Pregnant on the Earl's Doorstep, page 10
Heather shook her head. ‘You don’t need to do that. If you could look after the children while I go, though...’
‘Mrs Peterson will take care of them,’ Cal insisted. ‘You shouldn’t be alone for that.’
Whatever else there could or couldn’t be between them, Cal knew that going to the scan with Heather was the right thing to do. And Heather always did the right thing for other people. It was time other people started doing the same for her.
‘Okay, then,’ she said, giving in with a small smile.
‘Okay.’ He returned it, and their gazes met, and suddenly Cal realised that whole minutes might have passed and he wouldn’t have known. He was too lost in her green, green eyes.
That was when he realised he might be in real trouble this time. Some things were just too tempting to resist.
* * *
The next few days, after the kiss that never happened, were somehow both awkward and not.
Heather found herself overthinking every tiny interaction she had with Cal. Like the day she stopped by his study with a new book for his reading list that had been delivered, and found him with his head in his hands at the desk. She’d paused in the doorway, uncertain as to whether she should go in, but then he’d looked up, smiled tiredly at her and held out his hand.
What had made her take it, she still didn’t know. Knowing Cal, he wouldn’t have offered it if he hadn’t been so exhausted. But she knew he’d been working long mornings, from the early hours, spending the afternoons with the children after their lessons had finished, and then working again after dinner before heading down to the small sitting room by the kitchen for kid tuition with her before bed.
No wonder he was worn out.
She’d taken his hand and he’d pulled her close, resting his head against her stomach as she stood beside him. And for a moment—just a blink of a second—she had almost believed that it was his baby growing inside her. That they really were in this together, not just muddling through as partners because they had no other choice.
He’d come to his senses pretty quickly, letting her go so fast that she stumbled backwards.
‘I’m sorry,’ he’d said, but she’d shaken her head.
She wasn’t sorry. But she knew they couldn’t have anything more than those stolen moments, either.
She’d placed the book on his desk and left.
But most of the time when they were together the children were there, too—walking in the woods, down by the river, or popping into the village to visit the sweet shop. Cal had relaxed a lot around them, which had helped the kids to relax in turn. Heather couldn’t help but think that his lessons in children really were paying off.
Even if the lessons themselves were a torment.
Every night they met in that damn sitting room and talked about Daisy and Ryan—how they were getting on with their lessons, how they could both support them, the counsellors Cal had found for them to talk to about their parents’ deaths. They discussed techniques for discipline and support, ways to make important days feel special, what to do when Daisy had another one of her nightmares...
They talked about everything, as long as it had to do with the children.
They never talked again about the secrets they’d shared in that room. Or how sure Heather had been that Cal would have kissed her that night if the circumstances had been different. If she hadn’t been pregnant with Ross’s child.
And still, underneath all their carefully neutral talk, she could hear echoes of it. In the tone of his voice, or in the smallest aside about her appearance or behaviour.
The connection she’d felt that night hadn’t gone away, Heather knew. It just simmered under the surface. And that was where they needed to keep it.
So Heather made sure they both always stayed in their chairs during their lessons, across the room from each other. She tried not to let their fingers touch when she passed him a book or a paper. She tried not to meet his gaze when she smiled. Because then she’d have to watch his eyes turn darker and know it was lust she saw.
Some nights she was more successful than others.
* * *
‘I think it’s time for you to take the kids out on your own,’ Heather said, looking up from her notebook to see Cal balancing an apple on his head. Where had he even got the apple from?
It rolled off and he caught it as he stared at her in alarm. ‘On my own? I do that all the time. We went into Lengroth last week.’
‘Once,’ Heather pointed out. ‘And I was thinking somewhere a little further afield.’
‘But why?’ Cal whined, sounding so like his nephew that Heather couldn’t help but smile.
‘Because that’s what we’re building up to here, right? You being able to look after them alone after I leave.’
A shadow fell across Cal’s face. Heather knew her own smile had slipped, too. She didn’t like to think about leaving Lengroth Castle, and not only because it meant that Daisy and Ryan would be heading off to boarding school.
Unless I can convince Cal otherwise.
‘But you’re still here right now,’ Cal argued. ‘And I’m still learning, right?’
Heather eyed the apple in his hand disapprovingly. ‘Yeah, right. Lots of learning going on here tonight. Besides, all the education in the world counts for nothing if you can’t put it into practice.’
‘I thought I was,’ Cal grumbled.
Heather took pity on him. ‘Yes, you have been.’
In fact, he’d been doing so well she wasn’t sure he’d even noticed that she stepped back from any sort of discipline or emotional management of the kids when he was in the room. He might not realise it, but he was doing everything he needed to already. He just needed to take the next step, and continue it when she wasn’t there as a safety net.
‘That’s why we’re taking it up a level.’
‘Where would I even take them?’ he asked.
Heather shrugged. ‘Anywhere. Take them bowling, or to the cinema. Crazy golf. Swimming. Soft play.’
Cal pulled a face. ‘I’ve got a meeting with my lawyer in Edinburgh the day after tomorrow—’
‘I was thinking more of something that would be fun for them,’ Heather interrupted.
