Harlequin Medical Romance July 2021--Box Set 1 of 2, page 26
“Willow, there’s no need to worry. I’m fine.”
She shook her head. “I don’t need you to reassure me that you’re okay. I need you to be real with me about how you’re feeling.”
“And you believe I’m feeling scared.”
“I know you are.”
“How?”
She nodded toward where Bixby was running on the beach. “Because that poor dog lives on your front porch.”
He looked more confused than ever. “Bixby? But he’s happy there. I’ve bought him a bed, and toys.”
“You’ve even taught him a few tricks. Anyone can see that you love that dog. So...why the porch, Theo? Why doesn’t your dog live in the house?”
His shoulders slumped in defeat. He’d seen where she was going. “Because I don’t want him to get too attached. He’s just a dog. If anything happened to me, he couldn’t understand. Who would take care of him if the cancer came back?”
They sat together for a while, watching Maisie play on the beach. After a long while, he said, “I suppose you’re right. I am a little scared about the cancer coming back. But my prognosis is looking very good. There’s really no reason to worry.”
“Besides the fact that cancer is just generally a scary and worrisome thing?”
“Besides that, yes.”
“Good.”
He looked quizzical. “Good?”
“Yes. Not that your cancer could return. That’s sad to think about, and I hope you don’t ever have to face that. But we’ve just been talking about how you kept the extent of your illness hidden from the people closest to you, and I need to be able to trust that if you were dealing with something serious, you’d tell me. So I’m glad that you could finally admit that you’re scared. Because the things that happen to you won’t just affect you, they’ll affect Maisie, too. So I need you to be open about what you’re going through.”
She wasn’t sure how to put it into words, but Willow also knew that she would be extremely upset if anything were to happen to Theo. She didn’t want to be taken by surprise, if possible. And more than that, she wanted to know that Theo wasn’t the kind of person who shut other people out of his life during difficult times. The whole point of family, as she’d always seen it, was to support one another. She needed to know that Theo could be emotionally accessible. He might claim to distance himself in order to protect his loved ones, but she didn’t think that was the whole story. He’d talked about his family having poor boundaries sometimes, and she wondered if he’d grown overly cautious about how much he allowed himself to depend on people.
Well, they certainly had that in common. But if Theo couldn’t let a dog that he was clearly fond of into his own home, what did that say about his ability to get close to his child?
But Theo had promised to be open with her. And she did believe that he was sincere in his desire to protect those he cared about. She might not agree with his past choices, but it seemed that he was doing his best to change his future. After all, he was here now. And she was more than willing to give both Theo, and herself, a chance.
She allowed her body to relax into the crook of his arm, letting herself enjoy feeling him circling her, protecting her.
He buried his nose in her hair and murmured, “Think she’ll notice if I steal a kiss?”
“Later,” she murmured back.
* * *
Hours later, Willow had left, an exhausted Maisie asleep in her stroller.
Theo waited until Bixby had settled down on his porch bed, and then went inside to sink into an armchair.
He should have felt flushed with accomplishment. And in many ways, he did. The day had offered him exactly what he’d hoped to find when he came to St. Victoria. He’d spent time with Maisie and had found that even at just three years of age, his daughter had a personality all her own. She was funny and bright, fond of tickles and delighted to show him interesting objects she’d found on the beach. It had warmed his heart to find her so eager to connect with him, even though he and Willow had agreed that she wasn’t old enough yet to understand who he was in relation to her.
But his joy was bittersweet. Getting to know Maisie had shown him the stark reality of all the things he’d missed by staying away from her for these past few years. Willow’s voice had sounded so pained when she’d spoken of missing Maisie’s first words. But he’d missed all of it. The more he spent time with her, the more he began to regret his choice to stay away from her. And from Willow. The most beautiful woman he’d ever met, the warmest, kindest woman he’d ever known, had been right there in London all along. All he’d had to do was call her.
But he couldn’t have. Not then. Not while he was facing the worst of the cancer. If he couldn’t bear the thought of burdening his family with an accurate picture of his illness, then he certainly couldn’t have shared that information with the mother of his child.
He’d stayed away for their own good. But the cost of the choice he had made hit him harder today than it had in three years. It made his heart ache to think that Willow had struggled with her finances in London. He should have been there to help.
If he were faced with the same decision today, he wondered, would he still make the same choice he’d made more than three years ago? Now that he knew how much he cared for both of them, it would be far, far more difficult to stay out of their lives. At the time, he’d been so certain he was making the right choice, because he was doing it to protect them. But had it been the right choice? Suppose the worst happened, and he had to go through all of it again. Would it be better for him, to have Willow and Maisie there to support him? More importantly, he wondered if Willow was right; if it would be better for the two of them to know what he was going through.
He couldn’t change the past. All he could do was move forward.
He glanced at his phone and felt a twinge of guilt. He’d promised Willow that he’d be open with her about the cancer. And so far, he had been. His doctors had all been extremely positive about his prognosis now that he was in remission. But he hadn’t responded to a single message from any of his doctors since he’d arrived in the Caribbean a few weeks ago.
