Fire, page 20
“That is so gonna be a thing,” Micah whispers to me as the conversation moves on. “Charlie, and Nick. They eye-bang each other whenever they’re both in town at the same time. Which happens a lot more than you’d think.”
Micah keeps his arm around me the entire night, as if he’s afraid to let me go. We talk to his parents, his aunts and uncles, and so many cousins I only half-remember from my childhood, plus a few I don’t. When his mom finally brings Nell back around, my daughter is grinning from ear to ear, her eyes bright, her energy high.
“I love having a big family,” she says. “There’s so many people to talk to and everyone’s so nice and says I look just like my dad. And I’m sorry mama but I’ve had a lot of cookies but Grandma Hope and Aunt Cat said it was okay because it’s a party and that’s what parties are for. And everyone loves my nails.” She holds out her hands, wiggling her fingers, then frowns. “Except that girl who’s all wet. She said they were the stupidest things she ever saw but I don’t care because I like them and that’s what matters, right? I tooked the big breath Daddy told me about and didn’t say she looked like a soggy sandwich even though I really wanted to.” She barely pauses for an answer before, “Oh! Grandpa Eli said I could spend the night at their house tonight if that’s okay with you. I told him about getting sup-spended and he said he has lots of funny stories about my dad when he was a kid.”
I put a hand on her shoulder. “Breathe, Nell Bell.”
“It’s pretty exciting here, isn’t it Lightning Girl?” Micah looks happy just to see her happy. Love shines in his eyes without the cloud of judgment I’m used to seeing from Julian.
“It sure is, Captain Thunder!”
And with that, she takes off, running towards Micah’s parents, stopping after a few steps to turn around and run right back. “Can I spend the night? Please? Can I? Can I? Can I?”
A quick glance at Micah has him shrugging his shoulders and me nodding my head and she’s off again, whooping her excitement as she races to his parents to share the news.
“She is perfect.” Charlie laughs. “What I wouldn’t do with all that energy!”
“She is you,” Garrett says to his sister. “And I remember exactly what you did with all that energy. It was…intense.”
“No…” She shakes her head. “You were intense. I was fun.”
“Nell’s really sweet,” says Angela and Levi nods.
“I couldn’t ask for a better surprise niece,” he says, bumping his shoulder against Micah’s.
Julian would have called Nell’s conversation an ‘outburst.’ He would have shushed her and pushed her away and then finally made her stand in the corner until she could remember her manners. By comparison, the Huttons embrace her. I know my daughter’s a lot. She thinks fast. She talks fast. She’s not like other girls her age and instead of trying to force her into some predetermined mold of what she’s ‘supposed’ to be, these people are celebrating the parts that make her wonderful and forgiving what makes her different.
It feels right. Like the world could take a lesson from this family. Judge less. Accept more.
“You having a nice time?” Micah nuzzles my ear.
“The best time. I forgot how awesome your family is.”
“Seems like Nell’s enjoying herself.”
“I’d say. Your parents are going to have a hard time getting her to go to sleep.”
“That’s okay. I don’t think we’ll be getting much sleep either. That dress looks amazing on you, but it’s begging to find its way to my bedroom floor.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Micah
The second Ivy and I step into my house, I take her wrist and pull her into my arms, closing the door behind us and backing her against it. My hands are on her waist, her back, her tits. My fingers thread through her hair, tilting her lips to mine.
“You have no idea how much I want you,” I whisper, then lose myself to the feel of her. “This dress. These curves.”
She tastes sweet and smells like heaven. I slide the straps on her dress off her shoulders and kiss every inch of skin. She’s soft, warm. Her hands grip my back, her head tilting, her lips parted. She opens for me, her tongue sweeping against mine as I spread her thighs with my knee.
Ivy groans, her fingers gliding under my shirt, nails dragging up my back. It makes me want to rip her dress off her, shred her underwear and bra and discard them on the floor like the useless things they are, then bury myself so deep, she screams.
“You have to work in the morning.” She nips at my throat, like she wasn’t already driving me crazy.
“I don’t care.”
“Don’t you need to get to bed?”
“I need to get you into bed.” I lift her skirt and grip her ass. “Or maybe here is fine. Right against the door.”
“Wherever you want me. However you want me.” Ivy’s lips brush mine, hot, needy, and it feels so right but what she’s saying is all wrong.
I pause, staring into eyes that make me think of the sky on a summer day. “It doesn’t work that way. Not with me. You have a voice.”
Ivy stills, her brows drawing together as she drags her fingers into my hair, angling her mouth over mine. “I’m using it,” she whispers.
“You’re using it to tell me to use you.” I kiss her deeply, pulling her panties aside to finger her clit, teasing her, testing her. “I want you to tell me what you want.”
She exhales sharply, eyes closed as her hips roll with the rhythm of my touch. “You. I want you, Micah.” Her voice is tortured, dripping with desire, and it makes my cock throb. I want her here. Hard. Now. I want to make her scream and cry and grunt, but this isn’t about me.
It’s about her.
“I can feel how much you want me. You’re so fucking wet. But what do you want me to do to you? What turns you on? Tell me what you want.”
