New Hoofprints in the Snow, page 8
But when she tried to do a comparison with Billy, the details weren’t as clear. She couldn’t even remember what color his eyes were, while she still envisioned Emma’s blue ones looking at her every time she closed her eyes. The rough, strange feeling of Billy’s hand on her leg remained while Emma’s soft hugs and kisses kept her floating.
What caused her to stumble was that it wasn’t how she’d been raised. She was supposed to have a bunch of boyfriends, then find a husband, and eventually have kids. She even wanted kids one day. Once, she’d overheard her mother crying about having fewer grandchildren since Maia would be the only one who could have them. If she preferred girls over boys, how could she ever have kids? She knew that there were men and women in the world who preferred the same sex. She also knew that her abuela and her parents weren’t as tolerant as others. She didn’t feel as though her feelings for Emma were wrong, but she was afraid of what her parents would think.
“Hey, don’t miss the turn!” Ramon shouted from the backseat.
“What?” Maia overcorrected and jerked across two lanes of traffic.
Behind them, horns blew and wheels squealed, but luckily, nobody hit them.
Her heart pounded and sweat coated her palms. “Sorry. Lost in thought.”
“Just be careful,” Ramon said. “We just got the van a few days ago. I don’t want anything to happen to it on our first night out without Mom and Dad.”
“I know.” She sighed and made the turn to get to the parking lot near the only IMAX theater in the city. Since the van had a lift, Ramon didn’t have to get out of his wheelchair to get in. That made life a lot easier for her to get him around when their folks were at work or otherwise occupied.
“You’ve been overly spacey this week,” Ramon said as they turned into the parking lot. “What’s up with you? Billy’s not being an asshole, is he? I can still mess him up if he is.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not Billy.” She shrugged as she pulled into a parking place. “Well, not totally. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” If there was one thing she didn’t want to discuss with Ramon, it was her conflict between Billy and Emma, a conflict that wasn’t really a conflict between the two of them, but within herself.
As soon as the van parked, Ramon was already doing what he needed to do to exit the van without help. Maia waited for him to get out and have the lift fold back into the van before she turned off the ignition, got out, locked it, and hurried to the sidewalk where Billy and Emma had already found them.
“Hey!” Tess shouted, waving above the heads of some of the other people on the sidewalk.
“Hey, Tess!” Maia waved back. Having Tess there should help alleviate any stress created by having Billy and Emma in close proximity without a horse around. At least, she hoped so.
Tess glanced at Billy and Emma. “You two should be happy I dropped you off at the curb. I had to park in that field over there where they’re building that new hotel. Man, this place is crowded.” She smiled at Maia and hugged her. “Girl, it has been too long.”
Maia happily hugged her back, quickly noticing that Tess’s hug was similar but less intense than Emma’s hugs. “Yes, it has. Glad you three could ride in together. That can be a bit of a drive.”
“I think you probably had farther to come from Fountain,” Billy said, quickly taking Maia’s arm in a possessive move she hadn’t been expecting.
Emma’s eyes focused on the ground in front of her. “Sounds like you guys have had a busy week, getting the new van and all. It looks nice.” Her voice was soft and much quieter than Maia was used to. She didn’t seem like her usual happy self.
“It’s great,” Ramon said. “But can we get into the theater? I feel like I’m causing a traffic jam out here.”
Billy let go of Maia’s arm and hurried over to Ramon’s wheelchair. “Dude, why didn’t you say something? I’d have had you in there by now.”
“I can wheel myself,” Ramon said.
Billy squeezed Ramon’s upper arm. “Yeah, these guns have gotten bigger since the accident. But don’t worry about it. You’ve got friends to tow the load once in a while. Just sit tight and leave the driving to us.”
“You’re not Greyhound,” Ramon snapped. But, his tone was playful and not the irritated one Maia was so used to hearing. It was nice to hear him laugh with a friend again.
