Dr Florence weighs and measures Nel and inspects her all over.

  'She looks good. We'll put some cream on the nappy rash. You'll get to know when she needs her nappy changing. I'm not sure about the spots, have you been feeding her anything?'

  'No, only breast milk.'

  'Strange'

  'Too much chocolate,' whispers Castor. 'You are eating too much chocolate.'

  I smile and raise my eyes to the heavens.

  'It's tough on your own,' says Dr Florence. 'Most people have backup. Apart from throwing her out the window, you're doing a great job. Just call for help. A governess would be best. Mary Poppins is good, I can't recommend her enough.'

  I couldn't stand all that chin-chinery stuff. 'What about Janice?' I ask.

  'Janice who? asks Dr Florence.

  'The singer, Janice Joplin.'

  'Never heard of her, but I'm sure she'd be fine.'

  Janice comes and stays. I like Janice, she's wild and wacky, and she doesn't give a monkey's about being proper or correct.

  She comes over all gooey when she sees Nelly and vanishes back off to Zwingly, arriving back with a lovely Moses basket for her to live in.

  Between us we get things on track again. I cut back on chocolate and get tuned into young Nel. I carry her around most of the time, in a sling at my side. It's getting a whole lot easier. Rather than WHAAAAGH! which means, I'm hungry, tied, feed up and pooed my nappy half an hour ago, I get Wha... I need to go to the toilet, or whaa...feed me, or wawa...play with me!

  We get smiles and then giggles. I forgive her the flab around my middle and the sleepless nights.

  Janice sings to her and I go for long walks by myself in the wind and the rain. Then Janice gets drunk, has a big argument with Azziz and stomps off back to Zwingly. I hope she comes back sometime.

  Since having Nelly my boobs have got twice as big. They were just right before, well maybe they could have been a little bigger and firmer, but they were okay. Now they're huge. If I don't contain them, they're going to end up saggy, like Janice's and will be hanging down to my ankles by the time I'm as old as her. I buy some super support feeding bras when I visit Castor to chase up my order of baby clothes.

  Despite being completely one hundred percent on top of things, I am a little stressed. My hair is falling out and my arm is bleeding from me scratching it.

  'Zen,' says Jesus. 'Why not learn kung fu? It's spiritual without worshipping anyone. You become at one with yourself and nature.'

  'It sounds good but I don't want to leave the asteroid.'

  'Maybe he could come here. The master doesn't really fit in on Zwingly and would be out of place on Juno. A little hut in the mountains would be perfect. He's completely Zen.'

  I could do with a bit of Zen. 'Let's meet. What about on the mountain top, sunrise tomorrow?'

  I expected sunshine, but the clouds have other ideas. They're annoyed that I'm invading their space in the middle of winter. It's blowing a blizzard.

  Tat Moh walks out of the swirling snow wearing a simple orange rope and flip flops. His head is shaved apart from a small pigtail at the back. The Chinese age so well that it's hard to tell how old he is, he's probably in his sixties. Or is he Chinese, his dark eyes aren't slanty? They're alert, yet wise and warm and humorous at the same time. He bows politely. I'm not quite sure whether to bow or curtsy, so do a bit of a mixture. I want to touch him, so offer him my hand. His handshake his warm and firm with lots of positive energy. I nod to him; he smiles back then turns and vanishes into the cloud, barely leaving a trace in the fresh snow. He can stay; he's welcome on my asteroid, we'll get on well.

  He turns up a few weeks later standing outside my door. I don't know how long he's been there, he hasn't knocked or anything. I open the front door to go out and are nose to nose with Tat Moh.

  'Why were you wearing flip flops on the mountain top?' I ask him. 'Wouldn't bare feet be more kung fu?'

  'It was bloody freezing!'

  'It was, I had my boots and two pairs of socks on. Would you like to come in?'

  'No.'

  'Would you like to sit on the sofa?'

  'No.'

