From the Hat Down, page 18
“So when did she get out?”
“Right after she graduated from high school. She doesn’t talk much about it, but apparently Bill told her that her time was up at the house.”
“He kicked her out.”
“Yes. She had already been accepted to the university, and it would have helped her quite a bit to live at home. But she was able to move in with her sister, who was still in Laramie then. She started at the university after that, but it’s been rough going for her. She’s had to take a couple semesters off here and there to work. Her scholarships don’t cover everything.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me this up front?”
“I didn’t want you to think Haley was a charity case. She’s not. She’s worked her ass off to get where she is now. She’s got a way with animals, Meg. But she’s not so good with people and I think she needs someone like you to help her settle down about that.”
Meg raised an eyebrow. “You’re saying I’m good with people? How long have you worked with me, now?”
Ginny chuckled. “I also figured you might pick up on something else about her.” She put a particular emphasis on “else.”
“That she rides the same side of the fence that I do?”
“Yes. I saw it coming when she was a kid. So did Trent. She told me when she was sixteen and she thought something godawful was wrong with her because she had a crush on a girl at school and she didn’t know how to stop feeling that way. Broke my heart, to see her in such emotional turmoil about something that she can’t help.”
Meg knew only too well how that felt. “What did you tell her?”
Ginny gave her a “what do you think?” look. “That there was nothing wrong with her but there was a hell of a lot wrong with the rest of the world and sadly, she’d have to keep some things private for a while until she figured out how to deal with them and anything she needed, all she had to do was call.”
Meg’s throat tightened and she remembered the day, twenty years ago, when a couple of rancher kids beat the hell out of one of her high school classmates because they suspected he was gay. He showed up at school on Monday looking like he’d gone a few rounds with a boxer. Meg asked him what happened and he said he’d fallen off a horse but Meg checked around and found out differently. The next year he left school to live with his grandmother in Cheyenne and Meg kept her mouth shut about her own feelings until long after she graduated. She pulled Ginny into a hug.
“I wish the world had more people like you. Then all the Haleys of the world wouldn’t have to go through so much shit beyond the usual growing up crap.” She released her. “I’ll see what I can do. But it’s up to Haley, what she decides to talk about and what she doesn’t.”
“She’ll tell you,” Ginny said, with a mysterious little smile.
Meg smiled back. “We’ll see.”
“You have a way about you with people, though you don’t see it.”
“Glad you seem to think so. And thanks for talking the other night.”
“I’m glad you let me know what’s going on.”
Meg shrugged. “You were right. Sometimes it helps. There’s been another development, too.”
“Oh?”
“I talked to Gina last night.”
“And?”
“I’m glad I was able to talk to her. She sounds pretty good. She’s got lots of cuts and bruises, including some bruised ribs and probably a concussion. But she sounded all right in spite of that. I think I needed to hear that from her.”
Ginny nodded. “Is she coming back to the States?”
“Yes. Not sure when.”
“Maybe you should schedule a visit.”
Meg shrugged. “We’ll see. She has a lot of recuperating to do.” She tried to sound neutral about it, but she saw from Ginny’s expression that it hadn’t worked.
“See you when you get back, if it’s not too late,” Ginny said and Meg was relieved that she hadn’t pushed the visit issue.
“Yeah.” Meg started to leave but turned and looked at her. “Thanks for the confidence.” She waved and returned to the parking lot where Haley was petting Moonshine near the big vet truck. Meg unlocked the passenger door and Haley picked Moonshine up and put him on the seat. She climbed in and buckled up before shutting the door.
Meg got into the driver’s side and started the engine. She looked over at Haley and deduced something had upset her, by the set of her jaw. “Morning,” she said innocuously as she put the truck into reverse.
Haley nodded at her and stared straight ahead, right elbow braced on the ledge of the passenger door against the side window.
“You up for some pre-rounds coffee?” Meg asked as she turned right onto Third.
Haley looked over at her. “Yeah.”
Meg pulled into the parking lot of the Third Street Starbucks. “Regular? Or do you want one of those super fancy-schmancy drinks?”
Haley finally cracked a little smile. “Just regular.”
“Okay. So come in with me. Get a pastry or something. We’ll go wild—vets gone wild.” She winked and opened her door. Haley followed, looking like a shy teenager.
Meg bought her a Starbucks medium, which was actually more coffee than Meg could drink in a day, along with a piece of cinnamon crumb cake. She got a cinnamon roll for herself and a small Americano coffee. They took a table near the window and Meg bit into her roll. She chewed and swallowed before saying anything. “I found some more stuff on VSV and also on Foot and Mouth. Recent articles. I’ll print ’em out for you when we get done today so you can add them to your collection.”
Haley took a drink of coffee before responding. “Thanks,” she said simply, keeping her attention on her pastry. She took a bite and then picked at a couple of crumbs on the paper plate. Meg remained impassive and took a drink of her coffee, giving her the space she needed to either talk about what was on her mind or not.
“Do you get out to the Diamond Rock much?” Haley asked suddenly.
Meg swallowed before answering. “Yep. Quite a bit.”