Billy barked twice, laughing, and pushed Ramon toward the movie theater. Tess moved in front of them to open the door.
Emma touched Maia’s arm briefly where Billy’s hand had been moments before. “We okay?” she whispered.
Maia nodded. As soon as Emma’s hand moved, she wished it would’ve stayed. “Fine. Billy took me by surprise.” She kept her voice low as the stream of loud music and conversation flooded out of the door. “He figures this is, like, our second date. It feels weird. I don’t know what to tell him.”
A warm smile crossed Emma’s lips, and Maia was reminded of how soft and comforting they had been against hers.
The line stretched almost to the door. When they finally made it into the theater, the noise engulfed them. For most of the rest of the evening, Maia was content to flash little smiles at Emma and receive them in return.
During the movie she ended up sitting between Billy and Emma. Billy held her hand through most of it, but during the darker scenes, Emma touched her leg, sending chills of excitement through her. When she jumped at one of the explosions, they’d both touched her legs at the same time, their fingers nearly brushing. She had to get up and run to the bathroom when a wave of fear rushed over her that Billy might realize something was up with Emma.
The bathroom was empty, and she went to the sink to wash her hands. Her hands shook as she held them in the warm water. She’d thought she could make it through the evening and was doing fairly well, but she hadn’t realized how on edge she was. There was a definite difference between Emma and Billy. She was so happy about how much Billy was helping Ramon, but his hand didn’t feel right in hers. Emma’s did.
She jumped again when the bathroom door opened.
“Hey,” Emma said softly. “You okay?”
Maia nodded as she walked over to the paper towels to get one so she could dry her hands. “Sorta.”
“That doesn’t sound good.” Emma followed her, then hugged her from behind as Maia dried off.
“It’s just a bit stressful.” Maia turned in Emma’s embrace. “I don’t want to spoil things for Ramon. I do like you more—”
Emma shrugged, then kissed Maia. Hot passion coursed through Maia. She kissed Emma back, wanting to just lose herself in the moment.
When Emma broke their kiss faster than she’d done in the barn, Maia wanted to complain but held her tongue.
“You can’t live your life by asking how everything is going to affect Ramon. If you choose me over Billy, and Billy is hurt about it and leaves, we will find another sidewalker for Ramon. Mom’s trying to find more all the time for other clients. It won’t be that huge of a setback, I promise.”
Emma’s words sounded a bit harsh. Maia didn’t want to hurt anyone with her decision, and unfortunately, Emma didn’t realize what kind of problem she could be in with her family. “But if Billy tells Ramon that I want to be with you, and Ramon tells our folks that… I don’t know how they’ll react,” she said as she looked down, biting her bottom lip. “We’ve been through so much the past year. This would just be another problem.” She raised her eyes to Emma’s, and before Emma could answer, the door swung open and they jerked apart.
“Hey, you two,” Tess said. “You need to hurry up. One, the boys are getting to be obnoxiously male. Two, the good part of the movie is about to happen. Three, this whole ‘girls in the bathroom together’ thing only works out when we all go in a group. Otherwise it looks a bit lezzy, if you know what I mean.”
Emma frowned. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to take so long. Just chatting. We haven’t had that much time to talk tonight.”
“Yeah, it was.” Tess ducked into one of the stalls. “Give me a sec, might as well go while I’m in here.”
“Tess,” Maia said, flashing a smile she hoped came across as apologetic to Emma, “how do you know the good part of the movie is coming up? It just came out last Friday.”
There was a loud flush from the stall. “I saw it Saturday with Cody, you know, our sexy new quarterback. He asked me out. It’s no big deal. It’s a great movie. I’ve even been good and not spoiled it for you all.” She strolled out and washed her hands, then took their arms. “Now let’s get back in there. The hot lead is about to be shirtless, and we don’t want to miss that, do we?”