  'Could I get you a cup of tea?'

  'No.'

  'Well,' I say, running out of ideas, 'Welcome to Camillo.'

  'Thank you,' he says bowing politely.

  Castor gives me the scoop about kung fu. We watch videos of people crushing rocks into sand with their elbows and karate chopping bricks in half. It might come in handy when I next need to split some firewood. We watch Kung Fu Panda 2 to get an idea what it's all about.

  We start our training on the top of the bluff. It's my favourite place, where I go when I need some space. It's high up above the sea and I like to think I have lofty thoughts when I'm perched there. Jesus comes too. He's been doing kung fu for years. He tells me a little about the Master. Tat Wah is an Indian Prince born in 493. That's like ages ago. He became a Buddhist monk and travelled to China where he spent nine years in a cave figuring out kung fu. He then taught the monks to defend themselves against bandits and pirates. Later he returned to be ruler of India. Now he hangs out here on Camillo. Cool.

  I'm ready for a workout. I want to get a sweat up and get rid of my flabby tummy. Tat has us sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bluff thinking blank thoughts. It's tricky to relax because I've left Nelly asleep at home. The slugs said that they'll keep an eye on her but she has never been alone before; she could be abducted by aliens or anything. While Tat is hovering just above the ground I'm worrying about nappy rash and colic and wondering if she's missing me.

  The next time I bring her along and she watches from her basket. She gets bored and goes to sleep because we're doing nothing. After a week of doing nothing we move on to slow exercises. Sometimes we don't move at all. I'm sore all over, every muscle aches and complains, I never imaged that doing nothing could be so painful.

  After a few weeks it all starts to make sense and fall into place. I do the exercises whenever I have a chance, like standing on one leg while I peel the potatoes or trying to clean the bathroom standing on my head. I start to Zen out a bit too.

  Nel is amazingly strong. I think she's picking up kung fu as well. She hangs on to my finger so tight that I can pick her up. She doesn't fall off for ages. Pollux tells me off because she's too little for the rough and tumble stuff.

  I like Tat. He teaches me kung fu and I teach him to cook magic melting moments and how to teleport. He takes up surfing, hangs out in Azziz's cafe and makes a great babysitter. He even keeps his Zen when Nelly pees on him. They make a sight together, with my little naked brown baby wrapped up in the Kung Fu Master's orange robes. I draw a picture of them and stick it on the wall.

  Nelly is a time waster. I spend hours with her; holding her, cleaning her, feeding her and playing with her. She sits up and smiles and giggles and chortles at me, wanting my total, undivided attention at all times. I manage to fit the training sessions in but the chores don't get done and the mountain of laundry grows taller by the day. The slugs see that it's getting too much for me and send a team of zinodes around to help. I had good intentions of spending time up in the moons to see how other single mothers manage but when I do get a quiet moment I just want to chill, not watch baby TV.

  Breast-feeding is really relaxing. She latches on and sucks away, watching me all the time with her dad's eyes. Then her eyes roll back and she's asleep. Sometimes I just hold her, not wanting to put her down.

  14

  I get a sudden urge to show off my baby. She's just so cute. Without even thinking, I click my fingers and Annie is here. She's stark bollocks naked and covered with soap bubbles. The look on her face is priceless.

  'Emmmmmm!' She screams and gives me the biggest hug.

  'Meet Nelly,' I say handing her the baby.

  'Argh, it's a baby,' she screams, and nearly drops Nelly.

  Nelly catches her eye and smiles at her, then sucks on her boob. 'Get off, get off! Stop that!' she says, but Nelly has latched on and won't let go. Annie doesn't know quite what to say or do. Finally gathering her wits, she says, 'I want one too!'

  We chat about home and school. I'm glad I'm not at school anymore; it's like something kids do.

  Azziz babysits; Annie and me go riding on Trigger. We follow the stream up to the meadow and gallop across the prairie until the long grass stretches from horizon to horizon.