Cal rolled his eyes. ‘I know that. I was thinking the three of you could come with me for the day. The kids could stay with you while I have my meeting, then I could take them around the city on my own afterwards. We could all meet up for dinner before driving back.’
Heather blinked. ‘That’s actually a really good idea.’
‘Then it’s a date,’ Cal said with a smirk—one that faded quickly when Heather winced. ‘Yeah. Not that. You know what I mean...’
‘I know,’ Heather said.
She also knew that it was moments like that which were going to drive her insane with the effort of not kissing Cal Bryce.
* * *
Cal was starting to think that this was a very bad idea.
Edinburgh was packed with tourists—all in town for the Fringe Festival, he supposed. His meeting with the lawyer had gone even more badly than he’d expected. Heather had skipped off for an afternoon in the city alone after feeding the kids ice cream and waffles, so he’d have nothing to bribe them with later unless he wanted them on some sort of almighty sugar high. And it was raining.
None of these things were making his mood any brighter.
‘So, what do you want to do?’ he asked Daisy and Ryan, as they sheltered in a shop doorway, with the sound of bagpipes blasting through the weather on the Royal Mile.
Daisy shrugged. Ryan widened his eyes and shook his head.
‘Really helpful, kids.’
‘Well, we don’t know what there is to do,’ Daisy pointed out. ‘Whenever we came here with Mum it was to go shopping.’
‘We don’t want to go shopping,’ Ryan clarified quickly.
‘Good.’ Cal rubbed a hand across his forehead as he tried to think about what he’d liked about the city as a child. Being away from Lengroth, mostly.
Then he had a stroke of genius.
‘Okay. Follow me, stay close and don’t wander off.’
He strode through the rain towards Castle Hill and the hulking shadow of Edinburgh Castle, stark against the cloudy sky.
‘You do realise that we live in a castle,’ Daisy pointed out as they got closer. ‘You really don’t need to take us to another one.’
‘But what if this one has functioning dungeons?’ Cal asked. Beside him, Ryan gasped, and Cal shook his head. ‘We’re not going to the castle. Come on.’
They stopped at a building just before the castle and Cal hurried his charges inside, out of the rain.
‘World of Illusions?’ Daisy asked, sticking her head back outside to check the sign.
‘What’s a Camera Obscura?’ Ryan frowned as he sounded out the word on the leaflets by the door.
‘Let’s head in and find out.’
In his head Cal had imagined introducing the kids to all the different mirror tricks and plasma balls, the mind-bending illusions, and explaining how they worked. The kids would hang off his every word as he made magic real or demonstrated something properly cool.
As it was, the minute they had their tickets and were through the doors Daisy and Ryan both raced off in different directions, leaving him staring after them dumbly.
He shook his head and prepared to yell.
They’re just overexcited.
Great. Now he was hearing Heather’s voice in his head.
Ryan raced past him again, so Cal grabbed his sleeve as he passed, held his hand firmly—despite his admonishments that, at eight, he was far too old to hold hands—and headed out to find Daisy.
‘Right. Now, here are the rules,’ he told them, as the three of them were reunited beside a mirror that stretched them out into giants.
‘Set your expectations,’ Heather always said. ‘Kids like to know what their limits are, even if they go on to test them.’
With Heather’s gentle voice in his head, he forced himself to keep his tone even and calm, rather than just yelling at them. ‘We stick together, okay? We can look at everything in here, for as long as you like, but we do it together. And we finish at the Camera Obscura, okay?’
‘I still don’t know what one of those is,’ Ryan grumbled.
‘Then let’s get exploring,’ Cal said, deciding to take their lack of answer as tacit acceptance.
Daisy rolled her eyes, but followed anyway.
To start with, Cal used the kids’ fascination with the illusions, the shadow wall and the plasma globes as an opportunity to check his emails. Daisy rolled her eyes at him again, but she and Ryan seemed to be having a nice time so he didn’t worry.
When they reached the Ames Room—where an optical illusion meant people appeared to shrink and grow as they moved around—he surrendered his phone to Daisy, so she could take photos of Ryan seemingly much taller than him. Then they reached Bewilderworld, where Cal just concentrated on not feeling dizzy and disorientated as they crossed a metal bridge surrounded by a tunnel of twisting, turning lights.
‘Where’s Ryan?’ he asked Daisy as he stepped off the other end.
‘He ran into the mirror maze,’ Daisy replied with a shrug. ‘I’ll go find him.’
She raced off before Cal could stop her. Uncomfortably, he stared into the walls and walls of mirrors and steeled himself to follow.
Apart from flashes of the kids as they ran ahead, their laughter echoing off the glass, all Cal could see was himself, reflected everywhere. A reminder of who he was...who he’d always be. A Bryce, with all the history that brought with it. And, try as he might, he couldn’t catch up with Daisy and Ryan, who always seemed just a stretch out of reach.
‘This is every parent’s worst nightmare,’ Cal muttered, before stopping inches away from crashing into another mirror.
