Key Change, page 32
The woman who’d been in the line before her snapped her head over quickly and scanned Hannah up and down.
Hannah ignored her. She put her elbows on the counter and leaned toward Johnny. He mirrored her actions, his lips tipped up on the sides. Their faces were only inches away from each other.
“Piper is going to a slumber party tonight and I was wondering if you had plans for dinner?
His eyebrows lifted in interest. “Mmm, are you making something delicious?”
She tilted her head to the side with a flirty smile. “Always.”
His smile grew and his gaze dropped to her mouth, her shoulders, her chest, before flicking back up. “What time is good for you?”
Any time. Now. A minute from now. Just be in my space again.
But instead she said, “Five-ish.”
He reached for a strand of hair near her face, wrapped it lightly around his finger, and gave it a gentle tug. It may as well have been connected to her heart because that’s where she felt the pull. “It’s a date.”
“Are you and Johnny going to get married?”
“What?” Hannah dropped her straight iron and almost burned her neck.
Piper stuck her head in the bathroom.
“Why would you ask that?”
“Because you loooove him,” Piper said teasingly.
Hannah snorted but didn’t argue.
“Marriage isn’t always the best choice for everyone, pipsqueak.”
“Ana’s mom said that if Johnny didn’t marry you, then he was a moron who didn’t deserve to have offspring.”
Hannah nearly choked. That sounded like Sarahi.
“We haven’t discussed it,” she said around her laughter.
“You have a date tonight, right?” Piper came into Hannah’s bathroom and sat on the ledge of the bathtub. “Just ask him if he wants to get married.” The tween shrugged. Like marriage was akin to asking someone if they liked pink lemonade.
“I do have a date tonight,” Hannah confirmed, turning off the flat iron. She’d fixed her hair and done a very subtle smokey eye. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been on a date. Not that that said much, considering her functional blackouts.
But she was going to remember this one.
The knock on the door signaled that Damon was there to take Piper to Ana’s.
“Do you have all your stuff?” Hannah asked, following Piper to the door.
“Yes. I even double-checked.”
“Are you sure?” Hannah didn’t want to have to get any intrusive phone calls for something silly, like a toothbrush.
“I’m sure.” Piper opened the door and Damon stood ready.
“Let’s go, bodyguard man.” Piper waved a hand and trudged out the door.
Damon dipped his chin at Hannah and followed the source of most of her headaches down the hall.
Hannah closed the door and took a deep breath.
Okay.
Piper was safe. She was with people she trusted and she was whip smart.
Hannah could do this.
She checked the dinner in the oven—pork chops with roasted apples. Then she set the table and lit a bunch of candles. Like, a fuck-ton of candles. Just candles everywhere. Only the ones on the table were actual fire, though. The rest were LED. She didn’t want to risk burning the place down. That would definitely be a mood killer.
Checking the clock, she realized she was nearly out of time.
She went back to her room to change into the dress she’d picked out earlier. She hadn’t wanted to wear it in front of Piper because of its revealing nature.
It was a black lace mini dress with an open back. It had a high neckline in the front, sleeveless, and fit her body perfectly. She slid on black stilettos to go with it and then looked at herself in the full-length mirror in her bedroom. And tried to calm her racing heart.
Maybe Johnny would think she was being too presumptuous.
It wasn’t that she expected they’d be intimate, but if they were, she wanted to be prepared in all the ways.
That included shaving everything, lotion, perfume, and condoms.
She glanced at the nightstand beside her bed, where the brand-new box of prophylactics was housed.
“This is stupid,” she muttered, and hurried to the closet.
She’d asked him over for dinner. This was too much for dinner.
A knock stopped her forward momentum and she grimaced.
“Motherfucker,” she hissed. She stepped toward the doorway, then doubled back to the closet and back again. “Oh, Hannah, you little idiot,” she muttered, choosing to answer the door.
She would just own her mistake and they’d laugh about it, and she’d change into sweats or something to make up for it.
She opened the door and stopped breathing.
Johnny was in a suit.
Holy hell.
A nice suit was like lingerie for men.
Black pants, black jacket, white shirt.
The shirt was unbuttoned by at least three buttons, revealing dark chest hair.
His hair was combed and styled back, and the dark scruff on his face highlighted his jaw in a very lickable way.
Okay, Johnny had always been attractive. But at what point had he become drop-dead gorgeous? Had she just been too focused on her own damn issues that she hadn’t been able to fully appreciate the masculine perfection in front of her?
“Hannah Lee James,” Johnny said in his smooth, deep voice. “You plan on being the death of me?”
She glanced up to catch his heated gaze.
He crossed the threshold and she backed into the condo. He caught the door with a hand and closed it with a shove.
His eyes roamed over her, up and down and back again.
“You look good, Johnny,” she was able to finally speak.
He shot her a crooked smile and it sent tingles through her body.