  'Look out!' shouts Pollux; I've got a problem.

  We've got a problem. A slimeball crashes to ground just in front of us, rolling over and over until it comes to a halt.

  'Go, go, go,' I shout, digging my heels in.

  Trigger needs no encouragement. He goes like the wind.

  The slimeball is charging along behind us, cutting a broad swathe through the prairie like a giant lawn mower. He's gaining on us. Trigger is heading for some giant boulders where we can hide or squeeze into a crack. We bounce around on his back, hanging on for dear life. We're almost there but the slimeball is too close. We're not going to make it; it's going to get us.

  Trigger suddenly stops and turns on the spot. Annie and me go flying and land in a tangle of arms and legs in the long grass. Jumping up, I see Trigger charge into the slimeball knocking it over. He backs up and charges again, then before the slimeball can recover; he turns and gives it a mighty kick with both hind legs, right on the chin. The slimeball flees, shooting off across the prairie with Trigger in pursuit. Trigger, you star!

  'Hit the ground,' yells Castor. 'I'll be up over the horizon in 2 seconds.'

  As we duck a couple of photon torpedoes whistle low over our heads and the slimeball explodes.

  Trigger limps back over to us. He has a huge gash down his side. I teleport him back with us and I get Annie to hold a pillow against the wound while I grab my sewing kit and stitch him up with a bit of string and the biggest needle I can find. Trigger stays at the house while he recovers. We feed him on carrots and lettuces, fresh from the garden and massage him all over with a scrubbing brush twice a day.

  When we go to visit Pollux, he apologies, 'I'm so, so sorry, my moon is getting old. I think but it doesn't always react.'

  Nelly is hungry. I'm eating like a horse but can hardly keep up with demand.

  'Cow, you are nothing but a cow. She loves you for your milk,' jokes Annie. 'Why don't you give her real food?'

  Why don't I? We start her off with bits of ripe banana, then squish up what's left of our dinner and give it to her. She's getting to be so grown up.

  Annie can't stay very long. Her mum thinks something terrible has happened and gets real upset. Having just lost her husband she really needs Annie back home.

  Nelly needs company. Not boring adult company, but other children. I'm going to need more people on Camillo as my children grow up, but I'm not ready to open the gates yet, I like Camillo as it is and I want it to be all mine as long as possible. I'm already losing little bits; Jesus and Azziz have the chunk around the cafe and distillery and Tat has his space up in the mountains.

  For the moment, I'll make more babies and I want Zula to be their dad. I know it's completely daft because I could grab one of those talented rock stars from Zwingly or could save the most cutest, sexiest guy on Earth when he crashes his sports car, and he could be with me here, but Zula has my heart. I give him a little something else as well, and on mid-summer's day, I find that I'm pregnant again. Am I a sucker for punishment or what?

  'Ouch! Stop that. You'll be weaned!'

  Breast feeding was really relaxing but it's not at the moment. She's teething and gives me painful little nips with her sharp new teeth. Her gums swell and she groans and whinges, complaining about the pain. She can't sleep and gets cranky and short tempered. I give her a book to chew on. She eats most of it and leaves the rest of it in sticky little bits pasted all around the house.

  Tat is at one with everything around him. He's the one they based the Jedi Knights in Star Wars on. Like the slugs, I'm sure he can see everything around him at all times, even in the dark.

  We're at the stream mouth skimming stones and watching Jesus surfing.

  'You have great energy about you. I have never seen such dark power before,' he says, furrowing his brow.

  'Beware the evil Em,' I say, skimming another stone.

  'No seriously, you have a great power about you. Your heart is pure but there is this huge energy.'

  I suddenly click. Shall I show him?

  'Can you keep a secret?'

  I skim a stone then lift Enzo out of my pocket.

  'Meet Enzo,' I say flicking open his cage of white antimatter rings.