As a doctor, he knew his avoidance was foolish. The best thing he could do was call his medical team back immediately so that he could arrange to have oversight of his care transferred to doctors in St. Victoria. Still, he hesitated. For the first few days, he’d told himself he was busy, that he was waiting to get settled in, and that he’d call when he had the time. But now Theo’s doctors were calling every day, and he was deleting their messages without listening to them first.
It wasn’t that he was afraid of what those messages might say exactly. It was more that he simply wanted a break from being a patient. He wanted one part of his life that wasn’t touched by cancer. He was enjoying the sense of finally, finally starting the life he wanted. He didn’t have to schedule his work life around medical appointments. He was starting to connect with his daughter. And he might have a real chance at a relationship with Willow. He just wanted a moment to enjoy all of that, without the next medical appointment looming over his head.
But the moment was turning into days, which were turning into weeks. Soon, it would be months, and Theo would have to acknowledge that he wasn’t just taking a break. He was hiding. And Willow had been right, on the beach: he was scared.
But he couldn’t hide forever. It was time to call his doctor back. Not just for himself, but for the people he cared about. He wanted to keep the promise he’d made to Willow, and be honest with her.
He checked his watch. It would be just after eight p.m. in London if he called now. His doctor wouldn’t be in the office, but he could leave a message. For a moment he wondered if he should wait until the next morning, so he could speak with his doctor directly. No, he thought, best to get it done now. Who knew how he might feel in the morning. If he waited any later to make the call, he might change his mind.
To his surprise, his doctor answered the phone. “Theo!” Dr. Raida greeted him. “Where have you been? I was getting worried.”
Theo’s heart sank. He liked his doctor, but until that moment, he hadn’t realized how much he’d been hoping that Dr. Raida had gone home for the evening. He’d wanted to leave a quick message and then hang up, but hearing his doctor’s voice brought back all the memories he’d been hoping to avoid.
“I’m sorry, Doc. I’ve been incredibly busy. As are you apparently, if you’re working after eight p.m. tonight.”
His doctor tsked over the phone. “I had a few emergencies this morning and decided to stay late to finish up with some paperwork—and a good thing, too, or I’d have missed your call. You of all people should know how important it is to keep close contact with your treatment team. What kind of oncologist drops off the face of the earth the moment he’s in remission?”
“I noticed that you’ve been trying to get hold of me.”
“Yes, and thank goodness I finally did. We need to do another biopsy.”
Theo’s stomach went cold. “What?”
“I’m sorry, Theo. I know that’s not something you want to hear. But I was looking over some imaging from your case just before you left. You remember that skin lesion we took a picture of? I wasn’t too worried about it at first, but I’ve talked it over with some colleagues, and we agreed that we should take a tissue sample to rule out cancer.”
Theo held his forehead in his hands.
“This is just a precautionary measure. Just to be on the safe side. Don’t get too concerned yet. By all other indications, your prognosis is very good. But we want to be absolutely sure everything’s okay.”
“I can’t leave the Caribbean right now.” He tried to keep his voice from cracking.
“That’s all right. Have you set up care with any doctors there?”
“Not yet. I’ll get to work on that right away.”
“Do that, please. We’ll fax your records over as soon as we can and talk about coordinating care.”
“Sure thing,” Theo said as he hung up the phone.
Amid all the devastation, turmoil and fear that flooded his mind, one thought emerged, clear as day: he could not tell Willow about this.
Things were just starting to go well, both with her and with every other area of his life. He couldn’t let cancer screw everything up again.
He remembered what he’d told her on the beach. And he remembered what she’d said about her ex, in the cafeteria. How he’d just told her what he thought she wanted to hear, instead of the truth.
But this was different. For one thing, nothing had really changed about his situation. He didn’t need to update Willow about anything, because there was nothing new to report. Just because his doctor was ordering a biopsy didn’t mean that his remission status had changed. There would be nothing new to tell Willow until after he had the test results. And why mention it before then? What if the test results were clear, and he’d worried her for no reason?
And another thing: he wasn’t trying to deliberately mislead Willow. He just wanted to protect her. The same way he’d tried to protect his family from the full knowledge of what he was facing. The way he’d tried to protect Maisie from the loss of a parent. Willow might say that she wanted him to be open with her about what he was going through, but she probably didn’t understand the magnitude of what she was asking.
He’d start setting up appointments tomorrow, he decided. Not at the clinic, but at St. Victoria Hospital. They might not have the resources of the Island Clinic, but they should be perfectly capable of coordinating with his care team in London. With no danger of the information getting back to Willow.
CHAPTER SEVEN
OVER THE NEXT few weeks, Willow’s life began to settle back into an easy routine of work, caring for Maisie and spending time with Theo. She realized that over her past year on St. Victoria, she’d never had any visitors, and it was fun to play tour guide and show Theo all that the island had to offer. For Maisie, that meant hours showing Theo her favorite dolls, her tea sets and her rather alarming collection of small dried crustacean bodies gleaned from the tide pools near their home. For Willow, it meant visiting various hiking spots and music venues on the island. Although neither of them said it outright, many of their outings felt suspiciously like dates, although Willow expected that, if pressed, she and Theo would both describe their time together as simply “getting to know each other.”
