The Woods, page 8
“So you have no reason to dislike us. You’re not interested in getting to know us at all. You’re just jealous you’re not getting any attention. Oh, poor Tess. How hard done by you are.”
“Fuck off,” I hiss.
“I will,” he says, getting up. “I don’t know why I bothered coming round.”
He slams the door on his way out and Ellie wakes up with a grumpy wail.
I grit my teeth. I hate him. I hate both of them, Jack and bloody Sean.
New Year’s Eve and we’re over at Dean House with the rest of the village. Bella’s wearing a black slinky dress and is laughing with Max and Lena, putting her hand on Max’s arm as she leans in to talk to him. I’ve refused to wear anything but jeans and I’m sitting in a corner playing with Ellie.
“Come on, buttercup, it’s time you were in bed,” Julia says, coming over and scooping Ellie up. “Let’s leave Tess to play with people her own age, shall we?”
Ellie wails as Julia carries her away and part of me wants to wail right along with her, left alone in a corner with a half-finished Disney princess jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes it’s so much easier to play with Ellie, the pair of us invisible in a corner.
This house is weird. They’ve lit candles and strung fairy lights around the room, filled every surface with bottles and glasses, but under all the party stuff, it looks like they haven’t bothered doing anything. The paper’s peeling on the walls and the floorboards are bare. It’s cold and creepy and damp and I don’t know how they can stand living here. It’s like they did all the essential stuff—sorting the roof and windows—and then got bored and gave up, so the inside still has the creepy haunted-house vibe it always had.
No one else seems to see it. Probably because everyone is drunk except me. Even Dad’s necking back the wine, standing over by the fire with Greg Lewis.
Now Bella is dragging Max off to dance and I get up to leave. I’m halfway to the door when I see Sean coming in, so I about-turn and duck out the back door instead, taking refuge in the garden.
I take a deep breath as I walk around. There are so many weeds. Half the roses I spent months nurturing are being choked by them. My hands itch to get stuck in, pull away the tangled brambles, give the flowers a chance to breathe and grow. But a flare of light at the far end of the walled garden tells me I’m not alone. Someone’s out here smoking a cigarette. As my eyes adjust to the dark, I see it’s Greg Lewis. He raises a hand and beckons me over.
“Hello, Tess. Are you having a good time?”
I shrug and fiddle with an ivy leaf clinging to the wall.
“I know what you mean. It’s a bit much, isn’t it?”
I’m surprised. He’s been circling the room with Julia, life and soul of the party, his loud laugh cutting through the noise all night, dancing with everyone.
“Julia’s the party animal,” he says in explanation. “I’d prefer a quiet night down the pub.” He grinds his cigarette out under his foot.
“I need to do something about this garden in the spring,” he says, kicking at a weed sprouting from the ground. “Sean used to help me in the old house, but he’s away at school most of the time now.”
“Sean likes gardening?” I can’t hide the note of surprise in my voice.
He smiles. “Sure. You do too, don’t you? Leo said something. You should talk to Sean about it—it’s always difficult to find things in common when you’re the youngest, isn’t it?”
I bow my head at the pity in his voice. Oh God—have they been discussing me on their nights down the pub? Poor, friendless Tess.
I turn away.
“Hey,” Greg says, touching my shoulder. “Sorry. That was a bit patronizing, wasn’t it?”
“I don’t want to get drunk and smoke and take drugs in the woods, that’s all. I don’t want to be one of those idiots. How does that make me the sad case?”
I wince as I realize I’ve just told Greg in so many words that drinking and smoking and taking drugs is what his sons get up to when they’re out with Bella and her friends. I don’t even know if it’s true or if it’s just what I’m afraid of.
“It doesn’t,” he says. “Not at all. It makes you the sensible one. You just keep being you, Tess Cooper.”
“What’s going on?”
I spin round at the new voice and see Sean watching us from the back door, silhouetted by the kitchen light.
“Tess is out here getting some fresh air,” Greg says, stepping away from me.
“Is that right?” Sean says, and he’s staring at me, a frown on his face.