“Just trying to keep up, babe,” he murmured, taking one of her hands. He brought it to his mouth. “You’re stunning,” he said against the back of her fingers. And then he kissed them.
Soft, warm, lingering lips on her fingers.
Those tingles shot through her stomach and down her thighs.
Never had anyone kissed Hannah there before. And now she hoped Johnny would always be the only one.
She forced a swallow in her suddenly dry throat. “Are you hungry?” she asked.
He let go of her hand and looked toward the kitchen and the set table. “I could eat,” he replied. He turned slowly around in the condo, taking in all the candles and dim lighting.
Hannah hoped she didn’t look disappointed when she went to the oven and put on her hot mitts.
She had invited him over for dinner.
They should have dinner.
They had all night for everything else.
That thought had her smile returning.
“I have news,” she said, excited and apprehensive about telling him Quinn’s plan.
“Oh?”
She took out the pan of pork chops and apples and set it on the stove top. She put the hot mitts aside and felt Johnny at her back.
He moved her hair to the side and trailed a finger down her bare spine.
“Damn,” he hissed, and the sound hit her low in the belly.
She didn’t move as he slid his fingers up and down her spine. Warm breath puffed on her shoulder blade and she stopped breathing. Lips trailed kisses along the back of her shoulder to her spine.
“What’s your news?” he asked, stepping back.
She took a stabilizing breath. Had she ever been so enamored with a man before? No.
His gentle nature, his steadfast approach to life and love.
Safe and sexy in one.
It was a wild notion and it called to her.
She turned around and clasped her hands under her chin, unable to hide her excitement.
“God, you’re cute,” he said with a smile that reached his eyes.
“I’ve decided to embrace the decoy life.” Saying it out loud felt incredible. “‘Ashton James returned to LA this week to establish her new, quieter lifestyle.”
Johnny’s expression turned thoughtful, then confused, then it hit him. His eyebrows lifted and his gaze sharpened on her face.
“Which leaves me free to live the life I want.”
His eyes bounced between hers, questions lurking in those dark brown irises.
“I mean, it’s still possible for hiccups along the way, but the new security measures should help mitigate any real danger. To me and Piper, obviously, but also to you and Shawn and the rest of your family.” She swallowed, his silence making her nervous.
He stepped forward and cupped her jaw, sweeping his thumb along her lower lip.
“What do you want for your life, baby?” he asked, voice rough.
She knew what he was asking. And he was going to make her say it.
“I want to make music again. Specifically with you. I want to be around to help Shawn with whatever he ends up doing. I want Piper to be happy and safe.” She blinked slowly and bolstered her heart for its next big leap. “I want you.”
“Me?” he repeated, his thumb made another sweep of her lip.
Hannah nodded, her heart racing. “I love you,” she whispered, feeling more vulnerable and exposed than she ever had before.
“You love me?” he asked, his face dipping to hers. His other hand went to her hip and tugged her closer. She pressed her palms against his chest but not to push him away.
“More than you know.”
His exhaled against her lips and she felt tension drain from his body.
Then his mouth landed on hers, tender, slow, with increasing pressure. A question, a hopefulness, infused every delicate movement of his mouth.
Hannah smoothed her hands over his shoulders and twined them around his neck. His arms wrapped around her, bringing their bodies together.
She slid her tongue against his lips and he opened his mouth to greet her. Electricity shot down her spine and thighs, sending tingles through her body.
Her head dropped back and his mouth met her neck in open-mouth kisses.
Slow, slow, slower.
Hot, hot, hotter.
His hands smoothed over her sides and gripped her hips, holding her to his hard body. She raked her fingers through his hair as his mouth nipped at her neck and followed the nips with soft kisses.
“We don’t have to eat right now,” she offered hopefully.
His sexy chuckle rumbled through her body, making her weak.
She let her greedy fingers travel to the exposed skin at his chest.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” she said, trying to keep her entire body from catching fire.
This was tricky for her.
He was successfully turning her on with very little effort on his part. But she couldn’t forget that she was damaged goods. She would take what he was willing to give, but she couldn’t expect—
“I want to,” he cut her off with a kiss. Tender, hot lips nibbled at her own.
“I’m—” She swallowed and tried to focus. His hands kneaded her hips and her butt, turning her insides into molten lava.
“I’m on an antiviral. I’ve never missed a dose. And I have condoms in my room.”
This probably wasn’t sexy talk. Even though it had done nothing to dissuade him from licking a trail along her jaw and sucking her earlobe into his mouth.
“Okay,” he murmured, acknowledging her words.
“There’s still a risk, though.” She sucked in a breath when one of his hands slid down and his fingers curled around the hem of her dress, hiking it up slightly.
“I know the risks,” he said, sucking gently on her pulse point. “I’ve read all about it. I’ve made my decision. You just tell me when.”
“When,” she breathed when he licked her earlobe one more time.
Johnny’s hands on her hips spun her around and he walked them both toward her room. Once there, he removed a small foil package from his pants pocket and set it on the nightstand. Then he returned to her.
