Silence In Numbers: File One, page 16
Chapter 9: Tears
Date: April 3, 2068
Time: 5:23 AM
Location: Wolf Trails Apartment Building
Jerne Kintashi was scared.
More than that, he was terrified.
His door shuddered again under another powerful impact and he recognized the voice of the person on the other side… the voice of someone he’d only imagined meeting in his moment of victory, standing over her bleeding form as he explained to her his brilliance and how he had beaten her. He’d imagined telling her all her mistakes and relishing the fear and awe in her eyes as she realized how outmatched she was. He’d imagined her begging for her life as he held it in his hands like a god.
He’d never imagined her tearing his apartment door from its hinges as she was doing now. He’d never imagined her walking into his room with a fury that made his blood run cold and robbed him of the ability to do anything but scramble backwards. He’d certainly never imagined the whimpers that escaped his own lips as her powerful hand gripped his shirt, lifted him bodily off the ground and hurled him across the room into one of his bookcases, shattering the furniture and scattering books onto the floor around him.
Katsumi Samakura was in his home, and he could do nothing about it. Suddenly he felt the same hopelessness he’d wished on his enemies. She leapt over his couch and landed beside him, picking him up again and slamming him into a wall, causing him to cry out in pain. She leaned in, growling out her words like a feral beast who was struggling to prevent herself from tearing him apart. “Why, Kintashi? I want to know why. I want to know the reasons for your actions.”
“F-fear…” Answering her questions was completely involuntary by that point. Jerne, despite his previous beliefs, wasn’t a hardened criminal. He’d thought himself invincible. “I wanted you… everyone… to fear me.”
Katsumi stopped breathing, staring at him. “…That’s it…?”
Anger rose through Kintashi finally, anger at his failure, at the way this woman broke in and acted like he wasn’t a threat of any kind, wasn’t someone worthy of respect. He yelled back in her face, “I am no simple criminal! I am greater than ordinary men! They are nothing but tools! I will reign-“ He was cut off by a vicious punch to his stomach that robbed him of all ability to breathe.
Katsumi threw him to the ground, rage overwhelming every other emotion. “That’s it? THAT’S IT?! All of that… all those deaths… for nothing?!” She kicked him hard enough to send him into the wall, cracking it. He coughed up blood but she didn’t care, stalking after him. “This was all just some stupid little game to you?! What about those people you killed?! What about the lives you ruined?!” He tried to sit up and the back of her hand caught his face so hard his head hit the floor. “What about that mother and son?!”
She fell to her knees and slammed her fist into his face, tears now running down her cheeks. “All of that and you DARE tell me you don’t care?! You fucking…” She slammed her fist into his face again. “Piece of…” Another punch. Blood spattered her face and clothes. “SHIT!”
After that the blows rained down, harder and faster with every punch. Blood coated the floor, the wall, and her, and still she didn’t stop. By the time she finally finished her violet bangs were spotted with red, as were her arms, face and the front of her clothing. She wiped her eyes on her arm, looking down. There was no longer any head; Katsumi’s full-strength blows were able to shatter concrete - a human skull had no chance. And what was worse – what made a little part of Katsumi wonder what her life had turned her into – was that she couldn’t find any part of her that cared.
Katsumi stood and screamed, slamming her fist into the wall and punching a hole in it. She smashed another one before stumbling back and running her fingers through her hair, realizing she was shaking again. All her rage had boiled over to the point where she’d beaten a man to death and still she was filled with it. The job was over, the attacks were over, and still rage flowed through her body and mind unchecked. With no one to unleash it on it turned on the only target available: herself.
Katsumi Samakura stalked out of the apartment and headed for the roof.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I got him…
Ayane breathed a deep sigh of relief at the words. Thank God… What about you?
I’m… not alright. Still angry… Still enraged. I beat him to death and it still isn’t enough.
You’re losing yourself, Sumi, Ayane said in a worried tone. Her sister sounded odd and it was something she’d heard before; something she didn’t like. I love my sister and I don’t want to lose her to that rage, that other person, again. Remember that!
I’m trying, but I… I failed so many things on this case…
Hey, no one is better at doing what you do than you are. No one. The city needs you to be its protector.
There are others who would be better.
Not for your friends, Ayane argued. Not for me. If it wasn’t for you I’d be dead. And if it wasn’t for your actions today more people would be dead later on. Don’t hate yourself, Sumi, there’s too much to like.
I know… You’re right… I just feel so worn down right now… so beaten. I won but it feels like I lost.
That’s what it means to care. Come see me later, okay? Promise you’ll come see me.
I promise, Ayane.
Then hold on until then. Talk to someone if you can… being alone is the worst thing for you right now.
Katsumi went silent and Ayane looked out the window worriedly, thinking about the things her sister was going through and wishing she could be there herself.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Date: April 3, 2068
Time: 5:47 AM
Location: Wolf Trails Apartment Building
Sano, Rufus and Law moved slowly down the hallway towards the room they suspected was home to Jerne Kintashi, the terrorist they’d all been hunting for the past two weeks. Reno was in the chopper outside, watching for anyone trying to escape. They still didn’t know where Katsumi was but all of them hoped they’d meet her here.
