“You wrote that when he did break your heart in high school, it helped you focus on baseball, and then when the moment came up, you were able to find happiness with Jason…I could actually pull the book and quote you.”

  “Well, Jason and I were happy for a while. I don’t know why it happened the way it did.” David paused. “But then again, everything changed with Jason when he became a bigger player in Hollywood. He got wrapped up in what Variety or social media or trade magazines were saying about him. As he got more successful, his ego got bigger, and the less I saw the Jason I fell in love with.”

  “Honey, this was never about you. It was about him. Think of that.”

  “I know. When I went to counseling before the divorce was final, that’s what the therapist said.”

  “Then remember her words. But you’re changing the subject, I think. We were talking about Kaden.”

  David groaned. “I don’t know. I have so many mixed emotions about him.”

  “Like what?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “It’s not. You were eighteen, he was eighteen. You had a fight, which you started. And you’ve forgiven him because he was a teenager, just like you. You’re adults now. With lots of history. Back then in 2002 it was still tough to be openly out. And as a teenager? How many were out? Things are different now. It’s not 2002, it’s 2017. Gay marriage is legal.”

  “Yeah, but I can’t pretend that the past didn’t happen.”

  “You can move beyond it and look what’s going on in front of you. He cares a great deal about you. And I think you still care for him.” There was an awkward silence on the phone. “You have more good memories of him, than bad right?”

  David thought about what Sarah said. It was true, what she said. But he couldn’t admit it, he couldn’t say it aloud, even to his best friend, and he didn’t know why.

  Sarah sighed. “Well, at least tell me how Quinn’s dealing with the new neighbor?”

  “He likes him. They get along. They talk about Star Wars stuff.”

  “Well, that’s good. Right? That your son likes him?”

  “Well, that’s an obvious plus.”

  “Anything else I should know?” Sarah asked.

  “Did you know he had a tattoo of his ex that he just recently got laser removed? It took two or three sittings to remove it completely.”

  “And how did you know this?” Sarah laughed. “Let me guess, you were studying his half naked body after one of his runs. Where was the tattoo?”

  “On his triceps.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Well, apparently my new neighbor had my number in California that my bestie gave him even though I explicitly told my bestie never to give it out. And but for a certain marriage proposal, he would have tried to meet up with me or catch up with me after a baseball game he flew out to watch.”

  “Funny how life works, huh?” Sarah paused. “And if Jason hadn’t proposed, would you have gone out to dinner with Kaden?”

  “Maybe.”

  “And would you be where you are right now? With Quinn? Maybe the universe has a way of bringing people in your life when it’s time?”

  “What the heck does that mean? I think you’ve been watching too much Oprah or something.”

  Sarah laughed. “Don’t you think sometimes bad things happen that we’re meant to experience later in life so that we’re made better for it?”

  David pinched his nose. “I don’t know about that. But seeing Kaden, seeing this side of him, reminded me of the good times we had together as kids growing up. Tossing the football around with me. Driving me home from baseball practice senior year. Homework, drama club together. They were good memories.”

  Sarah sighed. “Of course they were. He was a great friend to you, and you were to him. I missed our movie nights together after you two got serious.”

  “Only one of us got serious. He didn’t.”

  “You have to realize that was a different Kaden, who was probably afraid of you, or your dad, or the football team, or the school finding out about the two of you. He probably didn’t know if he was gay, or bi, or questioning.”

  David rubbed his temples. Had he been really that hard on Kaden?

  Sarah brought him out of his thoughts. “Hold on, I think I’m getting another call. By the way, have you thought about reading those real estate books I dropped off?”

  “Not yet. But let me think about it some more.”

  “We’d be a great team. You said yourself you probably don’t want to teach.”

