, you have some idea?”
Tweedle stared back at the Hatter with a blank look on his face.
“Oh come, come, you must know! Or at least have some concept? An inkling? An idea?”
Tweedle continued the blank stare.
“The hole in the wall could only be made with a compact magical spell. Which means someone brought it in. Who are the only people who can come in and out of the Tower at will?”
Tweedle screwed up his forehead as if thinking very hard.
“You’re smarter than this,” said the Hatter. “If you’re not going to play along then I won’t play, either!”
The Hatter turned his back to his cell door and a slight smile played at the corners of Tweedle’s mouth.
“People like me?” said Tweedle Dee.
The Hatter swung around and gripped the bars of his cell. “Yes, go on!”
“An Agent. It would have to be an Agent. But it would have to be an Agent who had something to gain. But the only way they would have something to gain would be if they knew all about Rumpelstiltskin.”
The Hatter was literally shaking the bars on his cell door with excitement. “Yes, yes! Keep going!”
“And the only way any Agent would know anything about an inmate is by interrogation.”
“And who interrogated the Dwarf? Who?” shouted the Hatter.
“Jack. It was Jack!”
“You took your damn time getting here. The bones are gone!” said the Dwarf.
Jack was still leaning against the gravestone, his features as chiselled as the stone tablets lying around the graveyard.
“I was already here! I dug up the bones earlier today. If you’d kept to the plan and met me outside of the City of Oz like you were supposed to do, this never would have happened!” said Jack.
“Outside the city? We weren’t supposed to meet outside the city. We were supposed to meet along the coastal path. You weren’t there!” shouted the Dwarf, losing his patience.
“Who told you that?”
“The Hatter, of course.”
Jack’s face tightened. “I knew we couldn’t trust that skinny idiot. I assumed I’d find you back here.”
Rumpelstiltskin laughed. “That skinny idiot very nearly ruined our plan.”
“Your plan, not ours. I’m just helping you make life more interesting,” said Jack.
“What?” said Lily’s startled voice from the edge of the graveyard.
“You can let me out now, Troll,” said Tweedle.
The Troll shuffled in front of the Agent’s cell door.
“What ya mean?”
“Well, of course you know I was just putting on an act so I could get the information I needed out of the Hatter?” explained Tweedle.
“Uh, wellz, no, didn’t occur t’ me really.”
“And now I have it. I need to report back to my associates as soon as possible. So like I said, you can let me out now.”
“So uh, you’z not really crazy then, eh?”
“Just an act, and a good one, I might add. Even fooled you, I see.”
The Troll scratched his head. “Well I s’pose.”
“Oh, come on!” said the Hatter, “you’re not really buying this, are you? He was arguing with himself a minute ago!”
“Sharrap, Hatter,” said the Troll and dragged a long nail down Tweedle’s cell door.
The locks slid aside and Tweedle stepped from the cell and straightened his clothing.
“I just need a quick word with the Hatter.” Tweedle waddled over to the Hatter’s door and moved his face close to the barred window and whispered, “Thank you so much for releasing us, we won’t forget what you’ve done for us today.”
Tweedle smiled a wide grin and then walked away down the hallway, followed closely by the Troll.
“You’ll never be able to hide it in the real world again, you know!” shouted the Hatter after them. “Everyone will know who and what you are! Just wait and see!”
Tweedle left the Troll standing at the gate to the Tower and began his journey across the bridge. He had much more of a spring in his step than when he’d first arrived. The storm raged all around him, but it was nothing compared to the storm that was raging in his head.
“Never be able to hide it. That’s what the Hatter said,” said Tweedle Dee nervously.
“He’s right, you know, and I have no intention of hiding it. Why should we hide our true selves when people like Rumpelstiltskin are free to be exactly who they are? We won’t hide anymore, everyone will know exactly who and what we are!” Tweedle Dum let loose a chilling laugh.
“I’m scared,” said Tweedle Dee.
“You should be!” said Tweedle Dum. “They all should be!”
Lightning flashed across the sky and a shrill scream rang out from the Tower, hiding the giddy laughter coming from the small, fat figure waddling his way across the bridge.
Robert and Lily had cut across one of the fields to get to the graveyard quicker. The sheep in the fields posed no problem. As soon as they caught a whiff of Lily’s scent, they all headed for the farthest corner of the field and huddled there, silently hoping the wolf in women’s clothing wouldn’t bother them.
Robert didn’t have Lily’s natural ability to see in the dark and he was having trouble avoiding the hundred or so piles of sheep crap that littered the field. After a while, he just gave up.
They reached the edge of the field and climbed over the short wall into the graveyard. Lily suddenly grabbed Robert and pulled him down behind a gravestone and put a finger to her lips.
“There’s someone here already,” she whispered.
“Is it the Dwarf?”
“It doesn’t sound like the Dwarf,” she whispered. Her eyes suddenly grew large in surprise. “What?” said Lily and stood up and strode off toward the voices.