Sano edged up to the doorway, looking back. “Door’s gone.”
“Guess she’s been here already,” Law said in an even tone.
“One way to find out.” Rufus stepped around Sano and spun to face into the room, pistol ready. He lowered the weapon immediately and looked at the other two. “Looks like you’re right, Law.”
Sano stood straight and looked around the doorjamb into the room. The apartment was an utter mess; furniture was broken, books and other items were scattered everywhere, and there were some spots of heavy damage on the walls. He stepped further into the room and noticed the body. “Either Captain Sama was here or Kintashi decided to use his own methods on his own head…”
Rufus and Law entered to look around as well. Rufus moved towards the body, looking it over. “Lots of blood… On the floor, walls, little bit on the ceiling… couple of bloody footprints I think are her size…”
“Wasn’t an explosive, though,” Law said as he tapped the wall beside one of the holes. “A fist did this.” He pointed at the headless body. “And that.”
“Guess we never intended to take him alive,” Sano muttered.
“I think that went out the window about a week ago,” replied Rufus. “You can’t tell me you’re surprised by this scene.”
“Not surprised.” He looked around, speaking to Reno over their cyber link, “Reno, we found Kintashi… or what’s left of him. Captain Sama’s not in here though. Do a sweep of the area for her.”
“Got it.”
Rufus turned on the computer to see if he could find any useful information while Law began searching the room for evidence of what Jerne had used for his explosions. Not a minute later Reno contacted Kurasano again. “Sano, you’re not gonna believe this, but I found her.”
“Already? Where?” Rufus and Law looked at him, waiting for answers.
“Above you. On the roof.”
“You’re kidding… Alright, I’m heading up there.” Sano looked at the other two. “She’s on the roof. I’m gonna go up there while you guys finish up in here.”
After they nodded Sano headed for the stairs, taking them two at a time until he came out on the roof. The sky was tinted a light purple as the sunrise began, allowing him to see Katsumi sitting on the edge of the roof. Wind bit through him given how high up they were, and Sano wondered just how long she’d been up here. He walked forward cautiously, having no idea what kind of reaction he’d get.
“Captain Sama?”
She looked back at him. Whatever he’d been expecting, it wasn’t tear-stained cheeks. He was shocked into silence, able only to stare. To his even greater surprise she didn’t even seem ashamed of it or angry that he saw her that way. She just looked back at the sunrise. Sano’s hands dropped to his sides as he tried to think of something to say. He took a few steps forward. “Katsumi…?”
“The city’s still intact…” Katsumi’s voice was quiet.
“Yeah… Nothing’s happened since you disappeared. Why are you up here?”
“I just… needed to think.”
“Alright.” Sano moved up, carefully sitting on the edge of the roof beside her, watching for any sign he needed to back off. She didn’t react to him at all so he assumed it was okay. “What are you thinking about?”
“I don’t have the best record…” Katsumi looked down at the street below. “I was a lot better at killing people than I am at protecting them.”
“Killing people?” Sano looked at her, curious at her choice of words.
“That’s what I used to do,” Katsumi answered quietly. “That was all I did. I was never asked to protect. Lately…” She sighed. “Lately I’ve been wondering if I should’ve just stuck with that…”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re meant to be a protector.”
“I’m no good at it, Sano.” She looked at him sadly. His immediate argument died on his lips as he saw it wasn’t just self-hate; Katsumi truly believed what she was saying. “I’m not a protector. I try to be one but really I’m more of an… avenger. I can’t stop people dying; I can only kill the person that did it after they’re already dead.”
“That’s just bullshit,” Sano shook his head, “You’ve protected plenty of people. You saved Reno’s life.”
“Saved him from my own mistake,” Katsumi muttered.
“You saved those people on the train,” Sano said louder, trying to argue her down. “You saved anyone this guy was going after next. You’ve saved all our lives at some point or another. Hell, your simple existence protects so many people in this city.”
“I want to believe you,” Katsumi said softly as she looked down. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this, though.”
“You’re the toughest person I’ve ever met. Since when did you become weak?”
He’d expected an angry reaction, which was why he’d said it. He didn’t expect her to simply smile. “I’ve always been weak. I just don’t show it. And I’ve been doing this for longer than a few years, Sano.”
“Doing what?”
“All of this.” Katsumi looked up. “All the killing and death and loss. I’ve been doing it since I was twelve.”
Sano blinked. “Twelve? You… what?”
Katsumi shook her head. “Maybe another time… My point is… I feel worn down. I feel old even though I’m only thirty-four. I lost my control, what kind of sign is that?”
“You were angry…”
“I abandoned my position and duties because of personal emotions. I almost abandoned them entirely.”
“You were going to quit?!”
Katsumi smiled sadly at him. “I thought about it.” She looked back down at the street. “For a moment…” Katsumi shook her head. “I didn’t know what to do… I don’t know… Everything’s suddenly harder and I don’t…”
Kurasano looked down and sighed. This was so different from the Katsumi he knew that he felt lost himself. Suddenly she wasn’t his boss or the Captain or the tough commander everyone feared to anger; she was just a woman. He was suddenly angry at himself for having thought her invincible all this time, even though he knew that’s how she wanted it. What was worse was that he knew she’d look back on this moment and hate it even though she needed it.