Parent. He was the parent—or as close to one as these kids had. And while he might still have a long way to go in learning to take care of them...let alone loving them the way they needed...he was making progress. He was here, in a damn maze, not waiting outside on his phone.
He was here. And that was the first step.
Smiling to himself, he turned confidently left—and walked straight into another mirror pane.
‘This way, Uncle Cal!’
He spun to find Ryan waiting behind him.
‘Come on!’
This time his nephew grabbed his hand and led the way. And Cal couldn’t help but admit that it felt strangely right.
CHAPTER TEN
‘AND THEN UP in the roof there’s this magic camera that lets you see all the streets of Edinburgh right as they’re happening, only tiny. And we looked for you but we couldn’t see you. But the guy doing the show built a bridge for some other people and they walked right across it and it was brilliant!’
Ryan’s epic run-on sentence came to an end and he took a large gulp of the brightly coloured drink he’d ordered from the kids’ menu in the restaurant Cal had chosen. Heather was now regretting agreeing to let them have anything they wanted. The E-numbers would keep them awake for a week.
‘Magic camera?’ she asked Cal, while Ryan was quiet.
‘The Camera Obscura,’ Cal explained. ‘Victorian ingenuity at its finest. Have you ever been?’
Heather shook her head. ‘I’ll have to go some time.’
Cal opened his mouth—almost as if he were about to say I’ll take you—then shut it again, so hard she heard his teeth click.
‘So you had a good afternoon, then?’ she asked, turning to Daisy.
Daisy shrugged. ‘It was okay, I suppose.’
Heather gave Cal a small smile. From Daisy, that was high praise indeed. She’d known letting them spend the afternoon together was a good idea—and she’d managed to do some much-needed clothes shopping, too. Ordering online could only get a girl so far, especially when it came to maternity bras.
Later, as they drove home into the darkening summer sky, with Ryan passed out in the back and Daisy with her headphones on, Heather asked, ‘Was it really a good afternoon?’
Cal’s smile was slow, but telling. ‘You know...it was. I mean, there’s a big difference between a few hours at a tourist attraction and the rest of their lives, but it was good. It’s a start, right?’
‘A really good one,’ Heather said, and tried to ignore the warmth that filled her at his words.
She was not falling for her boss. And she was definitely not falling for the brother of her baby’s father. No matter how gorgeous he was when he smiled. Not happening.
She hoped.
* * *
‘Daisy did well on her history assignment this week,’ Heather said, handing Cal a printout of Daisy’s short essay as they sat in the little sitting room by the kitchen a few days later.
Despite Cal’s progress he’d insisted on continuing their kid lessons, even if they were mostly just catch-ups on how they’d got on that day.
‘Seems she has a real grasp of the blood and guts part of historical conflict.’
‘Why am I not surprised?’ Cal took it, grinning up at her, and Heather knew it was pride she saw in his gaze.
She couldn’t help it; she smiled back. Just as their fingers touched and his eyes turned dark again...
Was this how her mother had felt? Falling for someone she knew she couldn’t have? She’d been married, he’d been thirteen years younger than her... Her mother couldn’t have thought it was a good idea.
And yet she’d fallen for him anyway. Been so consumed by love and lust that she’d left her whole life behind for him.
Heather, fortunately, wasn’t that stupid.
She might not be able to stop the feelings that flooded through her every time she was with Cal, but she could call them what they were. Attraction. Lust. And wildly inappropriate.
She pulled back quickly and turned her attention to her notes. She’d found early on that if she didn’t approach each evening with a list of things to discuss with Cal about the children it was too easy to forget everything she’d meant to say when she was with him. Or for the conversation to get distracted, to stray onto forbidden topics.
Like how badly she wanted to kiss him.
It hadn’t felt like this with Ross, she realised. Or anyone else ever, actually. This incredible drawn-out anticipation of something that couldn’t happen.
With Ross, it had been a stupid idea after one too many cocktails. He’d been gorgeous, oozing confidence, and she’d been having a bad day. He’d wanted her, and she’d wanted cheering up, and that had been enough.
But with Cal... Want wasn’t a strong enough word to encompass the feeling that flooded through her every time she saw him. It seemed impossible that they’d never even kissed. That her body could hum with need just being in the same room as him, yet she’d never felt his lips on hers or his hands against her bare skin.
And it felt even more impossible that she never would.
‘How about Ryan?’ Cal asked, clearing his throat first.
Heather forced herself back into the moment. ‘Um...he’s doing fine, too. A little distracted this week, actually. I’m not sure why.’
Cal shrugged, as if to say Why are you asking me? Heather was about to remind him exactly why this was his problem, too, when his face fell and his eyes grew wide.
‘Oh, hell.’
‘What?’
‘It’s his birthday. This weekend.’
Cal looked mortified that he’d forgotten. Heather was just relieved that he’d remembered now.
‘I need to buy him a present, right? What on earth do I get him?’
Of course he thought this was all about the present. Ryan’s first birthday without his parents there to celebrate with him and Cal thought it could be fixed with a remote-control helicopter or something.