She bites her bottom lip, chest heaving. “I’m not good at that.”
“Do you like what I’m doing now?”
She nods. “A lot.”
“Do you like it when I stop?” I pull my hand away while my dick shudders in protest. Not touching Ivy is a hard fucking pass, but I’ll do whatever it takes to show her how much her needs matter.
Her eyes snap open. “No fair!”
She leans forward to claim a kiss, but I move away, just out of reach.
She presses her hips forward, egging me on, but I refuse to give in.
“Tell me what you want, Ivy.”
There’s a moment of silence, the kind dripping with anticipation. Her chest heaves and my balls throb and then she blinks, lowering her gaze. I bend down to recapture it, brushing my lips against hers, once, twice, then lose all ability to control myself and kiss her, grinding my aching cock against her hip.
I pull back and she shudders, quivering like every fucking nerve in her body is tuned to mine like mine is tuned to hers.
“I want you to touch me,” Ivy whispers. “Like you were.”
I slide her underwear over her hips and she steps out of them, then I suck the taste of her off my finger and slip it back inside, using my palm to massage her clit. “Like this?”
She gasps, high and feminine. “Like that.”
“And then what?”
“I want you to fuck me, Micah. I want you inside me. I want you to make me scream your name and come so hard I can’t stand.”
“I like it when you talk like that.” I lick her bottom lip. “Say it again.”
“I want you to fuck me, Micah.” She’s smiling now, confident, and fucking hell I’m done for.
I scoop her into my arms and carry her into my room, where I deposit her on the bed. “This is where you belong. Here. With me. Not sleeping in the office like you’re a guest.”
“I am a guest.”
Jesus. What do I have to do to make her want to stay?
“No, you’re not. You’re…you’re fucking everything, Ivy. Everything.” I yank my shirt over my head and toss it to the floor, then crawl into bed with her and lick from her knee up her inner thigh, stopping short of her pussy as her legs quiver.
“Don’t stop.” Ivy presses up on her elbows, smiling at me with my head between her legs.
“Your wish, my command and all that.” Grinning, I lower my mouth to her, thrusting a finger inside, wishing it was my dick until her long moan fills the room. I’ll have my turn soon enough. For now, it’s about her.
It’s always been about her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Micah
Ivy drapes herself across my chest. She’s panting and I’m sweating and I don’t know what the shit just happened between us, but I wish I had a better vocabulary so I could describe it using the fancy words it deserves.
I blow a puff of air at the ceiling. “For the first time in my life I wish I’d read more books.”
“I’m sorry…” Ivy lifts her head, cocking one side of her mouth into a crooked grin. “Could you repeat that? I don’t think I’m back on this planet yet and must have misheard you.”
“It’s nothing.” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her back to my chest. I like having her there. “I’m not talking sense.”
“Obviously. Because I’m pretty sure you said something about wishing you’d read more. Either I went home with the wrong guy, or we just fucked ourselves into a different timeline.”
“That has to be it. The timeline thing. What am I thinking? Books…” I laugh and press a kiss into the top of her head. We lay there, quietly enjoying just being together. Ivy’s breathing slows and her body grows heavy. I tighten my grip around her.
“I like it here,” she murmurs.
I’m not sure if she means here in the Keys, or here in my house, my bed, my arms, but it doesn’t matter. “I like having you here,” I say, meaning all of the above.
“It’s like I’m finally starting to live the life I always dreamed about. The one I filled journals with when we were young, in love, and stupid enough to think life wouldn’t knock us down a peg.”
If Ivy thinks this is as good as it gets, then her sights are set too low. There’s still so much more out there for her. So much of herself that’s locked away behind taking care of everyone else first.
“Have you considered going back to school?” The question surprises me as much as it does her. She lifts her head, staring at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“You mean college?”
“You were talking about living the dream and it got me thinking. It’s not too late for you to get your degree. The door isn’t closed on that whole psychology deal.”
She sits up, frowning as she rests her weight on an elbow, her silken hair cascading over a shoulder to pool on the bed. “It’s pretty freaking closed. When would I have time to go to school? I have work. And Nell.”
“And me. You have me, too.” I bite my tongue on the rest of what I want to say for all of two seconds, then let it fly. “Honestly, it’d be nice not to have to remind you for once.”
Ivy’s frown deepens. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that between the two of us, we can figure out a way for you to get your degree. You don’t have to sacrifice so much anymore. It’ll be a lot of work, but I’m happy to support you while you do it. I’ll watch Nell while you’re in class, and the days I work, my parents will be thrilled to have her, or my cousins, or your grandma. It takes a village, and you finally have one. And I’m a big part of it. Or, at least, I should be.”
She’s quiet, her fingers trailing along my chest. “I don’t know…”
Really?
I mean, really?
We’re still here? With me wanting to help and her not knowing if she should let me?
Why won’t she see that I only want what’s best for her? My jaw tenses as I stare up at the ceiling, counting my breaths to fight back frustration. Tucker said I should give her space to figure herself out, but how long do I take that advice before I start looking like an idiot? Because I sure am starting to feel like one.
“I’m not him, Ivy.”