Robert hurried to keep up.
What he saw, once they were close enough, was the same Dwarf that he’d found in his bathtub almost an eternity ago, covered in mud, holding a shovel, the Agent whom he knew as Jack, and a very full-looking garbage bag.
Lily marched right up to Jack, who was no longer leaning against the gravestone but standing at his full height.
“What do you think you’re doing, Jack?” asked Lily.
“Hello again, Darkly,” said the Dwarf with a sneer.
“Stiltskin,” said Robert.
“Find your daddy yet?”
“Actually no, been a little busy chasing you around.”
“I won’t ask again, Jack. What are you doing with the Dwarf?” asked Lily, stabbing a finger at his chest.
“It doesn’t concern you, Lily, go home,” said Jack matter-of-factly.
“Go home? Are you out of your mind? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what’s going on!”
“Go on, tell her, Jack, she’s going to figure it out anyway,” said the Dwarf.
“Shut up!” said Jack.
Robert eyed the garbage bag that was resting on the ground next to Jack.
“I wonder if that’s the body of the last Bastinda?” said the voice in Robert’s head.
“Excuse me,” said Robert, “but I don’t suppose that’s the remains of Elise Bastinda in that garbage bag, is it?”
“Good guess, Darkly. You might just be as smart as your father,” said the Dwarf.
“Aren’t you curious who your father is?” asked the voice.
“Well, of course I am,” replied Robert.
“Modest, too,” said the Dwarf.
“Will you two shut up?” snapped Jack.
“Enough!” said Lily, grabbing a handful of Jack’s shirt and lifting him clear off the ground. The tall man wriggled, but her grip was obviously too strong.
“Don’t make me do this, Lily,” growled Jack.
“Do what?” she asked.
“Lily, I wish you were unconscious,” said Jack.
“Granted,” said the Dwarf.
Jack landed on his feet as Lily’s body slid to the ground.
“Lily!” shouted Robert.
Jack rolled Lily’s body into the open grave of the last Bastinda and she slid unceremoniously into the open casket.
“No!” said Robert and punched Jack in the face. Every bone in his hand hurt. “Shit, that hurt.”
“This’ll hurt more,” said the Dwarf from behind him.
Robert’s first impulse was to ask what will hurt more but before he had a chance the back of his head was greeted by the flat side of the shovel and all he managed to get out was, “What wurrlll…?”
His body must have been getting used to being rendered unconscious. As he collapsed to the floor, he could still hear what was going on. For example, he knew that the tingly feeling on his side was his body sliding down into the grave. The thump he heard was his body rolling into the casket on top of Lily. He heard the Dwarf laugh. There was a creak, which he assumed was the casket lid closing. What followed were several deep thumps, which Robert knew to be the sound of Jack and the Dwarf burying them alive.
“Hold it together, Robert,” said the voice in his head. And the voice sounded calm.
That should mean I’m calm, thought Robert, slowly regaining consciousness. And then madness and fear overtook him and he began to scream like a six-year-old girl.
obert had never suffered from claustrophobia; however, being buried alive really made him reprioritize his top five fears. He’d finally given up on screaming when he realized how pointless it was. He could hear thunder outside and assumed the storm must be raging in the skies. Lily was still unconscious. One had to assume that Elise Bastinda was a large lady, as Robert and Lily both fit into the casket and still had some room to spare. He wondered how long it would take to run out of oxygen. Everything was so dark.
“Of course it’s dark,” said the voice in Robert’s head, “you’re in a grave. Not exactly going to be flood-lit, is it?”
“Well, at least you’re still here.”
“You should try waking her up.”
“I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“You could throw water on her?” suggested the voice.
“Where am I going to get water? I’m in a coffin.”
“You could spit on her?”
“I’m not spitting on her. That’s just rude.”
“That’s a good point. Try pinching her?”
“Worth a try. Where do I pinch her?”
“Well, I’d suggest maybe her neck?”
“Her neck?”
“Well, you don’t want to pinch anywhere private. That’s just rude.”
“Right.” Robert fumbled around in the dark, struggled to bring his arms up closer to his head, and felt around what must have been the back of Lily’s head. He noted that her hair was very smooth, like a Labrador’s.
“Are you actually comparing her to a dog?” said the voice.
“Well, you have to admit it’s not a long stretch.”
He brushed her hair aside and felt down to her neck and pinched hard.
Several things happened. Lily swore colourfully as her hand came up extremely fast and smacked Robert in the nose, who also swore, only with less colour.
“What the hell are you doing?” said Lily.
“Shnorry,” said Robert, whose hand was cupped over his nose.
“Where are we?”
“We’ve been buried alive.”
“That bastard. Wait until I get hold of them. How’s your nose?”
“I don’t think it’s broken. Maybe I missed something up there but I thought that Jack was on our side?”
“It was Jack. That’s how the Dwarf escaped in the first place. Jack must have helped him.”
