Home Again, page 8
“Yes.”
“This itches.” Quinn tugged at the bow tie.
“Keep it on until church is over.”
“Will there be kids there?”
“Yes. You can sit with me for a little while, and then before the pastor starts his or her sermon, they’ll announce a special story time for kids, so you can leave then.”
“You don’t go with me?”
“No.”
“Then I don’t want to go.”
David frowned. He had increasingly been worried about Quinn’s separation anxiety, and he pondered what to do to help Quinn.
“Quinn, if I didn’t think it was okay, or wasn’t safe, I would tell you not to go to children’s story time. You should try it. And if you don’t like it, don’t do it again. You can come back to where I’m sitting at church if you don’t like it.” David relaxed when Quinn didn’t argue back.
“Are we going to church every Sunday?”
“Maybe. It depends.”
“Daddy wants me to go to temple too.”
“I know. When you get close to Bar Mitzvah age, we’ll make arrangements. If you want, I can talk to Daddy about sending you to Hebrew school in the meantime.”
David sighed. Without Jason being around, Quinn couldn’t experience Shabbat, or learn the Torah from Jason. It was another knife of guilt to his heart.
When they arrived at the church, David noticed the message board still displayed the same two service times he knew from his childhood. The only thing that was different was a small sign below the service times that read, Open and Affirming.
As he got Quinn out of the car, Jason’s text came through.
Handsome devil.
“Your daddy just texted me.” David showed him the text, then played the audio to speech button.
Quinn furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m not a devil!”
“It’s a saying Quinn, he doesn’t mean you’re evil.”
“Then why’d he say it?”
David smiled. He normally would ruffle Quinn’s hair at this point, but he had just spent a few minutes putting gel on it to quell its unruliness. “He’s just saying you’re very handsome. Someone who needs a haircut but very handsome.”
They walked inside. Quinn froze. He’d never been in this church, so he grabbed David’s hand. David gave Quinn’s hand a slight squeeze to give Quinn some reassurance. They barely walked through the threshold when the quick patter of heeled shoes ran to him.
“Oh my God! David!”
It took half a second to recognize the woman who yelled out his name. Her dirty blonde hair Kaden inherited that he remembered from childhood was now completely silver, but her demeanor had not withered by the progress of time. “Mrs. Morris!” He hugged her. He breathed in her light, florally perfume that she had favored as long as David remembered.
“And this must be Quinn, your son. Oh my God, he is the spitting image of you at that age!”
Quinn took a half step back when Mrs. Morris bent from the waist to say hello. David wasn’t surprised; Quinn always shrank away from strangers.
“He’s a little shy. Quinn, this is Mrs. Morris, Mr. Kaden’s mom.”
“Hi there,” Mrs. Morris said, holding out her hand. “I knew your father when he was your age. He and his parents used to come here for the first service for a long time.”
Quinn stood, not sure what to do and quickly shook Mrs. Morris’ hand and then withdrew his hand as soon as he had offered it.
She straightened, clearly pleased that Quinn at least shook her hand, although very briefly. “Oh my God, he’s so adorable. Kaden’s here you know.” She placed her hand on David’s shoulder. Then her eyes widened. “I heard that he went over to your old home and fixed something with the A/C.”
“Yes, he did. Bailed us out from sweating and dying in the humidity.”
“Well, I’m glad you are both talking again. You were very good friends in high school, and I missed you coming over. You know the church is open and affirming. I don’t remember if it was when you were here last for—”
“For Mom? I don’t remember if it was or not.”
Quinn squeezed David’s hand. “There’s kids over there.”
David scanned to where his son was pointing. In the yard between the church and the social hall was a small grassy area where the kids were blowing bubbles and catching them. “I told you there’d be kids here.”
“Are you planning to sign him up for Sunday school?”
“I don’t know. His father, his other parent, Jason, wants him to learn the Torah. I don’t want him confused, but we both want him to know both faiths.”
“Well, I’m good friends with a few members of the Unitarian Church downtown. I can find out if they do Torah lessons, and if they had had any issues with multi-faith kids. I guess that’s what they’re called.”
“Thanks,” David said.
Mrs. Morris stood there and smiled at Quinn again. “I can’t get over how much he looks so much like you the first time you came here. Your mom and dad, well, they would’ve been so happy to see him here.” She stopped and turned slightly away, and with an index finger, dried some wetness that had formed in the corner of her eye.
David was touched. He glanced down at Quinn, who hadn’t taken his eyes off the other kids. He wondered if Quinn sometimes felt lonely. Quinn wasn’t supposed to be an only child. Jason had agreed to be the next donor parent, but Jason dragged his feet on the issue until their separation ended their attempt to add to their family.
“Do you want to sit with us?”
David hesitated. Kaden was sitting with his father. After last night, he thought this was too soon to see Kaden again.
Kaden turned from his seat in his pew and waved, and David relented. He had no idea why, but he did. He obviously had unresolved issues internally with Kaden. There was no need not to act like an adult and sit with the Morrises.
Mrs. Morris ushered them to their pew. Kaden was unshaved this morning. David liked the light scruffiness. It wasn’t something David was used to, but it made Kaden really sexy looking.