Maia couldn’t say one way or the other. Until the kisses with Emma, she hadn’t really thought about what she liked in bodies. The idea made her start comparing Emma and Billy again. She preferred Emma’s soft curves instead of Billy’s muscular blockiness. At that point, she would’ve been tempted to say she’d rather see Emma’s breasts than Billy’s chest. While Emma was soft and gentle, Billy was rougher, in how he treated her and even in his hugs. Grabbing her arm the way he did earlier didn’t make her feel the way she thought he expected it to. He probably expected it to make her feel good because he wanted her or was showing some sort of possession. Maybe? It was just another example of how much she didn’t understand about guys, and it definitely didn’t help her figure anything out one way or the other.
But even after their group night out, she’d have to deal with both of them the next day when she took Ramon out to the center for his next round of therapy. Out there, in the cool clean air of the prairie, she could focus more on the horses and less on the people. She really wanted to see Selena again, then check out Georgia and see if she could see or feel the foal inside her. It would be the first time she’d been around a pregnant mare. She just hoped it would be enough to push aside the worry she felt about having to make a choice between the girl she was beginning to love and helping her brother who was happier than she’d seen him in three years.
14
EMMA YAWNED as she rolled over, waking up. Her phone beeped and she grabbed it to see who had texted.
Maia: Sorry, can’t come out today. Too much snow. Mom doesn’t want us driving the van in it so we have to cancel today’s session. See you soon.
Dammit, Emma thought. She got out of bed and looked out the window. There was only a dusting of snow on the ground. Too much snow?
Emma threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt that read “Calhan High School,” and walked down the stairs to the kitchen where her mom was sitting at the table, drinking her coffee and reading the paper.
“Honey, Rosie—Maia’s mom—canceled Ramon’s hippotherapy session for today. Apparently, while we only got a dusting of snow, they must’ve gotten dumped on.”
“Yeah, Maia texted me this morning,” Emma said moodily as she grabbed the milk and made herself a bowl of cereal. “I wish she were coming out anyway.”
“I know, sweetheart,” her mom said, looking up from the paper. “How are things going between you and her?”
“Great! Well, sorta….” Emma slowly stirred the cereal into the milk. “Actually things are going well when it’s just me and her, but at other times… I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
Emma sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know. The other day, when I told her about Georgia being pregnant, we kissed for the first time, Mom, and it was so wonderful. She even wanted to kiss a second time! And I was so wrapped up in it that, um, I told her how I felt. And I asked her how she felt about me. But, last night, she seemed like she liked being around Billy more. We kinda flirted around him, but when we got alone, well, she said she liked me more and we kissed again. She says she’s scared Billy will leave and not be a sidewalker for Ramon, so she keeps going out with him so he’ll keep coming out here. But I don’t know how—or even if—she feels about me. Mom, I’m so confused!”
Her mom reached over and ruffled the top of her hair. “I know, honey. Maybe she just needs time. She might be having the same questions about herself that you once did. Remember those days?”
Emma did. Before Diane, she had been confused and only knew that society said she should like boys, but she was attracted to girls. Only through Diane and her mom’s support was she able to accept she liked girls and that it was okay, no matter what anyone said.
“I remember. I just… I just wish I could do the same for her that Diane did for me. Minus the hurting part.”
“Emma, hon, she has to want you to help her. What she needs right now from you is understanding and patience—letting her come to you instead of trying to push her to decide the way you want her to.”
“I know, Mom, I know,” Emma said and pushed the cereal away, laying her head against her folded arms. A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away. “Why does this have to be so hard?”
“Oh, Emma, I know.” Her mother wrapped an arm around Emma’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “When it comes to building new relationships, even friendships, it can be extremely hard in the beginning. You just have to be patient and wait. You’ll know how she feels by her actions, even if she doesn’t come right out and say it. Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you go give Georgia her vitamins and check up on Selena while you’re out there? You’re always less stressed around the horses anyway. Maybe it’ll help you take your mind off things.”