“Yeah—is that a problem?” I realize I don’t want pity and sympathy from Greg—that’s just making me feel worse. I want a fight. I want Sean Lewis to snap back at me, give me a chance to vent all this…frustration and jealousy and God knows what.
But he doesn’t. He laughs and shakes his head, then turns away and heads back inside. As he pulls the door open, I hear everyone cheering and the chimes of Big Ben from the TV.
Great. Happy bloody New Year.
NOW
Chapter 10
“Hey, Soph.”
“Hey, stranger. How’s it going? How are you coping being back there?”
“Well, I had to get Max to stop the car so I could throw up as soon as we got to the village, so that gives you a bit of an indication.”
“Shit.”
“Yep. But…I’m still glad I came back.”
“How are Julia and your dad?”
I lean back against the pillows and close my eyes, soothed by the sympathy in her voice. It’s only eight in the morning—I’m amazed she answered; Sophie likes a lie-in on a Saturday. My eyes are gritty with tiredness—I can’t have slept more than two hours. “They’re…God, I was going to say they’re fine, that automatic ridiculous answer. But they’re not. Of course they’re not. Julia is dying—she’s so ill, it’s torture to see. And Dad. My poor, poor dad. He’s…struggling.”
“At least you’re there.”
“Yeah. I guess. What’s happening there?” My heart thumps as I wait for her answer. The pause before she speaks is too long.
“I…I don’t know really. I told Karen what’s happening with Julia. They’re holding off on things as long as they can.”
“So I don’t need to worry about being arrested at the funeral then?”
I’d meant it as a joke but there’s another pause. “I’m sure it won’t come to that.”
Those pauses. Her tone. Rebecca Martin’s parents must be making trouble. It doesn’t take a detective to interpret her silences.
“I feel so awful about what I did, Soph. I’m here and it’s like I’m sixteen again and remembering what I was like then. I can’t quite believe I did that to Rebecca. She’s a kid. I wish I could see her, try to explain…”
“Jesus, Tess—don’t even think it.”
“No, no, I’m not. I just wish I could go back in time and undo it.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
I sigh. “So, Max and Lena came back with me. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but Julia seemed so happy to see them. But they’re…they’re reminders of Bella. Every time I look at them, I see her.”
“How was it seeing your old boyfriend again?”
I snort. “He was never my boyfriend. But last night…It was weird. I was talking to him and Lena about Sean and…I think I was remembering things. From the night of Bella’s death.”
“Oh God, really? What did you remember?”
“I’m not sure. It was vague and muddled. I didn’t sleep last night, so my brain is a mess, which isn’t helping. It was a flash of us out in the woods, her yelling something at me. And I keep seeing this other moment. From the wedding, I think. Someone’s talking to me—a man. But I can’t make out the words or see their face. And now…” I grip my phone harder. “And now Julia wants to see her sons and although I don’t want them here, I’m thinking I should try…”
“For Julia?”
“Sean’s here. Back at his old house. Dad wants me to try to get him to visit.” I pause. “And maybe seeing him—seeing Dean House again, walking past the woods, maybe it’ll trigger another memory. I don’t want to. I want to run as far away in the other direction as possible. But I think I need to, Soph, if I ever want to move on and not pass out every time I come near the place.”
Sophie’s turn to sigh. “I guess. But…”
“What? Say it. Whatever you’re thinking.”
“I’m worried. You have so much going on—with Julia, with school. God, Tess, I know you’re determined to tough it out, but maybe one step at a time, yeah?”
“But Julia wants to see Sean and Dad’s asked me if I’ll talk to him.” I sit upright. “I’ll sort it out, though. And it’ll serve Sean right if I puke all over him. Don’t worry about me.”
“Can’t help it. That’s my job as chief best friend.”
I laugh. “I have to go.”
“Okay, babes. Call me tomorrow, okay? Let me know how it’s going.”
I hear a noise as I end the call and get up with a frown. Lena’s standing outside the door. She’s wearing the same clothes as last night and looks like she slept about as much as I did.
