The Child Who Changed Them, page 10
“Of course I want you to use it!” she said. “I just...want you to be careful, Greg. Don’t let me suck you in...”
His grin took some of the sting from her thoughts. “You keep defending your independence as you do and I won’t get sucked in,” he promised her. “Seriously, Elaina, I feel good about this. We’re two intelligent, aware adults who’ve learned from our mistakes and are heading into an exciting adventure. One that will probably be one of the most remarkable of our lives. Instead of saving lives, we’re creating one.”
Yes. That comment made her feel more whole than she had since her parents had been killed. As though she had a full life. As much to offer, and to do, as anyone.
And as much accountability as anyone, too. No more letting her get away with things because of all she’d suffered. All she’d been through. No more allowing herself to accept pats on the head instead of kicks in the butt. She was a survivor. Not a victim. And owed society as much as anyone else...
Shivering again, she leaned closer to the fire. And then started to sweat when he asked, “You planning to tell Wood that I’m moving in before I actually do so?”
Greg’s question put her back on the hot seat.
She hadn’t been on one for so long she wasn’t sure how to stay put there. But she knew she must. For the baby’s sake.
“You haven’t given me much time if you’re planning to start the move tomorrow.”
“I was going to buy shelves. Now I think I’ll just look at the workshop and finish up packing tomorrow. Maybe bring over canned goods and perishables from the kitchen—”
Completely inappropriately, Elaina felt a bit of fire shoot between her legs at his comment, as if mingling their kitchen goods would be akin to how they’d mingled their bodies that had produced the baby that was now mingling them together. She’d shared food with Wood—shopping lists even—for years and never once felt that.
“Yes.” She said it abruptly, stopping him midstream. “I would like time to speak with Wood and Cassie before you move in. And...maybe you should meet them, too. They’re my family. They’re going to be hugely involved in this baby’s life. And Alan. He and this baby will grow up close, being cousins and all...”
She stopped, realizing that she’d segued to the old plan—where Alan was supposed to be biologically related to the baby she was carrying. Through Peter’s sperm.
“I’d be happy to meet them,” Greg said. Whether he’d realized her misfire or not, he bridged the gap for her between what she’d planned and what was. At least in that moment. Between the two of them.
She nodded. Assimilating. Trying to catch up with movement in a life that had been stagnant for so long.
There was so much she hadn’t realized, hadn’t considered, while she’d floated nowhere, personally speaking, at least.
“You think he’s going to have a problem with me moving in?” Greg asked, squinting at her over the fire as darkness had begun falling around them. Cloaking them in an intimacy that she didn’t find distasteful.
And yet, that closeness threatened everything that had kept her going for so long, the peaceful nothingness that had become her private life.
He was making her uncomfortable. All of the sudden need to share themselves with each other...and yet, she didn’t want him to leave, either. The fire was...nice. Comforting. And setting a mood that could have been romantic had the two of them still been involved that way.
He was suddenly her biggest danger. And he was her safest place, too.
When he wasn’t supposed to be anything to her except the father of the child they were going to raise together.
Somehow.
“Truthfully, I think Wood might be relieved to have you around,” Elaina told Greg what she truly believed. No platitudes, or niceties.
No more hiding. If she could help it.
Greg burst out in a half chuckle, half cough that made her frown. “What?” she asked.
“Maybe you don’t know as much about men as I thought you did. The man’s your ex-husband. Still firmly in your life. Clearly he feels some ownership over you...”
She shook her head. “You don’t know Wood. Family truly is everything to him. More than money, career...he works to provide for his family, because the only thing that really completes him is caring for his family.” She needed him to understand. To be okay with Wood in their lives.
“He thinks you’re getting ready to have his brother’s child.”
“He was against that from the beginning,” she said with a shrug. “Cassie understood, but Wood thought that I was holding myself back by using Peter’s sperm. What he really wanted was for me to wait to fall in love and get married, but when he realized how serious I was about finding love within myself and sharing it outward, not sucking love inward, he thought I should use an anonymous donor.”
She’d been the one who’d been adamant about having Peter’s child. As though justice could be served...
That option was out of her hands now. The challenge ahead of her was the biggest she was ever going to face. To get to know Greg Adams and not get involved with him, to avoid leaning on him or letting herself become dependent upon him. That was particularly difficult because some of the emotions she felt around him were more compelling than anything she’d ever known.
And the second, but most important part of that, was to bring Greg’s child into the world and shower it with the unconditional love she’d been soaking up for so many years.
She had some doubts where the first part was concerned, but the second, she was all over that one. And ready to get on with it.
* * *
Wood thinks Elaina should use an anonymous donor. Sitting at the firepit the man had built, contemplating moving into the home Wood had initially purchased, sleeping in the room he’d slept in—even storing his things in the workshop her ex-husband had built—Greg had to wonder if he wasn’t falling more deeply into his own trap than ever before.
