Perfection Comes at a Price, page 19
“You are being very rude, Emma.”
“Dad, you are too good for a woman of her class. It is very plain that she is not really educated. What can you possibly have in common with her except sex?”
“Oi. Oi. I will not be spoken to in such a manner. Not even by my daughter, and especially not by her.”
“What a bitch you are, Emma,” said Lucius, “I think Katie is lovely.”
“That was pretty clear. You drooled over her like a dog. The whole restaurant could see it except father. Where were your wits, brother? The woman is supposed to be father’s girlfriend, after all.”
“Stop, both of you. This has gone far enough. I will hear no more,” roared Eric.
Emma was not going to be put off.
“I’m sorry if I was rude. But I am upset by such a relationship for you, father. It was quite clear that Katie thinks that she already owns you. She was mentioning that you two have future plans. What plans? She believes you are going to marry her.”
Emma looked most anxious.
“At this point I’m not thinking of any marriage,” said Eric.
“I do hope so, Daddy. She is beautiful, yes, but have you thought at all what life would be like with her? On many instances you’d be blushing with shame. She has all to gain from a marriage, and you have all to lose.”
Tears had come to Emma’s eyes. She was not blustering any longer. Real fear had got hold of her as she had realised what Katie meant for Eric. She had sensed that the union was far stronger than it appeared. And she sensed that Katie posed a possible danger for her father.
Eric saw that the girl had sussed out his own dilemma. He went to hug her.
“Please, darling, don’t cry. Let me repeat that I am not thinking of any marriage at the moment. What the future holds I don’t know. But rest assured that I do know what I am doing. Please credit your father with some brains. Now, both of you, please leave me to ruminate in peace.”
Eric went into his study. It was unendingly sad that he did not feel ready to marry Katie yet. That happiness was there for him to take, but he was not taking it. He was running away from it.
“I should end it right now,” he thought, “but I want her by my side as long as I can. Selfish or not, I’ll keep her till I’m going abroad again. I’ll tell her at the last minute. It is cowardly, but so be it.”
Chapter 36
After that luncheon, Eric was more passionate than ever with Katie and saw her more frequently. She took this as a good sign which showed that all was well with the relationship in spite of Emma being unkeen. At the end of the day, thought Katie, why should adult children have any say in the affairs of their parents? They would soon be leaving the family nest to lead lives of their own. Lucius liked her, so that was half the battle won. The daughter was still a Daddy’s girl, but she would grow out of it, certainly once a serious boyfriend had been found. Daddy would find himself on a lower pedestal.
In May, Eric took Katie on a two week holiday to his beloved Spain. They flew there and then hired a car. Eric was keen to make their tour “in the footsteps of Gerald Brennan”, whose books he particularly liked. They went to the Sierra Nevada, Al Pujara, Granada, Sevilla and finished in Cordoba.
It had been an exhilarating trip. Now Katie understood why he was so passionate about Spain, the countryside, the flamenco, the guitar. His enthusiasm woke an interest in Katie. This had been their first cultural tour, and this time Katie had appreciated the magnificence of the churches and cathedrals, the fortresses ad the palaces. She had been captivated by the Alhambra. The imposing and majestic heights of the mountains had almost made her swoon. The views had bowled her over. How lovely the sea was and the air was perfumed by luscious vegetation everywhere around.
Back home Katie’s euphoria over Spain continued. She got books from the library on Spain. Her pottery took on a flair of Southern spice. All this pleased Eric and he was there to answer her many questions.
When September arrived, there was another fateful luncheon. Katie had been in the centre of London to discuss her spring exhibition at one of the top galleries. Afterwards she was ambling by Leicester Square, and as it was getting towards twelve thirty, she decided to lunch at an Italian restaurant.
As she went in, she saw Lucius. He waved and beckoned to her.
“Hello, Katie. How nice to see you. Would you like to join me for lunch?”
“Hello, Lucius. Yes, I’d like that very much.”
The two were pleased to see one another, and soon conversation was flowing. The young man sat looking at Katie admiringly. What a lovely, warm woman she was. He could fully understand his father’s passion for this woman. What surprised him was that his father had not indicated in any way that he might be keen to marry her. His father should have snapped her up, thought Lucius.
“What do you think of Dad’s new posting?” he asked, assuming that his father would have told Katie about it. “Just think, Ambassador to Denmark.”
Katie had gone pale. She was in shock. Her hands trembled and tears came to her eyes. Lucius was appalled.
“Good Lord, has he not told you about it?” he gasped.
Katie could only shake her head as she got out her handkerchief and was then racked by sobs. Lucius was on hot coals – he had been an idiot. Never assume anything. His thoughtless words had caused this terrible distress in this kind woman. She must feel cheated to the core. Lamely he tried to alleviate the situation.
“Katie, dear, he only told us a couple of days ago. He obviously hasn’t had time to tell you yet. “
Katie sobbed even more. Only yesterday she had been with Eric.
“Please don’t cry. I’m sure that when next you see him, he will tell you the happy news.”
