The Child Who Changed Them, page 14
Sitting across from her, Greg picked up his menu, at least appearing to be studying it, while she sat there with her mouth open. Here she’d been getting all defensive inside, bracing herself to not fall back into her old ways, and he hadn’t been providing her the means, after all.
He understood.
And more, made her feel almost...normal. God, it had been so long since she’d felt normal. Ever since her parents had been killed, leaving her a college sophomore all alone in the world...
All alone.
There were those words again.
She hadn’t been alone. She’d had Peter. And Wood. Neither had felt like family as her parents had.
But Greg did?
“The wanting, though...needing to have people in your life...that’s human nature,” she said slowly, not needing her menu to hide behind.
“Yep.”
They each had their personal issues. They had a baby to raise. And they had each other’s backs.
It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t the family life she’d always wanted.
But she was glad he was sitting there across from her.
That he wanted to be a part of his child’s life.
Glad that he was the father of her baby.
And a bit ashamed that she felt that way.
Because where did that leave her with Peter’s memory—and the child they were supposed to have had?
* * *
“Why didn’t you want to know the sex of the baby?” Greg finished his club sandwich, sat back and couldn’t get enough of looking at his companion.
She fascinated him. Losing her parents...her husband...the fight she waged to get herself out of that wheelchair... Even without seeing her medical records, having seen the extent and placement of her scars, he knew that the percentages had not been in her favor. Knew the pain she had to have endured, day after day, week after week...
And there she was, still trying to do better.
She’d nearly finished the chicken salad and pineapple sandwich she’d ordered, having looked at her watch every ten minutes or so. The shelter was clearly going to get one hour. Not a second more.
“Kind of like you, I want our decisions made before we know the sex of the baby, but for a different reason.” Her downward glance seemed almost embarrassed, but she looked back up almost immediately and told him, “Knowing the gender makes it all more real, makes the baby seem more concrete, and... I want to know if our co-parenting is sharing things together, or separately, before we get that news. It seems like one of those moments that will live on forever, and I don’t want it spoiled by awkwardness.”
Emotional reasons—not logical ones. This part of Elaina, this woman sitting across from him, had never shared his bed. He couldn’t help wondering, even though their time together had been phenomenal, how much greater it could be to have all of her.
“Just judging from my own experience growing up, I think, the baby would benefit from having its parents celebrating together,” he said. “I had a friend whose folks were divorced and didn’t get along, and he was always having to choose who to call first, who to invite...always worrying that if they were both there, like at the science fair, did he approach one or the other first. If they’d simply been able to walk in together...”
“I like that. A lot. Walking in together.”
“Maybe, where the baby’s concerned, we’re a united front,” he said aloud something that he hadn’t allowed himself to envision fully previously. The call wasn’t only his to make. And he didn’t want it to be solely his.
She nodded. “We’ll need to take each instance as it comes, but overall, we’re in this together.”
In it together. It was all he’d ever really wanted.
And the woman he’d found it with was counting on him to not ask her to marry him. Or to even try to engage in a personal intimate relationship.
Life’s ironies were sometimes cruel.
* * *
Elaina was outside with Beldon that evening, just before dark, sitting at the pool and watching the dog trip over himself in his eagerness to explore the yard. He’d been out to the shed a number of times, and over to explore the house Wood had built for Retro, who’d never used it.
Whatever dissatisfaction Retro had found with Wood’s handiwork, Beldon didn’t seem to share it. He went in and came back out again. Went back in, turned around and came out. He was like a little kid, eager to explore his world with none of the fear that life inevitably taught.
Beldon had learned a hard lesson already. He’d loved and been abandoned. And yet was clearly open and keen to taking on another home, another life. She’d been warned, while sitting on the floor with the dog as she signed papers, to expect some nervousness when she first introduced him to his new home. Apparently Beldon hadn’t understood the message.
Greg had taken off almost as soon as they’d arrived home. Headed to the beach. Coming from Nevada, he had seen a lot of the desert, he’d told her once, and couldn’t seem to get enough of the ocean.
She missed him. Wished he’d stayed home to watch Beldon acclimate.
But understood, too, that while her child was his child, and that they’d share, her dog was hers. Hers and the baby’s.
It was all so confusing.
“I bought some steaks for dinner. You want to join me?”
Turning, she saw the subject of her thoughts walking toward her from the house. She hadn’t heard him come out. But then, she had been listening to the rock waterfall flowing, emptying into one end of the pool.
Steaks. For dinner. The two of them. Together.
“I’d like to talk to you,” he added.
Which somehow changed the invitation?
“Sure, I can make a salad,” she told him, and before either of them could make a big deal out of a shared meal, she went inside to do just that.
Make the salad.
And a big deal out of the shared meal.
It wasn’t a date. She didn’t want it to be a date.