“Sorry,” she says. “I could hear you on the phone and I didn’t want to interrupt.”
“Were you listening?”
Lena raises her eyebrows and ducks round me. “Um—no. Why would I? I just need to get something.”
How long was she standing there? She might not have meant to, but she would have heard every word.
I rub my eyes, heavy-headed and groggy. “Where’s Max?” I ask. I wanted to take Max with me to talk to Sean. They’re still friends; surely he’ll be more persuasive than me face-to-face, even if Sean told him to eff off on the phone?
Lena rolls her eyes, pulling creased clothes out of her bag. “Oh, he dashed off at seven for some emergency meeting.”
“On a Saturday?”
She shrugs. “Don’t ask me. It’s bad enough I couldn’t sleep and was up before the bloody sun rose. I was not conscious enough to ask questions.”
“When will he be back?”
She shrugs, pulling her T-shirt over her head. “Hopefully in time for me not to have to get the train back tomorrow. He’s not gone far—it’s some project of theirs near Cardiff.” She finishes changing and smiles at me. “What, you thought Mr. Ambitious had dropped everything to rush to Julia’s side? It was good timing, was how he put it. He gets to put the whole weekend on expenses.”
“Good timing? Julia dying is good timing?”
She winces. “I don’t think that was what he meant exactly.”
I waver in the doorway. Could I take Lena with me? No. She’s too combative. She’s hardly likely to persuade Sean into visiting. Get him in a headlock and try dragging him here, yes, but not persuade him nicely.
I put a hand on my stomach. Shit. I’m going to have to do this alone.
Dad is in with Julia, holding her hand. I pause in the doorway. They’re talking in low voices, Dad leaning in toward her. It looks too intimate, his hand in hers, the smile on his face, so I pass by without going in, blowing them both a kiss.
I argue with myself the whole time I walk to Dean House. Do I really want Sean in my life again? Even for Julia’s sake? I could lie, couldn’t I? Tell Dad I went there and he refused to see me. Julia doesn’t even know he’s here. I waver but my feet keep walking the familiar route.
It’s not even nine o’clock when I get to Dean House and I wonder if I’ve been foolish to march over so early before my courage failed. Will Sean still be here? And if he is, what if I wake him up and he’s pissed off? As I hesitate, thinking about leaving, I hear running footsteps behind me, Lena’s voice calling my name.
“What is it?” I say. “What are you doing here? Is it Julia?”
She shakes her head. “Hang on a sec,” she says. “Let me get my breath.” She looks over at the house. “I heard a bit of what you were saying on the phone. Sorry—I wasn’t eavesdropping but I couldn’t help it. I thought I’d come and see Sean with you but you’d already gone by the time I’d got ready. I needn’t have run though—you haven’t even made it past the wall yet.”
“I was actually contemplating running back home and hiding under the bed.”
She lights a cigarette and grins at me. “Might be a good idea. Save it for later when it’s an acceptable time to down some Dutch courage before knocking on the door.” It’s not like Lena to be so cautious. She’s always been more of a dive-in-and-worry-about-it-later person. Hence my not inviting her along.
“Hey, do you remember how sexy Greg Lewis was? Bella used to insist he was far hotter than Jack and Sean. Older man and all that. I never really saw it myself. I’ve known him since I was three.”
I flinch at her mention of Greg. I’ve not thought—not allowed myself to think—about him for a very long time.
I remember overhearing Bella and her friends talking about him, how I would squirm at their speculation about the tragic figure living alone in the monster house after everything happened. He was handsome and brooding and alone and I’m sure, in that creeping hot summer when there was a killer on the loose, Bella and her friends weren’t the only kids who thought of him, hiding away in his creepy house. It added an edge, a frisson of danger, to the average boring teenage crush.
“He was old enough to be her dad.” I try to keep my tone neutral, but the smile Lena gives me tells me I failed.
“Bella told me she used to talk to him.”
My cheeks burn. Our secret, Bella said. Not a secret at all, then. She told Lena and God knows who else. I feel the old jealousy stir. He was mine, it shrieks. How dare she claim him as hers?