  “Let me think about it,” David said. He still wasn’t sure what he was going to do in terms of work. Teaching school was tough. His friends from UCLA he’d kept in touch with complained about it all the time. Teaching yoga classes didn’t pay the bills. And his savings had an end life, and so would the money from the house sales from the divorce. Getting Quinn situated in the new Montessori school and his surroundings took precedence over any other major changes in his life.

  “And what time are we supposed to come over for the housewarming?”

  “I should have dinner ready by six P.M.”

  “And, is it just Vi, and me?” Sarah asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t want to invite Kaden?” Sarah chortled. “He’ll probably appreciate a home-cooked meal.”

  “I debated inviting him, but I think he’ll get the wrong message.”

  “What’s the wrong message? Stop debating and invite him. I think it’ll be good.”

  * * * *

  David stirred the bone broth as Ginger wagged her tail, waiting for the scraps he had put to the side. The T-bone steaks that he had marinated the day before for tonight’s dinner were in the oven, but he had cut some raw meat off the bone for Ginger.

  “Are you spoiling my girl?” Kaden asked as he moved into the kitchen.

  “Maybe.”

  “Careful, she might want to move in with you if you keep this up.”

  Quinn ran into the kitchen. “I’m hungry.” He walked up to David and petted Ginger, who closed her eyes while Quinn gave her attention. David took the oven-dried strawberries that he made earlier and handed a small bowl of them to Quin.

  “Wash your hands first.” David reminded his son. “Dinner will be ready soon. I’m just waiting on the oven.”

  “It smells delicious,” Vi said. She finished setting the table and placed the tuna salad she brought on the table as Sarah finished making the tossed salad. “How did the cake turn out?”

  “I don’t know. I think I screwed up somehow.” David turned to see Quinn still with Ginger. “Okay, son, go wash up.”

  “Can I play on the iPad, now?”

  “Yes, but only until dinner, then put it away.”

  “He’s no longer grounded?”

  “I gave in this morning. He’s got all his toys back too. I can never punish him too long. I still feel guilty for bringing him here. He’d have a very comfortable life in LA if he had stayed with Jason.”

  No sooner had David said all this but heavy four-year-old footsteps followed from the top of the house to the living room. Quinn had an oversized headset on, and his iPad in his hand. He plopped himself on the living room couch next to Vi. Sarah soon joined Quinn.

  “What’re you doing on your iPad?”

  “I’m learning words on this game.”

  “Nice,” Vi said as she watched Quinn and the game. The word game had animation and sound effects. Quinn put on his headset to listen to his game.

  “Wish we had these growing up,” Sarah added.

  Kaden approached both of them with the red wine bottle, two wine glasses in his hand. “Wine?”

  “Why, of course,” Vi said. “I had no idea we would have a sexy server serving.”

  Kaden poured wine then sat in the chair next to the couch, occupied by Vi, Quinn, and Sarah. “Does this huge new flat screen work?”

  “I hope so. Sarah and Vi brought a Blu-Ray version of Avatar to test out the optics.” David laughed. “Okay, looks like dinner should be ready in maybe five more minutes.”

  “God, I’m hungry too.” Vi turned to Kaden. “Sarah said you came out within the last year, and divorced your wife?”

  “I did.”

  “Have you always known you were gay or bi?”

  Kaden eyed Quinn, whose headset blocked his ability to listen to normal-level conversation. “I think I’ve always been attracted to boys. I just kinda repressed it so long. Sports were a good way to repress it for sure.”

  “What clicked for you?” Vi asked.

  “Honey, maybe he doesn’t want to talk about this,” Sarah said.

  “No, I’m perfectly fine.”

  David pricked up his ears to hear.

  “I kinda had these little boy-crushes, but never acted on them. I also liked girls too, so it was a little confusing. I easily imagined kissing one of my best friends from fifth or sixth grade but he moved away. I wondered if it would have been just like my first kiss of a girl in like I think fourth grade. But I didn’t kiss another guy until high school.”

  “Are we talking about chef here?” Vi nodded to David, who continued to stir the bone broth absentmindedly.