It would be news but it would not be happy, went through Katie’s mind. It came to her clearly that Eric had said nothing about it because he had not wanted to upset her. And she would only have been upset in case he would not be taking her with him. Her hopes were dashed.
Lucius could see that Katie had realised that Eric would not be taking her with him. How awful, it was plain to see how much she loved Eric. It had been him, Lucius, he would never have let Katie go. Oh dear, he seemed to have been smitten as well as his father. That was a silly thing from him, and he would see to it that he gave it no opportunity to develop.
It was regrettable that his father had not mentioned anything about his posting to Katie. However, the man was within his rights to have made that decision. He had a duty to tell his family, but he had actually no duty to tell it to anyone else. Lucius realised that Katie was so upset because it meant that Eric was not going to marry her and take her with him. From what His father had said to him and Emma that he was not considering any permanent relationships for the moment, it meant that at least he would not have filled Katie with false hopes.
She obviously saw it differently. In Lucius’ meagre experience of women, the one girlfriend he had had in his life so far, had after a mere ten months started to become possessive and had begun to make hints about permanence. That had frightened him off. The girl had been livid and had accused him of lifting her hopes. How dare he disappoint her so! It had been a salutary lesson. Woe betide a man who does not see that a woman will invariably want to be the big Number One in a man’s life, with marriage as the next step.
Going out and having sex was fun. So why the hell did the female of the species not leave it at that? No, the dreaded matrimony loomed large in their books.
It seemed that even mature women did not escape that curse. Here was Katie, obviously having expected Eric to marry her. Well, why should he? If he did not feel ready to take such a step, why should he be blamed? Unless he had mentioned marriage to Katie. His father could be considered a victim of a kind of pursuit. He was the real victim whilst Katie was only a victim in her own eyes. She had built a castle in the air and when it collapsed, she blamed Eric instead of blaming her foolish expectations. She could have stipulated her terms, but she had not done so. Eric’s terms were not marriage-based.
It seemed that most women had a leaning towards making themselves into badly treated and cheated innocent victims, blaming the males. If only they had realised that once a man was ready to marry, then they would approach their desired goals with a firm decision to do their best in the fold of family life.
Katie seemed to recover.
“I’m glad that your father has been offered his Ambassadorship. It is well-merited, he is such a bright man. He has finally reached the goal he has always wanted. Forgive my silly tears. It is quite right that your father should tell his family first about such matters.”
“You are a very special kind of friend to him, rest assured.”
“I’ve had the great joy of being that to him. I’ve known him all my life.”
“What was my father like as a child? He himself does not talk about the early days.”
What a difficult question. What would Eric want her to say? What would he want her not to say? Any continuing friendship with Eric depended now upon her answers. She had better get them right.
“Unfortunately, he had a difficult childhood. His parents were not very good at bringing up a child. I think there were shouting matches. However, he was the star pupil of our school. He more or less educated himself as his parents were not much help. Money of course was tight. Already at the age of seven he was doing little jobs to get pocket money. Please don’t ask me anything more about his past. It is not for me to say, and I might have got things wrong. It is your father that you should ask.”
“I understand. You are right. It is not for me to go behind my father’s back. But just one more thing. Were you just friends or also sweethearts? “You do not have to answer.”
“That I will answer. Oh Lucius, it was love. Your father is the love of my life. He is my first and only love. We were sweethearts till he got his grade 9 at the Foreign Office.”
Lucius did mental calculation. Goodness me, his father had been about twenty-five at that time. Eric’s leaving her must have broken her heart. What a sad fate. He tried to sooth her.
“Katie, but now you two are together again.”
A distant look came into her eyes.
“For the time being anyway. And the future, as in the famous song by Doris Day, “Que sera, sera”.”
“Let me say, Katie, that should you and father decide to get married at any stage, I have nothing against it.”
“Thank you, Lucius. I don’t think I would have the same reaction from your sister.”
“She’s always been a jealous daddy’s girl. After mother’s death, Emma became a protective mother-hen to our father. Believe me, she should not find even a Princess of the land good enough for him. She thinks that she fulfils the roles of a wife and a mother. But Emma has not yet fallen in love herself. When that day arrives, it will be “goodbye Daddy” and she will swan away with her loved one. Father of course realises this and enjoys for the time being the role of being the only object of Emma’s adoration. It is lovely, but it won’t last. I myself feel strongly that Dad needs to concentrate on his own relationships. Later on, Emma won’t pose a problem for you.”
You are so positive. It makes me feel better. Now, let’s enjoy our meal, and I’d like you to tell me about your own plans.”
A few days later, Sir Philip popped in one evening. After a suitable period of small talk, Sir Philip addressed the matter he had come to talk about.
“I hear from Emma that you’ve got a woman in your life. Someone called Katie Smith who was at school with you. Do I take it that she is the same woman you were with for those eight years?”
“My private life seems to have been announced to the papers!” raged Eric, “This meddling is intolerable. I’m annoyed, though not surprised, that Emma saw fit to come and bleat about it at your door. What does she expect you to do?”
