Perfection Comes at a Price, page 20
“But I do love you.”
“Yes, a tiny teeny little bit. I am a comfortable bedwarmer. A convenient station to relieve tension. How marvellous! You obviously think that you’ve made my day. Do I need to be grateful as well?”
“I know that you’re upset. I knew that you would be. That’s why I didn’t tell you earlier.”
“Why tell at all? You could have just departed one day, perhaps having had the grace to leave a little note saying, “I am leaving you”. That would have made me feel no worse than now.”
“You’re being unreasonable…”
“Unreasonable?” hissed Katie, interrupting him, “I think I’m being bloody reasonable in having such a measured and controlled discussion about the fact that you are dropping me like a hot potato.”
“You have always harped on marriage…”
“Stop right there! In our type of close relationship, any woman at all would have started to think that it was leading to something permanent.”
“You are berating me for not proposing?” Eric looked belligerent.
“In a way perhaps I am. I honestly thought that I mattered to you enough for you to want to marry me. My heart is freezing over at the thought that in the end I have not been sufficiently important to you. That realisation sends shivers up my spine. It freezes my emotions. I’m not even able to scream or shout. To you I am a nobody.”
“Katie, I don’t want to uproot you…”
“Spare me such insincerities, they are insulting.”
“I’m not trying to insult you. We can carry on as always and make visits.”
Katie was beyond tears. To feel that she did not really matter to Eric was killing her inside. No, she would not be his little bit of fluff. As no marriage was forthcoming, there was no point in their relationship continuing. She would not be able to. The pain was far too acute. It would only be a burning and searing fire to be with him with no future.
When they had found each other again and they were both free, Katie really believed that marriage was awaiting her. What was preventing him? She was by now a well-known artist. She was not a nobody. She knew that he should want to marry her, but something was in the way. What? Till Eric found the reason why and then dealt with it, there was no future for them. That was why Katie had to put a stop to it, right now.
“Eric. Under those circumstances I don’t want to be in your life. You know that you mean the world to me. I’m afraid that for me it is either a marriage or nothing at all.”
“Katie, it doesn’t have to be like that. A lot of couples are together without a marriage.”
“I am not a lot of couples. I am me. You have a choice to make. Now. This very day. I’ve given you years in which to make up your mind. There is no more time for you. The last grains of sand are falling.”
“Darling, I’m not ready to take such a step.”
“Thank you for giving me a straight answer. Now we two must part. Thank you for loving me at all and for all the kindnesses on your part. I shall treasure them in my memory. We shall not now go to the restaurant. Instead, you will go home. And then I don’t want any contact at all. A clean break is the kindest for both of us. No, don’t try to come near, have some respect for me. This is goodbye, Eric. Let us at least be dignified about it.”
Eric was amazed at Katie’s composure. It was as if she had rehearsed it. He had expected a terrible tearful scene. But he did not know that she had had all those months to wait for the axe to fall. What she definitely did not want was to beg a man to marry her who did not want to do so. Her anxiety and fear showed in the pottery that she had created during those months. They were powerful pieces showing an inner turmoil. What she did not know at that moment was that those works would be selling as fast as she could produce them. Now she just stood there, calm and pale and composed. Her dreams had broken into shards.
Eric decided not to prolong the agony.
“Well, I had better go then, Katie. I think we both need a lot more time to consider out situation. Goodbye for now, Katie.”
“Goodbye, Eric.”
Then he was gone. Katie felt almost inanimate. Tears would have helped her, but none were forthcoming. She did what was best under the circumstances: she watched various comedies. Later on, she took a sleeping pill in order to have an unbroken night. She thought of Scarlett O’Hara saying, “After all, tomorrow is another day.”
Chapter 38
Eric allowed two weeks to pass before phoning Katie. He reckoned that by then her fury would have abated. He got the answering machine and left a message. After a week he made another call. Again, he got the answering machine. Things were beginning to look serious. After another ten days he made a third attempt. He left a shot message. As time passed, he gathered that she was not going to answer. She had meant what she said.
