Convincing Constance (The Blow Hole Boys), page 19
“What the fuck?” I said as I pulled on the restraints.
I continued to struggle, trying to free myself. I felt like I’d woken up in one of those crazy post-apocalyptic zombie movies. Like I was the main character in those really fucked-up Resident Evil films.
“She’s awake!” I heard Twiggy say from somewhere in the room.
I stopped struggling when each of them appeared and smiled down at me. There was sympathy in their eyes, and I didn’t like it.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said.
My voice cracked like I hadn’t had anything to drink in weeks.
“Look at you like we give a shit?” Hope said.
“No. Don’t look at me like you feel sorry for me. What happened?” I asked.
Hope sat in the chair next to my bed and laid her hand on top of mine. “Well, the doctors seem to think you tried to off yourself last night,” she said with a frown. “I swear, Constance, if we had known you took so many pills, we wouldn’t have force-fed you alcohol.”
Then the events from the night before came to me all at once. Sadness seeped in and I closed my eyes against it.
“The news,” I whispered sadly.
“Don’t even think about it. Gary and the publicists are taking care of everything,” Lena said.
“I didn’t sleep with him. I…” My voice caught.
“Fuck him. It doesn’t matter what you did. We all do fucked-up things. You just focus on you. Don’t worry about a damn thing,” Hope said.
I nodded and closed my eyes and tried to block it all out. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I melted into my bed and took a deep breath. My career was probably going to be over and there was no telling what people were saying.
I stayed in the hospital for a week for a mental evaluation. I didn’t matter how many times I’d told them I wasn’t trying to off myself, they made me stay there, and I was glad they did. It was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me.
They poked and probed me.
“And how did your mother respond to that?” Mrs. Gibson, the hospital-appointed psychiatrist asked.
She really knew her shit, and it didn’t take long for me to trust her enough to tell her the truth about the tapes.
She got to know me better than anyone else ever did. She asked personal questions and pushed me into talking about my problems and my past.
Believe it or not, I felt a ton better when I put everything out there. Releasing old secrets was like losing fifty pounds in an hour. I felt lighter and happier. It was as if I’d pushed the hurt and the fear of the past out of my brain and into the world around me.
As far as the tour was concerned, I made the girls finish. Zeke was sweet enough to step in as my replacement. I’m sure the girls had a time with that one, seeing as they all thought Zeke and the boys could do no wrong musically.
I expected Tony to come and see me before the tour left Florida, but he never did. Not that I could blame him. He was probably disgusted with me. I was disgusted with me. It was for the best anyway. I was dead-set on staying away from anything and everything drug related. Especially after my little stint in the psych ward. And Tony was addicted. He’d be addicted until the day he died, just like my dad. I couldn’t lose another person I loved that way. I wouldn’t.
I flew back to California alone, and Gary sent a car to the airport to pick me up. When I got to his office, we sat and had a heart-to-heart. The fact that I was able talk about the past and the fact that I’d been raped let me know I was doing much better mentally.
“You should press charges, Constance. No one realizes your age in that video. You should come out and make sure that bastard gets what he deserves,” Gary said, outraged.
“But he’s Jack Jenson. He’s a legend, and I’m me.”
“Exactly. You’re you. You’re Constance McClaire, and you’re the daughter of a legend. We both know your dad was the reason Black Daze did anything good.” He smiled as he tried to make me feel better.
“I’ll think about it.”
And I did. I thought about it while the tabloids went crazy. I thought about it while trashy paparazzi took my picture and made me wish some days that I’d never picked up a guitar. But mostly I thought about it when I was in bed late at night and I wished more than anything that Tony was with me. I needed him. I’d never admit that out loud, but I did.
THE FOLLOWING WEEK, AFTER A crazy lady with a mic and a camera following her called me a disgusting slut, I decided it was time I came out about what happened. I decided that after I almost decked her, of course. I might have been down, but I wasn’t so down that I didn’t know how to throw a punch.
I walked into the police department and the entire room stood still as everyone watched me walk to the counter.
“Can I help you?” an older officer asked.
He had a friendly smile and big eyes.
“Yes, sir. I’d like to report a rape.”
The word sounded foreign coming out of my mouth. Again, I had the distinct feeling that my past never happened to me, but instead a girl who could never be me.
It took an hour for the officer to take down my report. Telling him step by step what happened was hard. Explaining the way I felt—explaining how I couldn’t move—it almost killed me. But the hardest part was telling him word for word all the disgusting things Jack had said to me. For days after that report, I woke covered in sweat and afraid.
Jack was arrested in New York for rape and attempted blackmail. From what my lawyer said, he put up a hell of a fight and had to be tasered. That made me extremely happy to hear. He was extradited back to Los Angeles, and the trial was set to begin a few days after that.
I quit watching TV since it seemed like that’s all the news people talked about. Social media was going crazy, and I was called the worst kinds of things by the die-hard Black Daze fans.
“They should fry that son of a bitch,” Lena said as he stuck her chip deep into the dip.