But she was looking forward to sitting outside with Greg again. Using the grill and enjoying the pool that had been built for a family, but never used by one before.
The summer California evening was just right for being outside. Warm, but not hot. If she’d been alone, she’d have gone swimming. Didn’t think it was a great idea with Greg right there.
Didn’t think it would be good for her if he decided to join her.
Just seeing his body in shorts and a tight-fitting polo shirt on those shoulders brought back memories from another life.
Another person.
She wasn’t that shut-down woman anymore...
“I wanted to discuss my access to the baby after it’s born.” Standing by the grill, with tongs in hand, Greg glanced over at her. His tone was conversational. His stance was not.
He could have been saluting someone with those tongs, as stiffly as he stood.
She didn’t want to discuss his topic. It was one she’d been particularly avoiding.
He’d mentioned a nursery earlier. And she didn’t think he’d been talking about hers.
“You’ll have legal visitation rights,” she said now. “That’s a given in the state of California.” Reminding herself that just that afternoon they’d decided they were parenting as a united front, together, remembering how right that had seemed, how glad she’d been, she walked over to lean against the L-shaped sink portion of the outdoor kitchen. Watched him flip steaks. Bent down to get herself a bottle of cold water out of the little refrigerator she’d been keeping stocked since he’d been in her home and she’d known he was using the pool.
She got a bottle of it for him, too. Set it on the counter by the grill.
Because they were doing it together.
“DNA paternity testing established your legal rights,” she said, although she knew he was as privy to that information as she was. He’d wasted no time after that day’s conversation to put them to the test.
And if she was going to make this work, to avoid an attraction to him ruining everything, she had to keep the conversation strictly professional.
He knew she didn’t want her child to have two homes—a fact she’d stated when he thought the child wasn’t his. When he’d shown no interest in being a part of the baby’s life. It seemed forever ago—when it had only been a couple of months.
And she knew he wasn’t asking about his legal rights. “I’d like us to have one set of rules to serve as solid boundaries against decision-making, so that as he or she traverses the world, there’s a solid set of understandings to guide him. Or her. Responsibilities, expectations, rewards and punishments should be unchanging from parent to parent.”
“You’re okay, then, with the baby staying with me sometimes during the week and on at least two weekends a month?”
Of course, she wasn’t. But she had to be.
She wanted her baby to have its father in its life. To know and love Greg. To have Greg’s love and care. His supervision. And his energy, too.
His fairness.
His ability to listen openly and have an ear to understanding.
She knew she had to tell him she was okay with it, but no words came out.
“Let me ask you this.” He jumped into the silence. “If you could take our situation and write the future, what would your script look like?”
She looked over at him. Still didn’t answer.
“Just gut thinking, what would it be?” he asked.
“That you’d stay in your suite and we’d both parent the baby in the same home.”
The words had come out so quickly. As though they’d been hanging there waiting for a chance to be said. And yet...as badly as she wanted to know he wasn’t leaving, the solution left her empty, as well.
“But that’s exactly what I did to Wood,” she quickly added. “I let my needs keep him in that suite and left him no room for a life of his own.”
“Funny, for a guy who had no chance for a life of his own, he’s sure doing a good job having the one he created.”
Greg’s tone held no humor. His direct look into her eyes held challenge.
What was he...
“Tell me I’m wrong,” he said. “So, you want me to believe Wood never went out on dates? Never slept with another woman? The whole time the two of you shared this house? Because as I recall, you told me early on in our association that Wood had his own life, just as you had yours.”
“Well, yes, he did... I mean, I didn’t know who he was with, or even when exactly, but I know he dated. And some nights he didn’t get home until the early morning hours. It wasn’t like we sat around and talked about our sex lives. Other than to acknowledge that we were free to have them...”
She uncapped her water. “Don’t try and talk me out of what I know I did, Greg. The only way for me to go forward is to be aware, to take accountability...to make certain that I don’t repeat past mistakes...”
Like arguing with the driver when you were a passenger in a car. Or in any other way distract him.
She’d yet to ride with Greg in his car. The time would come. Could even be when she was in labor. Which would be a distraction.
And something she’d think about at another time.
“I’m not trying to talk you into or out of anything,” he said, frowning as he flipped the steaks again. “I’m trying to help us both see beyond our emotional albatross and find facts. And as I look at Wood, I don’t see a man who was held hostage by you or anyone else. It seems to me that he was here because this is where he wanted to be. And that you gave him something he needed, too.”
She wanted to see that. Wanted so badly to know that her selfishness hadn’t hurt Wood. Of course he’d told her, more than once, quite adamantly, that it hadn’t. But that was his way—making her way easier. And her way...was to what? Sabotage herself? To not let herself be happy? Because, for some reason, she didn’t deem herself worthy of true joy?
Or just didn’t believe she could ever feel it again.
“If nothing else, his choices led him to be free when Cassie came so unexpectedly into his life.”