Practically speaking, the plan made sense. He had no immediate place to live. He wasn’t ready to buy a home until he knew more specifically what his life was going to look like, and he didn’t know what kind of space he was going to need or want.
Would he have a child staying with him if he moved out? Need a room for it? Or would he just be visiting Elaina’s house?
In which case, having lived in that home himself would make him feel more like part of his child’s family.
Staying with Elaina gave him the chance not only to get to know her, to plan with her, but to be present as his baby developed.
He couldn’t imagine having been married to Elaina himself and then being happy to have another man move into the life he’d shared with her. He was secretly glad to hear Wood had moved on and was happily married with a family of his own, but couldn’t imagine the man wanting him around.
“You really think Wood will be relieved that I’m here?” he asked.
“I’d bet money on it.”
Greg would bet money that he should proceed with extreme self-care and observation. He’d already played the second-best fiddle. Been the guy the girl settled for. He’d jumped in with Heather without seeing how deep the water actually was—or how dirty.
With Wendy, he’d jumped in the same exact way.
And here he was, flying off the cliff into unknown waters a third time. Except that this time he knew what he was flying toward. And for whom. His child.
“You wait, he’ll be taking you on, too,” Elaina was saying. “Any need he knows you have, he’ll be there trying to help if he can. In his unassuming, stay-out-of-the-way manner.”
She was smiling—a full-out, eyes-glistening-in-the-firelight, hit-him-in-the-gut kind of smile.
While she talked about another man. So...he knew what he was going to do. And what he wasn’t going to do, too. And he needed his eyes wide-open to make it happen.
“You sure you’re not still in love with him?” The man had been her husband. Yes, she’d married him under extreme circumstances and for practical purposes, but sometimes love grew out of those kinds of situations.
And if Elaina did still have feelings for Wood, all the better for Greg himself. Less chance of him forgetting himself in a weak moment. Less need to guard against those moments.
“I do love him—as a family member. So much. But I was never in love with him.”
“Because you loved his brother.”
“That,” she said, cocking her head slightly as she shrugged. “And... Wood has always been a brother to me. He’s a hunk, don’t get me wrong. Women have been flocking around him ever since I’ve known him. He just...doesn’t do it for me...in that way.”
He felt sorry for the guy. Deeply sorry.
And gratified for himself.
Not sure what kind of man that made him, he said, “Yet you lived together as husband and wife. At least for a time.”
He couldn’t imagine sleeping with someone he wasn’t sexually attracted to.
When Elaina shook her head, he was suddenly sitting up at attention. “My marriage to Wood was never consummated.”
At first Greg wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. Took a second to give himself a mental instant replay. And then another to quit high-fiving himself.
There was nothing to celebrate in her news. He hadn’t just been elevated up a step in the rankings.
Nothing had changed. The facts were still their facts. But in a way he couldn’t yet define, those seven words had changed everything.
Greg no longer had a living, breathing man keeping him from Elaina.
His only deterrents were a ghost and his own desire to avoid emotional complications.
Greg was sure that Peter’s memory would linger forever.
He was not going to make more of their association than was there. Was not going to rush to find something that didn’t exist. Or to make it exist.
His child’s best chance at a happy future depended on it.
And Elaina was depending on him to keep his distance, too.
Chapter Eleven
Elaina wasn’t unhappy when Greg decided it was time for him to go home. Sitting there talking to him about her lack of sex with Wood, about not being turned on...when he knew more than most exactly what did turn her on, in detail...wasn’t the way for them to proceed successfully on their quest to a healthy future for all of them.
He couldn’t just be her no-strings-attached lover anymore.
And she couldn’t take him to her bed in any other capacity. Too much inside of her prevented that choice.
Still, she couldn’t help realizing, as she walked him back through the house toward the garage door, that it was easier having him leave knowing that he was coming back.
To stay.
“I was thinking about getting a dog,” she blurted when his backside in those tight jeans got her again. When would she learn to quit looking?
Or at least quit getting herself in positions where she was walking behind him?
“What do you think about dogs?” she continued, focusing on his shoulders and finding them equally distracting. She knew the strength in them as they held her full weight up against the wall of his bedroom as he’d...
No. She couldn’t erase the memory. Or the fact that she’d enjoyed the mind-blowing sex she’d had with Greg Adams, but she could most certainly control her thoughts about it.
She was a grown woman. Not a pubescent kid.
“I like dogs.” He’d turned, his hand on the doorknob, and she’d been so busy not looking at him she’d almost run into him. Was so close she could practically see the whiskers on his chin move as he spoke.
“I...was thinking about getting a rescue...” she said, taking too long to take a step back.
“With two of us living here, it might be a good time to do so,” he said, seemingly completely unaware of how close she was to leaning forward to kiss him goodbye.