“Hopefully they do,” I responded.
We were chilling out at my place and stuffing ourselves with junk food. The girls had been back in Los Angeles for two days since the tour was over. It killed me, but I refused to ask a thing about Tony, and thankfully, they said nothing about him. I needed to focus. I had a career to protect and a trial to worry about.
THE TRIAL LASTED A WEEK, and thanks to me, three other girls came out about Jack raping them. I wasn’t happy that I wasn’t alone, but it was nice to know there were girls out there who understood what I’d gone through. Then the judge threw down her gavel and Jack Jenson was found guilty on four counts of rape. He was sentenced to thirty years with no chance of parole.
I stayed indoors and out of the public eye for the following week after the trial. I was emotionally drained and needed a break away from everything. It wasn’t every day that a person had their lives put on display for the world to see. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be in the spotlight again.
Two months passed. The girls and I were taking a break before starting our third album, and I was house hunting. It was nice knowing I was able to buy a house of my own. Sure, I was considering the idea of having a family to fill a house, but the only man I ever really loved had disappeared off the face of the earth.
Once, I saw Finn at a party for Music Line, but I never mentioned Tony and he didn’t drop a single word about him, even though I secretly prayed for most of the night he would.
“You look good, Constance. It’s nice to see you so happy,” Finn said.
He wrapped his arm around his wife Faith and she smiled sweetly at me.
“I could say the same about you.”
I went home alone that night, even though the girls begged me to have a night out with them.
I ran myself a long, hot bath and soaked until my skin felt numb. Bubbles overflowed the rim of the tub, and I stayed in the water until every bubble was gone. When I was done with that and dressed for bed, I pulled out my guitar and went to work on some songs that had been bouncing around my head over the last few weeks.
I was in the middle of playing some new chords when a knock sounded at my door. I set my guitar down on the table in front of my couch and walked to the door. Unlocking the bottom lock but leaving the chain in place, I pulled open the door.
Standing there staring back at me was Tony. He looked good in his dark jeans and white T-shirt. My mouth went dry at the sight of him. I closed the door in his face, unchained the latch, and pulled it open again. The side of his mouth lifted into an unsure grin before he held up a pretty red rose.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
MY STOMACH CRAMPED AGAIN BEFORE I leaned over the toilet and emptied my guts. Eating in rehab was obviously a waste of time since I very rarely kept any of it down.
I gripped the sides of the bowl so hard my fingertips turned purple. I hated that part. Actually, I hated everything about detoxing. It was hell. Worse than hell. Every day I felt sick and every day I felt like crying for something, anything that would give me some kind of high.
Being locked in a room for three days in some of the worst pain I’d ever felt wasn’t how I planned on spending my summer vacation. There were so many times I wanted to just give up, but I couldn’t. Every time I even thought about it, I’d think about Constance and the way she looked with foam coming out of the sides of her mouth.
I fought tooth and nail just to have a normal day. Small things, like drawing a picture or working out, felt different without pills.
“Come on, Tony. You’re a big guy. You can do better than that,” Doctor Ryan taunted.
She’d started monitoring me closer since I’d freaked out on one of the nurses. Apparently, bribing the nurses for pills wasn’t tolerated in rehab.
I pushed up the set one final time. My weakening arms shook beneath the weight as I exhaled loudly. Lifting weights used to be my favorite thing to do to pass the time, but I was slowly losing my love for it.
“Fifty,” I said.
Fifty reps wasn’t a lot for me, but since I’d gone cold turkey with the pills, I was having a hard time pushing myself.
“Tomorrow we do more,” Doctor Ryan said as she patted my sweat-covered shoulder.
She was an older lady and nothing seemed to bother her. She’d seen it all. The worst of the celebrity drug cases. But I liked her. She was strong and supportive and never let me slack off.
Every now and again, the boys would stop for a visit.
“Dude, your nurse is fuckable,” Chet said as he watched my nurse bend over to pick something up.
She was wearing pink scrubs and nothing about her screamed sex, but Chet was always able to find something sexy about a woman.
“We can’t take you anywhere.” Finn laughed. “So how’s it going?”
“It’s going. I think I’m past the worst of it. Detoxing is a bitch, man.” I shook my head.
“Well, you look good. The doctor said you should be out of here soon. You ready to start on the next album?” Zeke asked.
“Fuck, yes. I can’t wait to get my hands on my guitar.”
They spent an hour with me, bullshitting and filling me in on the rest of the tour. Mia was kind enough to fill in for me, which worked since Zeke was filling in for Constance.
Before the boys left, I pulled Finn to the side.
“How is she?” I asked.
He’d kept me updated on all things Constance since the day I stepped foot into the facility.
“She’s good. She made it through the trial okay and everything. Just get better. She’ll still be there when you get out.”
That night, I dreamt of Constance.
The next few weeks moved slower. When I wasn’t working out or having group time, I was in therapy.
“Tell me how you felt when you saw Constance overdosing.”