She really was self-defeating; it was surprising he hadn’t seen her break before now, and he was starting to wonder when she would again. Katsumi was quiet now. She cleared her throat once and Sano could tell she was a little more normal by the blush on her cheeks; he could tell she was embarrassed so he decided to cut it off quickly before it led to anger at herself. “We’re friends, Katsumi.” He met her gaze. “I couldn’t admire you more for this.”
“Admire?” She cocked her head to the side a bit, curious. “For childish-“
“Bullshit,” he cut her off. “After all you’ve dealt with you’re still doing it and you still care. Most people either have to stop caring at some point, or stop doing it because they’re not strong enough. That’s why you’re the strongest. You’re still able to care about every death and yet you keep going despite every death weighing on you. This city’s lucky it has you as a protector because no one else would be able to do it the same way.”
Katsumi smiled at him. “You have a way with words, Sano…”
“I try, Captain,” Sano smiled.
“I appreciate it. I…” Katsumi looked away. “I’m sorry… for running off, and leaving you to deal with everything. I shouldn’t have…”
“Hey, it’s fine. You got angry and I understand. It’s over now though, and I was able to take care of stuff.”
“Good.” Katsumi smiled at him again. “I’m proud of you. It sounds like you handled the team as well as I expected you to. I… appreciate it.”
“Thanks, Katsumi.” Sano smiled back. “I appreciate your appreciation.” He looked around. “You wanna get down off this roof now? I’m freezing and other people are waiting to hear you’re alright.”
“I suppose I should talk to them, then… But…” She looked at Sano. “Right now…”
“Right,” he said, looking at her tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes. It made sense she wouldn’t want others to see her this way. “Hey, weren’t you hit?”
“That’s why I’m sitting down,” Katsumi said with a smile, pointing to her bloodstained midsection.
“That’s gotta be bad by now…” Sano shook his head. “Anyway, we’ll have Reno pick us up on this roof and take us back now so you can get fixed up. Rufus and Law can meet you later.”
Katsumi sighed in relief. “That’s perfect. Thank you, Sano.”
“Eh, they have jobs to do anyway.” He called Reno and put Katsumi’s arm over his shoulders, helping her stand. He looked at her as he helped her towards the landing helicopter. “You really hate this, don’t you?”
Katsumi smirked at him. “I really do.”
“Well don’t worry, soon you’ll get fixed up and you’ll be back to not needing anyone again.”
Katsumi sighed sadly. “I always need someone.” She climbed into the chopper, leaving Sano standing there trying to figure out the meaning behind her words and the sadness lacing them.
Reno looked back as she got in, grinning. “Captain! I was beginning to think you’d left us all for a younger, hotter team.”
Katsumi sat down heavily in a chair, glad to finally relax a bit. “Don’t be silly, Reno. You know very well I like being the hottest person on a team.”
“Well thank God you’re back, then. We’ve got, like, no hotness rating without you. Drops like a rock.”
Sano climbed in and headed for the back, nodding towards the front. Katsumi sighed as she understood his meeting, standing slowly and moving to take a seat in the co-pilot’s chair. Reno smiled at her. “Hey boss. Making sure I don’t run into a building?”
“Reno…” Katsumi looked away from him, out the window, so he wouldn’t see her face.
Reno blinked. “You sound serious.”
“You can take off. Just… listen.”
He nodded, taking the chopper into the air and heading back towards HQ as he looked at her.
“I’m… sorry,” Katsumi began in a soft voice as she looked out the window. “I should never have left like I did.”
Reno glanced over at her. It was now that he noticed the signs of tears on her face, which made it the first time he’d ever seen such on his boss. He was shocked speechless for a few moments before he was able to stutter out a response. “Captain, I…”
“There isn’t an excuse, Reno. I have a responsibility as this team’s leader and I failed it.” Her voice grew quieter. “I failed all of you.”
“I don’t think you failed, boss, you just…”
“I let my emotions get the better of me. It was… wrong. And I need to apologize for that.”
Reno nodded. “Alright. I understand your reasons, then. I accept your apology. Honestly though, boss, I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Katsumi smiled a little. “I know, Reno.”
“Lenora will be relieved, too.”
Katsumi looked at him curiously. “Lenora?”
“Yeah. She said she was really hoping you two could be friends. She’s been worried all week, like she gets with me when I’m not back on time.”
“Oh…” Katsumi looked out the window thoughtfully. “I should probably talk to her, too, then…”
Reno smiled. “I’d appreciate that, as would she.”
“I am… very thankful to have her care about me. I’ll let her know that.”
“It would mean a lot. Maybe you two should have lunch or something.”
“Lunch?” She looked back to him. “What are you trying to do?”
“I’m not trying to do anything, it’s just that Lenora isn’t the type of woman to have a lot of real friends. I know I can’t be everything to her, there are just some things she needs a friend for.”