And she stepped back. Firmly. “I’ve narrowed the choice down to eight,” she told him.
His brows drew together in that way of his that meant he was interested. “How many did you start with?”
“Eight.”
Even his chuckle turned her on. Time for a bubble bath, some peaceful music and bed. Right after she made a call to Cassie and Wood to tell them about the baby and the change in her living situation.
The thought, like a glass of cold water splashed on hot skin, got her back on track just as Greg turned back from the door one more time.
“Dr. Miller mentioned that you’ve got an appointment next Friday. I’m assuming that includes getting to see the first sonogram?”
The picture produced by an ultrasound...
“It does.”
“I’d like to be there.”
She’d figured as much. But appreciated that he was talking to her about it. Not just showing up or assuming.
She told him the time but didn’t suggest they ride together. Didn’t want them to ride together.
She’d be coming from work, and didn’t know where he’d be driving from.
It wasn’t like she was privy to his schedule.
Though...maybe, with possibly adopting and training a dog and all, they should keep each other apprised. She thought about what it might be like, them knowing each other’s whereabouts all the time. Maybe cooking for each other now and then. Eating together.
When he opened the door to leave, she was about to ask him what he thought about sharing grocery bills, when what she wanted was to share something far more intimate. But he headed out to his car, and she thought it better just to get him out of there until she had time to think things through.
It had been a couple of long, emotional days. And weeks.
All she needed was a good night’s sleep.
And to remember why she’d broken up with Greg Adams to begin with.
Yeah, she knew she’d enjoy having sex with him again. Very much. She’d missed having those hours in his arms.
But if she gave in to her body’s desires, she’d want more, and would eventually probably talk herself into allowing that intimacy regularly, which, along with living together, would mean they were a couple, and she’d be right back where she’d always been. Leaning. Not standing.
She wasn’t going to do that to herself, to Greg or to their child.
* * *
When Elaina called just after ten the next morning, to ask Greg if he’d mind meeting her for lunch, he was ready to jump in the car and go. But then she told him where she wanted to meet: a law office.
He didn’t like the sound of that.
And when he thought about his first reaction, just running off to eagerly do her bidding at her first invitation, he didn’t like that much, either.
By the time she’d gotten to her third sentence, letting him know that they were having lunch together in the conference room of Cassie’s law office so that everyone could meet before he officially moved in, and to sign a leasing agreement that Cassie thought they should have for the protection of both of them, he had calmed down. Logical. And, he figured himself a semblance of the highly respected professional he was, as he asked the time and address.
So he’d been a little reactive at first. Big things happening in his life.
The man who’d been in a slowly gestating state of mourning over the fact that he couldn’t have kids had just found out he was going to be a father.
The mind switch took some getting used to.
He dressed with care. In dark pants, a light short-sleeved shirt and tie, shined shoes, shaved face and hair combed as well as kind of longish natural curl could be, he presented himself to the receptionist at the address he’d been given—an impressive building with privately leased office suites—at the exact time Elaina had mentioned.
Apparently, lunch was being catered—not for him, but because it happened regularly at Cassie’s office—but he was fine to not eat. He wanted the meeting with Elaina’s Wood over with.
She’d never even told him what her ex did for a living.
And he’d never asked.
Though he was glad to know that the other man wasn’t the competition he’d originally thought he was, it only took one second in the same room with Elaina and Wood for Greg to know what white-hot jealousy felt like.
It was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, that was for sure.
He didn’t want to scratch the other man’s eyes out. Or smash his face, either. Instead, he stood there, full of envy, knowing that what he wanted more than anything in the world was what Wood already had.
He wanted the Elaina that Wood saw when he spoke in that teasing and knowing tone of voice, wanted to be privy to their life experiences, to understand the pains that, while unspoken, were evident in the looks, the things not being said, the words between the lines.
And he got all of that in “Wood, this is Greg...”
And Wood’s standing there in a dusty shirt, mussed hair and blue jeans, handing a baby to a beautiful blonde woman who handed it off to Elaina’s wide-open, waiting arms.
“Elaina hasn’t told us enough about you, but I’m glad we finally meet,” Wood said, his voice deep, confident and quiet. “I presume you’re the doctor she was having lunches with in the cafeteria...”
He hoped to God he was the one.
Wood had known about him?
“Wood saw us together once when he came to see me at work,” Elaina said, half over her shoulder, as she crooned to the baby, rocking him slowly, nuzzling his neck.
Already more of a parent than he knew how to be. He’d probably be all businesslike and make the little one cry.
“Like Wood, I’m glad to finally meet you,” Cassie said, extending her hand. “And if there’s anything you need...you let us know.”
He nodded. Hoped he made responses that sounded as appropriate as he thought they did. And couldn’t wait to get out of there before he started wanting things he couldn’t have.
