Nitro Crew Complete Series, page 48
“Losing a baby never is, honey.” That right there is what Mama was doing to help me heal. She wasn’t tiptoeing around the miscarriage. She wasn’t dismissing it either.
“I know.”
“He say what he wanted talk about?” she asked.
I grabbed my black skirt and pulled it on. “He asked what the hell was going on with us. I’m assuming that is what we’re going to talk about.” I smoothed my shirt down. “Done.”
Mama turned back around, and I grabbed a hair tie.
“And are you actually going to talk?” she asked.
That was the million dollar question. I had gotten a better hold on what I was feeling and what I wanted to happen between Jay and me, but what I wanted might not be the same as what Jay wanted. “Yes. I need to.”
“That’s my girl.”
I twisted my hair on top of my head and dropped my arms to my side. “And now, I gotta go.”
“You guys coming here to talk?”
I shook my head and grabbed my flats out of the bag. “No. I figured we would talk somewhere neutral. He’s meeting me at the restaurant after my shift.”
“Well, go get ‘em, honey, and make sure you tell him exactly what you’re feeling.” Mama gave me a quick huge and a peck on the cheek. “I want a full report if you make it home tonight.”
“Mama,” I gasped.
She rolled her eyes and shooed me down the stairs. “The delusion that you’re a virgin is gone, Delaney,” she reminded me.
“Yeah, yeah. But I’ll call you if I’m not coming home.” I jogged down the stairs and turned to look back up at her.
“Be true to your heart, Delaney, even if you might get hurt.”
That was exactly what I was terrified of, but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
Jay was going to hear exactly what I was feeling, and I prayed to God he didn’t go running for the hills.
*
Chapter Thirty
Jay
I looked down at my ripped jeans and black t-shirt.
Delaney could have told me she worked at a dressier restaurant.
The few people I had seen walk out were wearing dress shirts and dresses. I was going to stick out like a sore thumb in this place.
I had planned to get here a little early to watch Delaney while she worked but now I was wondering if I had enough time to run to the store to get some better clothes.
My phone buzzed, and I saw Delaney had texted me. I’m done early. Just tell the hostess you’re with me.
Got it. Be there in a second. Well, there went my idea of going to change.
I pushed open my door and stepped out. I had parked next to Delaney’s SUV, and I smiled knowing she was still driving it. Even if this night didn’t end well, the car was going to be hers no matter what.
I walked into the restaurant and noted the classy ambiance and ritzy interior. I was going to be surprised if they actually let me sit down.
“Uh, I’m meeting Delaney.”
The hostess looked me up and down. “Are you sure?”
What in the hell type of question was that? “Uh, yeah. She just texted me that she had a table for us.” I was ready to pull my phone out and shove it in this chick’s face if she didn't’ take me to Delaney.
“Delaney did say she was staying to meet someone,” she muttered.
“If you just want to tell me in what direction she is, I’ll find her myself.”
She huffed and hitched her thumb over her shoulder. “She grabbed one of the tables to the side of the bar.”
I took off into the restaurant without another word to the chick. I spotted Delaney in the corner of the restaurant sitting around a round table. She had her hands clutched in front of her, and she was staring at the tablecloth.
“Don’t look so scared, Del,” I said as I pulled out the chair next to her and sat down.
“Is it weird I thought you weren't going to show?” she laughed nervously.
“I texted you two minutes ago, Del. I was going to be here.”
A waiter walked up to our table and filled our water glasses. “Anything else I can get for you guys?” he asked.
“Calamari and stuffed mushrooms, Kel,” Delaney said without opening the menu.
The guy nodded at Del then moved to the table next to us.
“I hope that was okay. I know all of the good stuff on the menu.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “Never had calamari before but I’m good with mushrooms.” I’d have eaten dirt if she would have ordered it.
She fidgeted with her hands and looked around. “Did Lane give you trouble up front?” she asked.
“That the chick with the eat shit look on her face?”
Delaney laughed and nodded. “That would be Lane. I’m sure she had a problem with what you were wearing. It’s a semi-dressy place but she thinks she’s the dress code police when she’s hostessing.”
“She was sure charming,” I mumbled.
I watched her take a sip of her water and look around at anything but me. “She came in early so I was able to snag a table before things picked up.”
“You normally do her job?” I asked,
Del finally looked at me. “Yeah. I’ve worked her for three years. Helps keep gas in my tank.”
“You’re pretty damn busy.”
She shrugged and grabbed her napkin and laid it in her lap. “Are we really gonna go through all of this small talk?”
I chuckled and shook my head. “I sure the hell hope not, Del. I was kind of confused why straight to the point Delaney was making small talk.”
She hung her head and sighed. “Because I’m absolutely terrified this is going to be the last time I see you.”
The waiter approached the table and set a basket of bread and butter in front of us. “Your appetizers should be out in a few minutes.”