  “Yeah. I mean look at him. He’s beautiful.”

  “Are you listening to this, David?” Vi laughed.

  David made a dismissing gesture with his hand. “I’m busy cooking, don’t distract me.” But David panged to hear more.

  “Go ahead and tell us. I think David wants to pretend he’s not hearing.”

  “David was already a baseball star by freshmen year. He made varsity in the first year of high school. Everyone knew pretty soon he was going to be a big deal. There was a college scout in the first year he played who came to watch his game. By sophomore year, I think two or three scouts for college showed up. By junior year, it was pretty much common knowledge that David could easily go to Miami, UF, USC, or any of the baseball colleges. We were undefeated in our division every year that David played.”

  “You played football, right, not baseball?”

  “Yeah, I wasn’t good enough to make the cut for baseball.”

  “So that was pretty cool.” Vi eyed Kaden. “But you said the first guy you kissed was David.”

  “Yes.”

  “He mentioned in his book that your first kiss was in the bleachers of school.” Sarah swirled her wine before she sipped. “David was pretty vague when it actually happened. He never did tell me the details. I had to read in his book how it happened.”

  “That wasn’t our first kiss.”

  “What? You’re shitting me.” Sarah straightened from the couch and eyed David, who ignored him. In her movement, she jostled Quinn who glanced up from his iPad and was about to remove his headsets when Sarah interrupted. “Grown up talk, Quinn, put those headsets back on.”

  “The end of junior year, we both wanted to try out for the role of Romeo. Drama Club already announced it was going to be the play in our senior year. We both checked out a copy of the play from the library, so we could take turns reading to each other.”

  “I’m with you,” Vi said, as she moved to the edge of the couch, closer to Kaden.

  “On July Fourth, I rode my bike here and told David we should go see the fireworks at Lake Eola. I told him I had a copy of the play we could read to each other while we waited for the fireworks.”

  Kaden continued. “And, when we got to the lake. It was packed. We couldn’t even get near. Security had this plastic fence up so you couldn’t go any closer without paying an entrance fee. So we stayed off to the side. We were like in a darkened side street, but we had a good look at the lake. I remember it now, like it was yesterday. It was so hot. I mean by the time we had biked from David’s house to Lake Eola I was drenched.” Kaden paused.

  “Well, don’t stop,” Sarah said.

  “I remember reading the lines from the play. ‘Your hand is like a holy place that my hand is unworthy to visit. If you’re offended by the touch of my hand, my two lips are standing here like blushing pilgrims, ready to make things better with a kiss.’ And…” Kaden trailed off as David caught his look.

  “Then we kissed,” David said, putting the spoon down, and turning off both the stove top and oven. “It was pretty rushed, like everything we did. It was forceful, no tongue. And then Kaden kissed me more tenderly.”

  Vi and Sarah turned to David, with quizzical looks in their eyes. “You never wrote that in the book,” Sarah said. “What’s more, you never told me!”

  “You never told her? For real? She’s just not playing that she didn’t know?” Kaden asked. “I just assumed even though you didn’t put it in the book that at least Sarah knew.”

  “No, he told me you guys kissed and didn’t say where. I thought all along it was the bleachers or David’s home here. Upstairs,” Sarah pointed. “In the book, he said the bleachers.”

  “That was the second kiss. It was a little more dangerous, school and all.”

  “I didn’t write everything in that book. There were a couple of things I kept to myself.”

  “I can’t believe you hid that from me.” Sarah said. “From pool talk.”

  “I told you. I just didn’t give you details. That was the important thing.”

  “What did he say about me?” Kaden asked.

  “Oh, come on Kaden.” Sarah flung her hands out. “He practically said it in his book. He may have used the words, innocent, touching, and sweet about you and him, and that he was hurt that his crush didn’t return his affections, but you had to read between the lines. He didn’t just have a crush on you, he was in fucking love with you, dude.”