Indeed, Katie had found each message deeply upsetting. She was going through a very difficult emotional time and could barely keep her wits together. There was no point to Eric’s love messages when he had decided that there was nothing further for them in the future. She would have to start to lead a new life with new expectations. Easier said than done. Once she knew that he had left for Denmark, only then would she start to feel easier. It would help her to know that he was at a distance.
This time Katie did not run straight to Nandita. She waited till September had passed, and then she poured her heart out to Timmy.
“Timmy, Eric has left me again.”
“This doesn’t come as a surprise to me. As time passed and he did not introduce you to the children, I began to have my doubts. What’s the matter with the man?”
“I don’t know. There is something in his mind that prevents him from marrying me. It is no longer that I’m not much more educated than I was before. I am now a name and have my own standing.”
“It is a pity. You two are so ideally suited.”
“I’ve neglected you a bit since Eric’s return. Tell me, what’s going on in your life?”
“Astrid and I got quietly wed eight months ago and to our great surprise, and delight, she is now pregnant.”
“How wonderful for you, Timmy. I wish you both all happiness.”
Later that week a parcel arrived for Timmy. The couple gasped in admiration when they opened it. There was a beautiful work by Katie.
For Eric, the rift was so much easier to bear. He was going to a new posting, new happenings and new people. Each posting was a type of adventure and settling in took a lot of time so there was not much time left to brood. He had been to one of his self-imposed obligatory visits to his parents in August. His mother smoked more than ever. It was a wonder that the Grim Reaper had not yet come to collect her. But then, thought Eric, being so smoked and pickled, she would probably make it to a hundred. His father had sobered up somewhat and had not been as offensive as usual.
Once Eric got to Copenhagen, there was the ceremony of presenting the credentials. The job of Ambassador could be described as being an icon of the Queen. To be the head of post was extremely satisfying for him.
As in Stockholm, after he had been widowed, the same syndrome appeared at functions. His dinner partners were almost invariably single women between the ages of thirty-eight and forty-five. As always, he was charming and polite, he even invited some of them out with him, but nothing ever went further. Inside himself he felt wedded to Katie.
Back home, Emma had fallen in love. She was now twenty-three. The loved one was twelve years older though he did not look his age. He was a stockbroker. As Eric was at his posting, it fell to Sir Philip to listen to all the adulations of the young man.
“Grandpa, Charles is taking me to dinner at a place called Sarrastro’s. I’ve never been there before, but he says it is fun. It is not stuffed with codgers. Now I must think what to wear.”
“Sweetheart, you always look stunning. You’re in the fashion industry so you know exactly what to wear.”
“That’s true, Grandpa. I’ve been out with him four times. I can’t wait to be in his arms.”
“What do you mean, Popsikins?”
“He kissed me on our third date.”
“That’s fast work. You no doubt encouraged him, what?”
“Of course. He is such a handsome man. I think that I’m in love.”
“Handsome is not everything. Take your time about love. Think what your father would think. He’s counting on me to take care of you in his absence.”
“Father would tut tut, purse his lips and make sarcastic comments. He’s good at those. Finds the right arrows. I can’t speak to him as I can with you. Because I can talk to you openly, you can advise me so much better than father, to whom nothing can be told.”
“I see. But back to your young man. Don’t encourage him too much. He might go into over-drive.”
“No, no, grandpa. Charles behaves properly.”
“Emma. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I plan to noose and to net him. I intend to marry him.”
“By the time you have noosed and netted him, the poor man will have nothing to say. When will you allow me to meet him?”
“Not quite yet. He must not be frightened off. In May, just two months’ time, he is taking me to the Russian Ball. That would be an ideal time. I’ll ask Charles for drinks with all of us as he comes to collect me.”
“Excellent. I can’t wait.”