“But what does Jack have to gain from the doors being unregulated?”
“I don’t suppose we could talk about this once we’re out of the grave?”
“How are we going to get out of here? We’ve been buried alive. In fact, why aren’t you panicking?”
“Why aren’t you?”
“I did all my screaming already,” said Robert.
“The grave wasn’t too deep, it’s just a matter of leverage.”
“You’re strong enough to get us out of here?”
“I’m not. But what’s inside of me is.”
The statement floated through Robert’s brain looking for something to connect to. A few short yet disturbing flashbacks later, Robert hit a wall of realization.
“You’re going to turn into that thing, into a werewolf! Forget it; I’m beginning to like it down here.”
“Don’t be silly, Robert.”
“Silly? Who’s being silly? The smell of pine wood and rotting flesh is blissful to me.”
“You are being silly,” agreed the voice.
“I’m not being silly!”
“This won’t be like last time. When the moon forces me to change, I have no control, the creature bursts out of me as if it’s breaking out of a cage. When I change myself, it’s like I’m letting it out through the front door on a leash. I can control it.”
“You’re sure?”
“Robert, I’m over three hundred years old, I know what I’m doing. Trust me.”
“Okay,” he said solemnly. And he realized that he did actually trust her with his life. Ironic, being that she had been trying so hard to kill him less than twenty-four hours ago. “How do we do this?”
“I need to be naked.”
“Come again?” said Robert.
“I’ll need the clothes afterwards and I don’t want them ripped when I change. Help me get undressed.”
“Uh-ah,” was all Robert could come up with for an argument.
Lily kicked off her shoes. The casket was around six and a half feet in length, around two and a half feet high, and three feet wide, which didn’t lend itself to too much wiggle room. Lily struggled with getting the sweater off over her head while Robert fumbled with the zipper on her pants. Robert pondered on what a highly erotic moment this could have been, had it not been for the whole we’re buried alive thing.
Robert pushed her pants down using his feet, then she kicked them off. He hadn’t realized that all she was wearing was a sweater, pants, shoes and nothing else.
Lily finally succeeded in getting her sweater off.
“What now?” said Robert, who sounded nervous and was probably sweating more than he should have been.
“Relax, Robert, I realize this is awkward…”
“Noo… well just a bit, yes.”
“But it’s going to get a little worse.”
“What?” said Robert.
“How could this be any more awkward?” said the voice.
“I need to climb on top of you,” said Lily.
“Oh, that’s how it’s going to be more awkward,” said the voice.
“Uh… wha… why?” said Robert.
“I don’t want to crush you when I change and I don’t want to bury you under the dirt. The only way to do that is to straddle you, change, and as I do so, I’ll push upward out of the coffin and break through the earth.”
“And there’s no other way? You see, I’m a man, I have urges…”
“We’re in a life-threatening situation. How can you be thinking of those urges at a time like this?” said Lily.
“Well, it’s been a while,” said Robert. He was thinking about how to protest but it was too late as Lily was already manoeuvring herself on top of him. He could feel her pressed up against him.
“Think of something else!” shouted the voice in his head.
So Robert did. He thought about tractors, and garden Gnomes, sheep, antique bathtubs, Lily in a bathtub…
“Not that!” said the voice.
“Okay, I’m ready,” said Lily. “Your heart is racing. Are you all right?”
“I’ll live.”
“This might be horrifying for you but I suppose you’ve already seen it once.”
Robert was about to apologize for his male urges when all of a sudden it was no longer an issue. He heard the cracking of bones first and in such a small space, it was truly ghastly to listen to. Her body expanded above him, and he felt hair grow from her face as her nose began to stretch and protrude into a wolf’s snout. He could sense her tense up as she pushed with both arms so as not to crush him. Her whole body radiated heat, and her muscles writhed against him as they stretched and transformed. He heard splintering as her nails grew, then broke through the bottom of the casket as the overall size of her body expanded and the lid cracked open. Mud and dirt began to pour in on all sides. She began to growl a low guttural growl and drooled on Robert’s face. For a moment, she didn’t move too much more and Robert began to fear that she’d overestimated her strength. The growling grew louder and she pushed herself upward. In retrospect, Robert considered that particular moment to be one of those moments that he never actually expected to find himself in. In fact, it probably made the top of the list. Buried alive, trapped in a casket with a beautiful naked woman, who then transformed into a werewolf while straddling him.
“Definitely top of the list,” agreed the voice.
The lid cracked completely and the earth began to shift.
It had taken Frank a long time to make it up Smithwell Lane as his keen sense of direction, heavily influenced by alcohol, had become about as sharp as a plastic spoon. To his credit, he’d actually managed to stay on the road for the most part, except when he stopped to relieve his bladder, during which time he detoured to one of the fields and ended up falling into a ditch. He hadn’t noticed at the time, but the sheep in the field had enjoyed a good laugh at Frank’s expense. Laughing and grinning came much easier to sheep than scowling.