Shit. Stop thinking of Kaden that way.
“Hey there, buddy,” Kaden said to Quinn who immediately sat next to Kaden. “Hold on, Dad, can you move down a little?”
“Pastor Morris?”
“Hi there, David!” Kaden’s father ignored David’s hand and came in for a hug. “I’ve known you too long and your family too long for a handshake. It’s really good to see you.”
Kaden’s father inched closer, and Kaden moved slightly as Pastor Morris bear-hugged David. Kaden’s father was shorter and barrel chested, and if his beard had gone as silver as his wife’s could easily play Santa Claus during Christmas.
“So, you’re not doing the sermon today, I take it?”
“No, I’m retired.” Pastor Morris signaled David to take a seat next to Quinn. They continued to talk despite Kaden and Quinn being in the middle of them as Mrs. Morris continued to usher congregants in. “I’m only asked when the senior or associate pastor are out. This isn’t the service you normally went to as a child, if I remember right?”
“What do you mean?” David asked.
“You and your mom and dad usually went to the eight A.M. service. You’d sit up in the front row.” Pastor Morris pointed several rows ahead of them.
“Yes, sir. They thought the second service was too crowded. Too many kids.”
“Yeah, that’s right. You and Kaden didn’t really know each other until high school. Different middle schools if I recall.”
“Right,” Kaden interrupted. “If I saw him in church it was between the services during coffee and donuts time. I don’t think he attended Sunday school?”
“After Sunday service, I spent a lot of time in the ballpark, batting cage whatever with my dad. He started coaching me baseball at Quinn’s age.”
“And this must be your son I’ve heard so much about.”
“Quinn, say hello to Pastor Morris.”
“Hello,” Quinn said.
“Young man, you’re going to school, I take it?” Pastor Morris asked.
“Preschool, and I’m too young to start in kindergarten.”
“He actually did Montessori at the age of three in LA. I tried to home school him so he learned the fundamentals of reading.”
“Your mother said about something like that. I think she said, ‘Well David’s using that four-year degree in elementary education to good use,’ or something like that.”
“Well, that sounds like her.” David smiled. “Not too brag about my son, but he’s pretty close to reading at a second grade level.”
“He’s smart like his Papa then,” Kaden said. Kaden locked eyes with David for a moment until David blinked and looked toward the altar. His stomach started doing flip flops, and his palms became sweaty.
Why was Kaden making him feel this way?
Luckily, the service started, and David blocked out that Kaden was one body away from him. When the children’s story time came up, right before the sermon for adults, Quinn grabbed David’s hand, and shook his head. “It’s okay, you don’t have to go.
Kaden took out a church bulletin, and on a small blank area reserved for sermon notes, Kaden started drawing. Quinn sat up entranced. From the corner of his eye, David surmised that the object Kaden was drawing was an X-Wing fighter.
Kaden handed Quinn the pencil he was using but Quinn shook his head. Kaden searched around the pew and found two crayons and gave them to Quinn. Using the hardcover song book, Quinn colored the lines.
David nodded to Kaden, and mouthed, “Thanks.” In response Kaden, winked at David.
As soon as church was over, Quinn stood up with his colored drawing. “Did you see what Mr. Kaden drew?”
“Yes,” David smiled. His kid was impressed with Kaden. Kaden winked at David. Again. “Very impressive.”
“I think my drawing has gotten a little better.”
“Yeah, I remember all the doodles and artwork in Drama.”
Mr. and Mrs. Morris approached David and Quinn.
“It was good seeing you both!” David nodded to Pastor Morris and Mrs. Morris.
“You need to come over for dinner some time,” Mrs. Morris said. “Bye, Quinn.”
“Bye,” Quinn mumbled, still holding on to the drawing.
“Hey, mind if I walk with you for a sec?” Kaden asked.
David bit his lip and hesitated to respond for a half-second. But this was church, and Quinn liked him, so it seemed rude to say no. “Sure,” David said. “I want to take Quinn outside by the portico first. “I want to show you something, Quinn.”
“Can you draw the Falcon?” Quinn asked.
“I might have tried it once or twice,” Kaden answered.
“That’s cool.”
Outside, the sun’s rays were directly overhead. David covered his eye as he searched for names on the commemorative bricks among the azaleas, and decorative grass that lined the sidewalks.
“What are you looking for?” Quinn asked.
“Your grandparents’ names.”
“Here’s one,” Kaden pointed.
“Thanks,” David said. “Quinn, come here and look. That’s your grammy and grampy’s brick.”
“Why do they have a brick?”
“A few years ago, the church had to replace a roof, so they donated some money. In fact, the church still sells these bricks to remember special events. Look at this one.” David pointed to another brick.
Quinn Patrick Patterson Edwards
“Why do I have a brick?”
“When you were born, your grammy and grampy bought a brick. If I took the brick out of the ground, it would have the date and year you were born on the back.”
“Do you and Daddy have a brick here?”
“No. But I was told your grammy and grampy had another brick here, so help me look for it.”
“I think it’s over here,” Kaden motioned. “This is where most of the bricks donated or bought for PFLAG are located.”
“Yes, there it is.”