As a result, Sir Philip put out all his antennae in order to know what there was to know about Charles Antonio Williams. He even paid a private eye! He was most careful that nobody knew of his machinations. He knew that both Emma and his wife would have skinned him alive. In his mind he justified his actions by thinking that Eric would certainly have approved as he was a man well-practised in reconnaissance. As all reports were favourable, Sir Philip relaxed.
Later, Emma had a chat with her brother.
“Lucius, I had a chat with Grandpa about Charles.”
“Ah, did you? And what did you tell him?”
“Not much, that’s for sure. Don’t want to upset the old thing. After all, he comes from another century.”
“That was wise. But tell me, how is Charles?”
“He’s an ace in bed, I can tell you. Comes from the Sicilian background of his mother. And I know, thanks to the ‘recommended reading’ suggested by Daddy. Do you remember when he took us aside one day and said, “As I am the mother and father in this family, now that you have both reached the age of eighteen and nineteen respectively, I feel the need to advise you on sex. Don’t look so startled. I’m not going to do the teaching, but I’ve got two books of recommended reading upon the subject which I’d like you to read. One is on the medical side of it and the other is about sexual psychology. These books will give you the necessary information. I don’t want you two to rely on the rubbish you may have heard behind the bicycle shed or in the girls’ dormitories.”
“I remember that scene well. Typical father. To have waited till we were nearly adult! By then it was old hat! But full marks for father, he tackled a thorny subject which most parents never even touch. Emma, I see that you have gone to bed with Charles. Where is this leading?”
“Oh, to marriage, brother dear. To marriage. That is why I let Charles stew for four long months before bedding him. Let the hunter hunt. He is wonderful. I adore his dark hair and eyes. They glow. And his hairy arms and legs. Hairy legs always does it for me.”
“You’d get the same result from a fur coat.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It is the action. Charles is indefatigable.”
“He’d need to be with you.”
“Soon he will propose. I know it in my bones.”
“I shall be waiting for the announcement.”
“You will, dear brother, you will. In the not too distant future.”
Chapter 39
Lucius had been dragged to the drinks before the Russian Ball. Emma wanted the whole family to meet Charles. Lucius gathered that his sister must regard her relationship as going towards the permanent, why otherwise subject the young man to an invitation to a crocodile pond? Grandpa especially could be a ferocious beast behind all that jovial mask of his. Also very protective. So far father had been told nothing. Emma had said that that depended upon these drinks and how Charles got on with everyone.
His sister looked fetching. The ball-gown she had designed was made of peach-coloured brocade. What she called a boat-neck was jagged like icicles, with the thin middle-plunge pointing downwards a bit deeper than the rest, so as to show a whiff of cleavage. Small sleeves with jagged edges. Around the hips the fabric appeared to be twisted into a kind of plait whose diagonal lines enhanced an hour-glass shape. The broad skirt was not quite full-length which enabled the red patent-leather high-heels to be seen. Her big red earrings, together with the red shoes, created an electric effect. No wonder that her business was going well.
Charles arrived. Emma flew to open the door.
“This is Charles. May I introduce my grandparents and my brother, Lucius.”
Hands were shaken in the continental style because Lady Saunders liked it. The housemaid served the drinks.
“The Russian Ball sounds wonderfully old-fashioned. I am surprised they have it. On the whole balls seem to have remained only in Vienna,” said Sir Philip.
“It is most wonderfully old-fashioned. Proper dancing to a dance orchestra. Later in the evening a Cossack band will play and perform. And I want Emma to learn sabrage.”
“What’s that?” asked Emma.
“It is the art of opening champagne bottles with a sword.”
“Charles, how exciting,” enthused Emma, “I never knew such a thing existed.”
“Well, my dear, I shall look forward to hearing all about it, “said Sir Philip.
“Lucius, when you finally get a girlfriend, that is where you should take her.”
“That sounds like a good idea, sis.”