There was that.
“And when she did, he didn’t let you stop him from pursuing whatever life had to show them.”
And there was that, too.
Taking a long sip of water, she watched as he cut open a thick piece of meat and checked the color of the middle.
“Where exactly are you going with all of this?”
“Just that...for now... I’d like to put off house hunting...and continue to rent my suite from you. I’d like to be here for middle-of-the-night feedings, to trade off with you, taking whatever shifts work for us, so that you can get some sleep when you need it. I want to be here to see the baby’s first steps, to know if it spits peas out, to watch it around Beldon to make certain that thirty pounds of dog and fifteen pounds of baby don’t get tangled up.”
It could happen when he was at work. He couldn’t watch over the baby every second of the day. And meeting his gaze, she knew he knew that, too.
And that he was struggling to find his own healthy space.
He wanted what she wanted? To remain in the suite indefinitely?
“I thought you thought Beldon was the right choice,” she said, homing in on the reference to the thirty-pound dog getting tangled up with the fifteen-pound baby. Knowing she was avoiding the issue in doing so.
“I do.”
As if he’d heard his name—and he very probably had—Beldon came running over, slowing as he walked up to Greg at the grill, his nose in the air.
When Greg reached down, scratching the dog behind his ears, telling him that he’d have to wait until they were done eating to get a bite, Elaina fell a little bit in love.
With Greg’s parenting skills...right?
“You haven’t said what you think about my taking you up on your gut suggestion.” He was looking at her, not the dog who still stood beside him, looking expectantly up at the grill.
“I’m scared to death that we might be building something that’s going to be difficult to get out of.”
“Then rest assured that I’m a grown man with a mind of my own. And down the road, when I meet a woman and need more space, I’ll feel completely free to buy myself a house.”
When he met a woman. Not if. The distinction was huge. Brought a huge pang of...whatever it was she’d been feeling in the bed that night she thought he had a woman in her living room. She wanted to cry. And that little word choice, when not if, gave her the freedom to say, “Then feel free to stay as long as you’d like.” She gave the permission, hoping that she was finding a life that fitted her—as unorthodox as it was.
She wanted joy. She wasn’t going to settle for thinking she didn’t deserve it. Not anymore.
Chapter Fifteen
Greg called his parents on his way to the hospital Sunday morning, thinking he’d make it quick and simple, and ended up pulling off the road to deal with the questions coming at him. He had over an hour before he was on shift, and he wanted his parents to know what was going on.
Elaina was starting her fifth month and he didn’t feel right putting off telling them any longer.
Didn’t want to put it off any longer now that he and Elaina had a solid plan. Truth be told, he was excited about his life for the first time in a very long while. No, it wasn’t ideal. But nothing ever was. Ideals were just fantasies that people built because they didn’t know any better.
Reality was what you made out of what life gave you.
His mom wanted to make more of that moment than it was. Half an hour into what turned into a video call, after he’d answered both of his parents’ questions, assuring them that he was happy, that while yes, he acknowledged his situation with Elaina was out of the ordinary, it was working for them and was best for the baby.
“And if there comes a time when it doesn’t work for us, I’ll buy a house close by.”
“You should have your own place, son,” his father said, but with a knowing tone in his voice. His dad loved kids, and he loved Greg. He’d known how devastating it had been for Greg when he’d found out he was infertile and Wendy wouldn’t consider adoption. “It’s a secure investment.”
“I can always buy a place and rent it out.”
“You don’t get the tax break if it’s a rental...”
And so it went. As always, his parents jumped right into every aspect of his life that they knew about. He loved them dearly. And they drove him nuts.
Just as he might drive his own child nuts someday. What a glorious thought. He was going to have an adult child in his future.
“What do Elaina’s parents think of all this? You living in her home, but not marrying her?”
“I’m renting a suite at the opposite end of her house that, for years, was occupied by her brother-in-law, Mom. I told you that. And Elaina’s parents were killed when she was in college. In a car accident.” And he figured it didn’t hurt for them to know. “She was an only child. She married her college sweetheart and then lost him in a car accident, as well. Only that time she was in the car, was left paralyzed. With help from her brother-in-law, she managed to handle that, as well. With a well of determination I can only stand in awe of, she made herself walk again, and to look at her now, you wouldn’t even know she’d ever been hurt.”
To look at her, you wouldn’t know. But to know her... Elaina had been so badly hurt... Greg wasn’t sure she’d ever completely recover. Wasn’t sure someone who’d been through all she had could allow herself to let go of the barriers that protected what was left of her ability to love.
“It sounds like you love her,” his mother said, her words soft now, and powerful. His defenses shot up.
“Don’t make more than there is, Ma. I care about her. But it’s not like that. We’re sharing parenting, living on the same premises. We aren’t committed to each other. We’re committed to the baby.”