“What’s P—”
“It’s a group your grammy and grampy joined after I told them about me. I had just started dating your daddy and it was still a secret. But I knew they were going to find out soon. My mom and dad joined so they could learn more about what it means to be gay or have a gay child.”
“So Grampy and Grammy didn’t know you liked boys?”
“They did. But for a long time, they thought I would change my mind or find a nice girl.”
Kaden moved off to the side, and crossed his arms.
“Instead you found Daddy?”
“Yes, your daddy told me to be honest with myself and the people I loved. So, I flew here. Stayed in the house I grew up in, and I went to church with them. This church. And told them, after donuts and coffee next door.”
Quinn brushed his grandparents’ brick with his finger. “I don’t remember them.”
David crouched so he could also touch the brick with his hand. “Yes, you were just a baby when they first saw you. Probably two or so when they passed.”
David thought back to all his memories of his mom and dad. And the special memories out here, between the social hall and the portico when he came out. He had feared rejection.
Tears formed in David’s eyes.
“Everything okay, Papa?” Quinn cocked his head and stared at his father.
“Yes,” David hugged Quinn. “Everything’s fine.”
Kaden offered his hand to help up David, and David accepted it. When he stood, Kaden faced away from David for a moment. Kaden had tears in his eyes too. Kaden pressed closer to him, and hugged David.
“I’m sorry about your parents, David.”
“It’s all right. I wouldn’t change anything. We became a new family when I came out. They accepted me and loved me unconditionally. I’m glad I got that time with them.”
David reluctantly let go of Kaden. His hug was comforting and familiar. He couldn’t deny that his heart raced at Kaden’s touch, and the warmth he felt with Kaden’s hug.
Chapter 11
“Two days. That’s what it took to unpack just a few boxes and buy a new car.” David checked the oven. “I don’t think this cake is coming out right. Are you sure Vi gave me the right recipe? Or am I just a horrible baker?”
“Maybe a little of both.” Sarah paused. “How’s it going on the Kaden front? You never told me how dinner went. Besties don’t keep secrets.” Sarah laughed at her own comment.
“Actually, dinner was good. I had some wine. He had some wine. Wound up walking home.”
“And?”
“Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back, and that was it.”
“What do you mean ‘that was it’? Come on, more details. And you haven’t seen him since?”
“Not exactly.”
“Not exactly? Details! Details!”
“We kissed but then my mind did this weird thing. And then I realized when he was kissing me, and I was kissing him back, that this was the guy who broke my heart in high school. I even wrote about him. And I didn’t want to have a replay.”
“Why did you kiss him back?”
“Because he’s Kaden. Because he wanted me. Because it’s good,” David stopped, his voice choked but he finished, “to have someone want me.”
There was an awkward silence. “I’m sorry.” Sarah’s voice broke, too.
No one said anything for another moment, then David recovered. He breathed in, then exhaled. “It’s okay. I ran into him in church on Sunday. He was there when I was with Quinn and I showed Quinn the memorial bricks at the church. I saw a side of Kaden that I hadn’t seen growing up.”
“What side is that?”
“Sentimental, emotional, compassionate. It’s like a different Kaden on the inside. At least I feel it’s a different Kaden. Outside it’s the same him. Football quarterback, senior class president coolness. But he’s showing me a different part of him I’ve never seen.”
“That’s good. Right?”
“And the last two mornings he stops by with Ginger to have a cup of coffee.”
“He just stops by?” Sarah laughed. “Wait, wait. What’s up with that?”
“Well, technically he’s running or done with running when I see him.”
“What time of the morning is this?”
“He’s done by seven. I make coffee when I wake up, so at seven A.M. when I hear Ginger bark up by the front porch, I come out with coffee, and a large bowl of water for Ginger.”
“This sounds horribly domestic. I’m having a hard time picturing this. Tell me when you see Kaden, is his shirt off or on?”
“It’s off, of course. It’s too hot in morning.”
“Aha! So that’s it. You just give him a cup of coffee in the morning and have a bowl of water ready for his retriever. And he’s practically half naked in front of you.”
“Just being neighborly.”
“Yeah, you tell yourself that. You have forgiven him, haven’t you?”
David sighed. There was no use in hiding that his feelings toward Kaden and opening up to him had changed since he arrived in Orlando. “You know, until he asked me, I would’ve said no. But when he did, he was dead serious. I knew he felt bad. He knew he hurt me.”
“Yeah, he hurt you bad. I still remember that night. And if I forget, I can just read your book again.”
Ugh. My book.
“Shit, you think he read my book?”
“Yes, I know he has. He told me. In fact, when the book came out, I called him, and asked him if he knew you had a book out. And he was very upset with me even asking about it.”
“And?”
“At first, he was defensive,” Sarah said. “Because he was reading or re-reading it. Like he didn’t agree with how he perceived on what happened between you two. From your perspective.”
“Oh?”
“But he called me a week after that initial call. He apologized to me for being short.”
“He apologized?”
“I’m telling you this is a new Kaden.”
“I’m just afraid of—?”
“Of what?”
“That he’s going to disappoint me.” Or he’s going to break my heart again, if I let him in.