“Calm down, Eric. It seems normal to me that families talk to each other about matters affecting them.”
“Gossip! That’s all that it is,” Eric spat the words, “I happen to be a fully grown man who does know what he is doing. Is it of some special importance to others that the lady in question happens to be a former flame of mine?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. It is of importance to me. You left her for Philippa.”
“I’ve never regretted that step. I did my best by her.”
“I know you did, Eric, and I thank you for it. And before you get any more annoyed with me, let me assure you of my appreciation that you have let several years pass before telling the children anything.”
“The family seem to be running my life for me! No doubt Emma has been telling you that she’d never forgive me if I married Katie now?”
“She did say words to that effect, but they are not to be taken seriously. But now that you mention marriage, how serious is this relationship? Especially in view of your promotion to Ambassadorship in Denmark next September.”
Eric had begun to fidget. He needed a drink and he wanted to get rid of Sir Philip. The man had hit a raw spot.
“And Estephania, she no doubt has an opinion as well?”
“Yes. She feels that you’ve done wonderfully as regards Philippa and that now you should be left in peace to decide for yourself.”
“A wise woman. I think that by now we have said all that there is to say, don’t you think?”
“Oh indeed. Please forgive this intrusion. I’ll see myself out.”
As soon as Sir Philip had left, Eric got the whisky bottle out. Tomorrow was Sunday, he would miss church.
Chapter 37
Eric, who was unaware of the lunch talk between Lucius and Katie, continued happily without saying anything about his posting. He had decided not to say anything till the springtime. He did feel that sometimes Katie looked at him quizzically but he did not know how to interpret it. Katie for her part had decided not to spoil anything. They were still having the time of their life, so why cut it short? Should all end in tears, there would be plenty of time to cry then.
During the year, Eric had been kept busy in his department, what with the UK’s reluctance to join the Schengen Agreement, which eased cross-border travel, having gone into effect. Now that he had been notified about his posting to Denmark, he promptly took up learning Danish. His Swedish would help him a long way but he wanted a certain proficiency in Danish. He had just under a year to get to grips with it.
Again a Christmas was looming which was to be celebrated without Katie but he was planning to take her to Scotland for a week, when they would celebrate the coming of New Year 1996. He had noticed that Katie had not mentioned anything about a Christmas meeting. He wondered how come she was so docile about it but had found no real explanation. The main thing was that the question of Christmas was not souring everything.
His children were doing well. Lucius, the budding physicist, was employed in a research team by one of the great multi-national pharmaceuticals. Emma was in the fashion school. After a year there, she was planning on opening her own business, Emma Erica Fashions. The setting up of the business would be provided by the “Bargain Basement”, i.e. Sir Philip. It was clear that that was the case as Eric had not been approached with any demands for money. He had also noticed that grandfather and grand-daughter were often closeted and had the appearance of being as thick as thieves. One could see how they were plotting.
In June, Eric took Katie on a holiday to Italy. They did Venice, Siena and Florence. Five days in each place. Eric reckoned that the holiday would make it easier to approach Katie with the bad news afterwards. That was a serious miscalculation. Already, when he had suggested the holiday, Katie had begun to wonder whether he would approach the dreaded subject of his posting while they were there. Probably not, because he would have had to know that such a move would spoil the whole trip. She was really surprised that so far nothing had been said.
It was the end of June and Eric was at Katie’s.
“Darling, I’ve got something to tell you.”
Katie looked up.
“I’ve been promoted. I’ve been made Ambassador to Denmark. This from September on.”
“Congratulations, Eric, that is wonderful. And how long have you known about it?”
Katie’s face had remained expressionless. That took Eric by surprise.
“For a little while.”
“Why not tell me earlier?”
“I wasn’t ready to.”
“Does this affect me in any way, Eric?”
“Well, yes, in a way it does. We will be apart.”
“So you’re not taking me with you, are you?”
“I’ve weighed the matter up in so many ways, but it is best if I go alone.”
“What has our relationship been all about, Eric? It has been intense enough to have lulled me into thinking that there might be a future for us.”
“I have not lied to you about anything, and I have not made any false promises.”
“You have indeed kept yourself most carefully from any promises. I cannot throw in your teeth that you have led me down the garden path. But everything that has happened between us has pointed towards marriage.”
It struck Katie’s mind that Eric still did not consider her suitable to be his wife. He seemed blind to the fact that she no longer was the uninformed girl of the early days. He didn’t seem to see that she too, had risen above the dreaded Southall. She was an acclaimed and famous artist in her own right. She had as much ‘career’ as he had. He was successful, but so was she. Katie would have wanted to throw that at him, but thought the better of it. Their relationship had always been fragile, so fragile that it would not survive any attack. And also, she truly loved Eric, so why say something really hurtful to him? He’d figure everything out in his own time.
“Oh God, Katie. I cannot marry you. I’m not ready for such a step. But it does not mean that I don’t love you.”
“You call it love that you don’t want to marry me? I find that so insincere and downright hypocritical.”