Delaney smiled at him, but I just glared at the dude. I was trying to make headway here, and if he kept coming over to interrupt us, nothing was going to happen.
I waited ‘til the guy had moved onto another table then dove right back in. “Why do you think I’m going to leave, Del?”
“Uh…” She grabbed a roll and ripped it open. “Well, I mean…” She slathered roll with butter and took a huge bite. She pointed to her full mouth as if to say she couldn’t talk.
I grabbed the bread basket and set it away from her. “I can wait ‘til you’re done chewing.”
Her jaw stopped moving, and her eyes bugged out.
“That’s right, Del. I can wait ‘til you’re done. I don’t have anywhere else I’d rather be right now.”
She chewed a few more times than swallowed. “I’m not sure why I’m the one who has to be answering all of the questions.”
“Ask me anything you want, Del. I’ll tell you anything you want.”
She looked down at her roll.
“Nope, not gonna happen.” I snatched the half eaten bun from her hand and set it back in the basket.
“Hey, you can’t take away a girl’s carbs,” she protested.
“Just did.” I pointed at the bread. “We talk and then you can have that back.”
“I’m not sure I like you much right now.”
It probably wasn’t the wisest idea to take her food away but she wasn’t going to talk if she had something that she could hide behind. “Tell me why you think I’m going to leave,” I insisted.
“Because why would you stay?” she blurted out. “I don’t have anything you want.”
I jerked back at her blunt words. “You don’t have anything I want? What was it before you had that was keeping me?”
“The baby,” she hissed. “You were only there because you were trying to make things work for the baby.”
“I was?” I didn’t expect that to be her answer. “So now that you’re not pregnant, you don’t think we can be together.”
She shook her head. “I never said that.”
“Uh, yeah, Del, that is exactly what you said.”
She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. “You can really sit there and tell me that you didn’t start coming over because of the baby? That if I hadn’t found you to tell you about the baby that I would have had a shot with you?”
I didn’t know if she would or wouldn't have had a shot. I had been an idiot before Delaney had flipped my world upside down, thinking I was a one-and-done guy. Which I had been until Delaney. “That’s the thing, Del, I can’t tell you what would have happened if you wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I don’t care what would have happened because I know what did happen.”
“And what happened was I lost the baby.” She moved to stand up, and I grabbed her hand.
“You’re not running from me, Del,” I growled. I was done with the running and not talking.
“This is hard for me, Jay,” she choked out.
“And you think all of this was easy on me?”
She shook her head. “No, I never said that.”
I threaded my fingers through hers. “Then don’t act like you were the only one who lost something.” I let go of her hand and sat back in my chair.
“Jay, I’m sorry I didn’t…I just couldn’t…"
“I don’t want an apology, Delaney. All I want is for you to realize I lost something too that night. I imagined a future with you and our baby. I pictured you holding our baby in your arms, rocking him to sleep while I sat next to you. The three am diaper changes. The crying at all hours of the night. I wanted those too. I wanted that baby just as much as you did, and I can’t stand losing the baby and you. I won’t lose you both.”
There it was.
I wasn’t going to give Delaney up.
*
Delaney
I think Jay had just blown straight to the point faster than I ever had before.
“Okay.” Yeah, that was all I had to say.
Mave and Mom had both touched on me not thinking about what Jay was going through. And to be honest, I hadn’t really thought about it.
“Okay, Del? That’s all you’ve got for me?”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I killed our baby, Jay. I was the one who was supposed to keep him safe, and I couldn’t do it.” I opened my eyes, and Jay’s handsome face was fuzzy and blurred from my tears. “I don’t want to be around you because I don’t want you to hate me like I hate myself.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me from my chair. He weaved in and out of the tables of the restaurant and straight out the front door. “Jay,” I gasped.
“Quiet, Delaney,” he growled.
“But where are we going?” I asked.
“We’re not going to have this conversation in a restaurant.” The headlights of his car flashed, and the car roared to life. “Lock your car,” he ordered.
“Uh, I left my keys in my cubby in back and I’m pretty sure it’s locked.” I hadn’t thought Jay would drag me out of the restaurant without giving me the chance to get my things.
The lights on my SUV blinked and the horn hooked once. “Never mind,” he muttered.
“You have a key to my car?” I don’t know why I never thought that he would have a key to it. He was the one who had bought it after all.
“Only for emergencies if you lock yourself out or lose your keys.”
“Oh,” I whispered. I guess that came in handy tonight.
“We’re in a good neighborhood. Your car will be fine overnight.” He opened the passenger door of his car and pulled me inside.
“Jay,” I said firmly. “What is going on?”
He slammed the door and jogged around the front of the car. He slid into the driver’s seat and fastened his seat. “Buckle up,” he ordered.
I quickly grabbed the seat belt and pulled it across me. “Got it.” I had never seen Jay like this before. His normal suave, nice guy attitude was gone and was replaced with a guy who seemed pretty ticked off.