“So you still have family there?” Haley kept her eyes on her plate.
“My dad. And some of the hands have been there long enough to be family. Our chef has been there almost twenty years. I consider her family.”
“Do you have sisters or brothers?”
“No.” Meg picked her coffee cup up and looked out the window across the parking lot as the morning light shifted in the warming air. She’d let Haley guide this conversation.
“What about your mom?”
“Kentucky.” Meg gave her a wry smile. “And we don’t really get along.”
Haley took another bite from her cake and chewed. She swallowed. “I don’t really get along with my stepdad,” she said softly.
“That’s rough,” Meg said. “My mom left when I was sixteen. It was hard. But when I was twenty-one, she and I really stopped seeing eye-to-eye and by the time I was twenty-five, things were pretty tense. They’re better now because we pretty much ignore each other. And it helps, actually, that she’s not here.”
Haley took a drink from her coffee cup. “My stepdad is. . .” she sighed and dropped her gaze. “He’s an asshole,” she explained, matter-of-fact. “My dad died when I was eight. And my mom remarried when I was ten. I’m the youngest of three.”
“Where are your siblings?”
“My brother’s in Houston and my sister’s in Denver. They left as soon as they could ’cause Bill’s such an asshole.”
“Do you see him much?”
“No. Not since I had to leave home. He pretty much told me to get out right after I graduated from high school. So I moved into town with my sister.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that happened. But I’m glad you had somewhere to go.”
Haley drummed her fingers nervously on the tabletop. “My mom calls in the morning sometimes when he leaves the house and tells me when she’s coming to town to visit. He doesn’t know she does that and he doesn’t ask about me. Don’t ask, don’t tell,” she said wryly. “He’d be pissed if he knew she was still helping me.”
Meg sipped her coffee. The phone call this morning was probably Haley’s mother. “When’s the last time you saw your mom?”
“Two weeks ago. She brings me groceries and leaves me a little bit of money when she can. She keeps her money separate from his, which is probably a good thing.”
Meg made a sympathetic noise and took another bite of her roll.
“How come you and your mom don’t get along?” Haley asked.
Meg regarded her, not surprised at the question. “Lots of reasons. I’m not the daughter she wanted. I’m a lot like my dad, and my dad drove her crazy.”
Haley didn’t respond, but she kept her gaze on Meg’s.
“And my mom can’t accept that I’m gay.” Meg said it as if she was talking about any other mundane matter, no particular emphasis. She let it hang in the air between them and took another bite of her cinnamon roll.
Haley dropped her gaze and fiddled with her cake though her shoulders relaxed. “That’s another reason Bill doesn’t like me. He’s never really liked me anyway, but he found out about me just before I graduated from high school and it’s pretty much sucked even worse since then. He’s all into religion and he goes to a really conservative church.”
“Your mom knows about you?” Meg asked.
“Yeah. And she likes Beth. That’s my partner,” Haley said, though Meg had figured that. “It was hard on her at first,” Haley continued, “but she’s managing. Beth’s really smart and she’s funny and nice and—” Her expression softened.
Meg saw herself, ten years earlier, talking about Gina to her friends.
“It’s really hard not to like her,” Haley added.
“Sounds like it.”
She glanced up at Meg. “Does your dad know?”
“Yep. I came out to him before I came out to my mom. He had a hard time, too, at first. But he’s come a long way and we’re pretty tight.”
“When did you—” Haley cleared her throat, uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. That’s a personal question.”
Meg smiled. “I came out to my dad when I was twenty-two. Like I said, he had a hard time. We didn’t really talk much about it until I turned twenty-five. I came out to my mom when I was twenty-four. She was not happy. In fact, I have to come out to her at least once a year because she’s constantly trying to set me up with guys.”
Haley’s eyes widened. “For real?”
Meg shook her head with a “God help me” expression. “Yep. She hauled this poor guy out to the ranch last week for my birthday. Fortunately, he and I had a little chat and we’re on the same page. He had already figured things out and had other things he needed to do out here. But here’s the juicy part. He’s engaged.” Meg grinned and took another drink of coffee.
Haley stared at her. “Then why does your mom think—”
“Long story. He’s a white Southerner, his dad’s racist, and his fiancée is black.”
Haley sat for a moment. “Does his dad even know, then?”
“No. Hardly anybody knows except his close friends and her family. His father’s probably going to disown him when he finds out. So Phil—that’s his name—and his fiancée are moving to Denver. He’s got some business ventures he’s doing and she’s going to law school. As soon as his father finds out, that’ll be it for him and any inheritance. And his family’s extremely wealthy.”
Haley seemed to be digesting that. “Damn. And here I thought being gay was hard.” Her appetite seemed to return and she took another bite of cake.
“It is. It’s just that there are people out there with similar issues. Their families don’t like who they love.” Meg finished her roll. “Life is hard enough without shit like that to deal with. But people always seem to want to make it harder on each other.” She looked across the table, into Haley’s eyes and for a moment Meg saw herself at twenty-four, settling into her skin as best she could, walking thin lines between denial and acceptance.