  Enzo hovers just in front of Tat, who regards him with wide eyes. Then he closes his eyes and concentrates. His hand shoots out like lightning but misses; Enzo moves slightly to the left and hovers there joggling from side to side. Tat spins around and kicks out but hits nothing but air. His left hand flashes across, but misses.

  Tat opens his eyes and says, 'I've met my match.'

  'Take care,' I say. 'He has a bit of trouble with his gravity sometimes.'

  'Gravity?' asks Tat.

  'Yes, gravity.'

  As if to prove a point, Enzo sucks in a large boulder.

  'Wow!'

  'You can borrow him for training if you like.'

  'Cool.'

  But Enzo doesn't want to go; he likes to stay in sight of me. I'm happier like that, cos I like his comforting presence. When Jesus isn't around, Enzo trains with us. Tat is delighted to have a new challenge to master and they are a trick to watch, with Enzo teasing and tempting Tat, then making surprise attacks. Tat has yet to outwit Enzo and marvels at Negrita who springs out of nowhere and wrestles Enzo to the ground.

  Eventually Nelly's clothes arrive, having been sent to the wrong asteroid. I love parcels. Nelly eats the wrapping paper while I sort through the clothes. I was never one for playing with dolls but I dress up Nelly just for the fun of it. It's summer and she doesn't need clothes. If Number 2 is a girl, she can wear them.

  Nelly wriggles and squirms and turns over, then she shuffles and before I know it, she's crawling. Now nothing is safe, she goes around the house on a search and destroy mission, emptying cupboards and chewing on everything. After she burns her fingers on the stove, I make a fence from a couple of huge pieces of bleached driftwood, which I teleport into place with a click of my fingers. That keeps her out.

  I love the sense of chaos that has arrived since Nelly became mobile. She’s fascinated by Negrita and pursues her around the house babbling, 'Ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga.' After stalking her for weeks she finally catches a hold of the cagoon's bushy black tail.

  I'm mopping the floor when Negrita lets out a hiss and spins around breathing fire, setting Nel's hair alight. As the flames shoot up, I scream and throw my bucket of soapy water at her. Negrita screeches and shoots out the door like a scalded cat. I just love it; it's wonderful!

  15

  It's somewhere in the small hours of the morning and I'm lying in bed worrying. Out of the window I can see stars. They're so bright that they look really close. If I had a long ladder, I could climb up and pluck them from the sky. I would bring them home and stick them on the ceiling and they could twinkle down at Nelly and me. Nel would like that.

  The stars are really far, far away. That's it, that's what I'm worried about, Earth. It's far, far away and I haven't spared a thought for it in ages. God was worried about Earth. I click my fingers to fetch the worm.

  Things seem good on Earth, very good. The golden era of peace, shouts out the front cover of Time magazine. I read a little of the article, Since the fall of Ariella and her regime in Europe, the world has entered an unprecedented era of peace. Even the Israelis and Palestinians are getting along, having recently torn down the barricades and formed the state of Pisrael. Analysts are at a loss to explain why former enemies around the world are now getting along. Some have even suggested it is the alignment of the stars.

  Things are good; it must be the influence of The Book. I try to zoom in on the little island of Mulo in the Adriatic but The Book blocks access and there's nothing there, just a fuzzy splodge. I wish I could visit and see Petra. She lives a life that is in so many ways similar to mine. She has immense power at her fingertips yet is probably pottering in the garden weeding, or throwing stones at the seagulls or something like that.

  Our destinies appear to be intertwined so I'm sure our paths will cross at some stage. I hope so. We could hang out together.

  I have a peek at Ijju's baby. It's curled up in bed with her and Azulay. Her and Azulay. Negrita is lucky she's not here; I'd kick her for sure! It's no surprise that Ijju's curled up with Zula. I shouldn't be jealous, but I am anyway. That'll teach me to go spying on them in the middle of the night. I should show a bit of respect to my friends.

 

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