Her gaze lingered on the condom for a moment.
He’d brought his own.
Something about that small fact had her heart soaring.
A small but immovable truth took hold in her heart: she was going to enjoy worshipping this man for the rest of her life.
She covered her eyes with her hands and giggled uncontrollably.
“You okay?” Johnny asked, sounding amused.
“Ask me again when I come back to earth,” she replied.
He chuckled and sat up on the edge of the bed. “I’ll be right back.” He stood and headed for the bathroom.
Hannah took a deep breath and stretched all her limbs, loving the way they tingled in the aftermath. She pulled the covers back and crawled under the soft comforter.
Johnny came back into the room and she curled around a pillow as she watched his naked form in the candlelight.
“You’re super hot,” she said.
He laughed as he joined her in the bed. He curled his lean, hard body around hers from behind and rested his chin in the space between her shoulder and neck.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Hmm, euphoric.”
He chuckled and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.
“Can we do that again?” she asked hopefully.
“Whenever you want,” he promised easily.
She hummed happily and he snuggled in closer to her.
Her thoughts turned inward and she tried to ignore them. Turning in his arms, she faced him.
Seeing the expression on her face, he smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead.
“What’s going on, baby?” he asked.
Baby. She could get used to that.
“What if this is a bad idea? Us, I mean.”
“Tell me why you think that?” he replied, sounding unbothered.
“Because I’ll hurt you,” she responded sadly.
“You will?” he asked, sounding surprised.
She rolled her eyes. “C’mon, Johnny. Be serious about this.”
“I am.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “Who says you’ll hurt me?”
She stared into those dark brown eyes. Eyes that had become the closest thing to home she had found outside of herself. Fear and uncertainty clawed at the back of her mind, trying to take over her happiness.
“What if it’s in my nature?” She lifted a shoulder and let it drop.
He studied her face for a beat. One of his hands rubbed a circle on her back between her shoulder blades.
“We might hurt each other,” he said, his voice deep and easy. “I think that’s the risk humans take when they fall in love. It’s in all our nature. We just have to choose better.”
She swallowed, her heart still lodged in her throat, making it difficult.
“I care about you so much,” she confessed. “I didn’t…” She struggled with this part. The vulnerable part of honesty. It was one thing to be honest about all her sins. It was something else to be honest about her heart. “You were unexpected,” she finally finished.
“So were you.”
He found her hand and brought it to his lips. Turning it over he kissed the palm, his mouth soft and warm.
Something big and electric moved through her chest.
It was all right there in his eyes and in his arms. An emotion too large to hide from.
Maybe she’d fallen for him years ago. Or maybe she’d only stumbled.
Knowing that he’d seen the best and worst of her had her feeling like he knew her better than anyone.
Was that stupid?
Because it felt stupid.
But it also felt incredible.
“I really don’t have to pretend with you, do I?” she asked, more thoughtful than anything.
He cracked a grin on one side. “I’d like to see you try to pretend anything.”
She slanted a look his way. “Oh, am I so transparent?”
“No,” he replied instantly. “Not transparent at all. But you don’t leave the people you care about guessing how you feel.”
“These days, I have a very small circle.” Images from the past flickered through her mind. But they’d become blurry. “I’m careful about who I let in.”
She pursed her lips, thinking of Shawn and all his ambition and talent. He was still at the beginning of everything.
“Sometimes I still get so mad at myself. Mad that I let the wrong people into my life. And let them be so close to me, you know? My own manager was just a shit-stirrer. He’d pay photogs to show up when I was drunk at places. And then put on a theatrical display of trying to protect me.” She rolled her eyes, tasting the old disgust in the back of her mouth. “And I trusted him to have my back?
“Or my assistant? That girl…” She shook her head and let out a heavy sigh.
Never, in all the time she’d been away from the game, had she spoken about the little things that still got to her. The small details of the life that had never really belonged to her.
“She would take video of me and sell it. She informed on me to Terrence. She used my name to get access to all the best clubs and restaurants. She played the game really well. Those two deserve each other.”
Hannah batted her eyelashes to signal her annoyance.
“He’s her manager now. She’s her own brand. More popular than I ever was. Has her own reality show.”
She watched recognition dawn on Johnny’s face.
“Holy crap,” he muttered.
“It’s gotta be way easier to produce and execute the drama on your own show instead of trying to catch it live,” she muttered, chest tight.
She swallowed and nodded, looking away as her cheeks flamed hot.
Why did shame still sting her? She wasn’t responsible for them or their choices. She was only responsible for her own.
She knew that from a logical standpoint. But her sore heart would still occasionally beat a guilty rhythm.
“I want to be grateful for the experiences that I’ve had. I know it hasn’t been awesome, but I learned a lot. And there is gratitude there. And I hope someday I can go straight to gratitude without a pit stop at shame and guilt.” She nodded, conviction settling softly into her bones.