Maisie became attached to Theo just as quickly as Willow had feared. She’d tried to remind herself that she couldn’t focus all of her energy on how Maisie might get hurt if things didn’t work out. She recalled her conversation with Roni: What if things did go well? What if Maisie and Theo had a perfectly lovely time together, and rather than being scarred for life by disappointment, Maisie simply formed some positive memories?
She had to admit that it was nice to have someone willing to help with Maisie, without having to impose on her neighbors. After their first visit to Theo’s house, he’d begun dropping by Willow’s place on weekends to check in on Maisie and to see if Willow wanted some time to herself. At first, Willow was hesitant to leave Maisie and Theo to their own devices, but Maisie was always thrilled to see Theo, especially when he began to bring Bixby on his visits. And there were certain days, especially after a long workweek, where it felt positively decadent to have time for a nap or some reading on weekend afternoons.
They’d had to set some ground rules at first. Theo had thought it might be fun to give Maisie some cooking lessons.
“Maybe start with something small, like pouring a bowl of cereal,” Willow had suggested.
“Don’t worry about it,” said Theo. “We’ve got this.” Maisie had outfitted him in a number of Mardi Gras beads, and was herself wearing a long feather boa. She seemed to delight in dressing Theo in the most garish accessories she could find from her dressing-up box, and Theo submitted to this with good humor.
“Are you sure?” Willow said.
“It’s fine. I’ve been teaching my nieces and nephews to bake since they were toddlers. I’ll be doing most of the work, and Maisie will help.”
“She does love to help,” said Willow, bemused. She’d taken a lovely nap, and forty minutes later awoke to pancake batter on the kitchen ceiling.
“We made pamcakes!” Maisie announced, bursting with pride. Theo’s expression was somewhat more shamefaced.
“Things...got a little out of hand,” he said as Willow surveyed the wreckage. Cracked eggs on the linoleum floor, seven different mixing bowls in various stages of cleanliness and batter coating the stove, ceiling and cupboards.
“I would say so,” she said, shaking with silent laughter. “It looks like you let Maisie help a lot.”
“Oh, yes. Every step of the way, in fact.”
“Well. As long as you had fun.”
“We did,” Maisie said, her eyes shining. “Try the pamcake, Mummy. I made it.”
Theo’s eyes were shining, too, and Willow could see how happy it made him to have made something with his daughter. Even if the kitchen now held more mess than it did pancakes.
But after he’d cleaned her kitchen, it smelled even nicer than before they’d started, so she didn’t mind.
She was a little nervous, but mostly pleased, to see that he and Maisie were getting on so well together. As for Theo and herself...she never thought she’d regret their decision to proceed slowly. But as they continued to spend time together, she was finding it increasingly difficult to hold back. She wanted him. Her skin felt afire every time he touched her. If he put an arm around her or helped her with her coat, it was all she could do not to burst into flames. But the rational part of her was able to maintain a tenuous control, just enough so that she was able to keep herself from making any decisions she’d regret. She had responsibilities. She couldn’t let physical desire override her judgment.
She threw herself into her work, hoping she could distract herself. Of course, Theo was at work, too, so it wasn’t as if he wasn’t on her mind there, as well. But then again, he wasn’t around as much as he’d been at first. She supposed that made sense. He only did clinical work part-time, after all, and the rest of the time he did research. He’d begun setting up a number of research studies through St. Victoria Hospital so that patients who couldn’t afford treatment could be part of research trials and have their care supported by grant funding. Setting up the research trials took up much of his time, he said, and so he was often away from the clinic and working late hours.
With Theo so busy, they didn’t have much time to talk at work. He always seemed to be rushing off to St. Victoria Hospital for one appointment or another. But Willow didn’t mind. She was glad that Theo was starting to fit in at his new job, and she was proud that he was doing research he was passionate about. She did miss seeing him as often as she’d used to, though. Just a few weeks ago, she’d never have thought she could miss seeing him at work. Yet here she was, thinking about his presence, his smile...his hands, steady and strong, pressing against her waist as they stole a moment together.
“Willow. Are you thinking about Theo again?” Roni’s eyes twinkled from where she lay on her gurney, Buttons curled up beside her.
“Nonsense. I’d never let my personal life distract me at work,” Willow said, lying through her teeth. She smiled and whispered, “Keep it down! We don’t want anyone at work finding out just yet.”
“But I need details! Have you two done the deed yet?”
Willow was about to protest, but then gave up, knowing that Roni was relentless in her pursuit of information. “We’re taking it slow.”
“Slow!” Roni scoffed. “Youth is wasted on the young.”
“Besides, he’s been very busy lately. He has to do a lot of running back and forth between here and St. Victoria Hospital. So we haven’t been able to see each other much.”