Talking over my issues actually helped. Turns out, psychiatrists really know their shit when it comes to healing the human mind.
“I felt like I was dying. I never want to feel that way again.”
Three weeks later, I was leaving rehab. Zeke and Patience picked me up and we flew back to California together. There was a psychiatrist close to home that I had to follow up with once a week, but other than that, I was done.
I spent the first week home hitting the gym and hanging out with the guys even though I wanted nothing more than to go straight to Constance. I missed her like crazy, but I wasn’t ready to see her yet. There was still so much left to do.
When I felt ready, I drove over to her apartment with a red rose in hand. My legs wobbled when I made my way up the steps to her door and my hands shook when I reached out to ring the doorbell.
I gave up on the doorbell and knocked when she didn’t come to the door. And then she was standing there in front of me, with wet hair and wide eyes. I could have fallen to my knees in front of her in that moment.
I stepped inside her apartment, and the box in my pocket burned a hole in my thigh. I wanted to pull it out and beg her to be mine forever, but I didn’t. I wanted to do this right.
“Nice place,” I said.
I was uncomfortable and I was sure my nerves were showing. I was already scared shitless that she was going to hate me for disappearing, but I had to have hope.
“Thanks,” she nodded. “Is everything okay?”
I nodded and held out the red rose. “This is for you.”
She smile shyly up at me as she reached out and took it. She brought it to her nose and breathed it in.
“Thank you, Tony, but…”
I didn’t want her to tell me to leave. Not yet. I reached out and covered her lips with my finger. And then I took a deep breath and let it all out.
“Constance, you fixed me. I was so broken. The accident left me crazy and in pieces, but whenever I was with you, I actually felt complete.” I swallowed hard and moved closer. “I spent a month in rehab. I went through some of the scariest withdrawals in my life, but I pushed through. And I did it for you. It was crazy, but you do crazy things when you’re in love. For three days, I was locked in a room, completely sober. I lost complete control of my body, but I did a lot of thinking while I was in there. And I think I can’t live without you.”
A tear slipped down her cheek and I reached out and smoothed it away.
“I know I have my moments. I know I can be a complete and total asshole, but if you’ll have me, I want to spend the rest of my life treating you the way you deserve to be treated.”
Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the box. Her eyes got large and a tiny smile lifted the side of her mouth.
“I always knew you deserved someone better than me, but I’ve spend the last month becoming the man I knew I could be, for you. I wouldn’t do this unless I was absolutely sure I was good enough, but Constance…” I dropped to my knee in front of her. “I love you more than anything. I want to spend the rest of my life being addicted to you. You’re my anchor. I never want to float away again. Will you marry me?”
I popped open the ring box and her eyes watered over when she looked down and saw the anchor-shaped ring with a perfect diamond sitting on top. And then she broke down in tears, nodded her head, and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“Yes,” she squeaked.
A big smile spread across my face as I stood and took her in my arms. And then I kissed her, knowing from that moment on, my life would be an insane journey. Leaning back, I pulled the ring from the box and slid it on her finger.
“I love you,” I said as I leaned in and kissed her again.
“I love you, too. Forever.”
“I DO,” I SAID AS I smiled down at my beautiful bride.
I ran my thumb across her wedding band and she smiled back up at me.
“Then by the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride,” the notary said.
Everyone applauded and whistled when I dipped Constance over my arm and kissed her like we weren’t in front of a crowd.
Finn patted me on the back. “Save some for tonight, dude.”
I pulled back, and Constance looked up at me with excited eyes and flushed cheeks. She was exquisite—everything I ever wanted.
The reception was more like a big party. Finn, Chet, and Zeke, who stood by my side when I said my vows, put together a pretty interesting toast.
“A toast to the couple, both kickass in their own way. May you never get bored with your love and may you never stray.” Finn held up his glass with a smile.
“Constance, keep our boy in line. May he never give you sass. And if he does, just call us and we’ll come kick his ass,” Zeke followed.
“May you work with each other always and your problems always get solved. Tony, may you get laid at least once a week and never know the hell of blue balls,” Chet said as he lifted his beer.
The room lit up with laughter, and I reached down and squeezed Constance’s hand.
“All jokes aside. Tony, we’re happy for you, bro. Constance is perfect for you. We wish you guys forever. Congrats.”
The Sirens followed with a toast of their own and there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.
Constance and I celebrated becoming whole together, and it was by far the best night of my life.
Everyone threw guitar picks at us as we ran to the limo that was covered in condoms and anything else the guys could get their hands on. I didn’t care, though. I was just happy to be alone with my wife and on our way to Italy for our honeymoon.
“Wait!” Constance called out to the driver, prompting him to slam on the brakes. “I forgot my bag in the bathroom in the reception hall.”
I leaned in and kissed her. “No worries, baby. I’ll run in and get it for you.”
Everyone had gone back inside to finish the party when I climbed out of the limo and snuck back in real quick to get Constance’s bag. I didn’t care if it was the women’s restroom. I walked right in and made my way to the back stall where she said she’d left her bag.