Then the young couple left.
“What a pleasant young man,” commented Lady Saunders.
“Sis has chosen well. She is doing a swell job in disguising how crazy she is about Charles. Good for her.”
“I have a feeling this might end in wedding bells,” mused Sir Philip. “Emma tells me that later in the summer she intends to take Charles to Copenhagen to meet father.”
“Well, then it is serious indeed,” said Lucius.
After the Ball, Eric got to hear about Charles. He phoned Sir Philip.
“What is the whipper-snapper in my daughter’s life like?”
“Relax, Eric. Emma has chosen well. Charles Williams is a very pleasant young man. I’m sure you will approve.”
“My approval will count for nothing. The young these days don’t listen to their parents.”
“Did they ever? I remember when Philippa dragged you in front of my eyes. Her mind was firmly made up, no matter what I might have said.”
“Well, yes. It was most nerve-racking for me. I feared that you would have pulverised me.”
“It turned out to be wonderful for all of us. We have two splendid youngsters as a result, Lucius and Emma.”
“I shall look forward to eventually meeting the young man.”
“Oh, you will, you will.”
In August Emma and Charles went to Copenhagen. Eric and Charles liked one another on sight. The very next day at breakfast Emma said,
“Daddy, Charles and I got engaged last night. May he now move into the same bedroom with me? Once back in London he will get me a rock for my paw. I’d like pink morganite surrounded by light-blue Ceylonese sapphires. We’ll have it made.”
“Congratulations, my dears. Welcome into the family, Charles. Champagne bottles will be opened at lunch. Emma, my treasure, come and give your Daddy a hug.”
Great joy reigned supreme.
For Eric it was a new sensation to think about wedding plans. Emma’s wedding made Eric think about his own missed wedding with Katie. He could have walked up the aisle and then stood there with his best man to wait for the bride. But he had chosen not to. It made him feel a little wistful to see how others were going into the bliss of matrimony. He was not entirely sure whether he had done the right thing by himself. Being in Denmark was not a hardship post, there was mercifully not much going on, so actually, Katie would have coped. Her decision of no contact was hard for Eric to bear. However, he could understand that she was not up to it.
As for the plans, as Eric was in Copenhagen, he wisely appointed Lady Saunders to undertake the task of wedding planning. She was a practical woman who would inject some common sense into the plans which Sir Philip did his best to take over. He was a true mother-hen. He loved being closeted with Emma and to talk till the cows came home about the arrangements, ceremonies, colours, food, guest-list and so on. Without Lady Saunders’s input, the whole wedding would have ballooned into an impossibility.
Emma did not want any delay, and so a winter wedding was planned for February. The church favoured by Sir Philip was St Magnus the Martyr. To make sure that the church would be sufficiently warm, he negotiated a special payment which meant that the heating system there would be roaring at full strength from early morning on. For him it was important that the bride need not wear a coat.
The two had also decided that they did not want an almighty bunfight, so no more than a hundred guests were invited. Charles of course was consulted, but he did not feel that he was up to such plans and was more than happy to leave it all to others. On top of that he did not want to be seen to meddle in any way. Let the enthusiasts loose!
When the day of the wedding arrived, Eric felt almost as nervous as the bride. His little girl had grown up so quickly and now she was going to be a married woman. It was lovely to think how harmonious the young couple seemed to be; the bride looked so happy it was heart-warming.
Emma’s dress was simplicity itself. It was Empire in style with short sleeves and a square neck-line. It was a full-length gown made of a double layer of soft silk-chiffon which cascaded beautifully from the high waist-line under the bust where it was gathered by a band of small white silk flowers. The same silk flowers were around the high bun of her hair from which flowed the veil made of extra thin chiffon with more of the same flowers. Her only jewellery was an antique bracelet which her mother had worn at her own wedding and which had initially been given to her by her father. A touch of silver eye-shadow and warm-pink lipstick completed her looks.