He drove fast, coasting through stop signs and taking turns faster than I ever could. “Jay, I’m sorry.” I didn’t mean to upset him. I just wanted him to understand what I was feeling.
He pulled up to his house and killed the engine. He was out of the car and rounding the frontend before I could even get my seat belt off.
Jay yanked open the door, reached across me, hit the button on the seat belt, and pulled me from the car. We were across the sidewalk and up the steps of the porch with my hand in his as he pulled me behind him.
“Jay, honey. What are we doing?”
He twisted the key on the lock and pushed the door open.
The house looked the same as it did when I had taken him home from the party three weeks ago. “You hungry?” he asked.
I was actually starving. “Yeah, you got calamari or stuffed mushrooms?”
“No. But we can have onion and pepperoni pizza in half an hour.” He pulled out his phone, swiped a few times, and put it to his ear. “You want a drink?”
“Water. Milk when the pizza gets here.”
Jay wandered into the kitchen. “Good thing Frankie just went shopping, otherwise you would be shit out of luck on the milk, Del.”
“Lucky me,” I mumbled.
Jay placed the order for the pizza and brought me a glass of water. He sat down on the couch with a beer in his hand. “Back to what you said at the restaurant.”
I would prefer not to go back to it but that obviously wasn’t an option. “Yeah.”
“You didn’t kill our baby. No one did.”
The glass in my hand slipped, and I grasped it tightly. “Something must have happened, Jay.”
“What happened was the baby wasn’t meant to be, Del. I was with you all of the time. You didn’t drink. You didn’t smoke. You didn’t go on roller coasters or crazy rides. You did nothing, and the baby didn’t make it because it wasn’t our time yet.”
“But why?” I whispered. “Why did it happen, then?”
“Because it wasn’t meant to be, Delaney. I wanted that baby as much as you. I wanted it but that doesn’t mean I was meant to have it.”
His words sunk in, and I hung my head. “Then why are we here?” I whispered.
I heard him move from the couch and then his feet appeared by mine. “Because I may not have been able to will our baby to live, but I know I can do everything in my power to make sure you and I make it.”
“Jay…I just…" I sighed and tried to figure out what I was trying to say. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want. Please don’t feel like I’m a burden you need to take care of. I know I’m a complete mess right now and it seems to get a bit better each day, but it’s still hard.”
He delved his fingers into my hair and tipped my head back to look at him. “I’m trying to be gentle with you right now, Delaney. I know I shouldn’t have dragged you from that restaurant like I did, but to hear you say you think I hate you because of the miscarriage was too much for me. Hate is the furthest thing I feel for you.”
“Then what is it that you feel?” I whispered.
“Love, Del. I fucking love you. I may not have fallen in love with you that first night, but I knew the second you told me you were pregnant, you were different. Different than any woman I had ever met.”
“Jay, you can’t. I mean…” How in the heck could he say he loved me?
“You wanna know how I love you? I love you because the past twenty-seven years of my life, I have been waiting for something. I was searching for the thing that was going to make me grow up and realize there was something more in this world than me.” He shook his head. “I know we haven’t known each other that long. I know everyone in the world would think I’m crazy for falling in love after three weeks of knowing you, but I know what I feel. I know this past week where you were pulling away and not talking to me was complete torture. I knew without you, living in this world wasn’t worth it. I knew that if I let you push me away, I wouldn’t have anything to live for anymore.”
His words surrounded me. Filling and annihilating every doubt, fear, and uncertainty I had about being with him. “I wanted that baby, Jay, but more than anything, I wanted you. I wanted you to be there for not only the baby, but for me too. And now that the baby is gone I was terrified you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
The words that were beating around in my head were spoken, and I couldn’t take them back. What if I had just told him something he hadn’t thought of before. What if he realized he didn’t have to stay with me? What if he—
My thoughts were cutoff and severed by the brute, hungry kiss Jay pressed against my lips. His lips molded to mine, making me yield to his touch.
“I want you, Del. I want you more than my next breath,” he whispered against my lips.
“I love you. I fell in love with you when you didn’t even know my name.” That first night, he had claimed me. The next day, I was his and he didn’t even know it.
“But I know it now, Delaney. It’s the only name I ever want to know.”
I pressed my lips against his and waited half a second before he took over the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his hand went to my hips. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. “Bedroom,” I gasped. It had been too long since I had felt Jay against me.
He stalked up the stairs, my arms roaming over his back, and I pressed kisses all over his face. “I missed you so much but I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“I was always there, Del. I wasn’t going to go anywhere.” He made it to the top of the steps and kicked open the third door. He tossed me on the bed, and I bounced up into the air. “You may have been driving me crazy, but I wasn’t going to go anywhere.”
“You were going to Colorado,” I pointed out.
He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. “I was until Roc pulled me into his office and basically told me to man up.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I have to say, that was the weirdest conversation I have ever had.”
“Seriously?” Why the heck did Roc care about Jay and me? “I didn’t know the two of you were that close.”