  David made a loud noise of dropping some dirty ladles and flatware in the cast iron sink.

  Kaden narrowed his eyes, and Sarah turned to see what happened. David stared out the kitchen window and didn’t say anything. David’s hands gripped the sink as he leaned over.

  David wanted to say something, but Vi chimed in the conversation. “I love you, Kaden, but you are dense. I got that he was bone-crushing in love with you from David’s book.”

  “Why did you think he had such a problem when you had that fight at the evening pool party?” Sarah asked.

  David cleared his throat. He hoped no one saw how flushed he felt. “I wrote that book so I could come out to the world and stop lying to myself.” David exhaled. His hands shook a little, and he didn’t know why. He hadn’t expected that Kaden would remember their first kiss and the words that led to it. No one in this room knew how it happened except for Kaden and David. Now they all knew. He kept where they first kissed out of his autobiography on purpose.

  “Dinner’s ready by the way. Can we talk about something else at the dinner table? Especially since Quinn won’t have his headsets on?”

  * * * *

  Kaden watched David move about the kitchen. Vi, Quinn, and Sarah were glued to the TV, watching Avatar. He had to admit the new flat screen was pretty awesome but he kept stealing looks at David who was silently putting things away, putting dirty dishes in the sink to soak, ignoring offers of help, and putting leftovers in small little Gladware containers for Vi and Sarah.

  He patted his stomach. He hadn’t been so full in a long time on home-cooked food. He also wondered if he should have had more than one small plate of dessert.

  He stood between the living room and kitchen, and pondered on what Vi and Sarah had said earlier as they talked about David.

  His David. His OCD David.

  True, David never said he loved him when they were in high school, but he wondered if he would’ve been scared if David had said it.

  He walked closer to David, careful not to step on Ginger who slept between the kitchen and the couch.

  “Need help?” Kaden whispered, although he knew he didn’t have to because the volume level on the TV was loud enough that no one could hear either of them.

  “I’m good.”

  Kaden nodded. Here was his beautiful David, as gorgeous now as he was in high school. David could have dated anyone in high school. Any girl that is.

  Memories of classes together, throwing the football at different odd days and weekends. David helping him with his English and lit homework, and David pretending to need help on Calculus. It had finally hit him during dinner, across the table from a quiet David. It was like the last pieces of a jigsaw puzzle coming together to form the big picture.

  “Seriously, I can help with the dishes.”

  “Thanks, but I’ve got everything under control.”

  “God, your dad was right about your OCD.”

  David rolled his eyes. “Well, he should know. I got it from him.”

  Kaden stretched out his hand and grabbed David, so they were face to face. “Were you in love with me in high school?”

  For a moment there was an awkward silence when both locked eyes on each other. Kaden stared into those beautiful green eyes that he could never in a million years forget. “Yes.”

  “I know I’m a little dense. And I’m not denying the consensus from the group tonight, but were you afraid to tell me?’

  “Yes,” David said, exhaling as if he had kept this secret for so long that he was now happy to let it out. “I was afraid to tell you how I felt.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe it’d scare you off. Or since our casual thing was getting less casual and more heated with more frequent visits to each other’s and since we—”

  “Since we made love? Since we were talking about maybe not going to college away from here?”

  “Yes. All of the above. But it doesn’t matter now, does it? I don’t think you knew who you were, if you liked girls or boys, or both.”

  “Of course, it matters. It fucking matters, David. Especially, now.”

  “If I had told you I loved you in 2002, what would you have done? Would you have stayed? You had a scholarship to Emory. I had a scholarship to UCLA. You were with Emily that night.”

  “Yeah, look how that turned out.”

  “You were happy with Emily weren’t you?”

  “There were moments of happiness, but they were few and far between. I was the happiest when we were alone, just you and me. And yes, dammit, if you told me you loved me, it would’ve scared the shit out of me. And maybe I would’ve run away from you when you told it to me. But…but—”

 

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