Emma lifted her head and nodded. “Sure, Mom. Anything to make the time go by right now.”
“THERE, THERE, Georgia, it’ll be okay,” Emma said quietly to the mare as she tied her lead rope to the tie ring, a syringe of vitamin paste in her back pocket. She patted Georgia’s neck and took a hold of the halter, slipping the large plastic syringe in the corner of the horse’s mouth. The horse raised her head and the syringe moved before Emma could push the plunger. She tried again. This time she was able to push in the plunger about halfway before Georgia jerked away.
“Georgia, this is good for you. And the baby. C’mon….” Emma tried one more time to get the medicine into the horse’s mouth and finally managed to push the plunger the rest of the way.
“You treat those horses like they were people,” a voice said from behind her. She jumped and saw Billy silhouetted in the doorway.
“They need to be cared for,” Emma said as Billy walked toward her. “Horses are intelligent, and so many people treat them as though they’re stupid barn animals. I want to make sure I never do that.”
“I wouldn’t think you’d have to worry about that,” Billy said, placing a hand on the horse’s hip and glancing the mare over. “When you’ve got more weight on her, she’ll be a gorgeous horse.”
“She already is.”
“By the way, shouldn’t Ramon and Maia be here already?”
“Oh, I didn’t realize—I’m sorry. I thought Mom called you and told you they canceled. Fountain got more snow than we did and they can’t make it today.”
“Oh, damn,” Billy said. “I was hoping….”
“Hoping what?”
“I was hoping to see Maia today. You know we’re going out, right?”
“What do you mean?” If you two were really going out, why didn’t she text you like she texted me?
“Like, dating. I can’t help it. She’s just so hot….”
“You realize she’s more than just pretty looks, right?” Emma wasn’t going to admit to Billy that she found Maia hot—not in a million years. Besides, it wasn’t just her looks that Emma liked. She was kind, caring….
Billy jolted her out of her thoughts about Maia. “Yeah, she is. I’ve known her brother and her for much, much longer than you have.” His tone was haughtier than she’d ever heard before. She didn’t like it.
“No,” Emma muttered under her breath. “I haven’t forgotten.” She grew quiet and untied Georgia, leading her out to the pasture, Billy following behind.
“So, you two seem to have grown fairly close,” Billy said from behind her, stopping near the gate. “Does she ever talk about me?”
“I told you once, Billy. We don’t talk about you.” Emma untied Georgia’s halter, gave the horse a treat, and took the halter off in one smooth motion.
“What do you talk about, then?”
As she turned around, Emma said, “None of your damn business is what we talk about.”
“Did she tell you where I’m taking her on our next date?” His voice rose an octave. If Emma could have raised an eyebrow like her mother did when she was conflicted, she would have. Billy sounded like he wanted to impress her, and she had no idea why.
Last night in their text conversation, Maia had mentioned something about Billy wanting to take her out on another date, but Emma hadn’t been paying that much attention. She tried to listen when Maia talked about Billy, but that black pit in her stomach opened up when his name was even mentioned anymore. They’re going out—again?
Facing Billy, she said, “No, and quite frankly, I don’t really care.”
“Next time, we’re going to Rocco’s Italian Ristorante.” He sounded like she should be impressed. “You know how much she likes Italian food.”
“I don’t care, Billy.” Emma took a step forward and Billy stepped in front of her, blocking her way into the barn. What the hell…?
“Oh, yeah? I bet you don’t care.” Billy looked down at her, a slight sneer on his face and his linebacker body directly in her way. He was taller than her by six inches, at least. “You know what? I see the way you look at her. I see the way you watch her when she walks Selena.”
As heat rose in her face, Emma put her hands on her hips and glared up at him. “You idiot, I have to watch her to make sure she’s doing the right thing.” She swallowed hard and took another step around Billy toward the barn entrance, but the lump in her throat wouldn’t go away.