“I know you’re not him,” she whispers into the dark.
“I don’t want to control you. I just want you to know you’re not alone anymore.”
“I do know that.” But she’s quiet. Too quiet. And still. Like the mouse waiting for the cat to lose interest.
Drop the topic. That’s the best course of action here. Take Tucker’s advice and just let it go. Things will work out in their own time.
Except I’ve never been very good at waiting and seem to have used up my limited supply of patience.
I shift, leaning on my elbow to meet her eyes. “I’ve tried so hard to be what you need. I’ve gone slow. I’ve let you set the pace. Every time you act the least bit uncomfortable, I back off. What more do I need to do to show you you’re safe with me?”
I bite my lip because that’s enough. Now is not the time. She’s just starting to open back up and this will only close her down.
The light in Ivy’s eyes fades, like the last hint of red fading from embers. “It’s not on you, Micah. It’s on me. This is my hurdle to overcome. My scars that need to heal. And I’m working on it, but it’s a lot. Please be patient with me and know I’m trying.”
The answer should satisfy me, but it doesn’t. How long will she sacrifice her wants, her needs, her life when I’m right here, saying she doesn’t have to do it alone anymore?
“I’m sorry…” she says, her gaze bouncing across my face. “I don’t want to make you mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You sound like you’re mad.”
“I’m…” I sigh, closing my eyes then opening them back up to find her staring at me like she’s scared to death. For some reason, seeing her afraid pisses me off. “I’m frustrated. I’m impatient. I’m…I don’t know. You went through a lot of stuff and…”
Ivy nods like she finally understands what’s going on. “And I’m not working through it fast enough for you.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you’re thinking it.” The light in her eyes reignites instead of fading from view completely. She’s still in there, willing to give me shit when I deserve it. I don’t think she ever would have stood up for herself like that to Julian, so I choose to take that as a sign she’s trying.
I cup her cheek. “I’m just being greedy, Ives. I want to take care of you. I want you to trust me. I want you to trust yourself. It’s just…”
“Taking longer than you expected?” Her voice thaws and she hits me with a soft smile.
“A little.”
“I want to do this right. You deserve for me to do this right,” Ivy says earnestly, “but I’m terrified I’m doing it all wrong. My plan was to spend years on my own, literal years, proving to myself that I can be independent. And then…” She traces a finger along my collarbone. “This? Us? How do you plan for something like this? You’re so important to me, Micah.”
I flash to her running towards her grandmother’s house. Fear glittering in her eyes as I wrapped my arm around her waist. The fear I attributed to the shock of flames and the knowledge someone she loved was trapped inside…the fear that never fully went away. Ivy lives her life constantly afraid she’s not doing anything right and here I am, positive I can just show up and make it better by what? Doing the same things her ex did and expecting her to trust me when I say my motivations are different?
“You’re important to me too, Ives. I just…” I sigh, then swallow hard. “You’re everything to me. You always have been. And I…I don’t know…I want you to feel the same.”
There’s a sense of desperation in the air. Hers. Mine. Both of us stripped bare in front of the other, begging to be understood.
“I know how I feel when I’m with you,” Ivy says, “and it’s wonderful and good and all the stuff dreams are made of. And I know you’re not Julian, but I’m still me. Every ounce of control he had over me, I gave to him. Even when it killed me inside to agree or go along or whatever, I did it anyway. You deserve more than that from me. You deserve a healthy relationship.”
“So do you.” I sit up, caressing her cheeks, her hair, looking deeply into her eyes, hoping she’ll recognize how important this is to me. “And I think we’re building one.”
She glances away, not ready to face what she sees in my gaze. “I don’t know if I remember what healthy is.”
“I promised you I’d take care of you. And you know how important a promise is to me.”
My response doesn’t satisfy her. It’s in the tight sigh that rushes out her nose. The grim line of her lips. The tension in her shoulders.
“Sometimes that might mean letting me do things my way, at my pace.”
I didn’t like it when Tucker said it and I like it even less coming from Ivy, but…
“If that’s what you need, then I’ll do my best to give it to you,” I say, even though it feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest. “Just promise me one thing. At least consider going back to school. At whatever pace makes sense to you. And that’s all I’ll say on the topic until you bring it up again.” I mime zipping my lips, then pull her back into my arms, my mind racing.
So where does that leave me? Where do I fit into her life, when doing things her way means doing them on her own?
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Ivy
It’s one of those gorgeous days where nothing goes wrong. Where the sun is bright but not too hot and the breeze dances around my shoulders instead of whipping my hair into my face. Work was easy. I’m home with time to spare before Nell gets off the bus. Micah’s visiting his friend Tucker, but he’s been sending me dirty texts ever since he left, and I can’t wait to surprise him with a little gift when he gets home.
Me…
On my knees…
Wearing his favorite thing…
Nothing.
After our discussion last night, I didn’t think I’d fall asleep, but I was out like a light. There’s just something about sleeping next to him that feels like I’m finally where I’m supposed to be. Probably because I am. We were good together when we were kids and we’re better together now. We’ll probably be even better for years to come, though I feel crazy thinking like that.