“I’m sorry your stepdad is an asshole,” Meg said. “I know what it’s like to have a parent who just can’t deal with who you are. Some days my mom frustrates the hell out of me. Other days I feel sorry for her. Most days I just don’t think about it because she’s not really been part of my life for a long time. It wasn’t easy getting to this point. And she can still piss me off. But you have to live true to yourself. And sometimes it’s just not easy.” She pushed back from the table. “If you need to talk about things like that, just give me a call. We’ll go have coffee.” She grinned and stood. “And now, future Doctor Haley, let’s go mess around with some large animals.”
Chapter 15
“Hey, Doctor Horse Chick,” Sean said when Meg answered. “I want the details about this phone call from Germany.”
Meg laughed. “Yeah, I figured a text wouldn’t do it.” She pushed back a little from her desk so she could put her feet up.
“You can only put so much in a text. So what happened? I have my popcorn ready.”
“Last night, the phone rang. I answered it.”
“Oh, you stoic rancher types. Don’t make me drive up there, woman.”
Meg laughed again. “As appealing as that is, all right. It was Frank. He called and put Gina on the phone. And it just occurred to me that it was probably five in the morning there.”
“Well, he’s on military time. Probably up for reveille or whatever they have to do. So? How’d she sound?”
Meg stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, and Gina’s all-too-familiar greeting echoed in her mind. Sparks shot up her spine.
“I’ll take that as a ‘good’,” Sean said with a laugh.
“Yes. She sounded good. Maybe a little tired.”
“Spill it. Injury list.”
“Bruised ribs and a possible concussion are the worst of it. Lots of cuts and other bruises, too. Some needed stitches. She said she was really sore. I’m sure this whole thing has worn her out.”
“Well, not like she hasn’t been busy. Or up at five a.m. to talk to ex-girlfriends,” Sean said, injecting extra innocence into her tone.
“And you’re implying what, exactly?”
“That you’re in the throes of some kind of weird retro-crush.”
“A what?”
“An attraction to your past.”
Meg started to retort, but sighed instead because Sean was right. “Yeah, okay. Whatever. I told you I was going to deal with it.”
“I know. So how do you feel? You haven’t talked to her in a few years.”
“I’m not sure. I mean, I’m resigned to the attraction thing. I’ve always been attracted to her. But I’ve had crushes in the past, and nothing came of them. So I think that’s how I’m going to treat this.”
“Mmm hmm,” Sean said in a way that meant she was skeptical.
“What?”
“I know you’ve thought some of this through. I know you think you’re in an okay place with it, but it’s different when you’re dealing with an abstract. You talked to her. She’s not an abstraction anymore, and you can’t just stick her in the file labeled ‘past.’ She’s now part of your present.”
Meg frowned. “She kind of has been for a bit. We’ve been emailing. And she sent the video, so I already knew what she sounded like before she called.” She was getting defensive, and she knew that she was proving Sean’s point. “Fuck,” she said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound shitty. But I do, don’t I?”
Sean chuckled. “Yes, you do. Care to elaborate?”
Meg ran a hand through her hair and went out back. Moonshine was snoozing on the patio. He looked up at her, probably wondering if she had a treat for him. When he saw she didn’t, he put his head back down on the concrete and continued his nap.
“You’re right,” Meg said. “She’s not an abstraction anymore. And I don’t know what that means or how I feel about it. What I can say is I don’t feel bad. I just feel kind of cautious, I guess.” She opted not to tell Sean how she’d reacted when she’d hung up with Gina.
“And?”
Clearly, Sean wasn’t buying it and Meg sighed again.
“Okay, okay. I was a little excited after the phone call. I mean, I hadn’t talked to her directly in years. And I’ll admit, it—well, it felt pretty good.” She stared up at the sky. It had felt damn good. “There.” She said after a few more moments. “Happy now?”
“Honey, I’m not trying to back you into a corner. I just want you to really think about what you’re doing and to be honest with yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being excited about her or feeling crushed out or attracted. Just acknowledge that you are so you can deal with that in a healthy way.”
Especially since she has a girlfriend, Meg finished silently for her. “I hope that I’m doing that. And if I’m not, I’ll just call you and you’ll smack me around a little.” She smiled as she said it and went back into the kitchen to get a glass of iced tea. She then returned to the living room, where she set her tea on the coffee table and flopped onto the couch.
“Damn right. But in a loving way. Okay, moving along. How was your ride-along?” Sean was eating something. It sounded like an apple. “Give me more gossip on your intern.”
Meg almost exhaled in relief that Sean changed the subject. “The ride-along was good. She’s sharp. She was born in Laramie, too, so we share that bond. She’s heard of the DR and I told her she’s welcome to come and visit.” Meg stretched her legs out on her couch. Moonshine wandered in and climbed up on the couch with her. She rolled her eyes and moved her feet so he could settle in.
“You think she’s got it?” Sean took another bite and crunched in Meg’s ear.
“That’s so sexy when you do that,” Meg said with a laugh. “Nothing like a woman smacking her lips in my ear.”
“I’ll bet you say that a lot,” Sean retorted before she swallowed. “So does she?”
“I think she does. She’s very calm and quiet.”