“She said she used to visit without us and she spoke to him.” Lena glances over at me. “What do you think happened to him? Do you really think he ran off because of the wedding?”
I forgot to wonder. I’d stopped going over there a few weeks before the wedding. And then Bella dying overshadowed him disappearing. Julia became ours, the boys never bothered visiting the house or clearing it out. Greg Lewis disappeared and the weeds grew and the dust settled and we all…forgot. I feel the familiar piercing guilt. I doubt Jack and Sean forgot, did they?
I shiver, remembering the dust that had already settled over the house when I went there with Bella the night before the wedding. “Maybe he’s still there, locked in a forgotten room.”
“Nah—I reckon he’s probably living it up in Marbella,” Lena says.
“But why wouldn’t he contact his sons?” Something’s nagging, tugging at the string of my lost memories, but I can’t get hold of it.
“How do you know he doesn’t keep in contact? How do you know he hasn’t arranged to have all his stuff shipped somewhere?” Lena pauses. “I came here once, on my own. I was pissed off with Max and Bella—they were hanging out together, leaving me out, whispering and sneaking off,” she says with a funny smile on her face.
My shoulder jerks, can’t help it.
“I sneaked over the wall and I saw him…” Lena’s voice dies.
“Saw him what?”
“Saw him watching you.” She looks at me. “You didn’t know I knew? You didn’t think Bella and I would be curious about where you kept sneaking off to?”
No, I didn’t know. That last year, I didn’t think Bella even saw me anymore. Not until…
“Don’t worry,” she says. “I didn’t tell anyone then and I won’t now. You were in the garden, sweaty and…well, you weren’t looking your best, Tess, to be honest.”
I grit my teeth. She can’t say anything without the cut, the jab.
Lena laughs. “Sorry,” she says. But she doesn’t mean it. She might as well add, “No offense.”
I shrug. “So he was watching—so what? He used to teach me about gardening.”
She grins. “It was what he was doing while he was watching.” She leans forward and whispers in my ear.
I recoil, pull away from her and her disgusting words that spread through me like a virus.
“No—he wouldn’t. Jesus, Lena!”
She laughs again. “I swear, Tess. He was watching you, all sweaty and grubby in your shorts and his hand was down his pants. Swear it.”
She’s lying, taking all my own worried thoughts and turning them into a nightmare she wants to grow inside me for some sick reason. It makes me wonder what else Bella told her. She wouldn’t have, would she?
“Why the hell would you even say that?” I mutter, shoulders rigid with tension.
“You know why Julia really left him, right?” Lena says, lighting another cigarette.
“The relationship broke down after Ellie died. Everyone knows that.”
Lena laughs. “Right. That’s what he wanted everyone to think.”
“So what was the real reason?”
Smoke from Lena’s cigarette blows in my face and I wave it away.
“He used to fuck teenage girls,” she says, and I step away from her, her words a slap in the face.
She’s staring at me. “Yeah—you know that, don’t you?”
Oh God—the way she’s looking at me. Bella must have told her.
“Of course I don’t know that—how do you know?”
She raises an eyebrow. “How do you think?”
Greg and Lena?
She laughs. “Only joking. As if I’d touch an old man.”
He wasn’t that old.
“It is true, though, about him and teenage girls. Jack told me once. He caught his dad touching up one of his girlfriends. I think that’s why he ran off. I think he got caught.”
I remember the way Greg touched Bella’s hair that day I saw them together.
“Come on, Tess,” Lena says, nudging me. “Are you trying to tell me he never touched you all those times you were…gardening together? No sweaty little rolls in the mud? You can tell me, I’ll keep it a secret.”
I turn away from her, jumping as a bird swoops past. “What are you even doing here? It’s not to see Sean, is it?”
“I had to get out of that house,” she says. “God—the smell.” She shudders. “I can’t stand it. Seeing Julia like that—wasn’t she always larger than life? Didn’t she light up any room she was in? I didn’t want to come. I wanted to remember her like she was. All those parties, do you remember?”
